My mom.....a startling realization
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive August 2004:
My mom.....a startling realization
Today is my mom's 74th birthday. As most of you know, she has lung cancer in both lungs. She's gone through a lifetime max course of radiation, and is going through her 2nd course of chemo.
I'm going to run her errands and spend part of the day with her. I'll probably end up just trying to get her to eat something, since she has no appetite from the chemo. She's still living on her own - so far.
But it just hit me today - this could very well be the last birthday she has - or at least, the last one she has where she's not in the hospital or in a home, or at the worst, the last one she has that she's cognizant of, that we can share with her.
Don't mean to have a depressing post, but it seems like now, everything occasion presents itself as *possibly being the last* one of it's kind with her.
Makes me feel really sad, yet it somehow doesn't seem real..........
I can't imagine what you must be going through, my mom is my best friend and her getting older is not something I'm going to deal with well.
Big hugs to you, I'd make this her best birthday yet. Take her a birthday cake (unless she can't eat it becasue of health issues) and sing happy birthday with balloons and really play it up.
Big hugs and I'll be thinking of you.
Christy
{{{Karen}}}
I hope you are able to enjoy your day with your mum.
((((((((hugs))))))))
Just enjoy the time that you are able to spend with her.
((((Karen))))
I agree, I wouldn't think of it that way. I would just try to truly enjoy every minute with her.
(((Karen))) I think you have 2 ways to look at it. You know your time with her may be short, so you want to make the most of it. So many people don't realize until it's too late that that was the last birthday, Christmas, etc that they had with their loved one. Your post made me think of a Tim McGraw song "Live Like You Were Dying", and it just came on the radio! The chorus goes "I loved deeper, I spoke sweeter, and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying..." Enjoy the special moments. 
{{{Hugs}}} Enjoy your day with your mom. Please tell her your friends from momsview wish her a Happy Birthday.
Karen I have been there, twice. What I can say is try to make the most of it, but also try to be normal. If you spend so much time dwelling on what next year may be like you end up not enjoying what you have. Cancer is a horrible horrible thing to deal with; however, you never really know what might happen. There are people who live for years with cancer, yet another person with the identical diagnosis makes it only a few months. I think I had to find power in the unknown. I lost my mother 7 years ago this month and then my dad remarried and we lost my stepmother 7 months ago 
((((((((hugs))))))))
I agree with Kaye. I hope you enjoy your day with her!
What a shock! This is the first day off I've had from work in 2 weeks, so I haven't seen her. She hasn't eaten! She gets Meals on Wheels delivered 4 days a week. There were 8 of them, spoiled in the fridge to be thrown out.
She's done nothing but sleep since the last chemo treatment 2 weeks ago. She's living on Ensure Plus.
I brought her a huge bouquet of really brightly colored flowers. I couldn't get her to eat. She is sooooo thin.
Tonight I had a long conversation with my sister in CA about all of this. She called my mom when I was there, but called me tonight to *get the real story*, as she put it.
Her doc is supposed to be scheduling a CAT scan, since her ins. will only cover PET scans once a year, and she had one in January. I think this was her last chemo treatment. Once she's had the CAT scan, I will take her to the appointment when she gets the results. I've tried to get this doc to give us some sort of prognosis, and it's like nailing Jello to a wall. She has no choice of docs on her plan - Tenet 65.
But we really NEED to know something. From what I saw today, she won't be able to live on her own much longer unless things change. That *could* happen once she's off the chemo - it did before. This is NO quality of life. I am so torn. Part of me just wishes she would stop the heroic measures so she could just enjoy what's left. Then I feel guilty, because I certainly don't have the right to tell her not to fight for her life.
I hate this disease.
(((((((((Karen))))))))))
I feel so bad for you. Here I just dedicated a whole post to being annoyed with my mom. I don't want to even think about what life will be like with out her here. At least she has you to help her. So many people forget about their parents when they get older and sick. She is lucky to have you. I hope you get answers from the doctor. Even if it isn't what you want to here at least you will know. The not knowing is what is hard. You, your mom and family are in my prayers.
{{{Karen}}} Happy Birthday to your mom!!! Hope you made the best of it today....
Oh if I only knew the last things last year Never even would have thought it
I am thinking of you and spend EVERY minute with your mom...it will be something you will never regret.
Best of luck Kar...
One of the greatest graces is that you never know when it is your time is to go.
As long as she is happy, I would just try to enjoy the day. My mother is 74 too. She has trouble getting out of a chair sometimes now.
I heard Marie Osmond say,"She didn't want any regrets" with her mother. So she spend time with her mom in her last years.
You are taking such good care of her and spending so much time with her, I think you shouldn't have any regrets.
There is no one the same as mom that is for sure.
Kristie, don't feel bad about your post. We ALL get annoyed and irritated with our parents.
My kids all get annoyed with ME. It's part of a parent's job - annoy your kids! LOL
My mom really grates on my nerves sometime. I'm the only one here to do anything for her, and she constantly complains about the brand of this, or the quantity of that, that I picked up for her. She's incredibly negative, and she was this way BEFORE she got sick. It drives me nuts and makes me feel unappreciated and sometimes I just want to scream. But I hold my tongue and try REALLY hard to be patient.
One of my sisters goes off on her whenever she's around, which certainly isn't often anymore.
I know that one day I'll miss all the things I gripe about that irritate me, so I'm trying to overlook them. HARD sometimes, but I'm trying!!!
So don't feel bad about your post. It certainly was not my intention for you to feel that way. On a bad day, that could have been a conversation I have with my sister!
((((Karen)))) I honestly don't know what to say. This must be an awful, terrible time for you right now. I admire you for doing all you can do for your mother right now, despite having to hold your tongue, despite having no help. You are an angel for your mom, and I know that she appreciates you. Keep venting here (and you can call me every now and then - I'd love to hear from you) and know that we are all with you through this.
Nothing we can say or do will make the situation any better. Simply know that some of us have been where you are, and understand your frustration, guilt, fears and sorrow. We can only offer wide shoulders, that aren't afraid of some tears, understanding hearts, that won't judge, and hugs every day.
Couldn't have said it better than Bea!
Lots of hugs to you Karen!
(((Lots of Hugs))),Karen. I'm just sorry you are going through this. Know I'm thinking of you.
{{{{HUGS}}}} So sorry you are
having to go through this.
Thinking of you.
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