I'm so tired of Dh spending money. For one thing, it takes time to shop, pick-up large items and store it. We moved into our house almost 12 years ago. We both agreed that we would purchase a fixer upper because the home that we chose was cheap due to being unfinished. Well rather than fix it up all he seems to do is buy items for the house to fix it up, and ends up storing everything! Rather than doing he's just spending. He keeps promising how "one day" I will have a beautiful house. It's important to me to have a nice home now! So between him working, shopping and helping out friends I'm always the last on the list. Hiring someone is out of the question. I'm just ******off, had I known it would take so long, I would have never agreed to buy a fixer upper. Am I being impatient. He is trying to buy everything on sale to save money. That is great but I still think with what he has bought so far he can start on something? Thanks, maybe I am having a bad day?

By Lauram on Friday, August 6, 2004 - 03:50 pm:

On August 13th, we will have been in our house for 8 years. DH is just finishing the front walkway (we haven't had a front path this whole time). It does take time (and you do need all that equipment unfortunately. My husband has done a LOT of work (as have I- I painted the entire exterior and interior) but he is a "P" in Myers-Briggs terms- meaning he needs a deadline. His deadline for this path , BTW is the end of the summer. It also helped us to make a "plan of attack." Our house was so gross it was really overwhelming at first to even know where to begin! Next on our list is a shed and redoing the deck! Oh- and also dh plans some of his vacation time to do some of these projects. That helps too.

By Anonymous on Friday, August 6, 2004 - 03:57 pm:

You are so right Laura, Dh does need a deadline. He works best when under pressure. I feel helpless because I have so much more time on my hands, the opposite of him! I suppose I am as frustrated with myself as much as I am with him!

By Bellajoe on Friday, August 6, 2004 - 03:58 pm:

We needed our family room painted in a big way! We ended up agreeing to have my mom's retirement party here....that motivated us to buy the paint and paint room, the among a lot of other stuff we had on our punch list before the party . My brother and his wife needed to do some painting and fixing of things in their house, they ended up inviting people to their house to visit for a few days...a guy my db met on the internet, this motivated them to fix and paint what needed to be done. So, Anon, maybe you need to tell your dh that you plan to have a big new years party (or something like that) at your house and maybe he will be motivated to at least start doing some of the work to make the house look nice by his deadline....makeing it New Years gives him plenty of time to do the work to .

I agree, 12 years is a lot of time to wait to have a nice house. That would drive me nuts if my dh bought the supplies he needed to do the project, but didn't acutally do the project.

Good luck

By Emily7 on Friday, August 6, 2004 - 05:10 pm:

When I got tired of waiting for my dh to do something I bought a book & learned how myself. He saw all the progress & started helping. It isn't as hard as it seems to do household repairs & you get the satisfaction that you did it. I can replace a toilet, hang drywall, replace outlets, fix garbage disposals, & a whole lot more. It saves time & feelings if you just do it yourself.

By Mommyathome on Friday, August 6, 2004 - 05:15 pm:

My inlaws bought (well, inherited) a fixer upper about 8 years ago. It still looks about the same as it did when they moved in!! It doesn't seem to bother them, but it drives me nuts. They have enough sheets of drywall stored in the basement to refinish the entire first floor. But, they just don't get it done. Not sure why.
The only thing they have re-done since they moved in is one of the first floor bathrooms. The only reason it gone done was because DH and I were getting married and they were having a lot of houseguests and needed that bathroom done before the guests arrived. Since then, nothing has been touched!

By Truestori on Friday, August 6, 2004 - 05:38 pm:

I agree with Emily! I used to feel helpless but then I started learning and reading and watching Dh repair things and now I can fix alot of stuff. My son and I retiled the bathroom floor. I amazed myself and it turned out pretty darn nice. I impressed hubby so much he went on to do other projects. I know how frustrating it can be to live in an unfinished project but keep in mind how tired you are after a hard days work. Maybe plan a day where you and him can come together and just work. It's actually nice to feel like you are apart of the whole process. Goodluck and I hope it all comes together.

