?????? Sorry but Long.........
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?????? Sorry but Long.........
I don't even know how to post this. But right now I just need some support and maybe a few hugs.
I am going to go Anon on this only because of net watchers and so much going on right now.
I am going to begin with and many of you who know me will know who I am when I am done...
My DSS passed away almost 1 year ago...Dec 13, 2004 at the age of 18 from a drug overdose. Which has been very tramatic on our entire family. Which saying family I say me, DH, 2 DS's, DD and my DSD.
My DSS and DSD have lived with there mom {DH Ex}for years now. After DSS passed DSD had many issues with her brothers death. And one thing lead to another. Her mom couldn't put up with the stress...I guess... and kicked DSD out of the house...DSD is 21. DSD bounced around from here to there wherever she could stay so about 7 weeks ago we took DSD into our home. Love her dearly great person. We {Dh and I }knew she has been having problems dealing with brothers death.
But after staying here we realized, and found proof that she was into some major drugs. We would have never thought it after her brother dying of a drug overdose. Making a very long story short...DSD has just finished up 7 days of detox and today starts her 1st day of rehab, a 28 day cycle. She will not be home for the holidays, its killing DH, but he knows its best for her.
This past 12 months has been sooooo bad losing a DSS, a mom and now this how much could one person handle. I am trying to hold everyone together...tough but I also have 3 other children to go on with.
The only good news is that the person that sold the prescription drugs that killed my DSS was arrested, and now we have to go thru the whole jury, trial thing.
Sorry for venting but just need someone to talk to besides everyone here
Went Anon only because of personal reasons but it is me Kathy...
I know this is probably the most difficult year you have ever had. The one thing you can be sure of is that, even though SHE (dsd) may feel like you have betrayed her or abandoned her by sending her into rehab, you must remember that, had you not taken her in, she would still be doing drugs, and maybe worse... You may have saved her life.
She will need lots of help and support when she gets out, but she is, however, an adult and needs to take control of her addiction for herself, which they should be teaching her to do in rehab. You and your dh shouldn't feel like failures if she isn't successful the first time out, or however many times it takes.
Besides the drug rehab, she needs grief counseling or therapy. If she doesn't get help in dealing with her losses, she will not know any other way of dealing with them except for the drugs.
Be prepared for things to get worse before they get better. Hopefully, it won't happen that way. But, in case it does, you and dh need to have a conversation eventually about the what ifs. What if she relapses? You don't need to expose your other 3 dks to your dsd's behavior, especially if she gets violent, starts stealing for drugs, or brings around her druggie friends. The best thing to do at that point would be to ask your dh to meet up with his dd somewhere else, like at a restaurant for lunch or at the park. You obviously don't want to cut her off from him- he and you are the only people she has right now- but in order to protect the other kids, don't allow her to come around your home if she hasn't gotten her act straight.
I really hope and pray for the best for your whole family.
Lisa I want to thank you so much for the advice. In my mind right now things can not get worse Only hoping for the better
And I just want to tell you how much I love the clip art!!! I collect Koala's. Made me smile
I think I got it off a website for free- go ahead and copy it!
Thanks It was a good pick me up!!! Something I needed.
Grrr, I typed a response and lost it! I wanted to let you know a friend of mine is going through a similar situation, DS died June 2003 of overdose, and his family is falling apart. It's really hard, and you are really strong for getting through it. Big hugs to all of you, especially DSD, what she going through it really difficult! Lisa gave great advice, and she's absolutely right. I'm sorry you have been hit with one more blow, but keep your head up, cry when you need to, and vent away here. We're all here for you!
Kathy, I am glad the caught the guy that sold to DSS. I know the trial will be hard to go through but remember that him being behind bars means another persons child will not get drugs through him.
As far as DSD, I am assuming because of her age that she checked herself into the detox program. From what you have said about the EX before she doesn't sound like she is dealing well with the loss of DSS either and it is likely that she hasn't been much of a support system to DSD. When a child suffers a major trauma and is "pushed" (even if it is just the way they feel) to the side they have a tendency to turn to self medication. (drugs, alcohol, sex and any other form of self distruction). I think her behaviors are not out of the norm and I am glad that DH and you were there to help her help herself. And I hope she is taking full advantage of the program.
