Kitty Heartbreak! 
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive July 2004:
Kitty Heartbreak!
I feel like I'm being kind of a baby, which is what my DH is insinuating, but, I just don't know how to react like an adult in this situation! I have NEVER had a pet in my whole life, until my DH and I rescued a kitten 9 years ago. All the doctors said he would die, but he didn't and he's been the GREATEST cat in the world. Loving, patient, great with the real baby who "replaced" him two years ago... I could go on and on. Our vet told us last night that Cosmo has severe gum disease which is causing his teeth to have absesses (sp?) and they believe there is cancer there... on top of heart problems that were previously undetected!!! My head knows that the best thing is to put him down, because he is in pain, but my heart is breaking! The vet said they could operate, at a cost of about $1800, but they would have to remove most, if not all, his teeth, which he would hate, and that was only if they didn't find cancer... and even then, it would probably only be a band-aid on the situation. We would have to face the same situation/decision in a year or so!!!
My DH has had pets all his life. He has been through this back and forth. I'm not saying he doesn't care, but, I guess you learn to deal with it. But, this is my first time and every time I look at my poor Cosmo, I cry! And feel horribly guilty that I can't do anything for him. Then, again, my highly rationale side says "he is a cat... count your blessings and get over it"!
OK... I'm ranting!! Thanks for listening!
(((HUGS))) You just need to know that deep down in your heart, you are making a decision that you believe will only be beneficial to Cosmo. I know how you feel. I for quite a few years was the tech in the vet office crying right there with the owners because they felt as if they were my own. I was even there a few times for my own animals. I actually did see a patient in the past that had severe gum disease and the owners fought and fought and thousands of dollars later they realized the best thing was to take him out of the pain he was having. You may not know today, or even tomorrow. But give yourself time to come to peace with whatever decision you make. It will make you feel like Cosmos hero in the end. Remember, they cant tell us what they feel so were here to do the best for them. (((HUGS)))
I couldn't have said it any better Melissa.
(((((HUGS)))))
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Melissa is right though, They can't tell us what they feel, so you have to use your own judgement. Good luck.
It doesn't matter how many times you go through this it will always be hard. I think men can just turn on this mechanical way of thinking sometimes to deal with these things. I held my dog while they put him to sleep and hated myself for days even though she was 15 years old and in terrible agony and it was best. ((((HUGS)))) for you and Cosmo and he is in our prayers!
I too have had to put a few pets to sleep. They are part of the family and it is hard.
I know how your husband thinks because my husband has a limit too the amount of money that we spend at the vet. I don't necessarily agree with his limit but I know he means well. Is there a school or veterinarian that would do the procedure for a whole lot less?
To me $1,800 without knowing the outcome is way over our budget, but thats just us. I'm not meaning to sound insensitive in any way but that price sounds really steep to me.
I would call around and explain your situation and see if anyone gives free consultations. A second opinion never hurts. Goodluck in your decision.
(((Angellew))) I *know* where you are right now. I was just there a few months ago. Cosmo is your fur baby, and a beloved family member. You're not being a baby. Listen to your heart.
Oh, Angela. I do indeed know what you are going through. One of my mother's cats had the same condition.
Sadly, I would recommend against the surgery. With my mom's cat, we had all of his teeth removed and it did not cure the infection. Because he had been my dad's cat (sort of) and dad had died, Mom couldn't bear to part with Tippy, so we wound up taking him in every month for a steroid shot. This would give him relief for about 3 weeks and for the next week, until he could have another steroid shot, his mouth hurt so badly he could not eat and he would take a bite of food and then paw frantically at his mouth to try to get the food out.
And, if there is cancer on top of it, I have never seen a good outcome with an animal with cancer. I know some have been cured and gone on to live out a relatively normal life, but I have never seen it. We are struggling with my son's dog's illness and, as much as Keyla is his baby, he has already decided that if the final diagnosis is cancer he will not opt for surgery or chemo. He worked at the School of Veterinary Medicine at the Univ. of Penna. for 3+ years and says he almost never saw a good outcome from cancer with the thousands of animals they treat every year and usually a lot of pain for the animal from the surgery and chemo.
