As many of you know my sister in law and I are not exactly friends. My inlaws came for Thanksgiving. (Hubby's mom and dad). For the most part, they have been trying so we have too.
We exchanged gifts as it was a combination Thanksgiving/christmas celebration. They brought gifts from my sister in law.
My son opened his and it is a Ello set with butterflies, fairies and floral scented beads. Clearly a GIRLS gift. In fact if the girl pictured on the front wasn't a clue the description on the side is: "Girls can build and design endless jungle themed creations from brightly colored environments to people, animals, jungle flowers and even jewelry! Includes new gardenia scented pieces for a sendory jungle experience and two new animals for 2004, zebras and flamingos! Set comes in a reusable box with organization tray inside."
We figure she either
1) regifted a gift her daughter got or
2) bought him a girl gift
We asked the mother in law if it were possible that she bought it for someone else and she stated that it was impossible so the theory of it being tagged wrong is out.
Personally I would be just as happy to not exchange gifts any longer. If I gave her daughter a GI Joe it would hit the fan so I do not think I should say/do nothing about this but...
I am not sure how to approach this?
Help!
Yvonne

By Mrse on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 10:49 am:

I would just leave it alone, unless the sister in law says oh how did he like his gift. Then I would just say, well... he is a little confused because the present looks like it is for a girl, and he is not really into making jewelry. I would not refuse to exchange gifts, over this. It may be teaching your son, to be rude when a present is given to him ( not to say that I the present was appropriate or anything). I have an example, my bil, recieves a present, for whatever occasion, and he always tells the person it is a peice of crap, what am I going to do with that?? and is very rude. It hurts peoples feelings and makes you not want to give him anything at all. I have no idea why she sent that kind of a present wierd to say the least. She could have just put the wrong tag on, one should not assume that it was done intentionaly even though you have serious doubts about it. One thing I have learned in the past little while is don't sweat the small stuff, life is to short, losing two family memebers in a week, makes you take prespective. My personality would be to throttle her, but is it really worth it? Let us know what happened ok?

By Ilovetom on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 10:53 am:

I don't know the whole story, but it sounds a little like she is trying to get a rise out of you. I think leaving it alone would be the way I would go. As hard as that would be for me.

By Fionadeassis on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 10:58 am:

I see that your son is 7, so the gift has to be a mistake(my 4 year old son LOVES the Ello commercial and wants a set-so do I LOL)...

But a 7 year old boy would not think that was cool......

Unless she is very vindictive,it probably was an accident.....it is so easy when you are wrapping a ton of gifts to wrap something thn stare at it and wonder what it is you wrapped...then you try to guess by the shape.......

Or maybe she had seen one and thought it would be really neat to build the animals.......


send it to me and MY son...LOL..........

Even though you and her don't get along.....I hope she wouldn't be mean enough to do something hurtful to your son.........

fiona

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 11:00 am:

I DO believe she is trying to get a rise out of us and the fact it involves my child is what has me wanting to put a stop to it once and for all. This is not the first time she has used my children as pawns in her demented games. I just wish I could put a stop to all contact with her. It is just too stressful and she plays way too many games. The scarey part is she is a guidance counselor at a private school!

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 11:03 am:

This is a scented bead and animal set in pinks and purples so you cannot get much more girl than that. It is to make jewelry!

By Tink on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 11:52 am:

Would it be possible to either send a message through your MIL or by letter or email that suggests just doing a family gift between her family and yours? I'd say something like "Since we obviously don't know much about each other's likes and dislikes (obviously, DUH!) I thought it would be better for us to just exchange a tin of baked goods that the family could share." That way your son isn't disappointed (which I think is particularly evil) and you don't end up looking like a bad guy. Your son isn't learning to be ungrateful and you aren't looking disagreeable or hard to get along with. I would be upset by the gift, too.

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 11:59 am:

TINK
Thank you! You are familiar with my sister in law.
I guess if you do not know my history this would seem like something easy to let go. Sadly this is just another game of hers very likely done on purpose.
I really want to do away with gift exchanges and maybe asking to just do a family gift will be the way to go.
I do want to mention that though my son instantly knew it was a girl gift he still said thank you and put it aside. He did not act ungrateful and it was not even discussed until the inlaws left. My kids have endured so many cruelties from their Aunt that it was just an Aunt thing in their mind. That is what has me so determined to put an end to it.

