Bad night.

We were all sick but my sil said she was taking her son and another boy to see polar express for his birthday.

So of course we forced ourself to show up for the event. It was tiring to get the show because ds was acting up and we had to take a train.

So my nerves were wiped by the time we got there.

The show was sold out. So we treated the bunch to chinese food next door and planed to see the 7 o'clock show. Only 3 and a half hours to kill with three kids (what was I thinking)

We didn't think how really we would be getting home at midnight if we saw the 7 pm show. (the train leaves like every hour or more when it is late.)

After dinner we walked over to the barnes and nobles to kill some time. We have birthday boy just turned six, my son almost 5 and dear friend who is 7. So a kindergartener a preschooler and a 2nd grader.

Birthday boy doesn't want to hold ds hand just dear friends hands. He get corrected and we move on the the barnes and noble.

I guess i was aggrivated at barnes and noble because I wanted to read them a book and sil stopped me from doing it. Then she said, oh you tried. Then I said, no you stopped me. She said oh you tried. I said no you stopped me before I started but it is okay.

In case you havent' guess sil and I try hard but it is hard.....for both of us....

After okay time at barnes and noble. We are walking to the theater. Birthday boy again doesn't want to hold hand with ds just dear friend.

This is a problem for my son he is carrying on sort of sceaming and running after the two friends. He has a problem understanding when people are being mean to him and what to do about it. He doesn't get mad... You know kids are mean to him at the playground and he has to play with them.

We were just going to the movie to be nice to the birthday boy who is my nephew and we had already seen the polar express.


I got fed up and hurt seeing my son being exluded so I just said we are going home. We are actually working on not letting ds be a punching bag to his friends. You know learn some self respect and stick up for yourself. I bearly said anything, but his father said it was triangulation.

I said why invite us then? (I was thinking if you knew you son has a problem with three kids why hurt me and my son.)
Don't invite us again.

Didn't really say goodbye. Anyway like usually I overreacted, but what would you have done.

I am probably still mad because I am mad at myself for overacting, but I was tired and sick.

(They didn't pay for our tickets - we did )
So what would have you done?

By Pamt on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 08:37 am:

I never would have gone in the first place. If we were sick and had already seen the movie anyway I would have said something like, "Thanks for inviting us, but we aren't feeling too well and we've seen that movie. However, we'd love to get together with X at the zoo, McDonald's, etc. sometime in the next week to celebrate his birthday and give him his gift."

Sorry you had a bad night.

By Vicki on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 09:16 am:

I don't think I would have went in the first place either, but that is beside the point. There are several things during the day that I would have done differently, but hind sight is always 20/20. When things got to the point that they did, I think I would have done one of 2 things. 1) either called birthday boy on it and pointed out to him how he was excluding ds and basically made him include him or 2) Made sure they knew in no uncertain terms WHY I was leaving and explained that you WON'T continue to let ds be left out by them. Knowing me, I would have done choice 1 as leaving really did only punish your child because he had to leave and not see the movie with the other kids.

By Rayanne on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 09:20 am:

I agree with Pam. I would have said exactly what she said. I am also sorry that you had a bad night. I hope you feel better. {{{{HUGS}}}}

By Kaye on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 10:04 am:

You asked why didn't the mother know that he boy didn't do well with 2 friends. Well mostly that is true for all kids.It is always hard to have an uneven number. This is a lesson best learned early. Do I want to walk place to place holding hands with two people, NOPE. And i wouldn't ask my children too. Yes he excluded your son, that was rude and he should work on that. Your son also didn't behave well either. Taching your child to stand up for himself is not the same as him whining and crying because he is being left out. Honestly I think you taught your child the wrong lesson. The birthday boy was at the least inconsiderate and probably rude. But he is just a kid. You just showed him that he got to you, and you dealt with it immaturely. Mom just got a great story to tell about you. Now what would I have done. Maybe the same thing. What was the right way to handle this. Probably just ignoring it. Pulling your son aside and say your cousin is having a hard time remember to play with two people, how bout you and me spend some time together. You were probably tired and exhausted mis that with a difficult situation and you get a train wreck. In the future try to stay out of these situations. But when you do, try to step back and look at the whole situation. You were invited to be polite. The bday boy probably didn't say oh can we invite him too. A kindergartener gets a chance to play with a 2nd grader or a preschooler, he will pick the older kid almost everytime. There really is a big gap in maturity each year at this age. He wasn't trying to be mean to your son. He just wanted to do what he wanted to do. A good mother should have pointed out to her son that he was excluding your son, but that didn't happen. I might of gently said it for her (since she is family), but if things persisted then I would have just let it go. I wouldn't of let my son chase after them, i think I would have redirected him. When the mom asked said, well your son is too busy for him, etc. Sorry this happened. But really if you step away I think you can see that it wasn't done mean spirited. The triangulation thing is tough. i have three kids of my own and it does always seem like one is left out, it is rare, rare to have all three of them play the same thing peacefully.

By Breann on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 10:24 am:

I wouldn't have gone if we had been sick. And I wouldn't have gone if it was a movie we had already been to. Especially if there is already problems going on between you and the sister in law.

By Melissa on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 10:59 am:

If you ask me people get in so much unnecessary trouble because they are trying to be nice. I have made it a point in my life to rarely do things "just to be nice" if I don't want to or it is not in the best interest of my family I don't do it. That is not to say I never do things I don't want to but I try to be choosy about them. As for the rest of it your trip was sort of doomed from the start. Probably your SIL didn't really even want you all to come
( based on how you said you two get along ) but she was "just being nice" Nothing to be done about it now chalk it up as a learning experience and let it go.

By Tink on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 12:02 pm:

I agree with Kaye. Difficult situation mixed in with a sick and tired family and it is nearly impossible to have a good time. I probably would have gone but three kids is never a good number (I have three dks and it is nearly impossible to get them to play together peacefully). I'd just try to learn from it and move on.

By Cat on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 12:28 pm:

I'm not a confrontation person, so I have no idea what I would have done. Just wanted to say sorry you had such a rough night and offer {{{{{Hugs}}}}}.