Ds is questioning Jesus
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Ds is questioning Jesus
If this needs to be moved to the debate board because it's about religion, then that's fine.
So on the way home from church the other day (we are Catholic btw) my 7 yr old tells us that he doesn't think Jesus is real. He is a very logical kid. If he doesn't have proof or if it doesnt' sound possible, than he doesn't believe it.
He said that people can't die and then become alive again. They can't heal other people or make people see again. He says it just doesn't sound true.
Well, I can't argue with him. It doesn't sound true or possible but of course we kept trying to explain that we just have faith and believe that there is a Jesus and a God, etc. etc.
It's such a hard thing to explain, especially to a 7 yr old boy like my ds.
I just hope he doesn't say anything about this to my mom. She's so religious she'd probably want me to switch him to a Catholic school and will start getting all upset about it.
Any suggestions? Any books out there that really explain this stuff to kids? TIA
First of all, I think that it is great that your DS is asking hard questions! At some point (usually it is when kids are teens though  ), it is those questions that enable people to make their faith their own and not believe just because mom and dad did. The unusual thing is this situation is that kids his age usually believe very easily and it's the adults who have the trouble making that leap of faith.
He's right. It doesn't sound true. It's quite unbelievable!! And you are right---that's where faith comes in. First, you might want to ask him for specifics about what he finds so hard to believe and why, just so you can really find out what the crux of the issue is. You can give some practical examples of how faith works too. For example, ask him why we stick to the ground and don't float around in the air. Obviously, gravity---and you can come to a 7 y/o explanation of gravity. We can't see gravity, we don't understand all about gravity and how it works, but the reality is that it is there and that's why we don't float away. Same with Jesus---we have recorded historical accounts of His life (and not just in the Bible), His birth literally changed the way the world viewed time, and we have 4 different people writing in 4 very different styles who gave the same general account of His birth, life/ministry, death, and resurrection (Matthew, Mark, Luke, John). You can draw a parallel between the 4 gospels and if your family went and saw the same movie, but had 4 different takes on it.
A book that might be good to read would be "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" by C.S. Lewis. Aslan, the lion, is the Christ figure in the book and there are great parallels that are obvious to most kids. That might be a fun experience for you both to read it together and it should offer lots of opportunity for discussion. And of course, you and he can pray that God will make Himself known to your DS in an obvious and special way. Indeed He will.
(I wonder why your mom feels so threatened with spiritual questioning? The disciples questioned Jesus ALL the time.)
I think Pam has some good points. I would also wonder why he is asking these questions. Is this something some of his schoolmates have brought up. There is a tremendous amount of atheist anti-religion writing and speaking "out there" right now, more than I have ever seen in my 50 years of paying fairly close attention to religious issues. I find it very disturbing. I know that I have faith differences with many members on this board, but in the course of my 50 year journey I have come to a belief that has me defining myself as a Christian. I find the strident anti-religion stuff that is going around very distateful, very unkind, and also tend to think of it is immoral.
I think your son is not alone - it's my experience that many bright, inquiring children (and adults) go through a period of doubting that there is a God, and questioning the use for or need for organized religion.
One thing I would do is say to your son that you really want him to not ask these questions or say these things around grandmom, because it will hurt her - that she believes deeply and sincerely, and her belief is important to her, and it is not a loving thing to hurt her in this matter of faith. (The other side of it, of course, is that if your mom does hear these things and starts trying to persuade or instruct your son, it will quite likely make him defensive and dig in his heels, which is quite counter-productive.)
I don't know about the C. S. Lewis books - but then, I came to them as an adult and have a very different perspective. They are certainly books that lots of children enjoy and learn from.
Faith - that's such a hard thing to explain. It can't be touched, it can't be measured, it can't be quantified. But there is so much in life that can't be measured or quantified.
You might ask your son if he believes in love. And if there is any "logic" to love. You could talk about how parents make small and large sacrifices because they love their children and love each other, and there is no real "logic" to it. After all, what is the logic in spending the huge amount of money it takes to raise a child, so that the child can grow up and move out and start his own family - and that money and time and energy is never "paid back". But it is done out of love, not logic.
As for the miracles - the "small" miracles of healing, water into wine, the parting of the Red Sea, or the large one of resurrection - those are matters of faith. One either believes them, believes they are part of God acting in the world, or one doesn't. And I think a very large number of young people start believing, and then go through periods of questioning. I know I did. I was still questioning and doubting when my sons reached the age for Sunday School, and I joined a church and put them in Sunday School. Not because I "believed", but because I felt then (and feel now) that the overall teachings of the church (and of most faiths) provide a moral structure for our lives, and that regularly attending religious services and participating in a faith community reinforces for our children the moral values we want to instill in them. Whether the child becomes a believing adult or not, s/he has absorbed a moral framework, a structure for making decisions that have a moral basis. That is one of the very important things that faith and participating in a faith community does for us and for our children. I think some of the questioners come back to faith, some don't. And some come to faith in a way that ignores the miracles but depends on, in fact needs, an over-arching faith without trying to address what some might logically think are inconsistencies.
