Burn out
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive September 2004:
Burn out
I need some opinions, because I'm hitting a wall here. I've been a family child care provider for five years now and I'm starting to burn out. I'm trying to figure out a way to avoid that. Right now I am pretty full (have 4-6 kids here every day, not including mine) and I'm working between 50-75 hours a week (sometimes have a child on weekends). I've thought about taking a day or two off (while mine are in school so it's a day for ME) but I don't know if that would help. Short term I'm sure it would, but long term, I doubt it. Another option is dropping some kids. The logically thing would be to drop my drop in kids. I have 4 of them. One set of brothers that only come about once a month (easy kids for the most part). One 2yo girl that's here 1-3 days a week (a real handfull) and a 6mo boy that's here two days a week (won't be coming anymore after Thanksgiving anyway). Full time I have a 2yo girl (pretty easy child--out sick today) and her 5yo sister, along with another 5yo girl, both of whom are in kindergarten and I have to travel 6.5miles round trip twice a day to drop-off and pick-up. I have a 14mo boy three days a week (another handfull) and his mom is having another baby next Friday that I will have full time after Thanksgiving. Then there's a 4yo girl I have Monday, Tuesday morning and Fridays and her brother--1st grade--after school on Mondays and Fridays (they're both pretty good kids and my boys get along great with the boy). Then there's *N*, the 2yo boy I have from 6am-8pm a few days a week (including some weekends). I'm not ready to work outside the home yet. I like being here for my boys and I just know finding before and after care for Robin would be a nightmare (he'd probably get kicked out). It's just lately I'm not as patient as I should be sometimes and by the end of the day I don't have much left for my kids, iykwim. What do you all think? Some days are great! But I've been having a lot more "I could stock shelves at Wal-Mart" days lately. lol Fall break is coming up in a couple weeks and the first week will be very light (two families--four kids--will be on vacation). I thought about taking a few days off that week, or the whole week even, but like I said I don't think long term that would help much. It would give me some time alone with my boys, anyway. *Sigh* I keep thinking if I can keep this up one more year, dh will be retiring next summer and probably get a job where I can cut way back or quit all together. We were talking the other night about options and what's available right now and he mentioned one job with it's salery and I told him if he made that much I'd quit, stay home, clean the house every day and make 5 course meals every night. He said if he made that much he'd PAY me to do just that! rofl I've always said I don't want to do daycare forever, but I really can't give it up just yet. Honest opinions, please. The thing I hate about dropping kids is I'll be putting some of these families in binds because child care where I live is hard to find--especially for kids under 2. I hate doing that. Thanx for reading.
((Cat)),
I have a hard enough time going to my kids school 2-3x a day! You have your hands full. If I were you I would cut back on the amount of children you care for and only keep the amount you need to stay afloat. I get burnt out running all over with my own children so I can't even imagine the work you go through. I'm sure you could give the parents some type of notice, 1-2 months in advance so that they could find care elsewhere and everyone would benefit. Goodluck in whatever decisions you make.
{{{Cat}}} Wow! I was worn out just reading your post! LOL! I agree it would be a good idea to cut back. Keep things simple so you don't have too much going on or too much to remember. NO weekends! What a PITB to transport your daycare kids to pick up/drop off others! Personally, I wouldn't want to deal with that. If you give enough notice you wouldn't be putting your families in a bind. You need to worry about YOURSELF and YOUR family first! I hope you're able to find a solution that works well.
I think Trina is exactly right.
Good luck
Thanx for the thoughts. I do think I'm going to tell the drop-in's parents they have until mid-November and then they'll have to find someone else. I told dh tonight that I'm just not enjoying this much anymore and that something needs to change. I really do love these kids. That's one reason I do this! I just hate not having anything left for MY kids. Even now, everyone is gone except *N* who's here until 8 tonight. Well, I love *N* dearly (I've had him since he was 7 months old!) but I can't do anything with him still here. Heck, I can't even go downstairs because there's too much down there for him to get into (boy's rooms, laundry room, dh's computer, etc). Thanx again. I'll keep you updated.
Cat, I've been thinking about your post, and have some suggestions.
