Ok, Its really not a question, at least I dont think.. My husband has always said when we are done having children he would be one to get fixed...He always told me that even before we were married, when we would discuss our future.. Well now that we have our miracle baby Faith, hes ready to get it done with...Im 40 yrs old now, and as much as I love my 3 children, I know I dont want anymore children.. I mean, seriously I couldnt even attempt to put myself through the emotional turmoil of losing another, even if I were younger.. My husband was always happy with 2 children, but went along with 3 as he knew that is what I wanted..
He has got the ball rolling for his Vasectomy, he went to his primary care dr, they gave him a referal . He talk to the place today, and is set up for the procedure on Oct 8th, and an initial screening 2 weeks before that.
Why am I so sad he is getting this done?...It really kind of depresses me... I sit and look at my miracle baby asleep next to me.. and know she was meant to be here as well as my first 2 children. I know my family is complete, yet it really bothers me my husband is having this done. I know its so final, and maybe thats what bothers me."
Sorry for rambling, but when he came home today and told me he has his appts set up, it really bothered me.

By Happynerdmom on Tuesday, August 31, 2004 - 06:33 pm:

(((hugs))) I know what you mean. My dh and I knew FOR SURE we were done with two, yet I was so sad when I realized I'd never be pregnant again, never physically give birth to a baby again, etc., etc. He didn't understand the sadness...no, I DIDN'T want any more! Yet, a wonderful chapter in my life was over... That was about ten years ago, and I'm not really sad about it anymore. I can't imagine having another one! And it's nice not to have to worry about bc.(He had the big "V," too.) But there is definitely a sadness to it. (((more hugs)))

By Trina~moderator on Tuesday, August 31, 2004 - 06:43 pm:

You're grieving the end of your child bearing years. {{{HUGS}}}

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, August 31, 2004 - 06:46 pm:

Sorry, Jackie. It is so final...that is definitely a mommy instinct though...to think about more children even though you know you don't want more. I feel for you...*HUGS*
Sometimes Vascectomy's aren't so final... here's a quick story for ya... (or "scary" for some)
My father had a V when he was 30. Got remarried to this wonderful lady. She was on birth control to get her periods on cycle. Low and behold...a boy was born when my dad was 53 and she was 43!! The V grew back!! Talk about a child that was meant to be! We call my dad the "fertility god"! The boy was totally healthy and is now 7 yrs old...

By Amy~moderator on Tuesday, August 31, 2004 - 06:49 pm:

I feel the same way. I am 24, dh is 30, we have 3 boys - and that is way enough for us. He is going to be having a vasectomy soon as well, and for me it is the finality of it. It's unnerving. (((Jackie)))

By Annie2 on Tuesday, August 31, 2004 - 06:58 pm:

Jackie, I went through similar feelings when Dh got his after our son was born, 7 years ago.
It marked a chapter in our lives.
However, over time the sadness goes away and you envelope yourself in your complete family.
Our sex life improved, too. Not a bad perk! LOL We weren't making love to conceive a baby and weren't worried we were making one, when the time wasn't right.

By Andi on Tuesday, August 31, 2004 - 07:46 pm:

I'm really excited about Dh having it done in October...I guess I'm the minority.
It means I don't have to be the one incharge of birth control. We only have two children and that is plenty for us.

Now when we talked about me getting my tubes tied I felt the way you do. I don't know why that bothered me more. I know I don't want anymore children but I just can't imagine getting my tubes tied.

He had his consultation yesterday and he is waiting until his last Triathalon in October then he will go get it done.

I don't know what I could say to make you feel better but just think you have 3 beautiful, healthy children, some people don't even get that.

By Eight_Kids on Tuesday, August 31, 2004 - 08:08 pm:

I too had the same feelings when dh got his done. Sometimes I still do that sad sigh thing when I seen a pregnant woman or a new baby. But we have 8 kids between the two of us and it was just something that needed to be done. (We are both "baby" people. Hee! Hee!)
Hope you are feeling happy again soon!!!

By Tink on Tuesday, August 31, 2004 - 09:33 pm:

I had my tubes tied 3 years ago and it will still hits me unexpectedly. I have 3 and that is 2 more than I thought I wanted, although I changed my mind and love it. BUT I still think I'm so young (27) and what if something happened, and I wanted another baby by a different man or something. I guess the finality of it is a little scary. It does get easier and think of the sponteneity(sp?) you can have again!

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, September 1, 2004 - 12:36 am:

Jackie, it is just the finality of it. When I had my hysterectomy, I knew I wouldn't be having any more kids. I knew it LONG before I had my surgery. Even if I had wanted more, I probably couldn't have carried another one - I had so much trouble carrying the ones I did have, and I had endometriosis so bad and a lot of fibroids.

BUT - the simple fact that it was no longer an option was distressing to me. Those sad feelings didn't last long though. I'm sure it will be the same for you.

{{{{hugs}}}}

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, September 1, 2004 - 12:57 am:

My only regret with childbearing is that I had to have 2 c-sections and there won't be anymore babies for me, since I'm 44 years old and I don't want anymore. I would have liked to experience a vaginal birth, but I guess that just wasn't meant to be. So, that is what I grieve. I certainly have 2 healthy and wonderful kids and that is really what it's all about. We never got fixed, since the insurance company wouldn't cover it and we didn't have the cash to pay for it ourselves. We use birth control, still have a good time and have managed not to get pregnant for the last 12 years!

By Mrse on Wednesday, September 1, 2004 - 01:22 am:

I have 3 daughters and I got my tubes tyed, right after the birth of my last daughter, we had alot of complications, in hospital 7 weeks, it was terrible we almost lost her several times. She was out of the hospital and was fine when I had my tubes tyed. I did feel really low though knowing that was going to be it. We did not want anymore children, like someone said in another post it is like grieving. After it was done, I would look at babies for a while and wish we could have had another, but as time went by, I got over it, I am not a grama yet, but in that mode, I get to have the fun, and send them home with their parents. I look at mom's now with 3 little ones and wonder how I managed, having three of my own and usually a neice or two to boot. It will be ok, it is a normal reaction, we all go through it. Just don't smell any newborn heads!! lol, that baby lotion will get you every time.

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, September 1, 2004 - 07:31 am:

I look at young moms now and wonder how I did it, too! My kids are 2.5 years apart, which isn't a bad interval, but I see moms now with a little one and a 2yo and I'm glad I don't have to do it now! I know I managed and it wasn't that bad, but having older kids is great!

By Babysitbarb on Wednesday, September 1, 2004 - 04:28 pm:

Been there, done that. My DH had his big V like a year and a half ago and I felt the same way. It's a emotional thing for woman because it finalizes that we are done having children. I always wanted more than two but, My Dh always wanted two. He did finally agree to a third one like a year before he had it done but, then I decided that I was happy just knowing he would let me have another if I really wanted to. Somedays it bothers that we didn't have more but, for the most part at being almost 40 and having a 12 and 15 year old I realize we made the right choice.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, September 2, 2004 - 01:37 am:

Yeah, Barb, me too! Our family feels just right. When my kids were in the heavy stain years, I was glad I didn't have even more laundry to have to "shout!"