As a friend put it to me, " try to stay classy "... lol argh I am so tired from working (there is a little stress at work due to a couple of diff things that have gone on recently), stressing about school and planning for it, getting kids taken care of (not a burden, not complaining about them, it's just a fact that things need to be done for them/with them, etc...), keeping up with my house, the two little house dogs are gonna have to go I am afraid (they weren't an issue when I was a sahm and had so much more time to devote to them), and then all the stress of my crappy marraige that is ending... So, to walk in and get a 7 page typed letter from my father in law who claims to be a preacher reallyyyyyyyyyyy upset me. Not one time in this letter did he ask if there was anything he could do to help. He was clearly given a very ONE sided story by his 50 yr old son (my husband) and what 50 yr old man needs their Daddy to write me a letter telling me what a loser wife I am??? This is the dumbest family I have ever had to deal with. I obviously am not going to waste my time responding to the man. And I am not going to communicate with my husband about it. Fil also emailed the letter to my dh. That was another stupid thing...um why not just email me the letter too?? Why mail it to me and waste stamps? LOL I don't get their odd thinking.

I'm just tired and need to go mow 2 acres and have been running around trying to take care of my swimming pool junk, a landscaping problem, and now I need to get on the ball and mow and then clean my house. Why don't they have any respect for me? I work my tail off every day and I don't need a letter from someone telling me I am living my life wrong per their bible... thank you very much. He didn't want to help our marraige, because *if* he DID, he would pick up the phone and call and get the WHOLE story. You cannot counsel when you don't have a clue what's going on. But this is par for the course for this family. Honestly, he has had his own failed marraige and he keeps comparing me to his 2nd wife. She was willing to do whatever he told her, etc... Um, I am not his 2nd wife, I am a woman who expects to be treated right, respected, I have GOALS outside of the marraige and OUTSIDE of popping out kids??? What is so bad about that? Oh, I know, if you are a female like that, you might have brain that you use and think for youeself and not put up with the controlling BS they want to dish out. And where has he been the last 10 yrs? Why does he think he has any right to write me a letter as personal as that one? He didn't even know how to spell my name? Since when do preachers encourage people to stay in abusive relationships? I feel sick at how manipulative my husb is. I want this to end and I feel like it never will, even after I divorce the man. I think it will still continue in some form. He called the bank I work at the other day and told them I had looked at his account that did not have my name on it. They threatened to fire me...Security was waiting on me (in front of my coworkers) when I got to work. It was totally humiliating. His accts will be seen in the event of a divorce. My coworkers now think he is crazy and my manager thinks I am being abused. GREAT! Good job making a jerk of yourself at the bank husb.

ok...I think I have my vent out (for today...)!!! ROFL

Sorry for my horrible grammar/punctuation/typos... And sorry if I have offended and/or bored you half to death or even confused you by my post. ;)

I'm going anon...but I was the one that moved to Costa Rica 1.5 yrs ago...

By Anonymous on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 04:07 pm:

Oh and another thing that really bugs me about my fil...he is church of christ. Here is one example of how he thinks of others. In March we were at his house after his 2nd wife died of cancer...sitting around table eating and he starts talking about his 48yr old daughters boyfriend. (yeah my sil is divorced too) Anyhoo, he explained that he will be spending more time with sil's boyfriend because he is BAPTIST and they don't believe right. He wants to help him understand that his beliefs and his interpretation of the bible is incorrect. For some reason that seems wrong to me. lol

I guess I am just having a gripey day.

By Luvn29 on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 04:13 pm:

Yikes! You have so much on your plate! Come here and vent anytime you need to. You definitely don't need to keep it bottled inside.

Get your mp3 player and crank it up while you mow! Maybe you can relax a little...

By Kaye on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 04:27 pm:

Ugh...sorry to hear all that is going on. I will say that my father married a church of Christ gal. She is very atypical, but after spending some time in her church and with her friends, the statement above is just on par. Where most religions and demoninations are starting to realize we are on the same journey here (it is about glorifing God, nothing else). The CoC is still very detailed and legalistic. Not all but, seems they are a little slower than some others.

By Anonymous on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 04:44 pm:

I think my fil feels that no one else is going to heaven...just the CoC'ers. I have never experienced this before in all my life. I was raised Baptist and non denominational. I was exposed to Pentecostal, Methodist, Assembly of God, Presb, etc...while growing up. Because I had family that attended these different churches. I am happy that I was allowed to experience all of these. I just find it kind of insulting how he talks. Half of my family is Baptist and he knew it when he made that comment about sil boyfriend. I like to be around preachers that are warm, kind caring and loving. Call me CRAZY. lol

I really hope this doesn't turn into a debate?? yikes. Certainly not my intention.

