for my divorce yesterday.

For those of you who know me I've been separated for years and well I guess I've always been worried about how he would react to this/found the paperwork overwhelming. Well I found a place that will help you fill out all the court papers required and walk you through each step for free! That means all I have to pay is the fees to file the papers in the court (just under $400) and get someone to serve him with the papers.

I also filed to have his child support reviewed because the last time it was done he didn't provide any financial information and it was imputed (imposed on him) how much his income was at the time. If his income is now more than his child support will go up as the guidelines changed this year.

The only thing so far that I'm frustrated about is the program they've implemented here that you MUST take parenting after seperation classed before they'll give you a date regardless of how long you've been separated and how many classes you've taken and can prove you've taken. They force you to take "their" class!! They also force you to see a court appointed counsellor.

I cried when I got home it was pretty emotional and I'm still feeling pretty emotional about it. My partner doesn't understand why I feel the way I do because we've been separated for so long already. He is being supportive though and even took the day off to come to the courts we me for support (now if I could only get him to help out around the house more!!).

I cried on the way to work this morning too and called my closest gf and asked her to meet with me for coffee tomorrow...I need a woman's "shoulder".

Any advice on how to get through this process?

I personally think he's going to be mad..especially about the child support thing if he ends up paying more...he may not be mad about the divorce thing though. *shrugs*

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, March 4, 2008 - 09:55 pm:

{{{HUGS}}}

By Melanie on Tuesday, March 4, 2008 - 10:07 pm:

(((HUGS))) Good luck. I wish I had words of wisdom for you. It's good that you are bracing for the worst in terms of his reaction, just in case. I hope it gets settled quickly and as painlessly as possible. Hang in there. And remember--we are really good listeners. (((HUG)))

By Colette on Wednesday, March 5, 2008 - 07:26 am:

((Catherin)) Good luck.

By Debbie on Wednesday, March 5, 2008 - 08:03 am:

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

I can definitely understand your feelings. No matter what the circumstances of your marriage, a divorce is still the end of a chapter in your life. Of course, you will be emotional over that.

I hope everything goes well.

By Tarable on Wednesday, March 5, 2008 - 10:30 am:

I was the exact same way when I filed (although I had not been separated for a long time). I found that I had to learn not to care if he got mad. I was doing what was best for me and my kids. Keep that in the back of your mind no matter what he does or says. That is the only advice I can really give you. Good luck and crying is okay.. just remember that it is how you can release all those old feelings.

By Cat on Wednesday, March 5, 2008 - 10:34 am:

Lots and lots of hugs, Girl. You know we're always here for you. Go ahead and cry. I would! Then again, I'm an emotional person. You still have my email, right? More hugs.

By Dana on Wednesday, March 5, 2008 - 09:58 pm:

(((HUGS)))

By Mrsheidi on Wednesday, March 5, 2008 - 11:09 pm:

Catherin...I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this.
Let us know how it goes and I hope the classes go quick!!!!
Mucho hugs to you...{{{Hugs}}}...I'll be thinking of you, so check back in. *wink*

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, March 6, 2008 - 06:10 pm:

Yes, you've been separated for a long time. But, it is a "final" step. And I suspect, if you're like me, you are partly reliving the reasons you separated in the first place, and partly mourning the end of a period of your life. After all, when you got married, you were in love and expected it to be happily ever after. That it wasn't, and that it ended badly, is a good reason to be sad. And when you go through all the papers and all the signing, and make things official, you are sad again. That your partner doesn't understand is OK, because he was supportive.

As for the child support, well, that's his problem. Don't let it be yours. (I know, that's easy to say and hard to do.) If he calls or confronts you, try really hard to not get into an argument and just say - there are court rules and the court will decide. Any arguments you want to make, make them to the court.

As for the classes, while it is frustrating because you've already done that, they do have their rules. And under the circumstances, you don't want to be the one who is tagged with breaking the rules. So, live through it. Who knows, you might wind up being helpful to other parents in the class who really need help with parenting.

By Missbookworm on Tuesday, March 11, 2008 - 10:17 pm:

I want to thank you all for your kind words and your wisdom as always. We haven't served the paperwork on him yet. I'm not sure when we're going to but we have a friend he doesn't know who has agreed to do it.

Cat I'm not sure I still have your current email address I do remember one coming through a while ago saying it changed. Do you want to email me again?

Ginny as always you've given me a great perspective on the child support issue and that is a good response if he does argue it. I am signed up for the classes and intend to go it just seems so ridiculous with all that we've already gone through. I never did wind up thinking I might be helpful to some of the other parents or possibly meet someone who needs help or who can even help me with it.

Thank you all for always being here when I need a "shoulder" I sure wish I had more time to be around like I used too.

I will keep you updated
((((((((( hugs ))))))))))

By Missbookworm on Saturday, April 5, 2008 - 03:09 pm:

Well the papers were served on him on Wednesday night at his work after many failed attempts for my friend to find him at home. I drove down to his work but didn't actually go any further than to show him where the office was in the building. They served him and he said "what's this and they said it's your divorce papers." I guess he was like "Yes!!" like a kid who's excited about something. They were in an envelope with the child support papers. I haven't heard from him since even though he's supposed to see the kids this weekend. We've tried calling him and there has been no response. The kids even tried calling him and left him a message (I left one yesterday). He hasn't called back at all.

I went to see the justice counsellor and she's going to try to help me with an "order by consent" on the child support. If he's open to that it will prevent us from having to go to court. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything either from him or my justice counsellor.

By Cat on Saturday, April 5, 2008 - 03:26 pm:

Big hugs, Girl. Sorry I didn't see this last month, but here's my email address. cathy liz at com cast dot net I hope he pays his child support. Dh and I had a funny conversation the other day. A friend of mine separated from her dh just last week and my dh asked me how she's going to afford to live (they have four young boys, too) since her dh moved out (staying with his sister). I told him I don't know. He said he didn't know how I'd support myself and the kids in our current house on what I make and I told him I probably couldn't. I said I could have in our old house (that we moved from 2 years ago) with what I made and child support. He said, "Oh? You'd expect child support???" I said, "Yep. Either that or you'd have to take the kids!" He laughed and said he'd pay. lol Ya know, we can joke about that, but I know for a lot of people it's not funny because it's too true.
Lots more hugs.

By Dawnk777 on Saturday, April 5, 2008 - 06:43 pm:

{{{HUGS}}}

By Bea on Sunday, April 6, 2008 - 12:24 am:

No advice Darlin' but I'm sending hugs.