I know others of you have been through this before, I am not the only one but I am just not happy anymore. I don't know what it is. I have a wonderful husband and children, no money problems, great health. I have everything that I am thankful for, but yet I go day to day being so secretly unhappy. I just go through the motions of the day. I don't have any goals to speak of. I am a SAHM and love it, sometimes I think that If I went back to work things would be different, but I really have no desire to do that. My children are little and I don't want to put them in daycare, I love being with them. I really don't have anything to say to DH when he comes home, because there is never anything new in my life. I just sit here and feel like I am getting bigger and bigger and bigger and I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror. (can anyone tell that I am having a huge pity party for myself???) Well, I have whined enough. Thanks for listening.

By Amecmom on Thursday, May 15, 2008 - 07:29 pm:

We've all been there - many times I can only tell you what worked for me. 1 - eating healthier and exercising - you get out what you put in ... I found much more energy and happiness when I cut out the junk food. 2 - find a "hobby" and indulge yourself in it for at least half an hour a day. I went back to studying opera - which is what I did before marriage and kids - and what a difference it made in my outlook and self esteem - not to mention my abs and butt are tighter .
3-spend time on the internet acquainting yourself with what's going on in the world. As moms it's so easy to forget that there is a world outside the "playroom". Then, you'll have something to talk about.
Above all cherish yourself! If you don't take care of you - you can't care for anyone else!
Lots of hugs!
Ame

By Jewlz on Thursday, May 15, 2008 - 10:23 pm:

oh yes! btdt and knows what it feels like. You have to remember to take time for urself. As a mother and wife sometimes we forget that we are important and alot falls on our shoulders. Sometimes our dreams are sidelined for a few years but we have to keep them real even if its just for a short time every week take sometime to study or do or be what ever it is that makes u happy. In due time u will see that ur family will notice that u happier for doign this ... huggs

By Kym on Thursday, May 15, 2008 - 11:19 pm:

Find a hobby that requires work, dedication and movement. For me it was triathlons, I have made a wonderful wonderful wonderful group of freinds. We all recently traveled to Mexico for 4 days for a triathlon, there were 8 of us, it was spectacular. I loved the fact that my face cheeks hurt more from laughing than my butt cheeks from biking or running. Point is you've got to DO something, this will make you more appealing to yourself, your kids and your hubby, it will be easier to look at yourself in the mirror and you'll have something to talk with DH about A win win situation. Also Journal happiness, find something genuinely pleasing about life, you, home, family, community etc and play it up big time in your journal, gradually little things will have a bigger more pleasurable meaning for you.

I cannot stress enough that picking an active hobby is imperative, not something (like reading) that will create a more sedentary life, get your fanny movin' I hear belly dancing is big right now, THAT would do it

Like you said, you've whined enough, now make some changes!

By Angellew on Friday, May 16, 2008 - 09:11 am:

The other thing too is, I know for me, I feel like sometimes I don't have anyone to talk to about stuff!!! Things I don't want to talk to my husband about. Finding someone to just shoot the breeze with and talk things out with really helps! If that's the case, please don't hesitate to come here or you can certainly email me privately or we can IM (for instant gratification! ) angellew918 at comcast dot net!

By Karen~admin on Friday, May 16, 2008 - 10:41 am:

I have found that ANY time your routines put you into a rut where you start feeling depressed, unhappy, worthless, etc., it's time to do something for YOU. Ditto Kym, find a hobby that requires you to get up and out and active.

Regular exercise and a good diet do wonders for you, not only physically, but mentally as well.

And schedule an outing once a month or once a week - whatever you can afford or manage - with a friend - go to lunch, see a movie, go power walking together - anything that enables you to get OUT and the bonus is, you can talk to someone too.

Feeling better about yourself and your life will also improve things with your DH, give you more to talk about, spice things up.

By Enchens on Friday, May 16, 2008 - 11:06 am:

Another BTDT. What I did was make a deal with my dh. I told him that in order for me to stay sane (and for him to continue living (lol)) I needed at least one hour a week every week to do an activity of my choice. The rules were that it had to be without dh and without kids, and it HAD to be out of the house. I've been belly dancing since. It's great fun, great exercise, I have some time to chat with other women around my age, we laugh so much because of the dance moves our bodies protest to, and it relieves my stress. Dh and I have both noticed a huge difference in me since we began doing this and he will move his work schedule as much as possible to make sure I get my one hour! LOL

So what I am advising is pick an activity that you like and go for it. Make your agreement with DH and give it a few weeks. You will both notice a difference.

Good luck! and ((HUGS))

By Debbie on Friday, May 16, 2008 - 04:43 pm:

As a SAHM, I can relate. It can be hard at times when your dks are little. I agree that you need to find something that you enjoy, and make the effort to do it.

Also, can you put your dks in a stroller, and walk each day? I started walking when my dks were little, and it helped so much. It was nice to get out of the house, my dks loved it, and I got exercise. We used to walk at the park, and then they would play.

{{{{HUGS}}} I hope things start looking up for you soon.

