**OPINIONS, PLEASE** (Long)
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**OPINIONS, PLEASE** (Long)
I have a good job, as jobs go. I am an office manager of a one (female) doctor office. We are slightly under staffed, but with managed care reimbursements being what they are, we manage with the staff that we have. The doctor is a very GOOD doctor and a kind person. Unfortunately, she likes to blur the lines between business and friendship. For example, shortly after I went to work for her a year ago, she mentioned to me in a "by the way" manner, "I was going to ask you if you will stay at our house for a week and take care of our dog while we are on vacation". She really didn't know me, except that I've also been a patient of hers for over ten years. I have enough animals to take care of at my own house, and I live 25 miles from where she lives, and also where my job is. I just kind of laughed it off, and nothing more was said.
She has three pre-teen daughters who are very accomplished and into all sorts of extra-curricular activities; Scouts, dance, theatre, sports, chorus, etc. She is always asking the staff if we would like to come see one of her kids in a play after working all day. I try very hard to keep boundaries up. I don't go to her kids' plays, and I don't invite her to anything involving my kids or grandchild. She did give my youngest DS money for his HS graduation last June, but I never expected it. I have friends outside of work. I don't like mixing the two.
About six months ago, she started asking me to go pick up one or the other of her kids in the late afternoon at one of their activiites. It was right at 4:00 when our last patient has been checked in and I have to do the deposit and confirm appointments on the phone for the next day. It takes an hour by the time I find the kid and sign them out, and bring them back to the office. That means it's all the later I have to stay to get all of my office work done. I also hate the liability that it puts me in, and so does my DH. One time, I brought one kid back to the office, just to be told to go back out and pick up another one. Sometimes I have to do two pick ups in opposite directions. She has offered me gas money, that I always refused for the sake of goodwill, but it is also MY tires, my oil changes, my wear and tear. My car has 115,000 miles on it, and I keep it maintained because I don't have the money for a new one, and I commute 50 miles round trip every day. Then there is the laibility issue if I ever had an accident. Every time I pick one of them up, it increases the odds.
I might add that her husband is useless. He is one of these people who is over educated but very lazy. He works when he feels like it, so she is the bread winner. One day, she asked me to pick up one of her kids, and he comes strolling in with a baseball glove for the other one, and even commented on how I would be doing the picking up.
Last week, I had reached the end of my rope. Everyday for two solid weeks I had had to go pick up one or the other. One of the days, I had to drive all the way out to her house (16 miles round trip) to pick the kid up at her driveway, where the bus let her off, just to bring her back to the office because she is too young to be left alone. I have been feeling abused for a while now. One of the days last week, while her child was in my car, I saw a bad accident on the other side of the divided highway that we were on. I felt really uneasy.
After thinking about it all weekend, I told her today that I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want that responsibility. I told her that I won't even drive my own grandaughter anywhere for fear of something happening, and I am a very safe driver.
The doctor reacted very badly and told me that that puts her in a bind. That she will have to make the patients wait while she goes and picks up her kids. Then she said, "If I have to do that, I may have to eliminate one postion". I had made up my mind, and I said very lttle, but I didn't back down.
To me, if you work, maybe your kids CAN'T be in every activity. Mine couldn't. They had to sacrifice some things because DH and I both worked full time. I regret that my DD played softball and field hockey for four years in high school and I never saw one game because I was always working. DH did go, however, so she had parental support. In this case, I just feel like her DH is getting off easy at my expense.
I had thought of asking to use her car, but I don't know how well maintained it is. And the fact remains, I just DON'T want to do it, for all of thr reasons I have mentioned.
Now she tells me that she is going to ask one of the young girls in the office to transport her kids, and she does not want me to talk her out of it. (That is betwwen the other girl and the dr. I am just glad to be off the hook). She now says "It's part of the job". That was never part of the job description when I was hired, but I guess the woman I replaced used to do it for her, but HER girls also babysat the Dr's kids. They were friendly OUTSIDE of work. When the doctor went on vacation out of the country last month, she brought back gifts for my DK's and DGD. She hugs and kisses her patients, which I also think is unprofessional, but they all LOVE her, and she IS a very smart, competent doctor.
