My husband and I have been talking and he brought up the fact that I don't show him enough affection, hes afraid that I don't love him like he loves me. I was surprised because I try really hard to make him happy, etc. He said that it has nothing to do with sex, it has to do with touching, caressing, just holding hands etc..I have looked back and tried to evaluate the situation and I guess I have been lacking in the kissing and touching area. I guess I am just wondering what others do for their husbands? I want to make him feel special. TIA

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 05:25 pm:

I think hubby and I could do more spontaneous touching, than we do! It has just kind of fallen by the wayside. We used to kiss each other before we left the house and don't seem to do that as much, either. Of course, if hubby doesn't have to take kids to school, he's still sleeping and I would hate to wake him up!

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 06:30 pm:

My DH and I always tell each other *I love you* every time we hang up the phone, or leave the house.

We touch and hug a lot, and kiss a lot, even if it's just kisses on the cheek. Don't get the wrong impression, we don't have sex all the time! ROFL But we are affectionate with each other daily. We snuggle every night before going to sleep. We are both touchy/feely people though, not everyone is that way.

Sometimes I leave cards under his pillow, or in his underwear drawer, or even in his car, just to let him know he's special.

By Christylee on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 06:35 pm:

We aren't openly affectionate people but I sometimes send e-cards to him at work and I've mailed cards to him there too. Just a phone call to say hello during the day, picking up something he likes, just showing that you're thinking of him goes a long way.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 06:37 pm:

Some people are naturally "touchers" and some are not - and it depends on how you were raised. I was not a toucher, but when my youngest son was diagnosed as pre-autistic I was told one of the things he lacked was physical contact. I consciously trained myself to touch him every time I was near him - just a pat on the head, touching his hand for a minute, running my hand across his shoulder, an arm around his shoulder - you get the idea. It was a very conscious thing at first, but became second nature. I am still not a toucher, which is a bit of a problem as most of my church is very touchy-feely (you can tell how I feel about it by my using that description), but I can very comfortably hug, touch, etc., with family and close friends. Now that you know what he is missing, I suspect you can work at it.

By Truestori on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 07:04 pm:

Karen,

I have to say that I do alot of the things you mentioned, but I guess that isn't enough for him. HMMMM....it probably has alot to do with how he was raised come to think of it.

By Nicosmom on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 07:06 pm:

I'm really not a touchy person and I know dh would love more of it. It's so hard for me to do though especially with him. Now with ds though, that's totally different. From day one I trained myself to be very affectionate with my son.

By Pamt on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 08:42 pm:

Read the book "The Five Love Languages" for starters. Sounds like {personal touch} is your DH's love language. A love language is the thing that makes a person feel most loved such as touch, gifts, acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation. My DH and youngest son are {personal touch}, me and my oldest DS are {words of affirmation} types.

My DH came froma very physically affectionate family and I didn't. It was very weird when we started dating. My DH literally touches me every time he walks past me. Now that we've been married 14 yrs., that's my first sign that he is mad at me or irritated--if he walks by and doesn't touch me at all. For us, we hold hands alot, good bye and hello kisses, full contact 1 minute hug and 1 minute kiss per day (usually in the kitchen---not the kiss, although sometimes and we tell the boys we're gonna kiss so they can leave if it will gross them out--LOL), we always sit together on the couch to read or watch TV and intertwine our legs or lay our head in the others lap---somehow touching. I also try to go up behind and hug him, rub his neck, run my fingers through his hair, or something like that to when he is busy doing something.

By Missbookworm on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 10:53 pm:

My partner and I too always say I love you before we hang up..I'm more touchy then he is and I guess I've kind of adapted..I do alot of the things everyone else does...long hugs, a touch when I walk by him..putting my hand on his neck and rubbing it a bit while he drives..snuggling on the couch even if one of us is reading or watching tv..I make a point of it..I find he's not quite as touchy as I am but he'd sure miss it if I wasn't...massages even if it's just his shoulders or neck while he's workin on the pc or something..sometimes I'll run my hand over his features..from his forehead down the side of his face lightly..he seems to enjoy that too ...but then again we're only in the dating stage lol but it's been over a year now and I'm still like that and so is he *shrugs*

By Tink on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 11:04 pm:

Pam and I sound alot alike. We touch all the time but I wasn't this way when we were first married. Dh said the same thing to me that your dh did and I had to learn to be physically affectionate. I am an Acts of Service type and he is a Touch. I consciously made myself touch him everytime I went near him. He loved it and it made such a difference in the way we interacted. My dh was touch-starved when he was younger and he can't get enough of it now. We hug and kiss, say I love you and be careful everytime we leave the house and say I love you whenever we are on the phone. We watch tv at opposite ends of the couch with our feet in each others' laps or he lays on his back with my head on his chest. So far, our dks aren't grossed out by it but I know that time is coming!

