Part time husband, pitty party

Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive December 2004: Part time husband, pitty party

I just looked at the calender and realized that my dh has been gone overnight on business almost 50% this month. Then the rest of the time he is either home late or preparing for the next trip. I'm not cracked up to be an almost single parent. I am lonely and bored and to make it worse I am a sahm, so no regular adult contact. Christmas has always been a hard season for me, when growing up it was more a time to reflect on what you dont have than what you do. I've tried to break myself of that habit but... He is unhappy and frustrated that his new psycho boss is demanding all this travel. I almost cried from relief when dh said that he is starting to look for other work cause this is nuts. I have a christmas tree thats been up for over a week w/ no ornaments on it because I have been hoping to put them on with him. He wont be home til thursday so I guess I will do it today and try not to feel so sad.

By My2cuties on Tuesday, December 21, 2004 - 11:46 am:

Don't feel down. My husband is gone most of the time too. But I know that while he is out, he is only doing this so I can be a sahm to my girls. I don't look at it like I am a single parent (although I use to think of it like that) because I know I couldn't sit at home and still expect to pay bills. I know it's hard but try to keep your head up things will get better, and I hope he finds a better job where he can be home more. My DH is gone Monday thru Friday usually, so it's not so bad it he's only gone a couple night a week or so. (((hugs))) I know how you feel.

BTW, this year I had to put the tree up without him.

By Boxzgrl on Tuesday, December 21, 2004 - 11:59 am:

(((HUGS))) I think we all go through this at some point or another. I too was feeling like the "single parent" since DH works 2 jobs to support us. But when it came down to me getting a job and putting DD in daycare, I learned to appreciate what I have and accept the changes in my life. What has worked for DH and I is that we make one day a week (Sundays) a mandatory family day. No work, no friends, nothing but the 3 of us. And we take that day to catch up on everything and just enjoy being with each other. Is there something similar you could do so that while he's constantly working all week you have a day to look forward to without any interruptions?

I hope everything goes well. Enjoy the holidays and very minute you have with your DH.

By Trisa on Tuesday, December 21, 2004 - 12:02 pm:

Oh I know how you feel!
Mine is not home much at all!
Not easy!

By Breann on Tuesday, December 21, 2004 - 01:15 pm:

{{{hugs}}}
My husband works one job but is gone up to 14 hours a day.
I feel like a single mom sometimes too.

By Janet on Tuesday, December 21, 2004 - 01:21 pm:

I'm a farm widow, so I have sympathy for you. During the fieldwork times, the girls and I NEVER see dh! I know he comes home to sleep, because I find greasy work clothes in the laundry, but that's about it, LOL Yes, I hate it, but I know he hates it, too. Go ahead and decorate the tree-- put on some Christmas music and make the best of it. Besides, you'll be able to enjoy it together on Christmas!

By Pixie on Tuesday, December 21, 2004 - 02:00 pm:

I feel for you as well I do alot alone! But go ahead decorate the tree then when he is home you will have more time for each other maybe to sit cuddle and enjoy the tree! Keep your head up!

By Missmudd on Tuesday, December 21, 2004 - 05:23 pm:

Thanks all for your support. I went ahead and decorated the trees. I had a good laugh at myself because I cant resist glass christmas balls especially after christmas sales. I literally covered a 9 foot tree and the 5 foot plastic tree with ornaments AND STILL HAVE LEFTOVERS. I must be totally nuts. It way made me laugh. I left a voicemail for dh saying that I dont know what the heck I had been smoking buying all those &&*^)^!!! ornaments.

By Pamt on Tuesday, December 21, 2004 - 08:24 pm:

Oh ladies, this post makes me sad. First of all Kristin, I am so glad that your DH has realized the strain that his being gone all of the time puts on your family. Hopefully he can find a new job with more reasonable demands soon. Life is too short to work all of the time and/or be miserable in a job one doesn't even like just to make ends meet. No one on his deathbed has ever said, "I wish I had worked more hours."

I hope that all of you can get your DH's to reconsider how much time they spend away from the family. Seasonal employment like farming, accounting, retail, etc. is a bit different because the work load isn't so tremendous every single month, but a job that requires more than 50 hours/week on a *regular* basis is shortchanging the family. I come from a family where my mom and dad were both workaholics. My mom was even a school teacher, but found ways to tutor, decorate her classroom, etc. so that she worked most summers and usually from 7-4 on school days. My dad travelled alot with his job and for several years at a time was gone from M-F and home only on the weekends. Here's the result....my mom and siblings and I just had a surprise 60th birthday party for my dad. My DH made a video with old pictures and videotaped each of us kids telling stories and memories about my dad. My sister and I had no trouble thinking of any, but my brother (who is 6 years younger than me and 12 yrs younger than my sister) had a hard time thinking of any because during his childhood was when my dad was travelling and working so much. I asked my brother to think up some stories about dad attending his baseball or football games, playing catch in the yard. etc. My brother said that my dad came to very few games. It was much easier for my brother to come up with special memories with my grandfather than with our dad. It was my grandfather who attended the ballgames, took my brother out to coffee with "the guys" on Saturday morning, took him to get his haircut and then for ice cream afterward, etc. As adults my dad and brother have a tight relationship and do things together often (poker nights, scuba diving, etc.) but my dad will NEVER get those missed childhood years back.

I sincerely hope you all can come to a place where family time grows in quality and quantity, even if it means financially cutting back on other things. (((Hugs))) to you all!

By My2cuties on Tuesday, December 21, 2004 - 11:55 pm:

Right now I know that we could not make it (without getting on some help) if my Dh worked a normal Job. He is a truck driver and brings in quite a bit more than he would working a regular pay job. I appreciate his hard work for our family and I know it will not be for too much longer. It is a sad fact, but a very true one..and I have had to come to grips with it. 6 more months and we should be to a place where he can get a normal job and be home more, things are already looking up for us. That's the way life is sometimes...and it would do absolutely no good for me to get a job right now to pay all myy money to a daycare. Sad but true.

By Katie on Wednesday, December 22, 2004 - 02:18 am:

Hang in there. How trite can you get? But hang in there. My husband is gone from home Sunday through Thursday, every week. It has been hard as heck (ha!) sometimes, especially when we've had babies in the house. This might be shallow but what I focus on is how great he is with the kids when he's home. I have so many friends who have husbands who come home every night - but they aren't a patch on what I have when my husband is home. I don't know if this helps since it falls in that awful "It could be worse" category but it has helped me. It's taken five years but I'm used to it now and, strangely, have come to enjoy it. Build as many woman frienships as you can. I try to do whatever I can for my friends when my husband is home, knowing that they will do whatever they can to help me when mine isn't. Hope it helps. Nothing is as good as a hubby at home every night but these are strange times we live in. So.. Hang in there.