By Tink on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 12:08 pm:

I do remember what this woman has been doing and don't blame you one bit for wanting to do away with the gift exchange. It is so terrible that she finds it okay to bring your kids into it! I'd be very proud of your ds for showing manners in this kind of situation. I hope you can make this work so that you don't have to be the one that looks awful. I hate the way some people can manipulate a situation so that they look like a victim and she seems like the type to do that. BTW, I wouldn't eat anything she sent, just to be careful!

By Debbie on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 12:09 pm:

I think suggesting a family gift is a great idea. We did this with dh's family. He has 4 brothers and sisters and there are several dks between them. It just got to be too much to buy gifts for everyone. We finally suggested just doing family gifts. Everyone agreed(and I think they were relieved that we suggested it) Now, we make special christmas cookies each year and sometimes we do a blockbuster gift certificate, etc. This has worked out great for us. I would not mention the gift, but just say that Christmas is getting to be just too much and you would like to exchange family gifts from now on. It gets you off the hook without being a bad guy and your son won't be hurt in the future.

By Boxzgrl on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 01:16 pm:

I think Tink has great advice. I really don't have much more to add except maybe if you have a little girl whos christmas gift you have not gotten, that would be perfect. Or donate it to Toys for Tots through the Marine Corps or any donation center. And if your as evil as I can be write her a kind email thanking her for the gift and ler her know that a little girl will really enjoy the gift since you donated it to someone who could use it. lol! If shes how you explain, it would irritate her that she didnt get the rise out of you that she wants.

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 01:27 pm:

I can't believe she would do that. Maybe have your son write a thank you note? Would THAT humble her? Geez...I have no idea what I would do...I would be infuriated!

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 02:54 pm:

On second thought, I would go to her house (if she's fairly close?)or call and approach her by yourself. Ask her if she intended that gift to be for your son. (Of course it was...right?) If not, then it gives her an "out"...whatever her response, she needs to know that it hurt his feelings. She uses kids as pawns..it's just not right and she will continue to do so. She needs to know that you're not putting up with it. The fact that you call her or visit her should speak louder than the words anyway. (When I do this, I usually predict answers that they will come up with. I had to do this with a coworker and it helped to have some responses prepared. She never was vindictive again and it saved me a lot of headaches.) If you call her on it, I'm sure she won't do it again. You are going to see her in the future so this won't go away. I wouldn't wait long though. I would not write an email...they can be forwarded and changed. JMO

By Tunnia on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 03:15 pm:

If she gave the gift with intended spite then I think you have every right to be upset. However, IMO, you should take the high road and not stoop to her petty levels. Your ds should write a thank you note and send it to her family because that is the right thing to do. It should not be hateful at all. It should simply say something like "Dear Uncle and Aunt, Thank you for the Ello set. It was nice of you to remember me at Christmas. DS" This is a good opportunity to teach your child the right way to handle unpleasant situations (people) in his life and also, if it truly was a mistake, then she will have the opportunity to fix it. You really don't want your ds in the middle of a family dispute, do you? That's not fair to him, but if you respond to this gift in a negative way, that's what will probably happen. Tell your ds that they obviously made a mistake with his gift, donate the Ello to a charity (Toys for Tots is a great one) and just let it go, even though you don't want to, for your ds's sake. You'll feel better in the long run knowing that you have not allowed her to pull you into her little game. Then next year, well before it's time to give Christmas gifts, suggest that you not exchange gifts any longer. You don't have to give a reason unless you want to. Oh, and if she ever asks how your ds liked his gift you can honestly tell her that it wasn't his kind of thing and you gave it to charity so that some other child could enjoy it. Good luck!

By Yjja123 on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 03:16 pm:

TINK is right as far as whenever I have pointed out her bad behavior it has somehow been twisted towards me being the bad guy.
We DID donate it to Toys for tots so I can thank her and let her know a little girl will be happy with it.
I just wish there was a way to not have to deal with these issues on a regular basis. I hate having a relative that does these things to instigate fights. Maybe ignoring it is the best route. If she thinks she isn't getting a rise out of us maybe she will stop. I just do not want to be a pushover and feel the need to protect my children from her nonsense. I did take Addison to the store and let him pick out a new game. I told him it wasn't a replacement gift per se but more of a reward for being so well behaved when he received the girl gift.

By Irene on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 04:50 pm:

I agree with the people who say to let it slide.

By Colette on Tuesday, November 30, 2004 - 04:57 pm:

Life is way to short to waste your time or energy on people like this. Stop exchanging gifts with her and basically stop having anything at all to do with them. It took me a while - actually until I had children and saw them getting "dissed"- to see the light. It's much more pleasant exchanging gifts with people you care about and that care about you.