I would be interested to know what you all think. Was I wrong to say no? I wish I had done it much sooner. No one minds in an emergency, like a sick child, but not all the time. I wasn't hired to be a nanny or a bus driver. She also listed me as an emergency contact at the school, which didn't make sense to me since we work in the same place. I resent having to use my own car, and I KNOW that if anything bad ever happened (God forbid), her husband would sue us for everything. Then he'd NEVER have to work again.
I drove home tonight, relieved but angry that she put me in that position. My DH is afraid that I will lose my job over it. My state is an "at will" state which means that you can basically be fired for any reason, or no reason. We need my salary, but I am tired of being used.
Thank you to anyone who has read this far. I appreciate all opinions. I am witholding my name for obvious reasons, but most of you know who I am.
I say you were in the right and that if you feel comfortable tell her what you told us (just not all of it) tell her that you have your own family to run around and cannot do it for them because of work so it is not fair to your kids to be doing it for hers even if it is on the clock.
Tell her you do not want to lose your job over this but feel that you and your DH are not OK with it anymore.
I think you did the right thing, and that the doctor is very much in the wrong. (I assume, by the way, that all of these errands were "on the clock", that is, that you were getting paid for your time.) Obviously, if her husband has time to wander into the office obviously doing nothing, he should be picking up the girls.
If it were me, I wouldn't raise this issue with the doctor unless she raises it. If she does, I would keep it strictly impersonal - when I saw the accident on the highway the last time I was picking up (girl's name), I realized that there are liability issues. If it were me, I'd also call my insurance agent and ask the agent what something like this - using my car to pick up my employer's children and run personal errands for my employer - could do to my insurance. Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if there were insurance issues. If there are, you can mention that to your boss also. I wouldn't put it in terms of your own family, because I think you need to keep it on a business-like and impersonal level. Family makes it personal, liability and possible insurance issues keeps it business-like. I wouldn't even touch the issue of not wanting to lose your job over this, because you don't want that to be part of the conversation. I think you should act as if, of course, she wouldn't be so petty as to do that and have to hire and train a new office manager.
It's a shame your boss doesn't know where to draw boundaries, and equally a shame that she even hinted at your job being in jeopardy. I suspect that she knows all too well that you'd be so hard to replace that she doesn't even want to go there, and that's why she is going to ask one of the other women in the office instead of pressuring you. I also suspect that she is going to make picky little comments for a while to try to make you uncomfortable, to make you feel ungrateful and selfish. Try to let those roll off your back, and vent here if you need to. (I suggest you not vent to your dh, as he is already pretty peeved about this, and would just get more upset.)
Oh, and if she didn't pay you overtime for the times when you had to stay late to finish office work because you had to pick up your kids, that's pretty much a no-no in employment terms. Even if you are salaried, you should get comp time for work over 40 hours in most states unless you have an employment contract that states something about hours. But if you are paid on an hourly basis (that is, if you get docked for missing work), staying late should definitely be paid time, and over-time if it pushes you into more than 40 hours.
Not to mention that you *do* have your own family, and when you have to stay late because of time taken for her family, it takes time away from your family. That, I think, would be OK to mention if she brings family stuff into a conversation.
I would think there would be some laws of what is expected and not expected of an employed person, esp if traveling during working hours. I know as a temporary worker, it is spelled out YOU MAY NOT BE ASKED TO DRIVE OFF PREMISES at any time for any reason. That rule must exist for a liablity reason, so wouldn't it transfer any other job? I mean picking up kids has nothing to do with office management at a drs office.
Sounds like she sees herself with more value than you....you are a mere servant in her eyes, at least that is what I see from your description. Nothing "friendly" about it. Even the gifts seem like a put down to me.