I guess, like your dh, I've learned to live with it. I have had cats all my life, and dogs too, and have had to have 4 or 5 dogs and at least 10 cats put to sleep. My feeling, as an animal lover and having been owned by so many animals, is that my side of the contract is to keep them safe, fed, warm and dry and take care of their health needs - and when life becomes painful for them, to help them to have a painless and dignified end no matter how much it hurts me. I was so upset with my mom when she insisted on keeping Tippy alive because, as she said, "I can't bear to part with him - he's all I have of your father". I saw how much pain he was in every month as the steroids wore off, watched him eat frantically and gain weight for the couple of weeks after the shot and then slow down eating, lose weight, and begin to have severe pain. This went on for, I think, about 8 months. Then my mom died and the next week I had Tippy put to sleep rather than put him through any more pain.
I urge you to hug Cosmo, take some pictures of him for your memories, have a good cry or two, and take him to the vet and hold him as he goes to sleep without pain.
I had a cat from the time I was 4 years old. He died when I was 17. He had the same thing in his mouth, but the vet said it was cancer. He drooled and lost hair around his mouth, and he tried to jab his paw into his mouth, why I am not sure, but I know his mouth was painful. We let him suffer for about 3 months before we knew it was time to put him down. This happened at the same time my grandfather died. My boyfriend was insensitive. It may be a guy thing. I simply told him "Hey, I have had this cat for practically my entire childhood- so let me be sad for a while!" I got lots of pictures, so I will never forget my Timmy. I have had another cat for 10 years now, and I don't know what I will do when she goes.
Please don't let Cosmo suffer. It will not get any easier to handle when the time does come; in fact, the more you watch him suffer, the more painful it may be when you do remember him. You want to remember him for the happy faithful member of your family that he has been for the past decade (give or take a few months.)
And don't worry about acting like an adult- adults cry too.
Ginny- I agree with your philosophy for caring for animals, and my grandparents did the same thing with their dog your mom did. They had a West Highland White Terrier for 12 years, and he had all kinds of ailments and he suffered with them for more than a year. They cared for and nursed him like they were Hospice care providers. He had bitten all of the grandchildren except for my son, since I was not allowed to visit with my son for fear of him getting bitten as well. He was my grandma's dog, loved her most, and would allow only her to handle him. The time finally came for them to face the music when he got mean and snapped at my grandma, and then she knew.
It isn't easy to have to make that decision. We had to do it with Honey just a few months ago. She was barely eating and losing weight. We all went when she was put to sleep and there wasn't a dry eye in the place, hubby, too. Even the vet tech was crying.
$1800 would be out of our price range, too and I would have a hard time watching an animal who was in pain.
Good luck with whatever decision you make.
Thank you, everyone, for listening and being there for me {{{HUGS}}}!!! I NEVER thought this would be so hard. But, we sat and talked about it, and I did see quite a bit of emotion in my DH. He knew if I saw him reacting, it would only make it worse for me, knowing how much Cosmo and I are in love with each other!!!  We both know what we have to do and what we will do. So, the doctor has given us an antibiotic, which, he said, will make Cosmo show signs of improvement... this way, his last couple of weeks will be reasonably pain-free and we can enjoy him until we have to say goodbye!
Thank you all sooooo much! You can't know how much it is appreciated!
Angela
{{Hugs}}
It's never easy, and you are certainly not acting like a baby. Grief is grief, and it's not fair to expect grief to be any less because it's "just an animal." I think making the decision to put a beloved pet to sleep is so incredibly heart-wrenching... there's always the "what ifs" and second guessing...
My first pet to have cancer, that had to be put to sleep, was (are you ready for this?) my pet mouse, Cuddles. I was 12. Did I cry? You bet. The most recent one was my 15 yr old cat, Nathaniel, who was so sick that he couldn't even get up anymore. I was 41. Did I cry? You bet. Which was harder? Which one did I love more? It can't be measured.
I am so sorry about Cosmo, and wish there was a magic pill that he could take to make it better. And that would make your heart mend faster.
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