For anyone who...
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive September 2004:
For anyone who...
has ever gotten a chain letter or some sort of junk
e-mail, this is funny! ( i did't catch any crude language in this, if there is some, i'm sorry!)
To all my friends and family, Thank you for making me safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy by sending me e-mails over the last year.
Because of your concern:
= I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
= I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
= I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from
the
rat feces and urine.
= I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
= I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a needle infected
with
AIDS
= I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
= I no longer want to pump my own gas -- where I will either get AIDS
or
cause an explosion by cell phone or static.
= I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a
wet
dog on a hot day.
= I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and try to rob me.
= I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are
actually
Al Qaida in disguise.
= I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support
our
American troops.
= I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls
to
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
= I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain
will turn me gay.
= I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
= I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my
kidneys
and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
= I no longer have a cell phone because I don't want brain cancer.
= I no longer have any sneakers because I would hate to see all those
poor kids in the sweat shops overseas suffering because I wanted a pair
of Nike
shoes.
= I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.
= I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me.
= I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl about
to
die in the hospital for the 1,000,000,000th time.
= I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive the
$18,624 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in
their special e-mail program.
I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! Now
if
you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 12,000,000 of your closest
friends
in the next 60 seconds a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your
head
at exactly 5:00 pm tomorrow
That's funny.
LOL, too funny! 
LOL
ROFL, I had to read it to my dh!!!
I received this in an email too!! I thought it was very funny
Too funny!!!
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