Right now there is a pretty good seat sale on with Westjet that would allow me to fly from ALberta to Nova Scotia for $440 plus tax. My sister is pressing me to go visit and at first I was really keen on the idea. However, once I got thinking about it it's still $2220 for the four of us with taxes and fees and that doesn't include any spending money so the trip still would end up costing at least $3000. My sister keeps saying "Well you would spend the money on other things why not spend it to visit your family" (it's been 4 years since I saw them).

Here's my problem...why should it always be us that has to spend the money. No one has ever come to visit us. When we were in BC my sister moved there. We lived in the same town for about 6 months and then we decided to move to another town. Before she moved back to Nova Scotia she went shopping in a town about 6 hours from us. We had just bought our first home and she wouldnt' even drive the 6 hours to see it before leaving the province. She has gone on a cruise with her chatroom buddies and to Toronto with them as well. She also plays the I'm so poor thing but she can do that.

My brother...well...I'm sure the thought of visiting me has NEVER even crossed his mind. He doesn't even phone ever. His wife is thinking about sending him and my nephew to Boston in February to watch a hockey game...a trip that would cost them more than a plane ticket to see me. Plus, he just sold his house for $40000 more than he paid for it a year ago so he has way more money than me.

My SIL has two cottages, a huge home and flies to Flordia ever March break.

My other SIL can send her kids to horse camp for a week, has no mortgage and a good paying job.

So really, the only ones who couldn't afford to come are my grandmother and MIL/FIL.

So, why do I feel so bad about having these feelings? Not sure if I'm looking for answers or just needed to vent. Am I being selfish? Thanks for listening if you've made it this far.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, August 9, 2004 - 05:42 pm:

Not at all, and if I were you, I'd mention to each of them that planes fly both ways, and that THEY could come see YOU too.

By Kellyj on Monday, August 9, 2004 - 06:41 pm:

You are totally justified. My in-laws are the same exact way except we only live 2 hours away. We are expected to drive there for more than 20 occassions per year (birthdays/holidays/get togethers) and when we wanted to have one birthday party for our DD's first birthday they all complained about having to come ALL the way out here. So we had the party at their house. And yet they'll make trips out this way for shopping etc... and never think twice about it being too far. I don't really have any advice because we still have yet to fix our situation...just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.

By Momaroze on Monday, August 9, 2004 - 08:01 pm:

If there is one thing I've learned in my 38 years of life is don't feel guilty be true to yourself and stand your ground. I've dealt with family like this for years! Once I took the "bull by the horns", I felt empowered. If you really want to visit your sister, can you go by yourself? I agree, that is ALOT of money to spend on air fare for the family.

BTW, I don't think you are being selfish, I think you "may" be thinking realistic. Only you know what you can afford for a vacation, and I know with kds money goes fast!

By Deek on Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 08:49 am:

We always say that our family needs Sherpa guides to get over the mountains and the Delaware River to come see us in the Poconos LOL..but always expects us to make the trip down to NJ..we used to feel guilty saying no..but now we go when we can and don't when we can't...most occasions occur whether or not we attend...good luck in deciding

By Insaneusmcwife on Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 02:20 pm:

I know this situation far to well. My inlaws won't come dpwn to see us at all. We are expected to make all the trips up there and foot the bill. They couldn't even be bothered to pick me and the dk's up at the airport. I had to make other arrangements. My "other" inlaws are good at coming to see us. We have never been up to see them but the kids and I will be taking a trip up there this November . Then there is my family here in Cali, the only people that come out to see us is my dad and one of my cousins. Everyone else we have to go see or drive to pick up. I have family in Texas that is the same way. I am expected to make the trip. It was really bad when we were in Okinawa, coming home was a HUGE expense. I don't have any advice to offer, just wanted you to know that I feel your pain.

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, August 10, 2004 - 06:30 pm:

Seems to me too that planes go in both directions. Only you know what you can afford and what your budgetary priorities are.

By Lisairene on Wednesday, August 11, 2004 - 11:30 am:

Boy does this sound familiar. I always pack up the girls or my ex-husband does, to go see family. My other siblings are single or their children are grown. So why is it that our families don't take their turn in travel? anyway, what do all these abbrev. mean? DD, DS, SIL? etc. Is there a list somewhere? Thanks.

By Paulas on Wednesday, August 11, 2004 - 04:30 pm:

DD-dear daughter
DS-dear son
SIL-sister in law
FIL-father in law

By Bea on Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 12:43 am:

I agree. The road is just as long in each direction.

By My2cuties on Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 02:52 am:

BTDT!! My sil's both live near Chattanooga. That is quite a drive for us with 2 small children, yet we are expected to go there for Christmas, Thanksgiving, Birthdays, etc. They will not come to our home, but they go to my FIL and MIL's house 45 minutes from here and expect us to meet them there. How frustrating. We have the small children they should come to us! Out of the year and a half we have been here they have been here 1 time and that was for my dd's 2nd birthday they didn't even come to my other dd's 1st birthday party. UUUGGGHHH! Oh well, I will try to keep the peace with them for dh's sake. Sorry this is kind of a touchy situation for us too. Can't be of much help, I don't think you are being selfish at all. I don't think I am being selfish I think it is called being "logical"...lol Good luck with your situation!

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 11:59 pm:

My hubby's brother and wife never come to our house! What's funnier is that her mom lives in Manitowoc, which is about 20 minutes north of here and we are only about a mile off the freeway that goes to Manitowoc and they never stop by to say hi or anything! We only see them at family get-togethers! LOL!

My other SIL does know the way to our house and often stops by if she is in town! Actually, I do like both of my SILs. Hubby just thinks it's funny that his brother will never come here!