By Palmbchprincess on Friday, September 24, 2004 - 10:46 am:

I'm intruiged... I'm going to read that book. I'm not much of a toucher... I have issues with personal space, I guess. I will often put my legs on Nate's lap, but he is more of a hand holder and toucher. Hmmm...

By Andi on Friday, September 24, 2004 - 11:35 am:

One thing I used to do and still do every once in a while is put a cute little love note in his lunch or send him an e-mail telling him how much I love and appreciate him.

I always kiss him when he gets home from work and ask him about his day while we are eating dinner.

By Kaye on Friday, September 24, 2004 - 11:42 am:

I am not a toucher, my hubby is, we have both compromised some..LOL. But other things. I know food is close to his heart, so when I want to suck up There are just a few of his favorites that I make. Also just being in tune to how he is feeling, like if he is getting sick, I will make chicken noodle soup or chili, etc. Also i try to on occasion (montly, sometimes weekly) have a nice dinner for us. This means, china, in the dining room, candles etc. The food here is secondary, spaghetti even looks nice on the china On those days I set the kids up in the breakfast room, sometimes earlier, sometimes not. What I have found is those little things make a huge difference to making my hubby feel special. So even if we are just watching tv, I can sit next to him, I can let him choose the show, we can have a theme dinner or snack (think survivior), I will rent movies and call it a date night, pop popcorn, serve cokes and M&m's. If I go out of my way on a regular basis to that sort of thing i can get away with out being too touchy feeling, and this stuff is easier for me. It also means a huge deal to my hubby that when he walks in the door that I stop what I am doing and give him a couple minutes of undivided attention and ask, so how was your day.

By Monicamomof3 on Friday, September 24, 2004 - 11:53 am:

Pamt- great suggestion. That is also what I was going to suggest. My dh is not from a touchy family, but he certainly and without question speaks that language. It is Greek to me! LOL! He needs hugs and kisses much more that other things! For me, it is a challenge to speak this language daily. I have a tendency to expect him to get excited about the note I left in his car or by his pre-brewed coffee in the morning. That is my love language and he obviously does not speak it! At least you know now what is keeping his "love cup" (that's what we call it in our family) from being full. Most people speak their own love language. So, you may notice your husband trying to give you exactly what he needs most. Take notes and follow through...you will have a fulfilled husband!

By Mommyathome on Friday, September 24, 2004 - 12:10 pm:

I'm not a big toucher either.....but DH is a major toucher.
Everytime I *try* to be more affectionate, DH automatically thinks it means "time for sex". Then he gets frustrated when I "deny" him. Ughh...
I'm not one to give suggestions on this topic LOL

By Truestori on Friday, September 24, 2004 - 08:09 pm:

Robin,
Your post totally describes my household! It must be the age, my hubby is still fairly young and eager..OK, to much info..LOL
I am trying so hard to be even more touchy,feely and sensitive. My husband doesn't think I should have to try, that it should just come natural and I am starting to feel guilty that I have to remind myself to do these things..UUGGHH It is alittle frustrating at times, and I hate feeling like he thinks I don't love him as much as he loves me.

By Dawnk777 on Friday, September 24, 2004 - 11:20 pm:

Only trouble here is hubby gets home from work at 1 in the morning. I'm usually asleep, or I'm often asleep already. So, we actually have "How was your day?" in the morning, rather than at night. It's a pain that he works second shift sometimes, but when kids are in school, and if I don't have to work, we can have some private time to talk, make love, run errands, etc. This week wasn't quite so good, since I worked almost every morning, but it's not always like that.

The 7:15am starting gal took some vacation this week! I'm looking forward to next week Wed, Thurs, and Friday, when I don't have to work at the clinic.