I am wandering around the map here, and doubt I have helped much. But I urge you to tell your son that it is OK to question and wonder, and that you will try to help him find his own answers for himself. And make very, very sure that he knows that you don't think he is wrong to question - after all, one of the disciples questioned, and many very intelligent people throughout time have questioned.
I suggest to you that your son wouldn't be wondering about this and questioning if it weren't very important to him. He is trying to make sense out of something that doesn't explain very easily, and I think he is doing it because it matters to him. And I think he needs you to let him know he is OK, you love him, and you don't think he is a bad person for having questions. How your son feels about himself and his relationship to his parents, and his trust in your uncritical love is far more important than what his grandmother might think (not that what she thinks is important, just that it is not as important).
And rest assured - if any of the moderators think this thread needs to be moved to the debate board, it will move in a flash. I do trust and believe that however members choose to respond, they will do so with respect for each other and for the variety of faith communities and levels of faith other members espouse or experience.
I dealt with the same thing when my ds was just about that age, Patti! I dealt with it as matter-of-factly as possible. I expressed that I was glad he felt comfortable discussing his doubts with me, and that it was perfectly normal. I brought up the whole thing about it being FAITH, and what faith means. I also said that the Bible says that God reveals himself to us, and that if he kept an open mind and seeked the truth about it, I believed God would reveal Himself to him some day.
I, too, believe it's a good thing. I don't want my son pretending to believe something when he doesn't. He's 15 now, and still isn't quite sure of his faith, but I really do trust God to reveal Himself in a way unique to my son, and when that happens, it will be real, and not just something he's *supposed* to believe.
Speaking as someone who was raised in the church, but decided it didn't make sense to my logical self, I think you should let him make his own decisions, and educate him that everyone believes in different things, and that's ok. That's JMHO, but you can't force him to believe if it doesn't fit with his heart and mind.
Ach..should be "sought the truth," LOL.
This is an age where kids are questioning things. Because you have given him a good religious foundation, religion is part of what he thiks about and part of what he questions.
Pam, Ginny and Michele have given you some great specifics. Don't let his questioning bother you, but do answer his questions as best you can. I think most Catholics of an older generation do not like questions. They were taught faith in one way and that it was to be accepted at face value.
Is there a priest, sister, deacon or a member of your parish that your son is close to that might be able to talk with him?
There is nothing logical about religion. It is pure emotion.
Ame
Ditto Crystal.
Thank you all so much for your help.
Dh and I didn't get upset at all when he asked. And I don't think we were at all surprised when he asked about it. I'm not going to tell him anything like "well, we believe in GOD so you have to". He just told me he didn't believe in the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy, so i'm not surprised that he brought up Jesus too....although it's a completely different thing.
Grandma is just very old school and would think it was wrong to question Jesus.
Thanks again for all your help and suggestions. I knew you'd help!
All great advice given! Just wanted to say that I was the exact same way when I was his age. Questioning everything, but especially God, Jesus, the church, etc. I know my parents reiterated to me over and over again that it's simply faith. They didn't go into the great dsicussions that Pam mentioned above, which would have helped, but I just took that statement and disagreed with it for years until I came to realize it myself. I was always the Doubting Thomas about anything I didn't firmly see before my eyes. I dnow it was frustrating for my parents.
Good luck. We find ourselves discussing God, Jesus, and the resurrection especially with DD all the time these days because she's very interested. She's almost 4 and I find that I don't like discussing it with her. It's so difficult to understand, let alone explain to a 4 year old who wants explanations and doesn't remotely understand "faith".
I also think it's wonderful that he's asking questions, so try to think of that positively. Difficult and worrisome for you maybe, but a good thing overall.
Well, there were eyewitness accounts of His miracles. It's all been written down in the Bible. However, the eyewitnesses are all dead...so how can it be proved? Well, history books are chock FULL of eyewitness accounts of things and all the eyewitnesses are dead...is it any different? I don't know if that analogy will help or not, but if you think about it, a LOT of what he's probably been taught about many different things cannot necessarily be proven and that key people are dead and unable to defend themselves, yet everyone believes whatever it is.
I would add to what Kate has said that quite likely a lot of what he's been taught about many different things have since been proven to be false, such as many of the "true" stories about George Washington and many of our nation's heroes and famous men and women (i.e., the story about George Washington and the cherry tree, while a good teaching story, is a Parson Weems invention).
