I don't have any girls, but I do have a 16 yr old son who has as many girl/friends as boy/friends. Earlier today, my DS was here with some of his friends and they got the scale to weigh themselves. Now, none of these kids are overweight, so when one of the girls said she needed to lose weight, I couldn't help but say something. I told her she didn't need to lose any weight and that girls are supposed to have curves. She said she hated her curves and boys didn't like curves, either. I told her she was wrong and any boy who wanted only a "skinny" (her word) girl wasn't worth her time. It really made me sad to hear her talk about her self like that, mostly because I remember being that age and thinking I was fat and no boy would want me!

I wish the media portrayed girls and women in a more realistic way. I feel for you mothers of girls who will/have faced this. Puberty can be so hard (for everyone)!

By Nicki on Friday, May 2, 2008 - 08:02 pm:

Sunny, I agree, I wish things were different. I think teens have a tendency to have poor body image anyway, but the media makes things so much worse.

I worry a lot about this issue, as I know my dd may face all of this soon enough. In fact, I've tried not to weigh myself when my dd is in the bathroom with me. I have had a poor body image since my early teens and it is still with me. I'm so worried I'll pass on my hang ups to dd.

How sad that your son's friend is worried about having curves. It's how nature intended, yet the young people try to look like the fashion models.:-(

By Karen~admin on Friday, May 2, 2008 - 08:06 pm:

BTDT - raised 2 girls, and at some point, the body image thing comes up for all of them. I've found that the best approach is one that comes from the health standpoint. Thankfully, my girls made it through their teen years with no *serious* body image issues, but Jen had a friend throughout school who was being treated for anorexia in the 5th grade, and the child had an on-going struggle with it through high school. And she was a beautiful child! To look at her, you couldn't POSSIBLY see what part of her looks she was unhappy with.

At 23, Jen's weight will fluctuate 20 pounds - if she hits her low end, she starts looking too thin, but at her high end, she starts looking chunky. She is only 5'4" tall, so if she gains 20 lbs., it is noticeable. But thankfully, she is mature enough, and confident enough to not let it push her over the edge with the body image. And since she works in a healthcare field, she realizes that healthy is more important, and healthy bodies are more realistic, than twig-thin *models* bodies.

Raising 4 kids, I had the opportunity to see and talk to MANY teenage girls who were in my house and friends of my kids. Puberty and high school are tough for kids, and particularly a lot of girls.

And yes, the media does NOT portray girls and women's bodies realistically! Honestly, just how many people truly look the way the airbrushed magazine covers show them?? NONE! I am glad to see the media at least PARTIALLY focusing on healthy women - exercising, eating right, etc. But it's going to take a long time for healthy bodies to be totally acceptable.

By Kaye on Saturday, May 3, 2008 - 08:03 am:

This is such a real issue these days. When my dd was in 2nd grade she had a very obese (and spoiled) child in her class. The children got to where they didn't like him, he got the whole class in trouble etc. Well some of the kids decided to "pay" him for good behavior, with m&m's. At this time I noticed my daughter really asking about food, calories etc.And she said, well "I won't have friends if I get fat". We had a big talk, and things were okay. By 4th grade she had started skipping meals, then lying about eating, and ultimately hiding food. We spent a year in counseling over self esteem issues. In 8th grade now, she is doing very well. But we are constantly reminding her how beautiful she is. We spend a LOT of time discussing food, and healthy choices. We know that this will be her battle for life. Now my dd isn't a hint of fat. She is 5'4" and about 110 pounds. But I constantly catch her pushing in at her convex stomach in the mirror and sucking it in.

I think it is sad that the media just really portrays such an unhealthy body size.

Oh on a good note, we went to the "revolve tour" put on my women of faith. It was wonderful! They did a lot of great talking about these teen issues. The big quote was, you are a treasure, look in the mirror and see it and expect others to treat you as a treasure not as a target.

By Texannie on Saturday, May 3, 2008 - 11:07 am:

I don't think it's a just a teen issue. How many of us can truly say we are happy at the weight we are? I know I am about 20 lbs heavier than I should be. I have to be really careful with my dd and not say I am 'fat' but rather not at a healthy weight for my. We talk about being healthy and making good choices.
I definitely agree that the media does a disservice to all women.

By Karen~admin on Saturday, May 3, 2008 - 11:52 am:

Ann, you are right, in that *all* of us have complaints about our bodies - we want bigger breasts, smaller hips, tighter abs, more defined arms or legs, no cellulite, us *older* women want to look like we are 20 or 30-something again, and we ALL want to look good in clothing or swimsuits and lingerie, and want to FEEL good about how we look. So in that respect, we all definitely have body image issues to some degree. The difference between us and young girls (for the most part) is our maturity and knowledge and wisdom, and ability to think logically and realistically.

But for younger girls/adolescents/teens, it seems to be a much more serious obsession. During this period of their lives, it's all about fashion, looking good, boys, competing for attention, peer pressure, and as we all know, girls are catty little numbers, and those same girls are very insecure about their looks and wear their hearts on their sleeves. They WANT to look good, and they WANT to be accepted. And they all watch MTV, E, VH-1, America's Top Model, etc., and they all buy People, Us, Star and Cosmopolitan magazines. Even ads for everyday stuff like toothpaste, etc. use *sexy* models.

