I am going anonymous since I am airing my dirty laundry, but some of you will know who I am.

My grandmother passed away a little over a week ago. We have just found out that my uncle, who was her executor, and had access to everything, spent all her money. There is nothing left, he cashed in all her stock, spent all her savings, and took a reverse mortgage on her house. This is the reason she had to move out of her house back in March. My uncle moved her into assisted living, and had to put her house up for sale to get what little equity was left after the lien was paid off. She got really sick a few weeks after she was moved into assisted living, she then got shingles(stress related). She died the day after she was home from the hospital. I honestly believe that she gave up. She knew that her own son had taken hundreds of thousands of dollars from her. She knew she might have to move out of assisted living, and into his disfunctional home, if her house didn't sell quickly. I think what he did put enough stress on her to just make her give up.

I am so upset right now. I am so angry. It breaks my heart to think she died knowing her own son did this to her. The worst part is that he didn't need the money. He just wanted to buy new furniture, remodel his house, and buy 2 brand new cars. I can not help but partially blame him for her death. I am also worried about my Dad, he is taking this very hard.

So, just keep my family in your prayers. I am hoping we can all eventually move past our hurt and anger.

By Karen~admin on Thursday, May 22, 2008 - 08:09 pm:

I am thinking your uncle must have had durable POA when she was alive?? Was she not able to make her own decisions? Was his name on her accounts as co-owner of the accounts? If he took out a reverse mortgage, the house should now belong to the institution that issued the reverse mortgage. Sounds a bit confusing. Did she have a will? I wonder if she is like my great-aunt, who has allowed herself to be manipulated by her daughter and granddaughter, who have spent everything she had. I'm so sorry.

By Anonymous on Thursday, May 22, 2008 - 08:27 pm:

She was able to make her own decisions. However, my uncle had his name on all her accounts. Supposedly, so he could help her pay bills, and take care of things for her. My understanding is he also had power of attorney?? He completely munipulated her. She does have a will, not that it matters now. My uncle completely wiped her out.

All I know about the house, is that she signed papers because he told her he was taking a home equity loan out to fix up the house. All he did was replace the siding. However, my Dad was told something about a reverse mortgage(this might not be right) There is now a $300,000.00 lien on the house which will have to be paid once the house is sold. The house isn't worth much more then that. So, basically he spent about $50,000 to replace the siding and kept the rest.

She was 97 years old, and I am sure she was happy to have what she thought was his help with financial things. Little did she know....I mean, if you can't trust your own child, who can you trust?

By Cat on Thursday, May 22, 2008 - 08:34 pm:

It seems there should be something your dad can do. I'm so sorry. Hugs and prayers.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, May 22, 2008 - 11:37 pm:

BIG HUGS.. Deep breaths..

By Dawnk777 on Friday, May 23, 2008 - 12:11 am:

{{{{HUGS}}}} I'm so sorry.

By Karen~admin on Friday, May 23, 2008 - 08:49 am:

Anon, tragically, there are many, many families in the same situation. A trusted family member is named on the accounts to help the elderly/ill person manage their bills, etc. Once your name is on someone else's account you become co-owner of the account. Greedy, dishonest and untrustworthy persons in that position use it to their advantage for financial gain. It's disgusting, IMO. I DO think you guys need to check out this reverse mortgage thing though, and confirm it. Because if there WAS a reverse mortgage, normal procedure is for the property to revert back to the institution that the reverse mortgage was with.

I'm so sorry.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}

By Anonymous on Friday, May 23, 2008 - 09:35 am:

My Dad actually talked to a lawyer yesterday, and there really isn't anything we can do. It isn't about the money. I think he just wants my uncle to be accountable. He has been very smug about the whole thing. I feel worse for my other uncle that lives by him. They have a closer realtionship because they live in the same town. He is really hurt by this. It is just a big mess.

As far as the mortgage, Karen, I don't know what kind it was. But, my cousin found out that there is a $300,000.00 lien on the house because of it. So, it is up for sale now. Once it sells, the lien has to be paid. I think my grandmother called it a reverse mortgage, but she probably didn't really know.

By Bemerry84 on Friday, May 23, 2008 - 10:19 am:

It sounds like a reverse mortgage. They give you up to a certain percent of the value of your house and you can take it in a lump sum or monthly deposits or draw on it when needed. They were designed to help the elderly stay in their homes while alive. Upon death the house is sold and the mortgage paid off and anything left goes to the estate. I hope it sells for at least the amount owed. Your poor father, it's a shame his brother acted the way he did. I'm executor for my parents and I would never dream of doing something like this, everything will be divided evenly six ways.