First, " there's *N*, the 2yo boy I have from 6am-8pm a few days a week (including some weekends)." I suggest you tell N's parents to find another center. Most centers have a pickup time of something like 6 or 6:30 and charge extra for any time beyond that. That is a real burn-out right there. I would like to know what kind of work schedules they have that have you taking care of N so many hours on the days he's there, and on weekends, and how much of it is for their convenience and not a real work-related need.
For the kindergarteners, does the school system provide bussing? Why are you having to transport them instead of the school system doing it? What do you do about the other children while you are chauffering? If you have someone else who watches the other kids, can this person do the chauffering instead?
Then, I'd drop the "2yo girl that's here 1-3 days a week (a real handfull)". You really don't need another "handfull" on top of Robin.
I understand your concern for the kids and their parents, but how about some concern for you and your family? And if you burn out, you'll be putting all of the kids and their families in a bind, including yours.
I was like Trina, I just got physically tired from reading the post.
I would be stressed too.
The only advice I have (I worked at an accounting office for 16 years and was 'fried' by the time I left) is do what you think is right for now. If you don't you might regret it in the future. I did and has taken me years to recover.
((Cat)) What type of energy level do you have, lol? I need some of what you are taking!
I admire you for doing daycare, period. I couldn't handle it.
I watch the neigbors baby once every couple of months or so when her regular sitter can't. By the time her mom picks her up at the end of the day, I swear I'll never watch her again LOL
I am not good at watching other peoples kids. I don't have the patience for it. It stresses me out. It does make me appreciate my own kids more though. Of course I think they are the most wonderful, well-behaved kids  .... especially after having one here from the other end of the spectrum!
So, kudos to you for being a great daycare provider.
I think if you are getting burnt out, then you should drop some kids. Do whatever you need to to fix it. You don't want your boys to grow up and remember how you watched everyone elses kids all day, and by the time they left you were done. IMO, your own kids come first. And, if you can afford to cut down on daycare kids then go for it.
Oh my Cat!!! Yes, you are doing way too much and you seriously need to cut back. The crazy schedule of kids at all different hours, including nights and weekends, isn't fair to your or your children. You must be like me, a chronic softie, in your concern for the lack of childcare in your area and "if I don't do it, who will?" We have over 30 kids on the speech therapy waiting list at work and that drives me insane. I started coming in earlier and leaving later to try and accomodate and then I was exhausted, grumpy, and used all of my patience at work with my speech kids so that I had none left over when I got home to my kids. Not a good way to live! Plus I started have major headaches and stomach problems from the stress of it all. You are only one person and you can't do it all. I think giving plenty of advance notice would be fine. That's gives the parents time to make other arrangements. And...maybe it will prompt the parents to do some self-evaluating too. If you are watching "N" several days a week from 6am-8pm, then his parents are getting NO quality time with him and might as well release him to your custody. Maybe they will rethink things if they are forced too.
((Cat)) I know it's hard, but you and your family need a break!
You all are great, you know that??? To answer a few questions...
Ginny and Pam, a little about *N*. *N*'s parent's do work funky schedules. Mom's a nurse and works 3-4 12hr shifts a week (7am-7pm). Dad works rotating 12hr shifts of 3 on, 4 off, 4 on, 3 off. If he's working days *N*'s picked up at 7pm. When he's working nights it's 8pm. *N* is sometimes here days his parents don't work so they can get other things done, but when he is he's here from 8am-4pm. They do pay different rates for longer days and even more for weekends or holidays. Like I said, he's here 2-3 days a week and he is with his parents (at least one of the) the other 4-5 days. He does get lots of quality time with them and is a very loved child. One reason they work the funky schedules (besides the nature of their jobs) is to have him in child care fewer days a week. It would be nice if at least one parent would get a regular M-F, 9-5 job, and the dad is looking.
The schools do not bus kids outside their neighborhood school, and these two kindergarteners aren't in my neighborhood school (where they wouldn't be bussed anyway because I'm too close--so I'd be walking or driving them anyway). The other kids go with me when I go (8:40am and 11:40am). I can fit 6 carseats in my car, and usually do! lol Right now it's not interrupting anyone's nap time or anything like that. Yes, it's a pain, but it could be worse. Last year I was going to the school (the one a few blocks away) sometimes 4 times a day!
