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Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive October 2004: My sister's pregnant!!!!
And she's only 19 years old. She has only been with her boyfriend for 3 months, and she's just NOT ready at all for a baby. She has borderline personality disorder, and I am so scared for her right now. I just don't think she's capable of caring for a child, she can't even take care of herself. She can't hold down a job, she can barely keep herself and her cloths clean. She's told me there's no way she'll give the baby up for adoption, which is probably the best thing she could do, and I'm afraid she's going to end up unintentionally(sp?) hurting her baby, she just doesn't think about what she's doing before she does it. That's the biggest thing with borderline, they think and act PURELY on emotion, without thinking of the consequenses, you can't raise a child like that. I'm trying to be supportive of her, but really I didn't need to know this right now. I know it sounds selfish, but I have enough to worry about with my own son on the way without having to stress on how much she's messing up her own life, it just makes me sad. She's also talking about trying to move out here to be with me, and I can't handle that, I LOVE my sister a lot, but she's a lot to swallow and I've gotten used to not being around her and all the stress she brings. Not only that, if I do see her doing something that could harm the baby then I have to be the one to fight to have it taken away from her, and I just don't want to be the one to do that. I'm the only one that could even take her baby, and I probably would just to keep it in the family....OK, now I'm getting way ahead of myself, thanks for letting me rant and sorry this post ended up being so long.
I'm sorry for your situation and I have no advice I guess but I do know of a support board for family and friends that have BPD. My ex has it also. Let me know if you are interested.
{{{Melana}}} so sorry you are going through all of this. No advice here just many thoughts to you.
WOW, that really hits home, my DD is 19!!! I understand why you are concerned about the BPD - MY sister has BPD also. Also, my cousin's DD had a child @ 18 and another @ 20 recently, and she's an addict in recovery, and can't properly take care of or raise her kids. I know how much our entire family has gone through worrying about her and her kids.
I got pregnant with my first kid when I was 18 and had only been dating his father for 3 months. I was 19 when I had him.
How reasonable is your sister? Would she talk to her ob about her mental status? I think that given enough support, making sure that she stays on top of meds and keeping on top of her disorder, she could do OK. I think that having your sis talk about this w/ her dr will make it much easier to manage any problems that she may have before they become a problem because her dr will know ahead of time. Also if your sister is not that reasonable, calling her dr and letting her know would not be totally out of line, it may start the ball rolling on a discussion that HAS to take place.
I hope everything works out.
No advice here,either...just hugs !!!!!!
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)Is she looking into that? I know you have to watch what you are taking when you are pregnant but under a doctor's care I would think they could find SOMETHING. As far as the responsibility thing...granted not all people do this, but having a kid really made me grow up a lot!!!