If you had a friend who you were pretty close with whos DH worked with your DH and kept hinting (not purposly) that she might know something about your DH that you might not like, would you expect her to tell you? Even if its something that have could have been a while ago? Would you actually ask her if there was something she knew that she was keeping from you or would you try to keep the peace with all parties?

By Gammiejoan on Friday, October 8, 2004 - 04:05 pm:

I would expect my very best friend to tell me. We just have that kind of relationship. If I found out later that she knew something that I needed to know and didn't tell me, it would affect our friendship. Now if it were something that happened a long time ago and there was no benefit to my knowing, I would hope that she would just keep it to herself and not hint about it in any way. Once she had hinted and I suspected something,I believe she should just go ahead and tell me. Yes, I would go ahead and ask her what she knows. Now if it were just "a friend I was pretty close with," I don't think she should have even hinted about anything.

By Emily7 on Friday, October 8, 2004 - 04:11 pm:

I would probably say that, "You have made a few comments like...that make me wonder if there is something I need to know." If she tells you no I would leave it at that. If she is truly your friend I would hope that she would not keep anything important from you.
I remember one time I got a call from a friend that told me that our dh's were discussing our sex life. She told me something that made it obvious that dh had discussed it with his group of friends. He now knows what happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom if he wants it to happen again.
Good luck.

By My2cuties on Friday, October 8, 2004 - 04:12 pm:

I think it depends on what it was about, and if it is since you and your DH have been together. Personally I would ask my DH if there is anything that he wanted to tell me, if this girl is acting like she is hiding something from you. I don't think I would trust another woman over my DH, so let HIM tell you. That way you would get the true story. Good Luck whatever you decide to do.

By Angellew on Friday, October 8, 2004 - 04:14 pm:

My theory on this is that you're not really "that close" to this person, so she doesn't feel like she can just come out and tell you something about your DH. Also, because of the lack of closeness, maybe she doesn't really know what kind of relationship you have with your DH (some people accept things about each other that others deem big taboo!!!) So, her way out of this is is HINT to you that she may know something, so you will, in turn, pressure her to tell you. This way, she can say "you made me tell you". And, she's off the hook, so to speak!

Either way, it really doesn't say much about this other person, and the way she feels about you. Why would anyone "dangle" something like that in front of someone who is a so-called friend? You either feel it's bad enough to come right out and tell your friend, or you keep it to youself... forever! JMO!

By Anonymous on Friday, October 8, 2004 - 04:16 pm:

I called and asked her and she said no but I dont know if I should believe her because she admitted to knowing something bad that DH did a while back and never telling me. I know some people feel awkward getting in the middle but im the type of person that wants to know, no matter who it involves. I just told her if she knew anything to let me know because i'd rather find out now before things got too deep into the relationship. She said okay.

By Mrse on Friday, October 8, 2004 - 04:22 pm:

I would like to think in that situation, that I would just tell my friend if it was important, that I would trust that dh would tell me. Then I would go to him, and let him know that thier was a few hints thrown around, and did he have something to tell me. I think it shows a bond, that you and dh are a team, he just might resent the fact that you listened to a rumor, true or false, about him, without discussing it with him first. Also who is really to say you don't already know this secret/rumor. I would just ask him. I can see where this kind of a thing would start eating at you. Hope you find out soon.

By Trina~moderator on Friday, October 8, 2004 - 04:51 pm:

You know, this sounds very high schoolish on her part. Let it go. If you have a healthy marriage you already know your DH's past.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, October 8, 2004 - 05:51 pm:

This is a friend? If she is a friend she will either tell you if it is important and here and now, or she'll keep her mouth shut. This "high school" hinting, as Trina so rightly observes, is just that - high school. And not what I wold expect from a real friend.

By Cakekisses324 on Friday, October 8, 2004 - 07:45 pm:

Ditto Ginny!!

By Boxzgrl on Friday, October 8, 2004 - 08:33 pm:

Ditto.

By Truestori on Friday, October 8, 2004 - 09:29 pm:

Doesn't she realize it is already going to start conflict with you and your husband. There is no way you will have this on your mind and not hint around at the subject, or just plain get mad at him...

Geesh,

The evil part of me seems to think you could always take it a step further and play with her head! Ok, so that wouldn't be right but How dare HER!!! Many ehugs....

By Feona on Saturday, October 9, 2004 - 07:07 am:

That is evil. Plant some ideas in your head, then don't say what the problem is. Just plain evil. I would stay away from her. I would ask my husband what she is talking about. Maybe he will tell you.

By Marg on Saturday, October 9, 2004 - 08:05 am:

I agree with the other ladies. Is she doing this on purpose maybe to start something?

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, October 9, 2004 - 12:21 pm:

I have been in THAT situation. When I was married to my X, he hired the guy next door to work for him.

As time went on, and our marriage had totally deteriorated, my friend next door, along with 2 other women in the neighborhood we were close to, kept *trying* to tell me something about my DH. They would start by asking simple questions about something he was supposed to have done, or somewhere he was supposed to have been, in attempts to lead me into a conversation that would lead to where they trying to go. And she would make remarks about this one particular woman and my DH when they were around each other.

Where my situation is different from yours is they were TRYING to tell me something, but were afraid to come right out with it because they were afraid of MY reaction and afraid I wouldn't believe them.

They were right, I was so trusting, I didn't believe what they were trying to tell me. In my case, I was blind. It could be that your friend either knows or suspects something and wants to tell you but is afraid of losing your friendship, as well as being afraid of being *in the middle*. It may not even involve a woman, it may be something about his job, or that fact that he's talked about your personal life, and possibly said something that your friend knows you wouldn't want people to hear.

I'd ask DH if there was something going on that you should know, and I'd tell your friend that if she has something to tell you, to please do it or stop dropping those little hints, since that is really hurtful and confusing for you.