I just need to vent and I love the support I always get here. I have recently started to be civil with my brothers wife. Some of you may remember I have a very hard time being in the same area as her. Well my mom found out that I took her to the doctor the other day because she didn't have a ride. (she is also preg. again and she was haveing belly pain, I wasn't gonna say no) Well my mom started going on and on and on about how proud she is of me and she just knew that if I tried that I could be friends with her. My gosh, I just took her to a apt. & she and my brother came over one day. Thats it, were not best friends. I just hate it when my mom does that. I know it would make it easier on my mom if the sil and I were friends but that is a LONG ways away. I know it sounds stupid to gripe about but she does this every time I do something with the sil and then when the sil does something to tuck me off my mom dosen't understand how I feel because she thinks we have become best friends. You wouls just have to know my mom. She is a great person but sometimes she really bugs me.

By Kate on Saturday, August 28, 2004 - 08:59 am:

Oh I know how you feel! Your mom is trying to 'encourage' this new civility and thinks if she praises you to the sky you'll love her praise SO much that you'll keep on with this 'new behavior'. She's doing what you'd do with a three year old. I can see why it annoys you! (my mother does this if I wear jewelry and a lot of make up...something I don't normally do. She thinks by complimenting me over the top like that, I'll keep wearing it, which she would like me to do. It makes me CRINGE because it is SO transparent!)

At any rate, it IS great that you're being the better person here with your sister in law and I understand that your trying to do the 'right thing' doesn't make you buddy buddy. It just makes you a good person, which, of course, is a very good thing!

By Audreyj on Saturday, August 28, 2004 - 09:10 am:

I can understand that. I have a Grandmother (bless her heart) who is 80 now, but has done this since I was in the world so I try not to let her use her age for an excuse!!1 **LOL** She doesn't respect the personal boundaries of the extended family. She is always shoving us in each other's faces. It gets really old. She also has a tendency to "hear what she wants to hear" and to even "rewrite history" to try and make our family seem "closer".

Now, my family isn't distant! We see each other on special occaisions, we talk to each other on the phone, but my grandmother wants us all to get together every Sunday for dinner and all go to the same church (we are all in GA) and all be Southern Baptist (no offense to Southern Baptist but we have chosen to attend a Methodist Church) etc.

Finally, about 5 years ago, I happened to be reading Genesis during my Bible time. I was reading about the week of creation. And I remember when I realized this because it was such an "AHA! Moment!" So I'll share it with you:

GOD in all His creative powers had BOUNDARIES!!!

He could have created the world in 24 hours if He wanted to, but he choose to work within healthy boundaries. He had a definite plan. He created specific things within a specific amount of time and he paused to say: "It is good." and to enjoy His work. And His creation has boundaries, the ocean has a beginning and an end, the land has a beginning and an end, everything The Lord created, He has gave "its' OWN space". So, now when I have to say "No, I will not come out there every week but I will be out there in two weeks...." or "No, I do not want to live next door to my brother..." or whatever, and claim my own space, I don't feel so much guilt (me) or pressure (her) because I realize God intended everything He created for fellowship but he also gave everything He created its' own "space" and its' own "place". I know this is long but it felt so good to realize that God doesn't intend for me to walk around permanently attached to my extended family and I thought I would share it with you. God knows you were just giving your sil a kind gesture. It is okay for you to have boundaries and to have some distance when you need it. Well, that's all from me. Hope it helps. AJ

By Karen~moderator on Saturday, August 28, 2004 - 09:10 am:

Kristie, I completely understand what you mean, and how it makes you feel.

But........you're not going to change your mom at this point, so the only thing you can do is grit your teeth, listen, smile and go on about your business.

I think all moms do things like this that irritate their kids, and guess what?? *We* will too! LOL

By Kaye on Saturday, August 28, 2004 - 09:55 am:

The only thing I have to add to this discussion is when your mom is gone, this is what you will miss. There will come a time that you do something with sis in law and wish you could call and tell your mom about it, even though you know she would drive you crazy. That is just one of those things about our crazy world, that which bothers us most is often what we miss the most too!

By Emily7 on Saturday, August 28, 2004 - 09:43 pm:

I would just tell your Mom that you will never be her best friend, but are being civil for your brother & the children. I really dislike my SIL & I do exactly what you do. I think that it is great that after all you have been through with her that you are willing to be in the same room. Kristie I am really proud of you.

By Mrsheidi on Saturday, August 28, 2004 - 11:40 pm:

It's amazing how opinionated mothers can be? Especially when women are prone to "keep the peace", no? That would bug me to no end... I have a great aunt that thinks I want her opinion...always. She thought that, just because I lived in a totally different state than all my close friends and relatives, that a baby shower was impossible. My friend sent out a "Baby Shower in a Box" idea and my aunt emailed me about her 80 year old friends' etiquette opinion...she thought I should fly to Colorado and have a shower there. Said I was being greedy. We've moved around a lot bc of the army so I don't have a lot of close friends in a matter of one year. Ugh. She also thought that I should have done the shower after I had my son. She told me to let him sleep in our dresser drawer and buy a few bottles and that should suffice until people bought us things. Ridiculous.
Now, I enjoy living far from family...and have caller I.D. is great. Here's a quote for ya...
"Family can visit as long as everyone is on their medication." ha ha ha...I once saw that hanging from someone's doorknob.

By Kristie on Sunday, August 29, 2004 - 12:36 am:

Thanks everyone. I am trying to be the adult (Lord knows the sil isn't) and I am proud of myself. Like Emily said, I have had some MAJOR problems with this girl and it would be easier if I could find a way to be around her. May-be my nephew would know who I was if I can tolerate his mommy. I know it would make it easier on my brother too. My mom called me today and asked if I had talked to her today and I told her that I had talked to my brother but not the sil. She asked me if I was mad at her again. I said no, I just didn;t have a reason to talk to her. I think by my tone of voice she got the clue.
Oh, and don't take me wrong, I love my mom and I wouldn't really change anything about her. When she passes away I know I will miss all this silly stuff she does. We are extreamly close and can talk about ANYTHING. But she has been haveing problems lately and needs to avoid stress so instead of telling her she is bugging me I blew her off and decided to vent to you all. And I am sure I already act like her in so many ways and I just won't admit it!!!

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, August 29, 2004 - 09:31 am:

We ALL do that! I know *I* do! Vent here anytime! That's one of the things I like so much about this site, you can always come here to vent, rather than blow up at someone in person and regret it later.