What most of them DON'T realize or understand is that all the photos they see in these magazines have been altered to make these models and celebrities look their absolute best. They don't realize that a very SMALL amount of the female population is a size 0 or a size 2, and built the way so many of the runway models are. And they probably don't realize that a certain percentage of those same girls they admire battle eating disorders. And if they DO know that, then unfortunately they think it's cool, or they think it's the way to get that body. They need to understand that each of us is built differently, but sadly, they all want to look alike and dress alike. And we all know that every style does not look good on every body type.

And it's not all just about *looking good*. Eating disorders are often the result of low self-esteem, depression, feelings of worthlessness, identity issues, control, family problems and coping with emotions. It's a way of expressing or controlling things. And what I find tremendously upsetting is that there are online groups that SUPPORT eating disorders and they find encouragement for their disorder there.

What we, as parents, should focus on is HEALTHY eating and HEALTHY bodies, and do what we can to instill that and encourage that. And really, it has to start from a very young age, eating a healthy diet and getting enough exercise and building self-esteem and teaching kids how to deal with peer pressure, etc.

Unfortunately, as long as people keep showing this rabid interest in what the media is dishing out, they will continue to keep it in our faces 24/7.

I love what Kaye said above:

The big quote was, you are a treasure, look in the mirror and see it and expect others to treat you as a treasure not as a target.

By Amecmom on Saturday, May 3, 2008 - 05:06 pm:

I don't know if this was mentioned, but another huge problem aside from the media's portrayal of a "normal" girl is the fashions that are out there. It is impossible to buy a pair of normal waist pants! Everything is hanging where it shouldn't. And forget about sizes. One designer's 4 is another designer's 8. It just makes things tougher.
Ame

By Texannie on Saturday, May 3, 2008 - 05:49 pm:

Kaye, did you like the program? My daughter and I were going to go, but something came up.
I love that quote!!!! I printed it out for her mirror.

By Tarable on Sunday, May 4, 2008 - 07:14 pm:

OMG!!! Don't even get me started on this subject.. I have a 13 year old girl who is 5'5" and weights about 95 lbs and tells me almost daily that she is "FAT" I have told her that if she really believes this that we are going to have to take her to a counselor because her dr is already after me to get her to gain weight. I will do all of that if she starts changing her diet or losing weight. I hope we don't have to go through all that but I wish someone would have with me when I was younger. I have a horrible body image (well now it is because I have let myself get overweight) and when I was younger it was really hard. Boys in high school would ask me how much I weighed and I would answer 120 or so and they would tell me how heavy that was for a "girl". I would cry and binge diet for weeks but couldn't get below 115.. I am 5'11"! now I know that is really light for someone that tall but I didn't understand back then that they were saying that because most of the girls they talked to were 5'4" or so. Boys were so mean and so were some of the girls!

I turly wish they would start portraying some normal size people in the media instead of these stick figures they call "beautiful".

By Kaye on Sunday, May 4, 2008 - 08:30 pm:

Annie it was the best thing I have ever attended in my life. We spent quite a bit of money, got a hotel, tickets alone etc. But it was worth every penny. The lead male speaker was Chad Eastam (not sure how to spell it). He was great and I am thinking about buying his book. It was the exact words that my daughter needed to hear. We will attend again next year if it is close enough to go!

By Texannie on Sunday, May 4, 2008 - 09:29 pm:

you went to the one in Dallas in February?

By Karen~admin on Monday, May 5, 2008 - 08:14 am:

Wow Tara, that was so cruel! I am 5'8" and I was gawky and tall and skinny when I was a kid, and taller than everyone in the entire elementary school except 2 boys and 1 other girl - and the boys used to call me jolly green giant. But there was never a discussion about weight. *I* used to try to GAIN weight because I thought I was skinny and had no shape. What I wouldn't give for that skinny butt and skinny hips NOW! LOL

By Boxzgrl on Monday, May 5, 2008 - 11:14 am:

My sister has always struggled with her body image. She's 22 now. Up until recently she was/is anorexic/bulemic but my father decided to live in the land of denial instead of confronting the situation. She's addicted to laxatives and the good old starvation diet. She doesn't have a naturally small frame like my mom and I do, she's more pear shape but at her lowest she was a size 2. I saw her yesterday for the first time in 8/9 months and she looked normal! She was eating healthy and had her normal body back, not this body where I felt like shoving a few hamburgers down her throat. I even made a comment to her about how good she looked hoping it might help her stay that way.

I never had body image issues as a teenager. I don't even think I ever weighed myself outside of doctors visits. But I also never remember my mom having the slightest concern over her weight. I don't know if there's a connection between the two but I make sure never to talk about weight in front of the kids. I struggle with my "ideal" weight now more than ever but I guess that's just what having kids does to your body.

By Kaye on Monday, May 5, 2008 - 03:53 pm:

Annie, I went here in houston at the end of February, I just looked at the website and if I read it right it will be in dallas and houston again next year. I will go to one. If I go to dallas I will take my 13 year old niece!

By Texannie on Monday, May 5, 2008 - 04:18 pm:

Thanks!