First of all, me and my Dh have been married for a few years and we have a wondeful trusting relationship.

We recently got a babysitter that we both thought would be good, if we went out for the night, for our children. She is not too old, not too young (18yo). She recently started talking to my Dh on msn when she seen his name online, even put to busy or away. We share the same msn just change the personal options to fit either his name or mine. Anyway, she wrote "hey stud" to him and he told me, and was very upset and felt like she was trying to come on to him. Needless to say, he wanted to confront her about it, so we both confronted her face to face about the whole situation and she looked very uneasy and said no I wrote "Hey dad" My husband swears that he read it correctly and it was stud. I have a feeling that the way that she has been acting around him seems like she has a crush on him.

Background about the girl, she has "went out" with men that were 30 years old...(not saying my opinion on that just stating that if she will go out with a 30 year old she will probably go out with a 26 year old, if she likes him) Basically I am saying age doesn't matter to her. I guess I am just wondering if I should call her and tell her she doesn't need to worry about being our babysitter anymore because we have another (which we do) or should I tell her why? She is leaving in January for College and I am thinking if I can just keep peace about it until then, and NOT let her watch the kids, I don't have to worry about it anymore.

I trust my husband and we looked at all of the fonts on msn and none of the looked like they could be easily mistaken, and I have to admit she has been hanging around him alot lately and "going out of her way" to talk to him about stupid stuff

What really bugs me about this is that we were getting real close and I trusted her and I have even let her spend the night here, and now I feel so betrayed that she would even like a married man. This is sort of a vent I guess, but I have never been in this type of situation and I would like to know if I am overreacting. I just don't know how sneaky she is that is why I am going anonymous.

Thanks for any help/advice you can give me.

By Vicki on Saturday, November 27, 2004 - 11:16 am:

Honestly, I don't think you have a problem at all. You simply don't hire her to watch the kids anymore. I don't feel that you owe her any explination at all. If you trust your dh and you feel nothing has ever happened at all between them, than it is done.

By Colette on Saturday, November 27, 2004 - 11:18 am:

I would not let her babysit anymore. If there is even the slightest question in your mind about the character of this girl, or any babysitter then you certainly do not want to leave your children w/her.

By Debbie on Saturday, November 27, 2004 - 11:22 am:

I don't think you are overreacting. I think it is great that your dh came to you. It definitley sounds like she is making him very uncomfortable. Personally, I would just cut all ties with her. I probably wouldn't call and give her any explanation. I would just stop calling her to babysit. If she did call and ask me anything, I would just tell her that the relationship between your family and her just wasn't working out and you decided to use another babysitter. I am sorry that you feel so betrayed. I would just try and put it behind you and be thankful that you have such a wonderful, honest dh.

By Kim on Saturday, November 27, 2004 - 11:47 am:

I agree, don't even call and give her an explanation. I would just hire someone else and not give her a second thought. And block her IM name also. I don't think you need to explain anything to her and when you don't call to use her again I am sure she will know exactly why.

By Tink on Saturday, November 27, 2004 - 12:41 pm:

Ditto everyone else. It sounds like your dh and you have handled this very well so far. If you just stop calling her, I'm sure she will understand why and, if she asks, I think Debbie's answer is perfect. So sorry that you are having to deal with this. {{{Anon}}}

By Anonymous on Saturday, November 27, 2004 - 01:03 pm:

So what if you "had" to see her because you go to the same church? Difficult then, huh?

I need to know how to deal (or not deal) with this, my sister suggested that if she acted normal then just go with it, because she would know that she doesn't have a chance to split us up. Is that good advice?

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, November 27, 2004 - 02:06 pm:

Ditto, ditto. If you "have" to see her, just smle and say hi, as your sister says. If she raises the issue with you, simply tell her that "My husband and I are not comfortable with your behavior towards him, including the email, and jointly decided not to employ you as a sitter."

But, since you've already spoken to her about the email, I would bet 50 cents that she won't raise the issue.

And, if she persists in trying to spend time with your husband, seeking him out to chat at church, for instance, your husband should just walk away and if she says anything, tell her he doesn't approve of her behavior and requests that she treat him as she would treat her father or the pastor.

By Colette on Saturday, November 27, 2004 - 02:09 pm:

I doubt she'll say something to you. She already knows you are both unhappy with her behavior.

By Rayanne on Saturday, November 27, 2004 - 07:55 pm:

I agree with everyone else.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Saturday, November 27, 2004 - 11:08 pm:

I also agree...... You don't have to explain yourself to her. Since you will be seeing her at church, I would just treat her as I would anyone else at church. If she speaks speak. If she nods nod. But don't make an issue where there doesn't need to be. I wouldn't approach her with an explanation. "We will no longer using you because...." You are the parents. If you choose to use someone else to watch your children then that is your right and no concern of hers.. She has over stepped herself. And EVEN if your husband was mistaken (I doubt he was) he is uncomfortable with her. Enough said.....

By Amy~moderator on Sunday, November 28, 2004 - 07:13 am:

I agree with Bobbie. What a situation! I applaud your dh for coming to you about this. You seem to have a wonderful husband!

By Feona on Sunday, November 28, 2004 - 08:39 am:

This really is a non issue in your life. Your husband thought it was important enough to talk to you. Who cares about the girl? Let her grow up on her own time.