I just wanted to say I'm glad you are understanding about him questioning things. I was raised Catholic, Catholic school and everything and I remember my mother being quite outraged whenever I asked the "wrong" questions. I didn't understand the whole point of confirmation-becoming an adult in the church- because my mom said as long as I lived with her I had to do what she said. To me I wasn't being proud of my faith I was doing what I was told, ykwim? I haven't been to mass since I moved out, with the exception of Christmas Eve, again to make my mother happy. I'm open minded regarding faith and I respect everyone's, but I haven't found one that fits me yet.
My point of view--the stories about George Washington are a couple of hundred years old and have been proven incorrect or faulty. The stories of the Bible are a couple of thousand years old and have withstood the test of time.
Question--how many other stories about any person or event are still on people's tongues on a daily basis after 10 years, 100 years, 2000 years???
My faith--I believe in God, Jesus, His death, His resurrection and His continued life. At the end of it all, if I am wrong, oh well. But, at the end, if the unbeliever is wrong....well I'll just say that I don't want to be that guy.
That's just a couple of thoughts that have occurred to me.
I think everyone has given you excellent advice. However, I can't agree with the advice to just let him make up his own mind. He's too young to just say you're right. It doesn't make sense. You don't have to believe. Now's the time to guide him with information to help him believe. He's reaching out. He's not saying I don't want to believe. He's saying help me believe.
Do we let our children decide not to eat vegetables just because they decide they don't want to? Do we let them chose not to follow certain morals or values because they start questioning them? No, we try to guide them in the right direction. And since your family has such strong beliefs, I really do believe you should guide him by giving him the answers he needs.
When he is older he will make his own decisions on faith. Now is the time to teach children the way we believe just as we do with other things. Give them the foundation to build their own beliefs.
And going out on a limb here, I would like to throw this out. How mature is he? He may very well be feeling conviction and it is the devil putting doubts in his head. My poor little girl used to come to me crying and so upset because even though she truly believed in God in her heart, she would have these doubts pop up in her head and it would upset her so much. I explained to her that it didn't make her a bad person and that sometimes the devil would put those bad thoughts in your head. Now I don't know how much you believe in the devil and everything because some religious people don't, but if so then this is a possibility too.
Ditto Adena.
Ditto Adena!! Very well put.
Ginny,
The fact that there are many stories in our children's history books that are untrue really upsets me. I refuse to teach any of the myths. This has caused a lot of debate with my in-laws. They believe I should teach it because other kids are learning it.
I think you should answer his questions as best you can. I do think a child should be guided, somewhat, in your religion. I do not think it should be forced on a child if they do not believe. I have seen that back fire and now the grown kids do not practice any faith.
josh mcdowell
I agree with Adena, that you should tell your son what you believe, and why (which may mean a lot of thinking on your part). And expose him to people of faith - people who believe AND act out their faith. For example, there is a man in my church to whom I would send any teen who has questions about faith and "why". I've worked with this man on many committees and in many programs, and I am struck by his integrity, and by the way his faith makes him open to new ways of thinking and new perspectives on issues. That he is willing to explore and sees his faith as a reason to be open to how other people think and believe makes him, to me, a model of Christian behavior.
I think you can guide your son in the right direction, but unlike vegetables, you can't make him believe. And my experience with my sons, who were all bright (and two quite contrarian) is that the more you tell him he "should" think or believe a certain way, the more defensive he will become and the more protective he will be of his own way of thinking. You can control his behavior, but not his thinking or his believing. Better to model, guide gently, and let him find his own way. I would, however, insist that he go to church. Whether he goes to Confession is something I think you have to leave up to him. And whether he decides to be confirmed and take his First Communion is, again, something I think you need to leave up to him. You can tell him that there are lots of people who have doubts and questions, and yet continue to live in and to act out their faith. I am reminded of Mother Theresa, who, from what I have read, spent much of her life reaching out to God but never feeling that God was reaching back to her. Yet she continued to live her life doing as she believed God wanted her to live and be. That, for me, is an incredibly strong example of faith (but not, of course, one I would expose your son to for several years).
I share your frustration, Yvonne. I think our children are quite capable of allowing people like George Washington to be human and have frailties, and still be a figure of respect and admiration for all he accomplished and all he gave to us - likewise many other historical public figures who have been made into some sort of plastic icons, rather than being seen as human beings who rose above their faults to become leaders. I think that would be much better for our children than trying to match or live up to some impossibly perfect model.
Wow, thank you all for such a insightful conversation. I will definitely use your wisdom to help my son. Dh and I would never force him to believe in Jesus. I do believe that deep down he does believe in Jesus, he is just having a hard time believe all that jesus did.
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