I used to love cooking, now I have kids. One wont eat kidney beans, one wont eat tomatos, one wont eat olives, one wont eat sour cream. One likes 1000 island, 2 like Italian, 1 hates salad dressing. Two hate pork, two wont eat baked potato. 3 like hawaian pizza, one cant stand it, will only eat combos or peperoni. One doesnt like spagetti, one doesnt like hotdogs, bologna, or keilbasa (the one that will only eat the pepperoni pizza). Two will only eat eggs scrambled, two like them sunnyside over. OK get the drift?

So I make stuff that everyone will eat which only makes me crazy. If I make stuff only half will eat then the other half doesnt eat it. Not that they get something else or that they complain or anything. I just like to be able to feed them all the same thing and actually have them eat.

Then there is the dh, his hours are strange and I really never know if he is going to be home and if he will eat whatever I came up with. If he doesnt like it he will go get something else from the store or hit fast food on the way home. Argh.....

Once again I am having a showdown w/ the fridge trying to figure out what in heck I can feed them that I have the ingredients for and that I havent made 1000 times b4. And is delicious and nutricous..... Blah....

By Emily7 on Thursday, November 4, 2004 - 06:25 pm:

My Mom had a theory...if she puts it on the table you will eat it, if you don't there will be no snacking later.
My sister has the same problem you do, funny thing is they don't argue at my moms house about the food.

By Tink on Thursday, November 4, 2004 - 06:31 pm:

I completely understand. I don't offer any alternatives if they don't like something and usually my dks will wait until the next meal to eat. I know they aren't starving but it sure would be nice for everyone to sit down at the table and eat together. It really shouldn't be too much to ask. I don't have any advice, just sympathy. I have found that if I make something out of the ordinary every once in a while, sometimes they surprise me and it becomes a new regular. So I guess my one piece of advice is mix it up a little. If someone isn't going to like it anyway, you might as well make something you might like.

By Kaye on Thursday, November 4, 2004 - 06:39 pm:

I completely understand! You want everyone to bed fed healthy food, but there just isn't a consensus for what to eat. I do the one meal, you eat it or you don't thing, or at least I used to..lol. I don't get complaints, I just get 2 of 3 kids who don't eat. Well this worked for me mostly, until one of my kids lost 6 pounds and we are under dr orders to feed that kid whatever whenever. Oh FUN. NOT! Anyway, my kids aren't bad eaters, they just know what they like and I am tired of all those things. Their menu would be as follows, tacos, baked chicken, shrimp, hamburgers and pizza. They could eat this every week. Again, not bad choices, but I do enjoy other foods and I do hate to cook two meals!

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, November 4, 2004 - 06:40 pm:

Ditto Emily...... you cook one meal, and that is *it*. All families have picky eaters, and even if they aren't picky, they all have individual likes and dislikes. And I do know what you're going through, I raised 4 kids and my story about their food likes is very similar to yours.

IMO, cooking exactly what each one likes at each meal doesn't encourage them to try different things, and it makes it that much easier for them to continue doing the same thing. AND, it's much more work and worry for you. Personally, I'd never even consider cooking more than one *dinner* a night. I hate to cook to begin with, and the way I figure it is, I earned the money that bought it, I shopped for it, I planned the meal, I cooked it. You eat it - or not. Your choice. *This* is dinner, you don't want it, you can satisfy your hungry tummy at breakfast.

By Missmudd on Thursday, November 4, 2004 - 07:21 pm:

The deal is that I dont fix everybody what they want, and I do only cook one meal. I just try not to cook stuff they dont want. When you have 4 that is pretty hard to do. Last night I made taco salad. How hard could that be right? Look at the top lol... So I made everyones taco salad w/ and w/out the toppings they wanted. (No I wont let them do it themselves because they are guys and I dont care if they do tell me their hands are washed ) Then I made the fatal mistake of putting ranch dressing on a non ranch dressing kid, who by the way liked it last month.... He ended up not eating and I ended up responding in a way that I wasn't particularly proud of, then DH who said he was going to be home at 6 didnt show up until almost 7. So I ate w/out him which made me even crankier. Vent vent vent. I want to trade houses w/ someone for dinner, or even better just have someone figure out what the heck I am supposed to cook. I tried having my 15 yo ds start cooking but when he almost sliced off his thumb w/ the potato peeler (and how he did that????) I gave up hope.

By Andi on Thursday, November 4, 2004 - 08:17 pm:

I cook one thing for dinner if DS (who's almost 4) won't eat it then he has to sit there until we are done eating and there are no snacks later that nght.

By Trina~moderator on Thursday, November 4, 2004 - 09:39 pm:

I only cook one meal. If the kids choose not to eat it they have two options: 1) Don't eat, or 2) Make their own sandwich totally on their own.

