Mom w/Depression in need of support
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive October 2004:
Mom w/Depression in need of support
It's been a few months since I was able to post a message last.I would really like to speak with any mom who has suffered from Depression.My husband and I recieved gaurdianship of his 16yr old brother a few months ago. He has ADHD and mood disorders that stem from abuse before my in-laws adopted him several years back. Juvenile Services here signed over gaurdianship to us without so much as a phone call to my husband and I for our approval. Needless to say my in-laws ok'd it, refuse to help support him and are not involved. He came to us with a difficult IEP for school and many issues. It has caused problems with my relationships with parents/siblings. I call it the Great Divide. Not to mention the problems it's caused in my household.While my attention was focused on him for several months in the beginning,I didn't realize that MY daughter Sara(6yr) was acting out to get mommy's attention. I have lost all but 1 friend over this,it's cost my husband his job and me , my mind! I am hoping that someone will tell it's normal to feel overwhelmed.I feel like I have turned into someone I don't know. Your responses are GREATLY appreciated!!!
{{{Bren}}} OF COURSE it's normal to feel overwhelmed! My goodness, you got a huge responsibility thrown in your lap, and it doesn't sound like you had much say in the matter. How terrible of your in-laws to dump this on you and NOT help! Sorry, I don't have any advice, but wanted to give you hugs and let you know you can vent any time. OK?!
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
I don't have any advice either, but wanted to send you hugs. You are very normal, and have EVERY right to feel the way you do. Vent away any time. We are all here for you sweetie.
Bren, you've got a lot on your plate right now. My 10yo is ADHD and bipolar and I KNOW how hard it can be. It's perfectly normal for you to be stressed out and feel overwhelmed. Actually, I'd worry if you weren't stressed! Is the 16yo in counsiling? He needs to be, and it would probably be a good idea for all of you to go to family counsiling. You've had something dumped on you that is going to take a little time, effort and education to deal with. There's a website that's great for support and advise for kids with mood disorders. It's bpkids.com and the people there have seen it all. I guarntee you there is nothing you can say that will shock them. I'm not sure what I would have done this past year since my son was diagnosed without that site. I don't have any experience with depression in myself, so I can't really help you there, but if you're worried about it, don't hesitate to see a doctor. You really need to take care of yourself to be able to take care of your kids. {{{{{Bren}}}}} Email me if you'd like. cathyliz @ bigfoot.com (without the spaces)
Well, golly gee, girl, if I were you, I'd be ready for the nut house!
I can't believe that the Juvenile Services can to that- toss him into your home without being sure that you guys were ready, not to mention even capable, to accept the responsibility for this troubled boy.
Nonetheless, I would apply for any help you can- counseling, therapy, Tough Love, whatever it takes to lighten your burden and give him the qualified help that he needs.
Obviously, given the choice, you would have said that you aren't equipped to handle this without putting your own family at risk. I know money is tight, but you should be able to get Legal Aid to see if there is any way to reverse this decision, since it was made without your and dh's consent.
I wish you lots of love and luck!
Big hugs to you!! We are always here for you
Brenda, help me to get this clear, please.
1. This young man is your DH's brother?
2. Your in-laws adopted him?
Isn't he their son if he's DH's brother?
How can they sign him over to you without your consent if they adopted him?
Besides all that, which can be fixed by a good lawyer, you are dealing with a well deserved case of depression. Get yourself to a doctor for possible medication and counselling. You need help in dealing with this situation. Your family needs help to cope with these added stressors. Come here often and vent. It's amazing how simply getting it out helps. Better yet, find some support nearby, and rely on friends to listen and give support. Don't try to DO THIS ALONE. Friends are for nurturing and support. Use that resource, here and there. I'm sending hugs and prayers.
I have no insurance, since my husband lost his job, SO, i cannot go see my doctor. When I did see her last in may/june, she basically blew me off and told me i was just worrying too much. I am looking for a new doctor, I am hoping to qualify for insurance thru the state. we'll find out in about 2 weeks.
