How did you or how will you...
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive November 2004:
How did you or how will you...
handle the situation of..."Mom there is no such thing as Santa!"!! When my DS who is 10 said this to me tonight I was overwelmed!! I didn't know what to say! Still speechless.
I have gone through this before with my older DS but seems so long ago. Don't even remember what I said at the time!
I said to DS believe what you want to believe...I was stuck for words.
I guess they grow to quick!!!
Just today I sat with a 10 year old client who is a foster child. Her temporary foster mom told her that her previous mother was a "liar" for pretending there was a Santa. I was overwhelmed with the pain in her eyes as she asked me what I thought. Because I knew that she would be spending Christmas with a family that celebrates Santa, this is what I told her:
First...you cannot believe everything someone else tells you. There will always be people out there that question your beliefs or tell you your beliefs are wrong.
Second...hundreds of years ago there was a man named Nicholas who was extremely generous and dedicated his life to providing for others. He was so kind that he was soon called St. Nick. As the years passed, he became a legend. Eventually, he became known as Santa Claus. But obviously no one can be hundreds of years old, and no one could possible deliver gifts to billions of children in one night. So...millions of helpers have helped Santa over the years so that his legend can live forever. Some of these people ring bells for Salvation Army, some of them visit hospitals and some of them deliver gifts on Christmas Eve to boys and girls who still believe in Santa. For as long as you believe, your personal "Santa" will bring you gifts. When you stop believing, he will go on to other children who do believe.
Laura - it's been awhile!!!! HOW are you?!?!
I have this poem saved for when the time comes...
A Child's Wonder
by: Author Unknown, Source Unknown
"Daddy", he said, his eyes full of tears,
"will you talk to me and quiet my fears?
Those bad boys at school are spreading a lie
'bout the impossibility of reindeer that fly.
There's no Santa Claus, they say with a grin
there's not one now, and there never has been.
How can one man take all of those toys
to thousands of girls and boys?
But I told them Daddy, that they were not right,
that I would come home and find out tonight.
Mamma said wait until you come home.
Please tell me now that I was not wrong."
His Daddy looked at his questioning face
and puffed his pipe while his frantic mind raced.
He had put this off as long as he could,
he had to think fast and it better be good.
Whispering a prayer, he began with a smile,
"well climb on my lap, dear, let's talk awhile."
"Remember at church how we learned to pray,
asking God to take care of us each day?
And you know how we say grace before each meal?
To this same God whom we know to be real.
Though we never see him, we know he is there
watching his children with such loving care."
"God started Christmas a long time ago
when he gave us His son to love and to know.
A spirit of giving came with that birth,
and God's generosity filled the whole earth.
Man had to name this spirit of giving
just as he names all things that are living."
"The name Santa Claus came to someone's mind
probably the best name of any to find.
There is, you can see, and I think quite clear
Truly a Santa who visits each year.
A spirit like God, whom we never see,
he enters the hearts of your mother and me."
"Each year at Christmas for one special night
we become him and make everything right.
But the real spirit of Christmas is in you and in me
and I hope you are old enough now to see
that as we believe and continue to give,
our friend Santa Claus will continue to live."
This is so beautiful, I think I'll print this thread and save it for when my son is old enough to question Santa Claus.
I have several family members who are "born again" christian and homechurch as well as homeschool. We will be spending Thanksgiving at their house, and Christmas at my house. They do not "do" the Santa Claus thing. I don't want my 5 and 9 year old nieces spoiling Santa for my almost three year old son.
Do I ask her parents to warn them not to tell Randy that there is no Santa? Or will that just set off a huge family conflict that I don't want at holiday time?
Ame
Great explanation. I said some similar things when I was faced with that particular discussion with mine. I pretty much told them that Santa was the *spirit* of Christmas, and then went on into pretty much what Laura says.
It's bittersweet when they stop believing. Jules said a couple years ago she wasn't going to do the Santa thing with Madison, but she has, so we will be faced with that with her, and mostly likely *I* will be the one who is asked.
Laura, I'd love to *chat* with you about my granddaughter - I could really use some of your excellent advice! LOL
I know you have a busy, full life, but please, try to check in when you can. I know some of us old-timers miss you!!!
LOL, Trina, mine is sitting in the file cabinet waiting for Kyle. The older two read it also!
Nicholas 10(tomorrow) and Alexander (7) are asking me and i told them to believe if they wanted and that i believed = ) and as far as i knew if you didn't believe you don't get presents = ) then nick says well cousin David doesn't believe and he still gets stuff i'm like well i don't know lol = ) I know this will probably be his last year and well probably alex's too = ( and i will cry i am just typing this out lol = )
We never really told my girls that Santa brings them toys at Christmas. When they see a picture of Santa they say "Santa" but they don't think he brings them their gifts. I don't have anything against telling them but we just never did. My girls get just as excited about Christmas with or without Santa Clause because they know they are getting new toys.
