Birthday parties, and RSVPing
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive December 2004:
Birthday parties, and RSVPing
I know this has been brought up before. But,do you ALWAYS RSVP when you get an invitation?
I didnt realize how many people DONT do it.Ok, not to start a debate, but I think its rude not to RSVP when somebody give you an invitation. Ok, of course if it says RSVP regrets only, or something similiar.
My 5 yr old daughter received an invitation in the mail for a birthday party of a girl she went to preschool with last year. She and I were both happy that she was invited that the girl still thought about her, even though they attend Kindergarten at dift schools.
So the party was at 1pm today, and my son went as well. As this little girl also has a 10 yr old son, same as my son. The mother said they my son was more then welcome to come too.
Ok we get there at 1pm, and I ask the mother what time should I pick them up, and she said 3pm. She then went on to say that I was the ONLY one who called, and she didnt think anybody else was showing up. She said she invited 9 kids, and I was the only one who called. I would of called even if we couldnt come. So we got back at 3pm, and sure enough my kids were the onlyones there. Is that sad or what? Im so glad my daughter was able to go. I couldnt imagine having a kids birthday party and nobody showing up  ..
The mother said it happens alot as her birthday is so close to Christmas and people are busy. I told her that I understood that , that I feel its rude to not at least acknowledge the invitation.
Ok, just my rant for today.
I completely agree. I always RSVP! Last year, not one of my dd's friends' parents called and I had no idea what to plan for. One child ended up coming and that was only because I could pick her up. My dd was heartbroken and I was so upset. There really is no excuse not to take 2 minutes out of your day when it is so helpful to the hostess.
I would never show up to a party without calling and giving a YES. I am not as good about calling with regrets though. I mean to, but if I don't do it right away and I already know I can't make it, I don't usually keep the invite handy enough to remember. If we are going I keep it on the fridge to see it.
Now when I plan, I plan for those who said yes and then one or two extra. I have never been suprised with more people than that. If my headcount is really low, I call parents and say hey I haven't heard from you, just wanted to see, etc. Sometimes people have forgotten to call and then feel bad only a day or two before calling to say yes. If I don't say yes at least several days before we won't go, because I hate to put that parent through that hassle.
I don't think anyone rsvps to parties here. The party parents always have to call everyone.
People wait to long to rsvp sometimes because they are so busy.
I put my email address on the invitations as well as phone that got more people to answer, I know I love being able to use email to RSVP. My DD invited 12 friends and all but one called to say yes then on the day, 2 didn't show up but never called either. Around here people call if they are coming and if they aren't they don't call. Not exactly what RSVP means.
I always RSVP. It's pretty easy to quickly call or e-mail to let people know either way. We don't have birthday parties every year for the kids, but thankfully, when we do most of the parents RSVP. I think it's rude not to. If the host/ess has no idea how many people are coming he/she will plan as if everyone is coming just in case. That means more $ for party supplies.
I always rsvp and I always put rsvp regrets only, by a certain date. I think it is totally rude to not pick up the phone and let the person having the party know if you are coming or not.
Your dd's friends mother must have been so happy that your kids came. I can't imagine NO ONE showing or at least calling to let you know. Her heart would have been broken.
I always RSVP, though I know what your saying Jackie. For DD's birthday party, there were 50+ invites sent out, and not 1 person RSVP'ed. There were about 30 people who showed but no way to estimate how much food to make, how big of a cake to get etc.... it's very rude!
I ALWAYS RSVP'd - and still do. It's rude not to and very inconsiderate to the host. Several times when I RSVP'd to b'day parties the kids were invited to I was told *you didn't have to call and say you were coming, I have enough for everyone we invited*. ?!?!? I guess some people don't care if they know who's coming and who's not, but *I* would. And on more than one occasion we were the family who had no clue who was coming to our party and who wasn't.
Jen's b'day is today, and being 6 days from Christmas, we always ran into the same thing with kids not being able to come to parties due to other plans, etc. So we would have a cake and stuff with family on her b'day, and her b'day party with her friends (normally a sleepover, and I was happy NOT to have the house trashed so close to Christmas! LOL) was usually a couple weeks earlier, and once or twice we did it in January. She didn't mind, it was more important to her to have all her friends there.
I think it's more important to call with regrets than it is to call and say you are going (Sorry Kaye! LOL) because most hosts usually plan on enough food, etc. for everyone they've invited, but in the case like Jackie's speaking of, they end up with way more stuff than they need, and the child is so disappointed.
We always RSVP...but, it is easier to do it by email. I just think that the Golden Rule applies to this one. And, I feel so bad for that girl! At least your daughter showed up! 
hmm, interesting Karen. When I send out invites, I more expect people to call and say that they are coming. I figure if I don't hear from them, that means they are not coming. I always call if we are going and sometimes call if we are not. I mean to call, but for some reason, if I am not going to the event, it slips my mind faster and I forget to call!! LOL
I'm a RSVP advocate. I think it's simply good manners. If someone is gracious and generous enough to invite me to something, I firmly believe I need to call or write and answer the invitation promptly. I also believe in Thank you notes for EVERYTHING.....gifts kindnesses and entertainment. I always send a thank you. A phone call isn't enough.
I RSVP and it aggrivates me so much to plan a party and not know how many people are coming...and get this my SIL calls my MIL to tell *her* she is coming. Oh well, I have just about decided to not invite her at all, if she doesn't want to talk to me then why would she want to see *my* daughter.
I always RSVP, whether we're going or not. For my kids parties, I ask for RSVP's, but if I don't get them I call the day before the party so I know how many to expect. It doesn't take much to call and even leave a message.
I think I'm about 90% as far as RSVPing for kid functions. I didn't RSVP a decline one or two times when I didn't know the kid and my son didn't know the kid.
I always RSVP if my son will be there. The times I didn't RSVP my son wasn't going (when we didn't know who the kid, or one case where I don't want my child involved with this kid at all and the mom is super-pushy on trying to drum up play dates for her son).
One time my son went when neither one of us knew the kid. I just wanted to see what would happen. My son was 6. He walked in to the Gymboree place and announed, "WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS IT??" This boy said, "Mine." And my son looked at me and shouted over, "NOPE, never seem him before!" It was hilarious. The mom said she just needed more kids to invite to meet the place's minimum so she just invited other people in the daycare and she didn't realize my son didn't go there anymore since he was school age and this b-day boy was turning 4. Her child didn't know my son either.
This is what has happened to birthday parties! UGH! When this kind of stuff goes on, it makes you think it's almost *too classy* to RSVP. The moms don't care who shows up just as long as there are warm bodies there. What a facade. What happened to having a celebration with your child's friends and the friends make it a priority to attend the party bec they *are* friends?
Course, then there's the whole other issue of kids being so overscheduled the chances of picking a time when people are already not scheduled is impossible. The best attended parties I attended were either Sunday night or at a place *so grand* that parents made a point to send their kids and go. (Here I'm thinking of the 4-year-old party my son was invited to at the most exclusive country club in the city - $100,000 initiation fee - and where the parents had an open bar while the kids went in another room for their entertainment. Nobody declined that one!)
And, yes, my son has been the only one to show up at a few parties, like the one that was scheduled for noon on Mother's Day.
I'm really glad my son is about through with these parties. He's 10. The last party he went to the mom called the invitation in to me and then ask me not to tell my son about it until I was driving him to it because they were not inviting certain kids from school and they didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Nothing's simple.
I always RSVP too. I think that it's the polite thing to do. The only time I do not, is when it says regrets only.
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