I have 5 kids and I chose to be a SAHM and really I wouldn't change that because I know that is what is best for our family but lately I just been feeling very "off". I haven't been motivated to clean my house, take the kids to do fun things or make any attempts to interact with other people beyond my immediate family. Yesterday we were out as a whole family (dh included) and I ran into someone that I used to work with about 8 years ago. I actually tried to "hide" from her and would have been successful if she hadn't have seen dh and asked where I was. How awful is that??? At one point when we worked together we were friends and I have no reason why I shouldn't want to talk to her...she is a nice person and always has been but I was ashamed for her to see me. I am about 50 pounds heavier than I was when we worked together so that always bothers me when I run into people who knew me when I was thinner plus I don't feel like I have anything to contribute to conversations anymore unless of course the conversation is about Dora the Explorer or carpooling to school or dance. She and her dh started their own business and she quit her job about a year ago to run this business.....I thought about what I do with my time and I was disgusted with myself. My house is always a mess, I am a bad cook, my laundry is almost as tall as my youngest child and I don't feel like I am doing anything good for my kids...I am just making it through each day. I don't want to continue on like this but for me anyway there seems to be a big difference between knowing that I need to change something and actually being able to do it. Dh tells me to snap out of it and get up and clean the house if it is dirty and take the kids to the park to play etc if I don't think they are getting to do fun things but it just isn't that easy. Does anyone else know what I mean, how I feel?

By Eve on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 11:25 am:

I can relate a lot to what you are saying. I think every Mom can. It's a tough job, and also not always recognized as a "real" job. I can't think of anything more challenging that helping a child grow into a strong, useful human being.

I have recently suffered from a period of depression. I was feeling the same as you. I just couldn't seem to keep anything together. It was difficult to get dinner made and housework done. I was feeling some real physical effects of the depression. I've been on meds now for a few weeks and I feel much better; more myself. It couldn't hurt to talk to your Dr. and make sure there is not something physically going on that's making it difficult for you to feel good. Especially since you say you are feeling "off." Trust your instints.

((HUGS)) I know it's not easy.

By Tink on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 11:34 am:

I agree with Eve. This is always a sign that I am feeling depressed and overwhelmed. Everything takes so much more effort than it should. I know something needs to change but I just can't seem to get off my behind and do it.

That said, I don't know what part of the country you are in but here it is starting to get gloomy and the weather is starting to make me slow down and just want to be cuddled up on the couch. Whatever the problem is, I hope you find something to help. Lots of hugs!

By Emily7 on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 11:40 am:

Eve & Cori are both right.

I go through spurts like you described, especially this time of year.

By Missmudd on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 11:43 am:

I'm a sahm mom w/ 4 and BTdoingT. It is a hard job. We know that we are doing the right thing but we really dont have much to say other than this one poked that one in the eye w/ a crayon. I actually bet my 15 yo ds a dollar this morning on whether it was maisy or miffy who was the bunny. Try to find something that you can do that will get you out of the house, even for an hour a week where you talk w/ big folk. Join the reading group at the library, see if there is a womans group at your church. I know when I have too much mom time and then get w/ big people *I cant shut up* because I need adult conversation. Seeing your doc may help especially if it feels more like never ending instead of just right now. And if I really cant get my stuff together and get the housework done, I invite company, that way I *have* to get the bathrooms clean and the kitchen presentable. GL

By Happynerdmom on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 11:48 am:

(((hugs))) I agree with Eve that you should see your doctor to discuss depression.
Aside from that, I also think it is a very common feeling, especially with SAHM's. Do you feel like you have "lost" yourself? Do you feel like you spend every waking hour taking care of everyone else, and no one takes care of you? BTDT! Especially when the kids are small. I don't know how old your kids are, but it gets much better as they get older and you have more time for yourself. Just remember who you are, besides so-and-so's mom, or so-and-so's wife. You need to take some time for yourself. What do you enjoy? What are you good at? When was the last time you and dh had a date?
On a practical note, housework can get overwhelming. Just the thought of getting it all done can paralyze you into doing none of it. Just do 15 min. at a time, or even 5 min. in each room, giving yourself permission to not get it all done in a day. (I know some will go screaming into the night if I mention Flylady, LOL, but it really did help me! )
Hang in there, you are not alone. (((more hugs)))

By Palmbchprincess on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 11:56 am:

I feel the same way sometimes. It's normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes. I haven't got any advice other than it usually passes quickly, but hang in there!!!

By Boxzgrl on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 12:17 pm:

I go through these stages as well. After I start feeling really uncomfortable in my own house because of the filth I get back on track. Or if DH helps with something as little as dishes or laundry then I dont feel so overwhelmed. (((HUGS))) This too shall pass.

By Bellajoe on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 03:59 pm:

I also go through these stages, especially once the weather starts getting gloomy.

Don't feel bad about hiding from your old coworker. I feel bad saying this, but i do that a lot. If i am at the mall and see someone that maybe i should say hi to, i look the other way and try not to be noticed. I just don't feel like making conversation. Because of exactly like you said, i don't feel like i have much intelligent things to add to a conversation unless it has to do with kids.

You'll get back on track. One morning you will wake up and feel like doing something. Or else you will just get bored out of your mind. If it doesn't pass though, i would see a dr. maybe they can help. (((HUGS)))

By Dana on Friday, October 29, 2004 - 07:51 pm:

Many hugs and understanding exactly how you feel...and I only have one child and husband to deal with. I find if I just fight that feeling and force myself to clean the bathroom or kitchen I start to feel better. If I just force myself to get in the car and go to the park w/ DD or take that time to be alone or even make a date to chat with a friend I feel a bit better. It takes time. That type of depression and overwhelming feeling can eat you up and spiral you into more unhappiness. Take charge of it and deny it access to you by doing exactly what you are dreading the most. Then you will see it wasn't as difficult as your mind was telling you.

As mentioned by others, there have been times when I was on meds as well. There is a time and place for that too. But first just make that first move to do something you are putting off. You will feel better (even if only for a short while), and don't let it keep you down the next day. Do something else. You will start to see the end of the tunnel.