Ginny, trust me, that particular 2yo girl will be the first to go. She really is a great kid, but if you literally take your eyes off her for more than 60 seconds she's into something. The reason I have her so often is because her own grandmother won't watch her unless she absolutely has to (when mom can't find someone else).
Not having anything left for my boys is a major concern of mine and that's really why I've decided to do something. I don't want them to resent me for doing home daycare. One reason I do it is so I am home for them. It would totally negate being here if they resent it.
The area I'm in is growing so fast it's not even funny. There are SO many houses going up and so many families moving in the local schools can't even keep up. There really aren't that many job oppertunities locally (except for strip malls and the grocery store) so almost everyone that lives out here works in town--a 10-30 mile commute depending on where in town. If someone opened a daycare center out here they'd make a killing. That someone WON'T be me though. I really would be in the funny farm then! Thanx for all the support and thoughts. Have I mentioned you all are the greatest?
Cat,
I have been there done that. In my situation I found it really did not make a difference letting any kids go because a house full of kids regardless if it is 4 or 10 is still a house full of kids. I cut back my days and claimed the weekends as my own. Now weekends are for family and family only and the stress I once had is gone. It is the 7 days a week without a moment to yourself that burns ya out. My suggestion lose a couple days and claim them as your days not to be spent watching anyone's kids but to be spent enjoying your own kids and hubby.
Good Luck!
yvonne
Yes, Yvonne, those weekends really get to me sometimes. It really sucks having to get up early on a Saturday, ya know? lol I do have him tomorrow, but not until 10am and only until 5 or 6 (mom has a class). I am going to tell his parents that I can only watch him on weekends if they absolutely HAVE to work. It shouldn't be too bad because the dad's shift changes again in a couple weeks (going to nights) so I should have any Saturdays--for a few months at least. Thanx.
BTW, dh, the kids and I are going out to eat tonight--just us--for some much needed family time. No extra kiddos!
I would like to offer my experience, but I pretty much echo what the others seem to be saying (I didn't read all the posts.)
I did daycare for almost 5 years. The first year and a half I went to the home of a friend of mine and she paid me to care for her 3 girls and she made provisions for me to have my son (Then 5 months old) there with me too.
Then the youngest girl became old enough to go to preschool and she gave me a couple of months to get set up un my home for daycare. When that got going, I had 6 kids (have to include my ds), which is the limit. (In Michigan, the ratio per adult provider is no more than 6 kids, no more than 2 of those can be infants.) I had 4 kids that were 4, 3, and 2, and I had 2 3-month-old babies! I thought I was going to go nuts for a while! I didn't really know what I was doing. Finally, after a few weeks, I figured out that I could get all the kids, including the babies, to take naps at the same time so that I could get a break. (Everyone needs a break at some point in their workday, right?) I honestly believe that if it weren't for that naptime break, I would have gone insane!
My license was up for renewal in Oct 2001, and in the months of August and September I lost ALL of my kids (except for ds ;). Two of them who were bro & sis moved to another town, the mother of two more of them also bro& sis lost her job, and the last one went into preschool after we potty trained him. SOOOoooo, I went out of the home to work.
I hated it. I thought daycare was bad. Working outside the home was much worse. I worked opposite dh so that we didn't need to put ds in daycare. After 2 years of that I was burned out and had high blood pressure. I came home in Feb 04.
If you are getting burned out, a vacation would be good, but I would also drop some kids. I used to run for the last boy, too, to pick him up and bring him to our house. One day, we got a snow storm, and I asked dh to drive me to get him. It took us an hour to get there and back, a trip that normally would take a half an hour! You can't get your money back for the wear and tear on your vehicle, and the running around after kids takes time you could be using to enjoy your job doing things with the kids.
Don't forget that- ENJOY your job! You are the envy (hopefully) of their parents- you get quality time with some great kids, and your kids are probably making some great friends.
But I would NOT get a job outside the home if you can keep doing daycare.
Lisa, thanx for your input. I really do love the kids and enjoy this job--most days. Today was a good day. I only had my regulars--no drop-ins. Sometimes scheduling those kids gets crazy. Really, you should see my calendar! lol I have a good system worked out for it, but it's taking it's toll on me. It won't hurt me financially to drop them (I wouldn't make as much, but we can do without it). And actually, I do claim milage on my car for all these trips to the school (or where ever). The kindergarteners school is 6.5 miles (round trip). We're usually gone about 20 minutes each time we go, and if the roads are bad there won't be school anyway. We'll see how it goes this winter. I really do appreciate having the input of someone that knows where I'm coming from.