The problem, Dana, is that in an "at will" employment state, the employer doesn't have to give a reason for terminating someone. It is up to the terminated person to fight the termination *if* it was for unlawful reasons, and most of those reasons have to do with things like sexual harassment, discrimination (gender, gender preference, age, race, religion), or if the employee is told to do something unlawful or against the rules of whatever regulatory body governs the employer, or other issues such as requiring employees to work "off the clock" (Walmart has lost several such lawsuits in several states), not paying overtime according to the state's rules. In an "at will" state, you can be terminated because your new supervisor doesn't like your hair color or style, or just doesn't like you.
I do agree that there are liability issues. I wonder if the doctor has thought that if you were in an accident while you were running personal errands for her, it would come under the workers' compensation laws. I wonder what the workers' compensation insurer would think of this. Workers' compensation premiums are set on the basis of the work done by the employees, and I am fairly sure that the premium rate for office workers is a lot lower than the rate for drivers and chauffeurs.
I agree with Dana's assessment. This woman thinks that she and her family are more important than you and your family. That is not an unusual attitude for an employer, but it is seldom made quite so clear in a business setting.
Ditto, Ginny.
You definitley did the right thing. I think she is crossing way over the line in asking you to do these things. I think it is ridiculous that she would expect this of an employee.
I too would just stick to the liability issue if she brings it up again. Also, I would tell her that it is causing you to stay late every day, and you just can't do that anymore.
I think you did the right thing, too. She should work something out with other moms who also have kids in the activity and have them bring the kids home. I think it's way out of line, to expect you to cart the kids around. You are at risk for an accident, each time you are out there, and not because of your driving ability. There's always someone else who might not be paying attention, or could be drunk, or having a car breakdown, etc.
I think you did the right thing. It's important to set up personal boundaries with people like that.
I'm sorry I haven't read all the responses but I don't understand it sounds like she needs a nanny but either can't afford it or doesn't want the added expense.
You are totally in the right by refusing unfortunately it's gone on a long time and has now become a bit of an issue. I hope things work out for you.
You did the right thing.
I doubt she will let you go. It sounds like she has moved on to having someone else do it for her.
She should hire a nanny!
You did the right thing. It's no one's responsibility to cart her children around except hers. It's most definitely not responsible or appropriate IMO to mix her family responsibilities with her employees. It's not your problem if she is "in a bind". Ditto Yvonne - hire a nanny.
Sounds like she's moved on, so I would let it go. Stand your ground if she comes back to you at some point though. Honestly I generally shy away from taking care of anyone else's kids unless it's my nieces/nephews. It just opens up a can of worms IMO. You did the right thing! 
I'm another vote for "You did the right thing". You stood up for yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. Actually, you should congratulate yourself for speaking up and sticking to your guns when you were in a situation that caused you concern, that you didn't feel comfortable with, and when you felt that your job could be jeopardized. That took real courage!
Thank you ALL so much for taking the time to read my LONG post and respond. Thank you also, for validating me. I just had a very bad feeling about continuing to chauffer her kids. You are so right, Dawn. Everytime I was out there with them, I felt that it increased the odds of an accident. We just had an elderly patient hit broadside by an uninsured drunk. It totalled her car and put her in the hospital. He came flying out of a side street. The new girl we hired in the office was a victim of road rage two years ago. She was rear-ended by a guy chasing another guy at 90 MPH. Her car flipped end to end four times. She had a year of therapy and is lucky to be alive, but because she suffered a TBI (traumatic brain injury), she admits that her thinking is slower. She used to be a very successful real estate agent. It can and does happen to people, through no fault of their own. I HATE driving, but it is a neccesity, but like I said, I won't even transport my own DGD.
Ginny, you nailed it with the doctor. She grew up in South America, the daughter of a successful physician and admits that he had servants, etc. I think that she is resentful of the fact that she can no longer have that life style, and views her office staff as her "servants".
As far as the legal aspects, I was cognizant of the fact that my insurance company would protest if I made a claim using my car for "business" purposes. I did not, however, think about the workers comp issue, but you are correct. She just recently purchased workers comp because the state required her to. She had never had it before. I know because I do her bills.