Ame, yes, I'd definitely speak with your relatives to ask them to please refrain from spoiling Santa for your son. In my opinion, a true Christian isn't going to ignore your traditions and want to hurt you or your son. Some Christian kids aren't nice and love to tell others there is no Santa. Others are kind and have awesome parents who have explained that while their family won't be celebrating Santa or the Easter bunny or whatever, other families like this tradition and hold it dear and you must not ruin it for them. You don't win people to Christ by claiming to be Christian and then acting in a way that turns people off and offends them. This is your house and your son and they're your relatives. I would imagine this shouldn't be a problem, especially if you tell them you respect their decision to not celebrate the secular aspect of Christmas, but you DO celebrate Santa and wish to keep that alive for your son. Many, many Christians, myself included, embrace the fun, innocent secular aspects of a holiday, as well as the true Christian meaning of it. It's okay to have Jesus AND Santa, and I'm sure your relatives will see it that way, too.
I told my boys what my parents told me when I asked them if Santa was real.
They asked me if I thought all parents had enough money to buy toys for their children. I was a city kid, and I knew poor people. They asked me if I ever wondered how those children always seemed to get at least some gifts at Christmas. Up until then I'd figured Santa did it. Then they told me that long ago, when Santa started, he personally gave gifts to every boy and girl. But the world was smaller then, and there were fewer children. Then as the population got so large, he began to need help. He asked the parents who were able, to become his helpers.
Mom and Dad said that yes, they bought my gifts. Dad had a good job, and we were lucky, but Santa took care of all the children who weren't that lucky. Sometimes he even asked kids to help him, and share with the poorer children in the world.
I asked if he would ever ask me, and they told me that when any little boy or girl asked about this, Santa wanted their parents to help them become his helpers too. That year and for many years after, I saved part of my allowance, and bought a gift for a kid who lived in the children's home nearby.
I knew it must have been a good talk....I used it for my boys and......I still believe in Santa.
Trina that is great I am going to let DS read it today. It is just a bitter sweet moment when they do stop believing Well I still have Alissa who is only 4 to have fun with
And Bea I still believe
I regret ever doing the Santa thing with my son. When he found out the truth - at school in 1st grade - he was *very angry* that I had been lying to him. I talked about the whole spirit of Christmas stuff but he wasn't buying it.
What confused him even more were there were kids who said *their* parents said if you didn't believe in Santa then you don't get presents. So these kids were believing in Santa bec their parents scared them to death by saying they didn't get presents if they didn't believe. They put the fear of Santa in them. I think that we're getting away from the tradition when we tell kids that you have to believe in something that doesn't exist or bad things will happen. I had to tell my son that those other kids' parents were wrong. There is no Santa who comes in the night and delivers presents to kids who believe in Santa and not to kids who don't believe. I mean, the whole thing, got totally out of hand. It's a perfect example of how one lie leads to another. I told my son most likely these parents put the fear of Santa into their older kids bec they didn't want the older kids to "ruin" it for the younger kids. And I told him it was very important for *some* parents to have their kids believe in Santa as long as possible bec they thought it was fun or for the tradition of it all.
My son only sees it as a conspiracy.
A neighbor (kids are 11 and 7) told me recently that last year her kids told her that my child told her kids that there was no Santa. She said she told her kids my son was wrong and was a bad child and should get coal for presents. These kids are friends with my son and their mom is telling them my son is a Bad Child when in reality my son is right?? Then she said she realized she was going to have to tell the older one and a couple of months after that conversation she went to her older child and said my son was right about the whole Santa thing. Well, yea...
Thank goodness my son is 10 now and all of his peers know now (and at his new school there are a lot of Jewish kids which helps the whole thing anyway). If I had it to do over again I wouldn't push the Santa lie. I should have known when my son was a toddler and refused to get anywhere near a Santa in a mall or anything and he's never had a picture taken with one bec he simply said the whole thing is weird.
I have to disagree that I think it is a lie. Santa- or Saint Nicolas WAS a real person. I teach my kids to believe in the spirit of Christmas- the whole giving thing. Whether they believe in a fantastical Santa or know it's their own parents doing the giving- it's still just that- giving. My seven year old was horribly distraught last year when a Jewish friend told him Santa was not real. I explained that if you are Jewish, you do not believe in Jesus and therefore don't celebrate Christmas. If you don't celebrate Christmas, it is true that "Santa" does not visit your house.
I just have a huge issue with people calling it a lie. We celebrate Christmas because it is a religious holiday. And Santa is part of that story....
My older 3 dss never made it an issue. They are 23,21,19 now. Never seemed to phase them one way or the other. They were always so excited about Christmas. And they never seemed to bothered by SC being real or not.
DD who will be 4 in Jan is absolutely terrified of SC. She will NOT talk to him or even go near him. Last Christmas she would not go to sleep without me promising to lock the hallway door and would not get out of her bed Christmas morning until dh went to make sure Santa was gone. We've got the nicest, realest looking Santas at the mall and in town. She has NEVER had a picture made with Santa. So we have started playing down the whole thing anyway with her.
We have always gone with the spirit of Christmas story. Our family take part in various programs such as Toys for tots. The kids understand they are playing "santa" to people less fortunate then them. We have stressed that being Santa means to be generous and giving. My son caught on early that we provided the gifts. He knew because he noticed good kids (poor kids) were not getting the gifts they wanted. Last year he begged to be secret santa to our neighbors because the dad had lost his job. We let him plan it all out and afterwards he said "he finally got christmas".
I do not think believing in santa is a lie. I just think it needs to be presented as the spirit of christmas rather than the man in red.
That's kind of the direction we are going with dd since she is so terrified with the big red suited guy. She's only 3 but I hate for her to be so scared of him and worry about him being in her house.
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