Sometimes reverse psychology works. *EG* For example, tonight we had chicken. DD usually turns her nose up at it, so I decided to try a different approach. I served everyone but DD chicken. She had a puzzled look on her face. I said casually, "Oh, you don't like chicken so I didn't give you any." Then I sat down and started to eat. She looked at my plate then asked, "Um Mom, can I taste your chicken??" I said, "Sure," and gave her a tiny piece. She ate it and said, "May I please have my own chicken?!" LOL! My plan worked!

By Tink on Thursday, November 4, 2004 - 09:57 pm:

Woohoo, Trina! For some reason, I never thought of that. I'll have to try that next time. There are plenty of times that I know they would like it, if they just gave it a chance.

By My2cuties on Thursday, November 4, 2004 - 10:15 pm:

lol trina that's great! I am too soft if dd doesn't like something I fix something else I guess I think she will starve or something...lol. I don't have much of a problem though (for now), she really eats good except for veggies...now any advice for getting them to try veggies would be some interesting advice.

What about spagetti, do they all like noodles? I have no idea I am sure it is hard to fix a meal for 4 kids, I think I will stop with 3 kids..lol Good Luck finding something.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 06:17 am:

Kristen, I hate to say it, but you created this situation with your d(and that doesn't stand for "dear")k - probably with a lot of help from your dh, as you describe the situation. And now you are going to have to solve it.

I agree - one meal. Preferably something they will all eat. And if they don't like it they can make sandwiches or wait until the next meal. As for dh, maybe you and he can have a long talk about how his habit of going out to the store or fast food if he doesn't like what you fix is only reinforcing this terribly bad behavior your children have gotten into. If he will discuss this reasonably, maybe you can come up with a scenario where what you fix is something he will eat (even if it isn't his favorite), develop a list of what he will eat and what the kids can stand, and then the two of you make a joint announcement that you are going to start the program of one meal and if you don't like it fix a sandwich - and that includes dad. But this is something the two of you are going to have to make a joint program. If he doesn't go along with it, then you can only try to enforce it for the kids yourself.

As for their complaining, seems to me that once they are given a choice of what mom fixed or sandwiches, any complainers are told to get out of the room and go somewhere else until you are through complaining. They are NOT treating you with the respect a mother deserves - they are treating you like a short order cook or a servant. NOT GOOD for their future attitudes towards women in general, and they are due for big shocks when they find the rest of the world isn't as accomodating.

For what it's worth, I was a very strict parent and my three sons tried to battle with me about it a lot, especially in their teen years. I didn't battle back, much - it was mostly "I'm the adult, and if you don't like it you can change it when you pay the bills". Eventually, of course, as they became adults they all moved out. And they all came back at some point and said, in effect, I'm glad you were strict because your insistance on behavior taught me how to behave in the real world - my friends who had softer moms don't know how to behave and it works against them. And the son who tried to battle with me the most and was the first to move out was the first to come and say this to me in almost those words.

By Kittycat_26 on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 08:31 am:

We always had the rule that you ate what was on the table or you could make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That was it.

I'm working on the same thing with Timmy. Does he always eat? NO! But he's not going to starve either. He'll eat when he's hungry.

By Colette on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 08:38 am:

I have one vegetarian and my other two dks. I usually make a few big vegetarian dishes - chili, lasagna, vegetable pie etc. - so that if I am cooking something that I know she won't touch she can have that. Or I can give her a serving of the vegetarian stuff w/some of the sides the other two are having. With my other two, I make one meal and always have at least one thing they like on the plate. They will also eat the vegetarian stuff.

My dh works late, so we eat later, without the kids. He cooks it though.

By Boxzgrl on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 08:42 am:

I agree with everyone else, one meal thats it!!! I dont have these worries yet since I have 1 DD and shes not old enough to be picky yet but even if my DH doesn't *like* what I make (which is very rare) he will eat every bit of it and tell me it was great. Start making out weekly dinner plans so everyone knows ahead of time whats going to be fed to them and maybe even give the kids one day each to pick out what they want for dinner, and EVERYONE has to eat it.

Good luck!

By Conni on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 09:19 am:

We cook one meal here too. I have 3 boys at home and they eat what I fix or they can fix themself a peanut butter sandwich on there own. (similar to what Trina does) I have 2 boys that did not like rice that will now ask for seconds on rice. LOL

My sisters kids pulled what your kids pull. Let me tell you when they came to visit me I didnt think it was very nice how they acted about food. They learned real quick at my house that you eat whats served or you get a sandwich. And we have WHEAT bread not WHITE-- they didnt like that either. LOL

My kids will eat at other peoples houses and I hear from them they are always trying new things when at friends houses and they like it! I get compliments on them all the time.

Another thing-- my sil has kids like this. She always makes each of them their *favoroite* or what they like. Its ridiculous. She called me one time before we visited her house and asked what MY KIDS like to eat (what are their favorites she kept asking). I thought HOW RIDICULOUS. My kids eat whatever is fixed for them or they eat a sandwich, duh. LOL I would never expect someone else to plan a menu for 20 people around my 3 KIDS??? Or plan their shopping list around them. That just didnt sound right to me.