Yes, I am an hourly employee, so I get paid as long as I am on the clock, which includes when I stay late. I average 36 hours per week, so I don't fall into the overtime category. I also don't get paid holidays or paid vacation, and she takes all of the school vacations off, so I don't get paid for those. It was actually COSTING me money to transport the kids.
The other staff memeber told me tonight that the doctor offered to let her drive HER car, and even put her on her insurance. That option was never offered to me, not that I wanted to drive her car. I know that she has no collision insurance on her vehicles because her DH hit a deer with their other car and it was a loss. (He has another car). She told the other girl that she is "dissappointed" in me because she "trusted" me with her kids. The other girl is young (25). She and her husband are both students and don't own a home. She is not at all happy about this and made me feel tonight like it was my fault that she now has to do it. She is young and doesn't know how to say no. She did tell the doctor that she didn't know how often or how long she could do it because her work schedule changes from semester to semester, and she can't stay late. She also isn't from this area, and doesn't know where all these places are that I have had to drive to. The Dr also told D**** that it is "part of her job", though neither of us were told that at the time of hire. The doctor and I just interviewed six applicants for another position in our office, and she NEVER mentioned "child transport" as one of the job duties to them.
My DH told me to blame him. I told him that I didn't want her to dislike him since he is a patient, too. He said he didn't care whether she liked him or not. (Guys are great like that). I have gotten a lot more gutsy in my post-menopausal years. I don't allow myself to be used like I did when I was young, just so everybody would get along. I was just concerned about my job, but what will be will be. I don't think that she will let me go, either, because if I do say so myself, I am hard to replace. However, as someone said, I have been getting the cold shoulder and little petty, subtle remarks. I don't care. I'm just here to get a paycheck. I have made a decision and I am glad that I have stood my ground. Again, THANK YOU ALL! I love being able to come here to get a sensible perspective.
I get more resentful everytime I think about her putting me in this position.
Another reason that the doctor got so upset with me is because her DH, like I said, is very lazy. He has a master's degree and a PhD in things that are not marketable. He does not like to work, and doesn't most of the time. Then she will lower the boom on him and he will taech one semester at the local university just to get her off his back. One evening after work, she poured it all out to me that she would really divorce him if it weren't for the kids, and that she has to give him that ultimatum to get him to get a job. (Again...WAY more information than I ever wanted to know). He likes being a "Mister Mom" and drive the kids around, but she has forced him to take a job. That is when I was pressed into service for transport. I think that she is afraid that he will now use this as an excuse not to work. But again...not my problem.
I'm astounded that she only recently starting paying for workers' compensation insurance. That is absolutely absurd. I work in a law office where we deal with workers' comp all the time, representing workers' comp insurance companies and injured workers in trying to collect from the parties that were responsible for the injury. Occasionally we run into an employer who didn't have workers' comp, and believe me, in most states that can be disastrous for the employer. In Pennsylvania, for example, if a worker is injured on the job and the employer doesn't have workers' comp, not only can the injured worker sue the employer directly for medical care and lost wages, but the state also jumps all over the employer with fines and penalties and state-mandated workers' comp insurance, which costs a whole lot more than through a regular carrier. The same applies in New Jersey. And, if an employer lies, on the annual survey from the insurance company about what employees' jobs entail, it can result in (a) a denial of coverage if the employee is injured doing something that is not in the job description; and (b) a huge increase in the premium. Using office employees to run errands, in their own cars or the doctor's car, is one of those situations that can result in huge problems for the doctor if the employee has an accident. As for the doctor not carrying collision insurance, I wouldn't worry about that - collision covers the insured car, not the other guy's car. What I would worry about is what level of medical coverage and liabilty insurance she carries. If she is going cheapo on collision, what level of coverage does she carry for medical, lost wages, and especiall liability? If she is not carrying a decent level of medical coverage, when her coverage runs out your personal auto insurance has to take over, and then your health care insurance. If the liability limit is low and you have an accident that is deemed your fault when driving the doctor's car, when the limit of her insurance is reached your personal auto insurance can be tapped for the excess of the claim. And, your personal auto insurance might not cover you if you are using your own car (or your employer's car) for your employer's business unless you report it to your insurance company in advance - in which case it might produce a higher premium. If I were D---, I would ask my insurance agent what it means for my personal auto insurance if I have an accident while driving the doctor's car, running errands for the doctor. That lady is just not thinking about the potential legal and insurance bombshells that could happen.
