There must be something going on with depression...
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive March 2008:
There must be something going on with depression...
I came here today to voice my unhappiness, because I have "known" many of you women for several years now, and still we are anonymous. There is ALWAYS good advice and caring ears.
My depression is of a different type. Pain induced depression. I've suffered depression pretty much all of my life, so I recognize it easily when I find myself slipping in.
For the last 3 months, my neck pains from previous car accident 2 yrs ago got really bad. Managable, but then again, not. I was unable to move my head to look left. And caring for the house and kids and work, well it just plain hurt.
So, I started to let the house go, the laundry build up. And the last three weeks I did nothing and the clean clothes have been in a pile. I went back to my chiropractor during those last three weeks. And last week on Monday, I COULD TURN AGAIN! I was so happy. I knew I could tackle the laundry AND clean the house! I even called the dr about 4 hours after the visit to share with him how great I felt.
Then on Tuesday morning, I stubbed my middle toes and broke them. Stupid toes! Tiny things, only a fraction of my entire body.
However, it hurts really bad. I feel like such a whimp! I try to clean and cook, but after I am done, I just prop my foot back up. The three weeks of laundry that was sitting due to neck pain is STILL JUST SITTING and getting bigger (at least they are clean).
My husband has picked up much of my slack and not really even complaining about it. But I just don't think I can take another day of pain in my foot. It's JUST THREE TOES! It SHOULD NOT slow me down to a complete stop. People suffer far worse and don't stop.
I think if I had not been in so much pain from the neck the last few months, I would not be as upset as I am, but this is rediculous. I just want to scream.
So, I came here! LOL.
I am at that point where I have so much stuff untouched (filing from 2007 and 2008, preparing my tax papers, cleaning this yucky house, and laundry) that I feel like I don't have a starting place. I *KNOW* it is just a matter of starting. And once I start I will think "I can't believe I made this out to be so difficult"
So my plan, as it was the last week, is to pick ONE starting place and go from there. Even thinking about it makes me pull back and shriek.
I just hate when I get feeling like this. but I know it goes away as soon as I act on it. It's just acting on it that is so difficult when your brain screams at you to sit still. That's how I know it is depression holding me down.
If I get somewhere I will post my success! But right now, I'm going to make a cup of coffee, soak my foot and mentally threat over the overwhelming doom of *STUFF* undone. I know, not the right action. At least I will be held accoutable for accomplishing something by coming back to share or being *caught* letting it keep me down again yet another day.
Dana, I've broken toes, and they HURT!!! I know where you're coming from and don't be so hard on yourself! The more you're on your feet, the worse it's going to be. So don't feel bad at ALL for taking breaks and propping that foot up. It needs it! For those big piles of laundry, what I've found helps me a lot (I get busy and our pile gets pretty big before it gets folded) is to separate it into 3-4 piles. One pile of pants (easy to fold), one of shirts (a little harder) and one of undies, socks and pj's (not hard, but a pain), then maybe one of towels and such. Then I fold one pile at a time. It seems to make it easier for me, anyway.
Hugs and I hope your foot's feeling better soon.
Thanks Cat! Smaller piles sounds like a great idea. Silly that I didn't think of that myself.
I finished my coffee and doing some work for the playroom on line, then tackling the STUFF. So no signs of action really taking place yet.
Dana, you don't - repeat - DO NOT - have to stand to fold clothes. Whether it is large piles or small piles, you can do that sitting down. Just have either a clean flat surface or several baskets to put the folded clothes into, all within reach while you are sitting.
Beyond that, screaming helps. Or find someone who speaks a foreign language - German or Arabic for preference - and ask them to teach you some swear words in that language. Both sound very impressive when expressing anger, even if when translated it is fairly innocuous (I'm thinking of something like "son of a camel").
Dana just a suggestion but my dds loved helping fold clothes when they were about your dds age. You might ask her if she will help.. show her how to fold the towels and go from there.. You will be surprised how much easier it is when someone else is sitting there doing it with you.
I know how you feel totally my depression has been really BAD lately and when it is I have a tendency to let things go. Good luck in finding that motivation to start.