By Coopaveryben on Friday, August 6, 2004 - 05:54 pm:

My mom used to pull all the tools and try to do it herself, this was her way of motivating my dad. He would see her doing it...wrong usually and jump in there and take the lead. When he stopped she would start again, she still does it. It works like a charm. This won't work for my DH would sit and watch me work.

By Feona on Saturday, August 7, 2004 - 06:05 am:

He didn't do anything in 12 years? I would give up them. I don't think he is going to do anything. I don't believe in arguing about it though. I know my husband works and is very tired so I imagine your husband is too. He probably is very good at supporting his family and doing many other things!


We bought a fixer upper too. It was all we could afford in a good school district. Plus he wanted to walk to the rail road.

5 years still not fixed. I should say dh did quite alot, but he is a perfectionist so that slows him down to a stop. I am affraid to wall paper the kitchen. Why I can't imagine. Really it was too much for us. I mean you can pull your hair out but that is the truth. Not everyone is Bob Villa or Mrs. Bob Villa. So what.

I agree to try yourself. It comes out better than you think it will. Take your time. Try something small. You get alot of satisfaction in doing something and seeing it done! (even if it isn't so great)

My mother thinks DH should be Bob Villa, but you know let her marry Bob Villa and send him over to my house to help. Really!

I ask for a room to be finished for presents - like christmas or my birthday or my anniversary. That helped a bit. Really is alot of work.

I did paint the bathroom - the side porch - the garage.(the garage and the side porch took a week) Pulled the wall paper off the front porch and kitchen. (killed myself each time too) But how much can you do with a small child around?

They say one home remodeling is the biggest cause of marriage dissatisfaction. I would say there are bigger things to fight about. I get more upset now about not taking the garbage out.

By Kernkate on Saturday, August 7, 2004 - 08:48 am:

Oh have I so BTDT for the past 7 years wee are in our fixer upper. DH is a mechanic and in no way a carpenter. He has done some painting, but now that our baby is almost 4 I have learned how to take some of the task on myself. As Feona said I know DH is tired when he comes in from work. And since I am home all day I had done alot. Take on small jobs at first. I can say now I actually enjoy doing some of our home improvements and it feels like such a great accomplishment when the job is done.

By Audreyj on Saturday, August 7, 2004 - 09:27 am:

We bought a fixer upper two years ago, we finished the kitchen, living room and bedrooms. We have almost completed the bonus room and we arer fixing to start on the two bathrooms. And we just painted the outside of the house.

We got it all done during DH's vacations. It wasn't very much fun, cancelling a trip to Florida to work on the house but now, we are glad we did it.

As far as "wife help", I am in charge of financing, shopping for supplies, holding stuff still or at a certain angle, I paint, I have an electric screw gun I can use, I measure stuff, I choose the colors and designs, and (most important) I keep the kid's out of Dad's hair while he's working on the house!!! Our kids are 4 and 7 so they can occaisionally hold a paint brush or something. We let them paint our garage door. (DH went back over it and smoothed it out later so their feelings would not be hurt) and we let them paint the mailbox. They loved "helping" with supervision.

The staff at Home Depot and Lowe's have gotton to know me so well that now when my kids and I come in, they greet me by name. I have found them to be very helpful and knowledgeable and I even took a small, free class at Home Depot to learn about tiling floors. (Of course, this was a "commercial" for HD products, but hey, I was there to buy supplies anyway.....)

So I do help and "pitch in" with the labor, but mostly I shop, manage the money for the project, plan the project, keep the kids out of Dad's hair and buy all of the supplies. (If I don't know what he might need, he makes me a list).

When he gets ready to do a project, I explain my design, leave all the supplies waiting for him, and take the children away unless he calls me or says he wants something specific done. "Come hold this board....come hold the ladder....hand me the hammer.....etc.

When we first started, I noticed sending my hubby to Home Depot was like sending me to The Mall, he could wonder around aimlessly for hours so now, I buy the supplies and plan the project. It is easier for me to just pick out what I want, get it, and walk out.

Hope that helps. AJ