And frankly, Anon, if it were me, I'd be looking for another doctor for my personal medical treatment. Given that the relationship between you and the doctor is not pleasant at present, would you really trust her to treat you as well as she would another patient?
Finally, even though the job market is not at all great right now, have you thought about maybe looking for a different job. This lady is very exploitive, and clearly oversteps the boundaries between employer and employee frequently.
Ginny again, thank you for all of your wonderful insights and information. Yes, the doctor does try to go cheapo on mostly everything. She is struggling to pay a mortgage and support a family. She has a home that is very expensive with beach rights. Therefore, her homeowners insurance dropped her a few years ago (after Katrina), and she had to scramble around and find another company and pay a much higher premium. She says that her home is her retirement nest egg because she has no savings. She operates the office on a shoe string and lets me know that salaries are her biggest business expense. That's why we are so under staffed. I guess she never had workers comp before because she got away with it. However, our state DOES require it for any employer with more than two employees. I guess she got caught and had to purchase it. She also has to carry malpractice insurance, which is hefty (though not nearly as much as for a surgeon). Ironically, she is a very CAREFUL doctor because her biggest fear is being sued for malpractice. Yet MY liability wasn't even an issue for her. And yes, in my state also, an employer with no workers comp can have their personal assets attacked AND they will be heavily fined by the state as well. I also know that collision insurance only covers the damage on HER vehicles, but I brought that up to show you how she cuts corners.
Hiring a nanny would seem like the logical solution, but she doesn't want to pay another salary, apparently, so she expects her office staff to provide all the services she needs.
And, again you are probably right in assuming that she carries low liability limits on her auto insurance as well, and I know that policies can be "stacked" and that my liabilty coverage could come into play even if driving her car. It was just a bad situation all the way around and I finally got fed up.
D***'s Dad is an auto mechanic and he advised her against driving the doctor's car for the same reason that I did. He said that we don't know how well maintained it is, and that she was MORE likely to have an accident because she isn't used to driving the car. That's why I never asked to. I feel badly that she is now stuck doing it, but it is up to her to say no.
When the doctor was out of the country for a week last month, she had D*** field all medically related calls (she is a nursing student) on her OWN (D***'s) personal cell phone, and relay the messages to the doctor. I am assuming that she compensated her for the minutes used, but I don't know. We don't have an answering service, so she put D***'s cell phone number on the answering machine while she was away.
As far as DH and I finding another physician...I do believe that ethically, she would treat us the same as any other patient. She IS very conscientious about her patients, and she is very competent. I have seen patients come to her for one problem, and she will also diagnose another problem that their primary care physician missed. She has saved people's lives with her incidental diagnoses. She is a specialist, and DH and I both have conditions that require her specialty. She is the best in the area in her field.
And yes, I do look in the newspaper for other medical office jobs closer to home, but other things about my present job meet my needs (such as a day off in the middle of the week, etc). I also enjoy the school vacations off, even without pay, because I have time to spend with my DK's and DGD. I also like the other women I work with. The problem is, I think that the doctor is SO busy that she doesn't have time to cultivate friendships, so she blurs the lines in her professional life. She befriends drug reps, etc. who come to bring samples to our office. etc.
I will see how things progress. I am hoping that the whole situation blows over. I just know that my chauffer days are over. If not, God is good and always knows what we need. Something else will come along.
Thanks again for your wisdom, caring and expertise. I greatly appreciate it.
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