I am going anon as I now have family reading on the board. And I dont want to hurt feelings.

By Conni on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 09:20 am:

uhhhhh....oops... LOL!!!

By Missmudd on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 12:46 pm:

OK maybe I wasnt perfectly clear, they can eat it or not, there are no options. I dont even let them fix a sandwich unless they ate their dinner. I just would love everyone to eat what I cook. And I would serve everyone *exactly* the same thing except it just makes me nuts seeing the tomato olive sour cream casualties at the sides of the plates, not to mention *them picking at their food* And as far as my DH goes, hes on his own. And I hate being constricted by what everyone will eat, I dont feel like cooking stuff that only I will eat and the rest just sits. Or knowing that what I will prepare will not be eaten by half of the population, at that point why bother?

By Missmudd on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 01:02 pm:

Oh and no one complains they just dont eat it, so it sits in the fridge because no one would eat it the first time around so why would anyone want it the second time around.

By Melanie on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 01:18 pm:

I completely agree with the way you handle dinner (they can choose to eat it or go hungry), but I do think you need to just give up on the notion of trying to please them all. Cook what you will. If it's easy to modify for individual tastes, do that. My kids, for example, do not like spicy food, so before adding spicy things, I have no problem separating out a portion that won't be spiced up. Why bother cooking meals only you (and hopefully dh, even though it may mean reheating the meal later) will eat? Because that's just the way it is. Your expectations of everyone liking the meals is just too high. LOL. Cut recipes down if you are concerned about waste. Your kids may actually surprise you. I've cooked meals that I didn't expect my kids to eat and I often get the comment of well, it's not my favorite, but it's okay. Translated that means that if they had a choice they wouldn't eat that, but since they are hungry they were willing to try. As your kids grow, their tastes will change. But only if they are exposed to a variety of things. I have one child who will eat almost any meal...so long as he adds ketchup to it. No problem. And he can add ketchup to it again on leftover night. LOL. (He even dips his broccoli in ketchup! Eww!) Make cooking fun again. Another thing to try is to have your kids sit down with a cookbook and let them pick a new recipe to try and then have them help cook it. We've had some great meals that way with recipes that otherwise might not have grabbed my attention! Stop planning meals based on what you know they will like and start planning meals based on what you think will make a nice meal. Cooking the same things over and over gets old fast.

By Fraggle on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 02:00 pm:

Whenever I am in a cooking rut, it usually means it is time for some new recipes. Go buy a new cookbook or get a cooking magazine or search online. Then go grocery shopping and get the items you need for the recipes. I get frustrated sometimes if I look in the fridge and realize that I don't have this or that for a certain meal I want to make. Good Luck.

By Bea on Friday, November 5, 2004 - 05:00 pm:

I wouldn't cater to all those tastes. Cook a good meal and put it on the table. Everyone MUST take a little of everything. Clean plates or no dessert or snacks.

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, November 6, 2004 - 08:59 am:

I agree with trying everything, but I disagree with insisting on clean plates. It's been proven that in households (mostly *way back in the 50's or so) where cleaning your plate was mandatory, overeating disroders were *born*. I've known a number of people who were raised that way - and they carried it through to adulthood - they felt they had to eat every last crumb on their plate because it was so ingrained in them, and they would finish huge portions of food even though they were not hungry. Result - obesity. And it was hard, if not impossible to break that habit.

So, while I would never have planned my menu around various, specific likes and dislikes of an entire family, I would insist - at least when they are young - that they at least try everything and eat until they felt *full* - or go in the kitchen themselves and make that PB&J or whatever. But I'd never insist on cleaning the plate.

We all have horrific memories of my X insisting that Jules eat green peas, no matter what. It was clear she never liked them, period. I remember one night when my X forced her to sit at the table for hours with a plate of cold green peas in front of her. She physically gagged when she put the fork of peas into her mouth. IMO, it was bordering on abuse. Kitchen was cleaned, everything put away, Jason was done with his bath and homework and Jules was still sitting at the table facing those green peas, with tears streaming down her 11 y/o face. I finally picked up the plate and tossed the peas in the trash, gave her a hug and sent her to bed. There was no winning that battle, which had become a battle of wits by that time. I totally disagree with making a child clean their plate.

Like someone else who posted above, I'll also say tastes change as they grow. All 4 of mine are living proof.

Bottom line - I believe you should prepare and serve ONE balanced meal. Some will like it, some won't. I see nothing wrong with holding a certain portion aside and seasoning it differently if kids don't like *spicy*, as long as you're not cooking 2 different meals. Encourage them to at least try what they don't like, let them all eat till they are satisfied, if the picky eaters won't eat it, let them make themselves a sandwich. And trust me - no kid ever perished from eating a PB&J for dinner. You don't eat your dinner, you don't get dessert. But you have to draw a line somewhere and have some enforced rules at dinnertime.

It will benefit your picky eaters and save you a lot of grief and stress.

Oh - and I agree that you should extend these practices to your DH. His going out for fast food or whatever is only making your situation worse.