Adoption - Open Records Bill in NJ legislature
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive March 2008:
Adoption - Open Records Bill in NJ legislature
First, this is clearly a "debate" topic. However, with the permission of the other moderators, I am posting it on the General Discussion Board because some people may want to respond in this topic anonymously, and you cannot post anonymously in the debate board (Kitchen Table). However, the rules still apply. You can post anonymously, but it would help if you give a reason (not required, but helpful in understanding your reasoning) -- I was adopted, a relative gave up a child for adoption, etc. The moderators will monitor this thread very carefully, and any posts which we consider in appropriate - flaming, insults, negative comments on another person's beliefs or reasons, etc. - will be removed as soon as we see them.
That said, here is the topic. The New Jersey legislature is considering a bill to open adoption records. Here is a summary of the proposal:
"The bill would allow adult adoptees or the adoptive parent of a child to petition the state registrar for an original birth certificate with the names of the biological parents.
The measure gives parents a year from the bill's enactment to file a notarized "no contact" letter with the state if they wish to remain anonymous. They would have to complete a medical and cultural history form every 10 years until the parent is 40, and every five years thereafter, or forfeit their anonymity."
The complete article in the New Jersey Star Ledger is at: Adoption
Other states that have unsealed birth certificates include Alabama, Delaware, Maine, New Hampshire, Tennessee and Massachusetts. Kansas and Alaska never sealed them. Similar bills are pending in New York, Ohio, and Minnesota. See this article at ABC News: ABC
And, read some of the comments to the ABC article.
What do you think? Should adoption records (i.e., access to identification of biological parents) be open? Is this a good idea? A bad idea? Why?
This is certainly a hot topic in the adoption world. As most of you know, my life is filled with adoption - 2 brothers, 1 nephew, and 2 of my daughters. We have one completely open adoption, one semi, my sister had contact via letters and pictures with her son, and my brothers were both closed. One brother now has a completely open relationship with his birth family, and has since he was about 18. He's 41. The other has chosen not to find his birth family, as far as I know, but did get his non-identifying information. My nephew has just met his birth mom again, at age 19, after being away from her since he was 4.
Just thought I should throw some history out there, for those who don't know about my clan.  Also, I run a couple of adoption lists, and am on several more, so hear a lot about this from all sides of the adoption triad. (adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents)
I am all for open records. People who are adopted are the only people who don't have access to their original identities, and for many that is a huge issue and a violation of their rights as humans. I can understand some people feeling the no contact letter would be important, on both sides of things. I would think that many more would choose not to do the letter. Having access doesn't necessarily mean you want a relationship. Many people just want to know their roots, and want to know medical info. They want to know who they look like, who they inherited certain traits from, etc. Of course they should know.
My nephew doesn't want an ongoing relationship with his birthmom, but did choose to see her again. As I said, my youngest brother seems to not really care at all. He found out what he needed to know, and that was it. Maybe he'll decide to find out more if anything medical comes up, but I haven't heard any more about him searching in close to 20 years.
Ontario was very close to passing this bill last year, and at the last minute it was tabled. There was no "no access letter" in place, which was the big issue. I'm not sure where it stands right now. Many of our provinces already have open records, and I believe they all have the no access in place.
I just read the article, after writing my long post. Our law will also allow the birth parents to access information on their birth children, which wasn't mentioned in the NJ article. The adoptees will also be able to fill out the no contact letter.
Looking forward to hearing what others think about this.
If I am reading this right, it sounds like it's on the right track, but not there yet. It allows for birth certificates to be available if the birth parents choose. It gives the birth parents an option to remain anonymous as long as they update certain records every ten years. My problem with this is the updating records. Yes, a complete medical and cultural history at birth should be available to the adopted child. However, I think it is burdensom to expect the biological parent to continue to update records every ten years or forfeit anonymity. The parent may want to get on with his or her life. The parent may need to "forget". The parent may not want to have to file these papers on the chance that the "secret" may come out.
A full medical and cultural history at the time of birth is great and it should be left at that.
Ame
But Ame, not everyone knows their full medical history at the birth of their children. I had no idea at the birth of either of mine that I had an autoimmune disease. Autoimmune diseases can be genetic. I think everyone deserves to know their medical history as it comes up.
The birth parents may want to "forget", however, what about the child who was given up? They aren't able to just forget about medical issues that come up...
The percentage of birth parents who "want to forget" is much smaller than those who want to know. The reality is, you don't forget. Many years ago, when these rules were made up, the birthmoms didn't often make the choice. It was made for them by their parents.
Medical information can change day by day. When you give birth to your children, how do you know that in 30 years you'll have a heart condition? How do you know if you'll have diabetes, MS, etc? You can't know that. You might give birth to a child many years later, and find out that the child has a congenital problem that is hereditary, and your first child could be a carrier. These things are all so important. If the birth parents didn't want to be found, filling out the required paperwork would be the least they could do, in my opinion.
My daughter's birthmom calls me whenever she finds out something new about herself, the birthdad or any of their relatives. She knows it will be in Nicole's best interest to tell her doctor everything as soon as possible. It's not much to ask.
It's great for the birth parents who want to update their records. They are behaving responsibly. However, I do think that there needs to be a way for the small percentage who don't to opt out. We cannot legislate responsibility. It should not be required in order to keep anonymity.
As I said, what if the birth mother (or father)is in a totally different place in her life. What if having had a child and given it up for adoption can somehow damage her current life situation if it were discovered? The very act of having to update these records may compromise her situation.
The birth parents have a right to expect their privacy to be respected. It is the "least" we can do. They have, and I'm sure with much heartache, given away a part of themselves.