Just take one day at a time, One step at a time if you have to.. You will get through all of this... I am firmly believer that there is a reason behind everything that happens in this mess we call life.
Many times, We feel like we can't take one more thing but yet when something happens we reach a little bit deeper to find the strength to pull ourselves back up and take that next step..
I am soo sorry ya all are going through all of this. We are here anytime you need us. More hugs and many prayers going out to you and your family...
Kathy, I don't have much to add. I just wanted you to know that I read your post and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Keeping you in my prayers!
Lots of hugs, Kathy! I wasn't here when you son overdosed but I've heard so much about it and I've come to respect you so much. As tough as it is, you are doing the right thing for your dsd. At some point she will respect you and love you for what the love you are showing her now. I hope you are able to enjoy the holidays with your other 3 dks. Keep your chin up.
I had just started lurking here when this happened and my son is near that age also, so it hit home for me.
Your DSD is lucky to have you.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
I also have nothing to add but ((((hugs)))) You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
I don't know eactly how you are feeling froma mom's point of view, but from a sister's point of view I do understand. What I mean is that my sister went through this. She was in and out of detox. and rehab centers. She did not want the help and was a constant run-away. This all started when she was 15 years old. She is now 22 and is doing better. Now her only problem is drinking. She is not an alcoholic, but feels like she needs to drink whenever she goes out because she gets anxiety around a crowd. Everyone tried to help her out when it came to the drugs and stuff, but she had to want to stop. She does not use anymore and I am very proud of her.
My best advice for you would be to be there there for her even though she may feel like you are not and I am sure some harsh words will probably be said. Hopefully, she will appreciate what you are doing for her in the long run. Good luck, and you are doing the right thing. Lisa gave great advice too. {{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}
Thanks everyone. Just reading all the replies makes me feel so much better. I guess its going to be a tough road for everyone, but we can do it!
You all are so supportive, and I thank you.
Got you and your family in my prayers - hold each other a little closer this season, and those feelings will spread to your DSD as well.
((((Kathy))))
I am sorry that your family is having such a difficult time! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!
((((((HUGS))))))))
I wish I had magic words for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.
You & your family are in my prayers.
HUGS!
{{{{{hugs}}}} Your dsd is very lucky to have you and your dh. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to support her and help her through this rough time in her life. I will be thinking of you and your family. Hang in there!
I talked to DSD today on the phone 1st time in a week. She sounds really well. She is happy with the choice she has made to stay there for 28 days. She says it going to be hard for the holidays, but she said its for the better. When she got depressed over things that when she would turn to the drugs. Just pray for her that she will have the strength to go through this and stay clean. She cried today saying that 4 days were really bad coming down off of the drugs.
We can visit her every Sunday from 1:30-4:30. So DH is very happy about that!
Please keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers. As they say God will only give you what you can handle.
You seemed to handle this fairly well last year given the circumstances. This is just a rough patch in the road and hopefully the beginning of DSD's recovery. My Mom is a recovering drug addict. She started soon after my stepdad left her for another woman. It was her way to hide but she was destroying herself. She was in and out of rehabs and on the streets or strangers houses for about 7 years so I know what you feel. It can be quite a downer. My Mom has been clean now for almost 4 years. It can happen and your DSD is still so young so it may be easier for her to realize how much she has going for her. (((HUGS))) Keep us updated. And just remind her that her brother is watching from above and doesn't want her to follow in his tracks, but to learn from him and grow off of it.
I agree with your DSD, Kate, she is probably better off in the program over the holidays. Holidays are very difficult for anyone with an emotional problem, and almost surely very hard for her because it will be the first Christmas without her brother.
Hugs to you, prayers for all of you.
You're right, God won't give you what you can't handle!!!!! Take one day at a time and let her know she is loved by all of us too!!!
