I am in a position that I am in classrooms in our local elementary school for blocks of time. Yesterday I was in a 4th grade classroom for a 45 minute block and the entire time I was there a girl in the class was "gratifying" herself on the edge of her chair while the entire class and 3 other adults were in the room. There is no doubt in my mind that that is indeed what she was doing. She does it in a way that she continues to do her work and goes unnoticed (I assume because none of the teachers even looked her way.) I am not sure if I should assume that nobody has noticed this and maybe I should make a school official (teacher, nurse, principal) aware of the situation or if I should just mind my own business. How would you handle this very sensitive situation??

By Hdelfuego on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 07:49 am:

I would mention it to the counselor, not that it's that big of deal, especially for kids, but she does need to know it's not okay to do it there. I wouldn't mention it to her teacher bc she might look at her differently or even treat her different. Just realize it's normal human behavior IMHO...not in a public place though!
Good luck

By Kaye on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 07:50 am:

I would call the teacher aside, next time you see it and say, hey did you notice that so and so seems to be using her desk inappropriately? Is she special needs, children with downs typically do this. Also 4th grade seems young, but with special needs children they tend to develop a bit faster physically.

By Rayanne on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 07:55 am:

I agree with Holly, go to a counselor. Don't talk to the teacher about it.

By Colette on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 07:55 am:

I work with a lot of young autistic children and this is a common behavior for a few of them. It is usually done for comfort if the child is feeling anxious. This probably was not the first time she has done it. Usually we try not to make to big a deal about it and tell the child to put their hands in their lap (it usually happens at circle time). I would probably let it go. The teacher is most likely aware of it.

By Anonymous on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 08:00 am:

It is an inclusion classroom but she is not one of children in class with special needs.

By Marcia on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 09:11 am:

Actually, this typical behaviour for all kids, not just kids with special needs, and not just kids who are reaching puberty. It's very common in very small children.
I would just whisper to the child that it isn't something that should be done at school. She shouldn't be made to feel ashamed or dirty for doing it, but should know that she can't do it at school, or any other public place. She might be doing it without even realizing it.
The more people that are called into it, the worse the poor kid will feel.

By Sue3 on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 09:25 am:

Yes,I agree with Marcia.The more people that are called into it the worse she will feel.

By Colette on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 09:33 am:

I don't think you should speak to the student about this. If you feel you need to say something to someone then go to the teacher or the counselor but definately not the child let the school employee do that. The child could then go home and tell her parents you spoke to her about this, the parents will then go to the school very upset about this and it could become a big HUGE mess. They may even ask you to stop volunteering.

advice from someone who saw this kind of situation happen at my school a few years ago. A parent in a classroom I was the aide in, said something to a student in the classroom and the child told his parents. The parents came into school, the mother was asked to not volunteer anymore and the teacher got in HUGE trouble because it should have been her not the parent speaking to the child.

By Kaye on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 10:11 am:

It is NOT your place to speak to the student about a sensitive matter. I would bring it quietly to the teachers attention and let it go. It isn't a big deal and yes kids do it all the time, typically not in a public setting in 4th grade. You know if it was a boy who was stroking himself or even rubbing up against something I don't think you would have thought twice about telling him to stop, or asking the teacher to say something. When it is girls I think we tend to think it is "dirtier" than it is. A lot of kids have self stimulating behaviors, sometimes they are sexual, sometimes not. (one of my sons rubs his ears) But the sexual ones are not okay in school. I wouldn't make a big deal of it at all, and at this point I might even let it go, if you are in the classroom and you see it happening again, you might just walk up to the teacher and say sally seems to be a little too friendly with her desk, should I ask her to stop? When I was student teaching I had a child in my class that sat on her foot and rubbed up against it, I wasn't in the classroom 5 minutes before the lead teacher said, let me tell you about this and what the appropriate way to handle it is. For my student it was to walk over to her and say, both feet need to stay on the ground, that is the proper way to sit in a desk. My long story is just that your teacher is probably aware and will tell you what to do or not to, and if she is not, she needs to be.

By Lauram on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 01:17 pm:

Totally common. I'm SURE the teacher is aware. I would let it go.

By Vicki on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 01:21 pm:

I am guessing that if you noticed it that quickly, the teacher would either have to be aware of it or be blind. Did the children around her seem to notice? At most, I would mention it to the teacher. I agree that you should not say anything to the child directly.

By Marcia on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 01:33 pm:

I was assuming that the anon is not a volunteer, but someone working within the school within different classrooms.

By Vicki on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 02:05 pm:

But she referred to letting a school official know about it, which leads me to believe that she is not an official school employee.

By Anonymous on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 03:46 pm:

I am a part-time district employee. When I saw what was happening, I was in the employee capacity.

I would never say anything to the child directly as I don't have an ongoing relationship with her. I may wait until I am in the class again and see what happens then. If/when I see it again I may make a very casual statement to another adult in the room when it is happening so that someone else can see it happening and it's not just my word.

To be honest, my concern was that she was doing it in a public place and I fear what her classmates might do or say to her. Those classmates around her didn't seem to be aware of what she was doing. If they were, they didn't react to it from what I could see.

I am glad I posted here to get other opinions so that I could wait and think about it for a while.

By Colette on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 03:48 pm:

Sorry I misread your post, I thought you were a volunteer.

It sounds like you've come up with a good solution.

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, November 6, 2004 - 09:02 am:

It IS common for young kids to do this when they are feeling stressed or anxious. And your plan sounds like a good one.

You definitely don't want to make the child feel *dirty*, but she needs to know this is something that should be done *in private*, and the classroom isn't the appropriate place for it. And I'm sure if the other kids see her doing it, they might tease her unmercifully. Imagine the emotional scars from that.