Well, I wish it were just folding. For some unknown reason about 10 months ago, I started ironing ALL our clothes. I hadn't ironed in about 20 yrs and decided to iron a shirt before putting it away. Then I ironed DS cute little clothes and DH's shirts and shorts. So then I did my clothes and DD's. The next thing I know, our entire family looks so much better when we get dressed. And now I can't imagine going back to unironed clothes.
So I am ironing and hanging all our clothes. Only our PJ's, undies, socks and "play clothes" clothes get folded for drawers. I have lowered the board and am sitting while ironing. However, I feel my foot loosing circulation while sitting this way. And I have a pipe hanging from a chair to tv as a make shift place to hang the ironed clothes. So far, I've hit my toes once moving around my work area and even stubbed my other foot once. But luckily not very badly, just a little scrapped skin remains.
Our weather outside is really beautiful, but the pollen is AWFUL, so no outside play for us right now to change the moods.
Well, off to iron some more.
Ginny, TOO FUNNY! I will see if someone can tell me how to say "son of a camel!"
Okay, one basket down, one more clean basket to go. I'm in the process of hanging the clothes now. And I HUGE HUGE number of loads that need to be washed. However, I can do tons of towels and sheets that make me feel like I did a lot! 
Now if I could just face that stack of filing. I hate filing!!!!! It is as bad as preparing for a term paper. I remember threating over term papers for weeks, and then two days before it was due I would head to the library and actually enjoy the research. Fear of starting is such a rotten thing. Why do so many of us suffer from this? It is worse than procrastination....just putting it off for whatever reason vs thinking about the chore/activity and spending more hours worrying than actaully needed to accomplish it.
Ironing? LOL! JUST SAY NO TO IRONING ;) I have a kitchen magnet that says that very thing....I only iron for special occasions - the rest of the time, I just hang stuff up hot from the dryer and it seems to do the trick. I admire your ability to iron, though
The only thing I iron anymore, is my 100% cotton scrub tops. They just look nicer. I don't put them in the dryer, so the wrinkles are usually pretty easy to iron out. When I do put them in the dryer, by accident, they are much harder to iron.
When my girls were little and wore denim jumpers, I ironed them, too. The hems would always pop up, and look stupid. I always thought they looked nicer, too. Everything else was just put away.
I learned to let the denim jumpers hang to dry, too. Sometimes I could keep the hem from popping up. How do cute little girls grow out of denim jumpers so fast? They were so darned cute!
Dana, you remind me of my mom. She used to iron everything, pillow cases, socks, underwear, everything! I like things ironed too, but I iron things we are going to wear the night before and the rest just gets folded (No socks and undies, though.):-) I try to flatten the laundry straight out of the dryer if I can't fold it right away. I admire your motivation. I just know I would never get it done!
I'm so sorry about your neck pain and now your toes. I think chronic pain can be very depressing. And, doesn't it seem when our feet hurt it makes us feel awful all over?
((Hugs))
Dana, HERE'S A GREAT BIG HUG FOR YOU ((( ))) Hope you are feeling better
(((((HUGS)))))) I think for me the worst part of depression is the domino effect on everything else. For me it would be I felt like crap- depressed- and didn't do the usual house things or fun time with the kids. Then if i started to feel better and I looked around at all the things not done or thought of blowing off craft time with dd or something it would make me feel so guilty I'd be depressed all over again. I've wasted plenty of time worryng about chores i hate too!
Good for you for taking the important first step! I hope things go well!
Well, the clean laundry is ironed and hung. The board and makeshift hanging rod are put away. However, all the dirty laundry is still waiting, and the filing???? Well, it sits untouched STILL.
On the upside of things, my foot is feeling SO much better today. I can walk with only a slight limp today. I just tried bending my toes, and they almost bent. Last night, I couldn't even feel them enough to control bending them.
So, it is looking better. I just hope I can get my filing done. I just need to start it! I KNOW that is all I need to do. The rest will follow.
Thanks for the replies. It is nice to see feedback and encouragement.
I'm glad your foot is feeling better. That will help you get your work done!
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