My brother was shot 5 times at point blank over drugs ($300 worth) and survived...barely...
Drugs don't help...they only hurt...I hope she sees that when she gets out!! Things are going to be so tempting for her. It would be nice for her to "get away" after she gets out? See if she can find something that can soothe her and help keep her active in a positive way?
Hugs to you Kathy. I will be praying for you and your family.
Heidi, So sorry to hear about your brother.
I just talked to her on the phone, and she said she is happy to be getting the help she needs. I hope she will continue to feel this way. On Monday it will be 1 year that Josh has passed away so I know its going to a hard time for her then. But at least where she is, there are people who know how to help her deal with this. Please keep her in your daily thoughts and prayers. DH seems to be dealing with this well. He can not wait till Sunday to see her.
When she does get out we have to keep her away from her old so called friends.
The only thing I am having a problem understanding is that she can make phone calls to anyone she wants and she is making calls to a few of the old friends that have been trouble in the past. I would think there should be someway of monitoring who she is calling. I would really like to see her totally get away from all the problem past friends. Maybe she will in time.
Once again thank you for letting me vent here. All your support is so greatly appreciated.
Hugs to you my dear.
I will be praying for you.
I'm a little late reading this post, but I wanted to say I am so sorry for all you have gone through.
I wasn't around last year when this tragedy happened and I can only imagine the grief that you went through.
I really hope that the rehab works and your family starts to feel right again. You are right about her friends though, if she wants to make a change in her life, it has to be a total change. If she gets clean and starts hanging out with the old friends, it will only be a matter of time before bad habits will return. I have gone through this several times with my BIL. He always gets cleaned up, but as soon as he gets home he returns to all his bad habits.
Good luck and I will be praying for you and your family.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kathy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
I can relate - Jules battled drug and alcohol addiction for a number of years. She has been clean and sober for about 6 years. It's important for an addict to recognize the emotional triggers, and therefore, important for them to have a support group and counseling/therapy to help identify them and learn how to cope with them.
It's not an easy road, not just for the addict, but for the family as well. Al Anon has great resources as well as AA. It definitely IS a family affair.
Yes, this Christmas will be sad for you without your DSD and DSS present. But in DSD's case, there is no better option for her right now. Many prayers that she has the strength to get through this. You can email me if you want to talk further about this - we have BTDT, and if nothing else, I truly understand what you're all going through.
(((Kathy))) You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
((((Kathy)))) I'm so happy to hear that your dsd is geting help that she needs. Please find comfort in knowing that she is safe and getting the help she needs to get through this holiday season.
I wish my sister would get help. As of right now nobody has heard from her since the day before Thanksgiving. She is on drugs, homeless and rumor has it selling her self to support her habbits. There are also a couple local gangs after her. Thankfully, she has abandoned her 2 childeren at my parents home. We have tried to help her in the past and she just steals from us, and verbally and physically abuses the members of the family.
Boy you think when you have these problems you are the only one. I am so glad I have momsview, we are from a small town and I really hate to say to much to to many people around here because then the whole town knows your business. I have a few great friends who have been very supportive to our entire family. And that we can trust to talk to.
DH did go to see DSD yesterday and he said she seems well. She has met a few girls there that she can relate to. I probably won't be able to visit her on Sundays because they only allow 2 people a visit and DH and his Ex will go. But that is ok I talk to her on the phone and send letters. She needs her mom and dad right now.
Today will be a hard day for everyone here and also for DSD. It is a year today that DSS passed away.
All of you are so kind and supportive {{{{HUGS}}}} to everyone!
Karen I did email you at bellsouth.
An update on my DSD Steph, she will be getting out of rehab on Thursday. She will be staying with her mom. Which I don't believe is best but what could we do.
Please say a prayer that she will remain on the right track now.
And thanks again for all the support from all of you.
I'll keep her in my prayers. That she was willing to cooperate with the rehab and wants to change is a step in the right direction.
She will be in my thoughts and prayers as well. How did the holidays go without her?
Atleast she can start the new year at home and hopefully recovering well.
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