By Anonymous on Friday, May 16, 2008 - 06:43 pm:

I wanted to thank everyone for listening. There are some things that I do like to do, but I don't have anyone that will watch the kids for me. I don't make friends easy so I don't have anyone to really talk to, or to watch my kids. My parents live close by, but have told me often that they are not babysitters. My husband thinks that since he is the one working that his time off is just that, time off. Hopefully things will look up soon. Thanks again.

By Jewlz on Friday, May 16, 2008 - 09:35 pm:

ok then its time for u to get up and hour early why the kids are asleep and do that thing for yourself while everyone is quiet and cant disturb you ... i had no helpl with my kids when they were lil. Maybe after ur hubby sees how much this hour means to u and how it changes ur atitude then i hope he pitches in a bit
good luck to ya

By Chai~latte on Friday, May 16, 2008 - 10:14 pm:

This is part of the reason why I decided to go back to work, I'll be working part-time in a not-for-profit so the pay and benefits are not great. My kids will be in daycare from 8:30 - 3:30 three days a week so after all the expenses I will be working for about $25-$35 a day until they are both in school full time.

My reasons for doing this are varied:

1. I don't want a 7 year absence on my resume.

2. If something happens to DH, i.e. he's disabled, we divorce (I doubt that will happen but you never know), he loses his job etc. I will be employed and much more employable for full time positions.

3. Peace of mind, I'm edgy all the time, I feel like I don't want to sit and color so I don't, then I feel guilty for not coloring all day, so I color and then resent it.

So I'm hoping that by working 3 out of 7 days I will hopefully enjoy the 4 days I get to spend with my kids rather than resenting it; also it gets me out with people, I'm improving my skills or at least keeping them sharp.

Some of the things that I have been doing over the past few years to keep my sanity is I joined the gym that has child care, sometimes I work out, sometimes I sit and the lounge while the kids are in childcare and read, or just have a coffee. I also joined a ladies group at our church (childcare is included for $3 per child) and we meet every Thursday morning for coffee, a chat and a study. These things have really helped me cope with being at home.

I hope that you can find something that will make your days more fulfilling.

By Kym on Friday, May 16, 2008 - 10:41 pm:

Anon, what are those things that you do like to do, I'm a problem solver, and I'd like to see if we can create a good solution for you, if you are game.
I'd like to see you find joy in something for you, your marraige and finally your children. A big mistake (imho) that so many of us women make is thinking that we absolutely HAVE to put the kids first, I like to take a different view, If I'm first a bit of time each day, I have a fulfilling "love" life with dh, motherhood comes naturally, smoothly and with joy and FUN! But for me and my family I have to come first, not in a selfish way, but in a centering way..I set the tone for the family and having a hobby or two and a workable schedule for me allows me to set a pleasing tone for my family.
I can't say it's always easy, like you, I had LOTS of hurdles to jump to get into a groove that works for all 6 of us, but with give and take, bartering and good S*X for dh it has all blended!

By Conni on Friday, May 16, 2008 - 11:12 pm:

(((Hugs))) As many mentioned above, I too can relate to your feelings. You have already recv'd great advice above! Just wanted to let you know I'll be thinking of you.

You deserve to be happy. Life is short.

By Enchens on Friday, May 16, 2008 - 11:40 pm:

My dh, as wonderful and great as he is, also viewed his time off as his time off. I hate that. And I told him so. I also told him that all I was asking for was an hour a week. It took a little convincing, but like I said before, it really works wonders. Yes, just one hour a week for me and I'm a different person. He noticed the difference and now will change his shifts at work if he needs to in order to accommodate my class. He's also seen what happens when I don't get my one hour. I haven't been to class in about five months and he's been asking me, "So, um, honey, when does your class start again?" lol

So tell your husband that he helped make the kids, the least he can do is care for them for one hour a week. (or whatever it is you decide for your activity) This is something you have to step up to if you really want to get out of that rut.

((HUGS))

By Paulas on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 07:01 am:

I work outside of the home and bring my work home EVERY night. DH sees how stressed I can get. As you know, I have certainly BTDT in terms of feeling unhappy. The other day I attended a workshop. The speaker was absolutely fabulous. Although much of what he spoke about was education based he made one comment that really struck home for me, "No one can make you unhappy." I thought about that comment all day and decided that when (notice I didn't say 'if') I'm unhappy I need to make the changes in my life to reverse that feeling. It was a real eye opener for me. Such a simple sentence but it had a strong impact.

You have been given some great advice. It is important to have some down time. Explain to DH that you work just as much as he does just in a different way. I'm sure he gets time off, lunch breaks, opportunities to socialize with adults during his day. You need to stress to him how you are feeling and some things you would like to do to improve your situation.

(((HUGS))))

By Amecmom on Saturday, May 17, 2008 - 10:34 am:

Get in touch with your local library or girl scout troup and see if you can get the names and numbers of some sitters who have completed the Red Cross baby sitter's training. Then, interview a few and hire yourself a sitter for a few hours a week on the same schedule. This way you'll be able to do something for yourself.
Hope you can. I had to wait for my youngest to enter preschool before I could go back to taking singing lessons - but it was so worth it!
Ame