Well my parents are in town visiting with us, really they came to see the new baby, which is all fine and dandy...BUT, Ive had such mixed feelings about them coming..
First of all, I know I posted about my parents last yr, being very unsupportive of me trying for another baby.. My mother telling me after my 3rd miscarriage, that "I guess your going to stop trying now right?"... I know thats the first time I have ever told her off, but telling her, that what we decide is none of her business, that we ask nothing of them financially or emotionally...
Then LAst August, my dad tells my husband he should just have a vasectomy and get this whole ordeal over with..
So, its very hard for me to have them here, visiting with their newest grandchild, like nothing has ever happened. She is a true blessing to me and my husband, and couldnt imagine life without her now.. And yes me and my husband went through alot of emotional turmoil about all my losses, yes I never once cried onmy mothers shoulder, as we are not close...
So its very hard to have them here. Plus the first 5 minutes they were here, my mother took the baby right away.. HELLO, I have 2 other kids who need some attention too. Sure they pay attention to the others, but she shouldnt of taken the baby right off the bat. My 5 yr old is feeling left out as it is..
And, my father drives me crazy.. He forgets, his lifestyle is not my lifestyle.. Just simple things..We dont eat on the same time schedule they do..(they are staying down the street at a hotel, as my mother cant walk steps due to hip problems).We get up, the kids eat breakfast when ever they get up...they eat lunch between 12-1pm, but around that time.. My parents eat their breakfast late, eat lunch late...So when they are ready to go to eat, and tell us "Where do you want to go.." I tell my dad , we have already eaten.. and he gets annoyed...Sorry, I have children, they arent waiting until all hrs to eat their meals.
Then last night we had dinner here at the house, my husband was at school.. After we got the kitchen cleaned up, my dad kept insisting on taking the garbage out.. I kept telling him not too, as it wasnt filled, and that my husband would do it when he got home, if it needed to be thrown out.. My dad kept saying that at home when they were done with dinner and cleaning up, he ALWAYS threw the garbage away..But my parents dont do real trash bags, they take like a Walmart bag, and fill it through the day with trash, so thats what my dad does every night, throw their one little bag of trash away. We use a regular kitchen trash container, with regular kitchen trash bags, and I cant see wasting 1/2 of bag when its not filled..I had to tell my dad 3 times, do not throw the trash away..
Then I hate when my parents talk to my kids like they are the parents.. UGH.. that really irks me.. sure if the kids are yelling or being disrespectful towards them, they can say something...But other then that Iam the parent..Its like this at every visit.. And, it makes me so glad I dont live in the same state as them.
But the hardest thing is seeing them with Faith.. She is my miracle baby... and I feel like they dont truley appreciate how much that little baby means to me.. after all the cruel things they have ever said to me..
Sure they came with tons of stuff they bought for her, and my other kids, but that will never make up for the unkind words I heard after my miscarriages from her.

By Colette on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 09:09 am:

(((Jackie))) this is the last thing you need to deal with after just giving birth. Try to relax and enjoy your miracle baby. They probably don't even realize how hurt you were by their remarks. Hopefully their visit will be short.

By Amy~moderator on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 10:46 am:

(((((((((Jackie))))))))))

I don't know how you are handling it! I would have a very difficult time having them in my house for days if they had been that insensitive toward me. I *completely* know what you are talking about with the eating meals late and the small grocery bag of trash thing. A lot of my family members are like that. I just don't get how they don't understand that with children - it just won't happen.

I do hope that their visit is short. And I hope they give a sufficient amount of attention to your other dks. They must be feeling a little left out with all the attention focused on little Faith.

I would try to keep the peace, but if they say anything remotely hurtful to you, I would say something. Ahhhh, after all you've been through and after just giving birth, now you have to deal with this! It's just not right - I hope everything gets settled down soon. (((Jackie)))

By Insaneusmcwife on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 11:17 am:

no advice here just lots of {{{{{hugs}}}}}

By Truestori on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 01:45 pm:

Jackie,

I know the feeling of having people in your house that you don't necessarily want there. It seems that life always works out this way, though. People that are suppose to truly care about you seem to be the ones that put you down, or are always negative, etc. Its sad because life is short and eventually the people that were so mean and nasty need someone there, and its usually the person they didn't really have a great realationship with from the beginning that stand by their side.

I remember the posts you are referring to from last year, and I know you were hurt by your moms comments. It is truly hard to let stuff go but for the babies sake it may be time to start the forgiving process. My mom said alot of hurtful things when I was pregnant with my daughter, but I always knew it was because she was disappointed in the age I was and the circumstances at the time. Sometimes it is fear, that makes us so judgemental. My mom was never good at expressing her feelings, sounds like your parents are similar. Maybe your mom needs you to intiate a hug, some tears and express how you have felt about her all these years. Just a thought....by not allowing her in to your heart you are being as stubborn as she. I hope you can work something out.

By Mrse on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 01:52 pm:

Hi, jackie, ok how about this, when dh and I got preganat with our first daughter we went to mil and fil and were so happy told them of our wonderful news. His mom looked at us, and (step fil) said next time keep your ------- in your pants!!! I was so upset I just got up and we left right then and their, we did not go back for a long long time, i will never forget that day, fil just ruined our big news, my parents were estatic, which made us drawn more to my parents than his. That comment was just the tip of the ice berg with dh family. It gets worse.