BTW, I used to work at the Meijer on the corner of 28th and I95 (in Cascade) when I was in high school. My mom works there now (or should I say still--she started there about 6 months before I left). Anywhere near you??? I grew up in Clarksville. I have cousins in Grand Rapids. Small world.
I remember you said that when I first signed up back in May! I live in Walker, about 3 blocks from the Alpine Meijer! Sue3 is from my neck of the woods. I was supposed to get together with her and meet this summer, but I was SO busy this year!
Lol, Lisa! Mommy brain. I thought I mentioned it, but couldn't remember. Did I mention I went out with a guy from there once? Only once. Poor guy had three strikes against him. One, he was blond--really not my type. I like dark haired guys (at least a dirty blond or light brown). Two, he was shorter than me. Okay, I'm 5'5" so I'm really not that tall. I know, petty. Three, his car. He drove this little Ferrari (or however you spell it) and it felt like I was sitting on the ground riding in it and there were speakers in the headrests. I couldn't hear a word he said unless I leaned forward! I'm sure others would have loved the car, but I couldn't stand it. I met him at my recruiters office (in Plainfield). He was going into the Air Force about the same time as me. Gosh, reading this it makes me sound so shallow! lol I was such a teenager! 
Next time I'm home (hopefully next summer) you, Sue and I will HAVE to get together. Maybe we can get Tonya and Beth (and any other MI moms) to come meet us, too!
Since you are burning out, I would drop the difficult children one at a time until you feel better.
I would give the mothers lots of time to find new child care. I mean you are burning out so what else can you do?
That sounds wonderful! When that happens, I will definitely make the time!
I haven't been on the board because for some reason I find that dial-up is sooooooooo sloooooooww on Fridays and Saturdays and I just don't have the patience or the time, so I only just read your reply! (sorry)
I am also real busy taking care of my MIL. She lives in Hastings and she lives alone on the upper floor of her apartment building. She hurt her knee on Tuesday and can't walk on it, much less climb stairs, so she is staying with us in GR. Thankfully, when she came I had just gotten all the weekly house cleaning done, so i started out ahead of the game. All I have had to do is go for some extra groceries. She goes in to see an orthopedic specialist in Hastings on Tuesday. She really does want to go home and take care of herself, but she is really appreciative of us taking her in, and I enjoy having her around.
Ah, Pennock. I know that place well. Seems every time we visit my mom one of the kids ends up in their ER! lol That's where I was born, too. We met one of the orthopedic specialists when Robin broke his collar bone (when he was 3-1996). Guy knew his stuff, but had NO bedside manner. My mom sees one now, but I can't think of his name. I'll ask her. She really likes him. Sorry about your dial-up. I can sympathize. We finally got cable modem this year and it's great! Hope your MIL's knee heals quickly.
I think the very first thing that you need to do is drop all weekends. That would give you 2 days in a row for you and your family. I think that alone will help you more than you realize. I would be careful with this:
I am going to tell his parents that I can only watch him on weekends if they absolutely HAVE to work.
I think if you leave that door open, you will still have him on weekends. I would be very frank and just say that you are no longer doing weekends period. I am sure they will understand. You need time for your family and yourself too!!
If getting your weekends off doesn't help, then I would start looking at dropping kids that are handfuls first. That would definately decrease your stress factor and you and the other kids would be much happier. Just think how much more time you could spend with the other kids and how much more fun and enjoyable your day would be if you didn't have the extra time and stress to put into the handfuls!!
I give you so much credit for even doing home daycare. I know that I couldn't!! But you also have to put your family first and if your not enjoying it, than they are either. Remember, if mommy isn't happy, no one is happy!!!
Good Luck and let us know how things are going!!
Cat, I'm hoping to move back to CO in the next year or so, you guys anywhere near Colorado Springs????
Yep, about 10 miles out. Dh is stationed at Peterson AFB. Is the springs where you'd be moving to? You can email me if you'd like. cathyliz @ bigfoot.com (without the spaces, of course )
|
Members