He resides pt in a residential group home. and the other half with us. while his parents have never been forced to get involved or attend meetings, we since march have been battered into going to family therapy w/Joe weekly,Team meetings every 2 weeks, and therapy with just my husband and I every 2 weeks to discuss "the troubled relationships between us and his parents'. He gets therapy, but has huge issues with "splitting" when things don't go his way and lying (HUGE ISSUE).
As far as lawyers, thousands $$$$$ ino rder to qualify for legal aid here , you have to make below poverty level, we don't yet. my best friends father is a lawyer, my sister works in VA at social services, so most of my advice has come from these too. I can't tell you what my sister has said about the whole thing.And yes given the opportunity at the beginning there was so much i should have been able to voice.
this whole year, we've been told joe was expected to come live with us. Well I started pushing for help thru Juvenile Services, The only thing they helped me with was to give me a fostercare application to apply. Anybody seen one of these?
57pages long and I estimate i would have to spend about $800.00 to complete it, between the physicals for me, the dog/cat/rabbit(they would have to have ALL shots and letters of health) and all of the notary seals and postage. If i were to get accepted ,It would benefit us by $500 a month.We just have to pass all their requisites, no exceptions.
I have applied for other help. We have qualified for food stamps but they may deny them for his brother.I have applied for the cash assistance for his brother but told it may be denied because he doesn't live with us full time. by filing for cash assistance , the state goes after the parents for child support, again we may not get it because he does not live with us full time and becasue he gets $160 quarterly from the group home for clothes and personnal items. Yet anytime he needs clothing or supplies or money for school or acitivities or going out, it supposed to be provided by his parents. They sent 100.00 for school clothes and 10.00 for his birthday last week. They won't provide any more support than that. Everything else has been provided by us.I have found several places to go and recieve donated clothing my 2 daughters. That's the part they make sme feel worst of all and has ticked off my family, I have to buy clothes for joe for school but don't have money to finish buying clothes for my own child. I love second hand clothing, but the school she goes to, is so money oriented and those kids point out when you look different.The clothes I have gotten so far are descent and will get us thru til things are better.
I got pretty ballsy, after being shoved around and filed a complaint with the governor's office of maryland on 8/26, no response yet. I figured they would wait until after Joe's permancy hearing on the 30th. We went to court, I was basically belittled by the judge and given the attitude that they didn't not care about the drama in our life it's caused and what help i would like to have, his only concern was Joe. So that was that.
and too add insult to an already open injury, myhusband and I have been renting our home for almost 9 years. They sold it 2 years ago, i found thi sout a few months ago. I was told in august we wouldn't have to move till late spring, when the developers were ready to build. I recieved our notice to move out by 10/17 the first week of september. we have been looking hard for a place since then. Nothing yet. i go to look at a house today. I am praying!!!!!!!!!!! i drove by it , it's an old farmhouse, beautiful!! quiet!! our rent will go from 750 to 1650, yeah i had a coronary when we started looking. so i will let you know how it goes.
thank you everybody for listening and letting me vent. I have one friend who has stayed with me, she lives in NC. I feel like i might be making some friends here. a good note though, since i started writing this, myheadache that i have had for 6 days, hurts nothing like it did before!!!!!THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Bren,
Just saw your post here. I've suffered from depression most of my life, although I've never been on medication (and I know I probably should be,) I have learned ways to deal with it in a healthy manner. First, try taking a B vitamin complex, that tends to help out a lot. Also get a good excersize regiment going, it's hard to do being a mom, but it helps by releasing stress, and also the adrenaline and endorphins(sp?) make you feel a lot better. You should also take yourself out to do something nice just for you at least once a week, even if it's sitting down at a subway and eating something healthy. Painting has helped me also, as well as starting a journal. And of course finding a really good support system in real life helps a lot. I know how hard all of this can seem to do with being a parent, but really it is worth it, and you'll find you feel much better when you have a routine down. HTH.
Melana
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