How Do I Handle This?
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive March 2008:
How Do I Handle This?
My DDs are 7 and 11. It's a little late for me to be asking this, because my problem has been going on for eleven years now, but I WOULD like to know how to deal with it!! My daughters both have names that aren't the most common in the world, yet are perfectly normal and spelled normally and very, very easy to pronounce. Yet...unless someone knows us very well, they ALWAYS mess up BOTH their names! I am uncomfortable using their real names on here, but a perfect example would be this:
Let's say one of my DDs is named 'Alyssa'. People ALWAYS want to call her 'Melissa'. So perfectly nice people who we know, but not all that well, will cheerfully say, 'Hi Melissa!' and I'm wondering HOW to respond to that?? Many, many times I have said, 'oh, it's actually Alyssa' in as nice a tone as I can. I don't want to make the people feel badly. Most end up being kind, older neighbors, who have been told umpteen times what their actual names are, and others are often people from church who have also been corrected. So it's not as if I never say anything, because I do if I think I'm going to run into the person on a regular basis. If it's someone I rarely see I let it slide because it doesn't matter enough to bring it to their attention. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or make them feel stupid for always messing up their names. Many of these people are repeat offenders, but each day there will be someone new, too.
It bothers my DDs greatly when people do this but they don't know what to say, either. I suppose it actually is a bit rude that people can't get it straight over and over again. I have two friends who have DDs who play with my older DD. I talk to these women on a weekly basis and see them weekly, too. Yet NEITHER of them can ever remember it's ALYSSA, *not* Melissa! It happened yesterday at church when a nice lady, who will be Alyssa's teacher next year, kindly said, 'Hi Melissa'. It happened twice on Wednesday night when my two friends referred to my younger DD by the wrong name. Other examples would be 'Kristin/Kirstin, Julie/Julia...those examples are probably better because these people always get the first letter correct, it's the middle or end they mess up....like 'Ashley' for 'Ashlyn' or 'Katherine' for 'Kathleen'.
Suggestions??
I would continue what you're doing. Ignore if it's someone who you don't see often, and keep politely correcting those that you do. I have been called "Tina" or "Trisha" my entire life. Yes, annoying, but people really don't mean any harm. DD (Bethany) gets called "Britney" often. She has no problems speaking up and correcting people, but sometimes it's just not worth the effort.
On the flip side, I have been politely corrected before, and try hard to remember. I would prefer to be corrected, because I wouldn't know otherwise and would probably continue with the error unknowingly.
I correct CONSTANTLY. First of all my name, Yvonne. Is pronounced Ya-von. I get Evon, Ivon, etc. I correct as politely as I can.
Second of all, we do not do nicknames. Jessica is not Jess, Jessie, etc. People will automatically give her a nickname and we immediately correct them. We simply say, she goes by Jessica. Most of the time, we only have to correct someone once.
I do think it is important to call someone by their correct name. It is frustrating to always have to correct people.
By the way, Addison gets it the worst. People either comment that it is a girls name (funny he was named after my grandfather) or they want to call him Add or Addie.
Yvonne, I would be guilty of calling you Evon. 
Around here it would be pronounced Evon, but it would be a French name.
My name is Marcia, like MARseeya, but I have been called Marsha my entire life. I HATE IT! I do have some ladies at church, whom I have known for over 20 years, who still call me Marsha at times. Even my mother in law slips sometimes. Makes me crazy! I also have many people who say MarSEEa. It doesn't really bug me, but I do tell them.
Kate, I would continue to correct, and maybe your daughters should start, as well. Maybe it would make more of an impact it it's coming from them instead.
We have that issue around here too and we just correct the people we care to correct and we ignore the people that we don't. No other suggestion.
By the way, I deal with it to this day. As common as my name has become in our area, people still assume I am male and darn if I don't get asked "no what is your real (given) name?" regularly. People call me Bonnie or Robin and I just respond to most, because after 36 years I really don't care any more. The people that know me, know my name, and the rest really do not matter... By the way, to make it worse, everyone that knows me directly calls me Bobb... So it adds to the confusion for those that don't know me...
By the way, My DH is Robert. This has proven to be pretty funny over the past 20 years. "Do you realize you have the same name?" Really, we had no clue...
Well, Kate, I completely understand. I think Ashton would have a harder time if he were a girl because people would be trying to call him Ashley a lot. But the spelling is exactly how it sounds, and so many people mispronounce it. I totally correct in a polite way because I don't feel like it is asking too much of someone that is around a lot to get the name correct.
Being a substitute, I have a lot of names I have to adjust to. A little girl I had in Kindergarten for a week has a name I always have a difficult time with in Kindergarten computer lab. However, I was going to have her all day for a solid week, so first thing, I asked her to pronounce her name to me, and I wrote it out phonetically so I could remember it. It was the least I could do. Her name is Deoshanay. Could be pronounced many different ways with the emphasis in different places.