{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}} to you and your family.

By Vicki on Friday, May 23, 2008 - 10:20 am:

I likely was a reverse mortgage I would guess. In Ohio, your grandmother would have had to take a counseling class with a independent counselor (not the mortgage co or bank) before getting the loan, so she would have known completely about the ins and outs of it. I am not sure if that is the "law" in all states though. I am pretty sure the way dh explained it to me (again, at least in Ohio) when they sell the house, the reverse mortgage gets paid off first, and then any leftover money that is above the payoff balance would be your grandmothers or in her estate. I am almost positive it doesn't just go to the bank because you don't have to take the highest percentage of available equity when you do a reverse mortgage. Dh isn't here to ask about it right now!

By Karen~admin on Friday, May 23, 2008 - 10:54 am:

We looked into that for my Mom around 10 years ago, and the way it was explained to us was that upon death, the bank would own the house. Maybe laws vary by state, or have changed since then.

By Colette on Friday, May 23, 2008 - 02:10 pm:

((anon)) something similar happened in my family when my grandmother died. It tore the family apart and still to this day, things have not and I don't think ever will be resolved. Good luck.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, May 26, 2008 - 09:44 pm:

I know of several families, in real life, that are going through the same/similar stuff.

I think your uncle should be accountable too. Not for the money, per say, but for the act of stealing from his mother and his brothers.. Which is exactly what he did and it shouldn't be hard to prove. I mean really, what did a 97 year old spend all that money on???????? It surly wasn't the siding on her house.. that is just nuts that there is nothing that can be done???

By Anonymous on Monday, May 26, 2008 - 10:38 pm:

The problem is my uncle says that all the money went to my grandmother's caregiver. He says my grandmother insisted that she get these big raises each year. I know this is not true. However, my uncle paid this woman cash. My uncle, nor this woman filed income tax returns. So, if my dad pursues this, she will be the one in trouble with the IRS. She was a nice woman, and my dad doesn't want to do that. Also, the lawyer that my uncle used to handle things is his best friend. My dad and my other uncle both think he is in on it. So, there is a lot of hear say, and my uncle keeps insisting that some of the money was given to him by my grandmother as a gift. There is no way to prove this isn't true.

My dad can do something, but it would cost a lot of money for a lawyer to do anything. And, who knows what the outcome would be. My parents have just decided it is not worth spending their money. They are recently retired, and don't have a lot of money coming in now.

I had a long talk with my dad a few days ago. My uncle(the one that took the money) has a terrible family life. His wife can't stand him, and they fight all the time. His two teenage daughters treat him terribly. I think he is getting what he deserves. I am a firm believer in what comes around goes around.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Monday, May 26, 2008 - 10:47 pm:

I am a follower of that belief too.. We all will get ours in the end.. Good or Bad, we will reap what we sew...

I don't blame your dad at all... I would move on too.

By Bea on Tuesday, May 27, 2008 - 09:21 am:

This is such a sad situation, but unfortunately one that we hear all too often. Old people are victimized by the people they love and trust, and families are torn apart. I agree. Support your dad in his decision to move on. Don't let this greedy creep cause your family any more heartache.

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, May 27, 2008 - 10:00 am:

My advice to both you and your dad is to just walk away, and try to put it behind you. I think your assessment of the legal situation is accurate - it would be expensive and likely produce nothing except embarassment and possibly problems for the caregiver. I think the only thing you or your dad can do is ask the uncle for some keepsakes that will mean something to you, and then try to walk away emotionally. The one thing you can say is that your grandmother did not, as far as you know, suffer from any of his dealings.

By Vicki on Tuesday, May 27, 2008 - 12:27 pm:

I agree that you should just try to move on and let it go. For your own info though I did find this on reverse mortgages if you want formation.


When Do I Pay Back My Loan?

No monthly payments are due on a reverse mortgage while it is outstanding. The loan is repaid when you cease to occupy your home as a principal residence, whether you (the last remaining spouse, in cases of couples) pass away, sell the home, or permanently move out. The amount owed can never exceed the value of your home. Furthermore, if the home is sold and the sales proceeds exceed the amount owed on the reverse mortgage, the excess money goes to you or your estate.


I found it at this site:

http://www.reversemortgage.org/Default.aspx?tabid=230

By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 27, 2008 - 01:27 pm:

I am glad my Dad has decided to just move on, I think it is the best thing to do. He had some major health issues last year, and I don't think the stress is worth it. The lawyer said things could drag out a long time.

I just wish my grandmother didn't find out about it before she died. I feel sad that she had to die knowing all this.