...to let you go from FT to PT? I was a SAHM for 8 years and then worked PT for a year at a bank, and then I was offered FT. I've been FT for a year now, and hate it. Great environment, great pay, etc, etc, but I want to be home! My kids are 14 and 9, so they don't really "need" me like they did, but I still struggle to keep all my balls in the air. I'm not a nice person to be around anymore, and am constantly stressed out and angry. I brought the subject up to dh about 6 months ago, and he said "definitely not" could I go back to PT. Lest you think he's a pig (which he's not!), I need to tell you he works VERY hard at a job as well as farms, and I know our income helps a lot. We could make it without my FT income, but we never had anything to save. Plus I've got good retirement benefits at the bank. I feel like I'm being selfish, but I also feel like I'm slowly going under. How can I bring this subject up to him in a positive way, do you think?

By Boxzgrl on Thursday, August 5, 2004 - 01:18 pm:

Maybe catch him in a good mood and explain to him what you have noticed. You're not in a great mood, you miss being home and doing "mom" things, you are very stressed etc.... Maybe you could tell him to let you try it for a while and see how it works and if it doesnt work so well you can return to being full time. It is hard considering the kids age because you cant quite use them as a good excuse since they are older. My DH, for example, likes me to stay home so the house is clean everyday, I can bond and watch our DD grow, bills and such get done in a timely manner, dinner is on the table at 6 (and sometimes even homemade dessert), DD and I do crafts for him to surprise him when he gets home and a bunch more. If any of those are important to your DH try bringing those up. And if he has noticed the difference in your moods, concentrate on that. But dont forget, a lot of men just dont get it so you may have to list all the signs that lead to your stress. Good Luck!

By Mommyathome on Thursday, August 5, 2004 - 05:53 pm:

((((hugs))) I hope you can work something out. Melissa had a good idea when she mentioned maybe doing a trial run type thing. Go to part time for awhile and see how it works out. (be sure to go easy on spending during this trial so it looks extra good!)

By Joy~bundles on Thursday, August 5, 2004 - 07:25 pm:

Ugh, Janet!! I feel your pain!! I would LOVE to work PT (better yet, be a SAHM again), but as a now single Mom, FT is an ugly necessity and even at that, I'm really struggling to keep up financially!!

If you have the option to work PT, I would really sit down and discuss this thoroughly with DH. It isn't selfish in any way. It's very, very difficult to work FT, and then come home and work double overtime caring for the kiddos and running the household!! I've read more than once that teenagers "need" their Mom (parents) to be just as available or even more so when they're going through adolescence as when they are younger.

Melissa had some great points - having the time to keep up with the housework, time to prepare dinner, run errands for the family etc. Entirely less stress on you benefits the whole family.

I hope that DH will hear you out and see things from your perspective. If he can understand how miserable you are, maybe he'll come around.

I'm rooting for you!! Go, Janet!!! {{{HUGS}}}

By Karen~moderator on Thursday, August 5, 2004 - 07:39 pm:

Great point above about teens - and OH SO TRUE! BTDT!

I have no doubt if I had been able to be a SAHM when all 4 of mine were teens, things would have been different, particularly with the oldest 2.

However, I, like Joy-B, was a single mom and staying at home or working part time was out of the question, and it was often hard to just make ends meet.

I agree with the others, a calm talk while pointing out your own state of mind and the positive aspects of you being home more is the way to go.

By Janet on Friday, August 6, 2004 - 09:39 am:

Thanks for your comments and suggestions... I know my dh is only considering our future (and college expenses!), while I am more focused on the present (my kids need me to be more available). Call me an ostrich, but I tend to think that things will work themselves out, and I'm not too concerned about retirement or college. Maybe I should be. ANYWAY... I'm planning my strategy so I have all my reasons clear before I bring it up again. Thanks again!

By Momaroze on Friday, August 6, 2004 - 02:27 pm:

I have the opposite problem. Dh doesn't want me to go back to work, not even part-time. Next year when ds is abit older I definately want to work p/t at least!

Good luck Janet. Can't offer you much more advice than the girls above did.