I would go on correcting politely, and I would inform the girls to politely correct adults. My name is Adena, so I have had the same problem my entire life. Everyone wants to add an "r" or an extra "n" where there are none! My name is pronounced exactly like it is spelled--A-dee-na. I have gotten called Adrianne so mucn it isn't even funny, though! When people mispronounce, I simply say "It's Adena" with a smile.
They have messed up my name for 61 years. I answer to Bea, Dee, Bess, Be-a, Darlin', Darling, Dahlgren, Delanie. I really never bothered me much.
Hmmm...apparently this is a very widespread epidemic!!!
What is tricky is correcting the same people over and over again. I suppose THEY should feel badly for messing up again, but *I* feel badly for calling it to their attention again and possibly making them feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. I also end up feeling like they must not care or like us enough to pay attention to what I say or what their names are. Leave it to me to turn anything into a social minefield, LOL!
Add us to the list of having to deal with this. Alec is always called Alex. He politely corrects them, but has learned to let it slide if it is someone he won't see again or if he just doesn't feel like dealing with it.
I am often called Melissa by people who I've recently met. There was one older man I knew years ago whom I corrected several times and finally gave up and just answered to Melissa anytime I talked to him. I thought it was kind of funny...and so did my friends who were with me when they heard him call me that and I responded. LOL.
sounds like it is time to find some personalized shirts to wear
honestly, some people just don't do phonics well, some people don't care, and some people are just stupid. Keep correcting and remember, you can't fix stupid
My dd had a friend in kindergarten, her name was sydney, she always called her cindy, I corrected and corrected her, and her response was "same difference". UH NO...honey...she never got it.
When I was younger and the same people called me "Heather" or "Holly" and I've corrected them a thousand times, I would finally respond with "Hi Bob!" (like if their name was Bill) and they would correct me. So, likewise, I would correct them one last time. They seem to remember it more when they've been called by the wrong name.
When I had students that would *repeatedly* misspell something in their lab write ups (3+ times), I would misspell their name on something. They would correct me, and I would remind them to hold the same values with what they present to others, especially when it's a repeated mistake.
Your situation however, personally drives me crazy...but, if it's old people, I let it go...Lord knows my time will come.
LOL! We named our kids "easy" names and people STILL mess them up...my daughter Megan's, especially...everyone wants to add extra letters when spelling it, and, apparently a common pronounciation around here is "Meegan". Grrr. Justin, Matthew, and Christopher have an easier time ;)Our last name, however, almost no one can pronounce. It's "Whiton" pronounced "white-un" but 90% think it's "whitton" and we'll also answer to whiting, white, wyling, brighton, etc.
Our last name is Schultz, when telemarketing people call we get alot of calls asking for Mr. or Mrs. Schartz, I don't see an "A" or an "R" in our name anywhere though... Also my dh and ds are both named Gary, yet people have wanted to call them Gerry at times. It's crazy..
Add me to the list! My name is Stacy, but if I had just one nickel for every time I was called Tracy, Daisy, Stephanie, or Sharon I'd be one rich woman! LOL Usually I just let it slide, even with repeat offenders because it just doesn't bother me much. If I'm in a situation where I feel that I must correct someone then I usually smile and say, "It's Stacy, actually." to which most people immediately apologize and then I tell then, "It's ok, my mother-in-law can't remember that it's Stacy either." Most people laugh at that and then usually remember my name properly from then on. I guess the combination of humor and saying my name one more time makes it stick in their heads a little better.
I don't have a problem, with my first name, although, sometimes people want to pronounce it, "Don", instead of Dawn, or once in a great while, Donna. My last name starts with a "K", but so many people want to spell it Cline, or Kline! Roll my eyes! Honestly. My hubby is as German as they come, so please spell it the German way! I'm always saying KL - E - IN.
Emily doesn't have problems, that I know of, but many years after meeting Sarah, one of her Girl Scout leaders would write her name on stuff, as Sara, instead of Sarah! I would have thought she would know how to spell it, by that point in time.
Dawn, how do you say your name? I would say it like Don.
I have a Meghan, and most people leave the h out. That's a name with so many different spellings, and I didn't really realize that when I named her. As a teacher, I tried to choose a name that I didn't see often, and one that I didn't have any bad experiences with, with kids I had taught. I had only had one Meghan, and it was spelled with an h. The first time I went to the mall with her, I realized that every single family seemed to have a Meghan!!
I choose to go by Cori in my personal life but my given name is Corinne, pronounced Cuh-rin with the accent on the last syllable. I am most often called Cor-een or Core-inna. I hate it but rarely correct it in strangers and usually just say "I go by Cori, thanks" with people I'll see again. Of course, I constantly have to spell any of my names but I expect that.