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 06:24 pm:

Yikes! I don't have any advice, just some {{{HUGS}}}

By Crystal915 on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 07:14 pm:

((((HUGS)))) Vent away!!!!!

By Amecmom on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 07:21 pm:

This is not meant as an insult:
Tell him to please leave you alone as you are becoming a Roman Catholic LOL - can you imagine what he'd say, tee-hee? (my impression is that most of those who believe as he does think that RCs are going straight you know where!. I am Roman Catholic - so please don't anybody rant that is this an insult or such - it was meant in the spirit of fun.
I've had my husband's born again family try and "convert" us and give us really terrible, insulting pamphlets on occasion - and have just taken the high road. Take the high road, too and just ignore it!
Lots of hugs,
Ame

By Nicki on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 07:32 pm:

Your FIL is a dodo bird. He writes you a seven page letter of unwanted advice, and if you're like me, it's now in your garbage can covered with (fill in your own):-) yesterday's uneaten cat food and the scrapings of this mornings breakfast dishes with a nice layer of crumbs from the floor to top it all off. What a dodo bird.

Run away from this family as fast as you can! As you may be able to tell, I've dealt with someone of this mentality. It always amazes me how those who we most likely would not go to for advice, feel the need to send it our way. I think that explains the letter format. We wouldn't stand around and listen long, would we?

((Hugs)) Anon. I have so much respect for you. You are dealing with a lot.

By Reds9298 on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 10:09 pm:

{{{HUGS}}} You have so much to deal with. Vent away all you want. Do try to take the high road with the letter, and with your future ex-husband in general. I know it will be hard, believe me I have a very hard time taking the high road sometimes so I can relate! Vent away and hang in there.

By Kaye on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 10:44 pm:

The quote that gets me through trying times like this...where you want to say something but shouldn't....

you just can't fix stupid

By Tink on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 11:31 pm:

I'm soo sorry you're having to deal with this on top of a difficult situation. Kaye's quote had me laughing out loud. It's one I need to keep at the front of my mind some days. Many hugs, hun!

By Annie2 on Sunday, May 18, 2008 - 09:01 am:

I'm thinking of you...email me
Hang in there...don't let his family get to you!
You know, we all know, they are trying to eat at you and your self esteem and confidence.
You are a confident, productive mom and person....don't let this undermine your progress.
I know it's easier to say than do but I wouldn't be half the place I am now without friends and family and from the support of you and other moms from this board.
We are all here for you

By Karen~admin on Sunday, May 18, 2008 - 09:20 am:

Ditto Nikki! LOL

Seriously, I *think* I know who you are, and if I'm right, then I say ^5 to you for *finally* getting out of this marriage. IF I am right, you have been dealing with a controlling, verbally abusive (D)H for a while now. And while that transition is NOT easy, no matter what the specifics of a marriage, I think you are doing the right thing and I think you will be just fine in the end.

All the mother hens here have a way of rallying when someone mistreats *one of their own* here, so vent away, whenever you need it, short or long, as often as you want.

I am sorry this has had to add to what must already be a stressful situation for you. I think I'll repeat what Kaye said -

You just can't fix stupid!

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, May 18, 2008 - 02:45 pm:

Your friend is not quite right. You don't have to "stay' classy, you just have to appear classy. By all means, vent here as much as you need or want to - that will help you to avoid saying things in the family or "public" that might come back to bite you. But never mind about taking the high road - take any road you can to get away from this toxic situation, every bit of it. If your dh (knowing that the "d" can be read as many things other than "dear") is not standing by you and standing up for you - and clearly he isn't, he is violating the biblical instruction of forsaking all others and cleaving only unto you. He is also violating his wedding vows of love, honor and cherish.

You've probably read enough in other threads to know the advice that's given about how to protect yourself - get copies of all documents, hide some money away, and get the heck out. And while you're at it, advise your bank supervisor when you've left and ask for some safeguards both for any personal account you may have and to make certain there can't be further false accusations of you looking at hubby's account. If it were me, I'd do my personal banking somewhere else for the near future, just to be sure you keep your banking business totally private.

By Tunnia on Sunday, May 18, 2008 - 05:28 pm:

Definitely vent away!!! Many hugs and prayers for you!

By Debbie on Sunday, May 18, 2008 - 09:18 pm:

{{{{HUGS}}}} I know who you are, and from previous posts, you have been through a lot with your dh. Unfortunately, it seems like the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. Your FIL sounds like a real piece of work.

You know you are doing what is best for your dks and yourself, that is all that matters.

Vent here anytime. BTW, is your dh still in Costa Rica?