Medically, an adopted child who does not have an updated history has the option of having genetic testing done (something like when some couples go for genetic counseling prior to conceiving a child) to test for genetic disorders. I would consider something in this legislation that would fund this testing for children whose birth parents have opted out of updating medical information.
The more restriction we place on anonymous adoptions, the more abortions we will have. I'd rather have a live baby without a medical record than none at all.
Marcia, you are very fortunate to have Nicole's birth family so invested in her well being.
I am sure that there are many families that are also interested. However, we do need to protect those families who, for whatever reason, cannot continue to have any involvement in the life they created.
Ame
I wonder if this would deter birth moms from choosing to give their child up for adoption, and instead may decide upon a much less desirable option such as abandonment or abortion.
Kate, I don't think it really effects many of the adoptions that are going on today. Open adoption, at least to some degree of openness, is becoming the norm. People are making adoption plans now because they choose to, much more often than because they are being forced. Being a single parent doesn't have that same stigma that it had years ago, so girls aren't being hidden away until their children are born and placed for adoption. The majority of birthmoms are finding the parents they want to raise their children. Things are so different than they were when the records were sealed.
Okay I am a birthmom... I had a child about 6 years ago and hid it from everyone I know except my best friend. I couldn't afford another child since I already had 2 and was a single mom. I struggled to pay my bills at the time. I decided that the best thing to do since this child was the result of a really bad decision on my part (not that I would go back and change it) and a one night stand was to give the baby up for adoption and let a family that could afford him love him. (Don't judge me for this.. I am already ashamed enough) We had to do all kinds of stuff for this because I have no idea who exactly the father is. I know his first name and that is it.
I have a closed adoption at this point but if i choose to find out about the baby boy I can call the adoption agency and I can get a yearly letter that the parents write around his birthday and pictures. I am very curious about him and ask for the pictures and letter sometimes. My DH does know now but my problem would be that my kids and family don't know anything about it.
I suppose that I should read the article better but I would have a big problem if there is not some clause in it that closes it permanently after death because that would totally crush my kids. I do plan on telling them but probably won't until they are adults because they totally won't understand right now.
I have no problem filling out a medical history but I think that if i chose to have it closed at the beginning they should not be able to open it without notifying me and not at all after death without my concent. As I said I have every intention of telling my children about this but I doubt I will ever tell my parents, which makes things a little harder. I would probably tell my sister at some point when I tell my kids but I don't know that I will be able to tell them until after my parents die.
Many may disagree with me and I totally understand that. I was in a bad situation and couldn't bring myself to talk to those who love me dearly to help out. At this point in my life I have grown up significantly and and not sure I would have handled things the same way but I probably would have still made the same decision to give the baby up. I just would not have hidden it from my family.
I am not sure this ramble has made too much sense but I thought I would give everyone the perspective and situation of a birthmom.
Anon, no one has any right to judge you. We all make the decisions that we feel are the best for ourselves and our families.
As for the clause after death, I would think that you would have to include that in your no contact statement.
My brother's birthmom didn't tell her other kids about him until he was 18, and she planned on meeting him. Thankfully they were thrilled to have an older brother, and they have a wonderful relationship. Her husband always knew.
Kate, from what I've read in the comments to the ABC article, the statistics cited, and the links or sources provided, the abortion rate has not changed in those states which have changed to open records, and are no different in Kansas and Alaska, which never had closed records.
I urge everyone to take the time to read the comments to the ABC article. Many of them, both from adoptees who want to find a birth parent, and birth parents who want information about the child they surrendered, are heart-breaking. Many detail stories of how birth mothers were coerced or even forced to give up the child.
Yes, those are very typical stories of birthmoms from the 40's, 50's and 60's. There is a lot of heartbreak and anger.
I can see this from both sides, the adoptee wanting to find the birth family and the birth parents wanting to keep things as they are. My DH was adopted and he says he really wants to find his birth family.But, we live in Tn,and have had the open policy for several years , and even though he has contacted the people in Nashville about the procedure, he hasn't yet followed through with anything. My DH is very sensitive, and does not hold it against his birth mom for giving him up . I think he's afraid that they might not want to meet him, and he couldn't deal with the rejection
I haven't read everything here. But my other question is this...what about the adopted child's rights? I have a cousin who has adopted 2 children, 1 has an open adoption, the other they have had closed, the mom is a druggie and isn't making good choices. Really should he have to deal with this his WHOLE life? I guess I think as much as we want to know. There just are no guarantees. Unless they can really do something to prevent some of these illnesses (like ms) what difference does it make? I think we make way too big of a deal about the medical history, being that those of us not in adopted families still don't really know our cards ahead of time. I think it is just one more thing we like to fret about.
Kaye, you might not know before the person has the problem, but you do know right away when they do. My mom is a breast cancer survivor. My great grandmother, grandmother and father(probably) all had bowel cancer. My nephew had PKU, which is genetic, and he died of leukemia. These are all things that are important for my doctor to know, and for my girls' doctor to know.
One of my kids has birth parents who are developmentally delayed. I knew that right away, and was able to start dealing with possible issues from day 1. It has really been to her benefit. She will be the first person in her birth family, for generations, who was given a fair shot and all that she needed from a very early age. I might have just let a lot of things go if I didn't know ahead of time, figuring things would work themselves out as time went on.
My other daughter doesn't have any contact at this point. We can't seem to find her birth parents, even though we did meet some birth family a few months after she came home to us. With their life circumstances, it might be better for her that she not be involved with them right now. She would like to see them, but has been happy with some foster family contact...for now. As she gets older, we'll see.
"What about the adopted child's rights?" That's the whole reason we're doing this. Those of us who were not adopted have the right to know everything there is to know about ourselves. All that people who are adopted want is the same basic rights.
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