My ds's name is often pronounced Zeth and it's not a problem I foresaw when we named him. The girls' names, Samantha and Isabella, don't have any problems.
One of my friends' last name is Honea, pronounced Ho-nee-ah , and he said most people pronounce it "Horny" , to which he usually replys"yes" ! My maiden name was a french name ,Bilyeu,pronounced like Bill-u . But here in the south, they pronounce it like the color blue. That was very hard to deal with growing up. Also, my dh's first name is Robert and our last name is Keith. And, for some reason, almost everytime we meet someone new and we introduce ourselves to them, they call him Keith.Because of my last name being so hard to pronounce as I was growing up, I made sure all of my dk's had easy to spell and say, names. My oldest dd is named Tammy Renae. The most common spelling of Renae, is R-E-N-E-E , but I changed it to R-E-N-A-E , because I felt that it would be easier to pronounce.
Like Daun, with an "awwww" in the middle.
Sydney gets Cindy a lot! Usually she just corrects them. I'm not sure there is much you can do. People say my last name wrong all the time. It doesn't bother me much--if it's someone I won't see again, I just say "yes."
Isabella get's called Isabel a lot. Um, do you not see the ELL-A at the end?
Nobody messes up Joe! LOL Our last name can be pronounced several different way, so I don't really bother with that. I do get excited when someone pronounces it correctly.
My mom's name is Louise and telemarketers call and ask for Lois, or Louis. She just tells them that HE isn't home LOL.
Kate, I think the only thing you can do is keep correcting those people. Have your dd's politely correct them when they want to.
I understand that you feel bad correcting them, but remember that THEY are the once who apparently are just not taking the time or brain power to try to remember the correct names. It's really not that hard!
Have them wear t-shirts with their names on them ever day! LOL
Wanda, how do they get Horney out of Honea? There's no R!
Stacy: How do they get Tracy, DAISY?, STEPHANIE OR SHARON out of Stacy??? That's just crazy.
I agree, all you can do is keep correcting people if they are people your children are in contact with on some regular basis.
I am fussy about names - mine and others. I believe it is incredibly rude to call someone by the wrong name if you have met that person with some frequency. I also believe it is rude to call people something they don't want to be called, as in nicknames that the user makes up for whatever reason. We have a new paralegal whose name is Nicole, and unless she tells me she prefers Nic or Nicky, I won't use a nickname for her.
My dd goes by a double name like Sarah Sue (not her name but I don't like using her name on line either). It bugs her and me a little bit when people just call her by her first name. He granddaddy, of all people, calls her by her second name and that drives me nuts. I don't usually correct people straight out. What I usually do is say something to or about dd using her correct name right after it has been misspoken. People just don't get it. But I am guilty too. I have a friend named Diana. I have had issues for years of calling her Diane. Up until her dh very abruptly told me off. It stopped me from calling her Diane, but now I don't like him. He was very hurtful. I also have trouble remembering who belongs to Melody and who is Melanie.
I kinda have the same problem with my DS name it is Hunter and alot of people even ones who are close to us call him Hunner. I hate it and it bothers me. They forget the T in his name and Hunner sounds so silly to me. I correct these people too but they still seem to call him that. I know it is very annoying.
Wow, there's a Hunter in my kindergarten class, at school. No one has trouble with his name. I have a little girl whose name starts out with Ann and it's pronounced Onn and I admit I have trouble remembering that sometimes. If the kids here me say it wrong, they correct me! LOL!
I think the Hunter think isn't necessarily a mispronunciation as the way certain dialects are. I'm from NW Ohio and with my dialect, I rarely pronounce t's in the middle of the word. I realize it is there, but I don't pronounce it. So things like "pinto" beans would be "pinno" beans! My husband's always gotten a kick out of it.
Oh yeah! Here too! Of course my first name is easy and rarely gets messed up, but my last name gets butchered. I have a sign on my office door with a picture of Will Ferrell that says, "It TER-rell, not ter-RELL. It rhymes with Ferrell, as in Will Ferrell." It doesn't work. Half of my students and fellow faculty, inc. the chair of the department, pronounce it the wrong way. People instinctively know how to pronounce Ferrell, but for some reason Terrell throws them for a loop. When we lived in TX most people got it right because there is a Terrell, TX.
Just keep doing what you are doing and have your DDs start politely correcting too.
I'm Catherin and people always call me one of the many variations! Cathy is my least favorite not to mention having to deal with it being spelled wrong constantly! :P lol
ok my last name is a common vegetable. xxxxx but do u think they can pronounce it ? lol i just laff and let most pronounce it how ever they see fit less its important like gov or dr or such .. friends they usually know it one reason or another ... but i know what u mean ...edited to erase my name here
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