A dog's thought process............
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive September 2004:
A dog's thought process............
This was emailed to me today and I thought it was SO funny and SO true:
I've often regarded the shallow brain pan of my dog as something of a small miracle: Though it generates a wit so dim it can't even learn to run from the dog catcher despite more than four hundred dollars in fines this year alone, it nonetheless manages to summon up the horsepower to make mischief on a regular basis. I've pondered the thought process of my dog, and imagine it must go something like this:
SITUATION: I've been left alone in the house and I'm bored.
Thought: Well, I could go into my owner's closet and get out a shoe and chew on it. I don't really like the taste of the shoes, but it would give me something to do. However, if I do chew on a shoe, I will get into big trouble. My owner will come home and be very angry when he sees that I have gnawed a loafer into bits on the living-room carpet. He will hold the shoe in front of my face and yell at me. And later, when I throw up, he'll be angry all over again. When I throw up, he usually doesn't feed me for several hours, and I will get very hungry. The whole incident will be very unpleasant.
Conclusion: I will chew the shoe.
SITUATION: The next-door neighbor has just come over.
Thought: This person doesn't like dogs very much. My owner is always warning me to stay away, and when I sniff the neighbor, he yanks his hands out of reach. He clearly wants to be left alone.
Conclusion: I will make love to the neighbor's leg.
SITUATION: It is night. I am out in my kennel, and my owner has gone to bed.
Thought: My owner looked very tired tonight. I've noticed that the lights have been going on in the house very early in the morning recently, and he yawns all the time. Clearly, his work is keeping him very busy, and he needs his sleep.
Conclusion: I will spend the next four hours barking for no reason.
SITUATION: Scoodle the rabbit has died.
Thought: It was very sad. My owner's children brought Scoodle out in a box and dug a hole and put Scoodle in it. They marked the place with a cross and one of the children cried -- Scoodle was very old for a bunny, and had been a favorite pet for a long time.
Conclusion: I'm going to dig up Scoodle -- they couldn't have meant to bury a perfectly good rabbit!
SITUATION: My owner is out for the evening, and a stranger has just entered the house.
Thought: There was the sound of breaking glass, and the stranger has not turned on any lights. He is making a pile of things, like the TV set and my owner's camera. Every time a car drives past, the stranger freezes and holds his breath. He seems to be in a real hurry.
Conclusion: Oh, joy, a new friend!
SITUATION: I've just stumbled upon some dead animal by the side of the road. It's been out in the sun for days and smells pretty rank.
Thought: Nothing would make me feel better than to roll in the luxuriant odors of the decaying road kill. But if I do that, my owner will yell at me and give me a bath. It happens every time. I hate baths. I'd do just about anything to avoid being bathed.
Conclusion: I will roll in the road kill and then I will eat it.
Of course, I may be wrong about my canine's thought processes. Maybe the dog isn't thinking any of these things. Maybe it isn't thinking at all.
That's too funny Karen.
I think my dog must have written that! ROFL ESPECIALLY the parts about eating things, barking all night and digging up dead things. She's disgusting sometimes!
LOL
those are my dogs exactly!
That was great!
Ohmigosh. The last one was Honey to a tee! She knew if she rolled in poop she would get a bath! She would do it anyway and then run right to the bathroom for her bath! I could just see her brain working that way! ROFLMBO!
Honey tolerated baths, but I sure don't think she liked them!
Fortunately, Jasmine doesn't seem to have the same mindset!
lol this is to funny ... we play pretend to talk for the dogs we have and say what they are talking and thinking sometimes we all get a bit carried away and laff the night away ... our dogs have such personality and are so spoiled that this game makes it funny...
Yikes Jewlz! *We* do that too! Jen said she was embarrassed to bring her friends over because we have conversations *with* the dog! LOL
Sounds like my dog. 6 pairs of my underwear, 1 pair of flip flops, a few of the kids outfits, a leap pad. and countless other items have become his lunch. I hate him. Really. Anyone want a puppy??
That's why I didn't get a puppy when we went to look for a new dog! I did get an older dog, although, we still had to go through housebreaking anyway! LOL! She is good now, though.
It was fun to have "conversations" with our former dog! "Did you have a nice walk?" wag wag wag
"Did you have fun at the park today?" wag wag wag
She would wag her tail after we asked her questions. It was as if she was answering us! Jasmine just cocks her head, but it isn't quite the same!
My dog likes to feast on panties and manties (DH's underwear LOL). I'm REALLY irritate with her because she's chosen the new ones I just bought for both of us. We have to hide the dirty laundry, it's ridiculous!
LOL!
This is too funny! What a dumb dog!
Oh my goodness that made me laugh so hard! Good one. 
We have 2 labs and when they were puppies I could not believe what all they chewed up. (especially our black lab) Crazy...
We talk to them too Karen. That is so funny your kids would get embarassed. LOL!!!!
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