When I was at church on Sunday I noticed that the grown children that were there with their mother's were all daughters with their husband's. Their are a lot of people in the church with grown son's but not one of them was there on mother's day. This is just something I have really been noticing a lot lately, that the son's tend to go to their wifes family more.

I have two brother's and my mom hardly hears from them but they are always at their MIL's houses. My friend/neighbor is going through the same thing with her oldest son, he can't make it to her house but is always at his MIL's a block over.

Do you visit your MIL's often? What makes you stay away or what makes you want to go?

If you have grown married son's what do they tend to do?

By Mommmie on Tuesday, May 11, 2004 - 10:27 pm:

I think husbands tend to do what their wives tell them to do.

By Bobbie on Tuesday, May 11, 2004 - 10:36 pm:

My MIL currently lives out of state. But will be moving in with us in June. So to answer your question. I think it is common for the daughters to be closer to their mothers and for them to spend more time with their mothers. But in cases like mine, I have a good relationship with my MIL and actually would rather be with her than my own mom... My sisters both spend more time with their MIL's also. But all of my friends spend more time with their families not DH's. So I think it depends on the relationships. And how welcome and included you make them feel in your life.

By Emily7 on Tuesday, May 11, 2004 - 11:13 pm:

We spend more time with my family than we do his. The reason is because things haven't always been good with my in-laws. After my ds was born I went through some MAJOR post-partum & wasn't pleasant to be around. My in-laws decided they didn't like me to much at that point. I feel bad about it, but can't change anything. They are always welcome in my house & my dh can go see them when he wants.

How does that saying go...You are not losing a daughter but gaining a son.

By Texannie on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 08:34 am:

We spent more time with my parents than his for a couple of reasons, my folks lived in the same town, my mom was my best friend, his folks and I had a rocky relationship for years.
Even the bible says "a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home".

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 09:12 am:

We end up spending more time with my in-laws just because they are closer to us. My SILs live 45 minutes away and 20 minutes away. Gary's dad's house is 35 minutes away.

My parents live 2-1/2 hours away, so when we go, it's usually an overnight trip and has to be arranged in advance. They just aren't close enough for a spontaneous visit. Also, they are quite busy, so we could drive all that way and find them not home.

By Christylee on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 09:53 am:

My MIL lives in Corpus Christi so it's at least a three hour drive for us. My mom lives 45 minutes away so we see my family alot more, my dad is even closer to me location wise. My DH doesn't mind and niether does my MIL, they aren't very family oriented while my family is extremly close.

His mom will come up for the weekend and it's usually not just for a visit there is always some other agenda... Like for instance this weekend it's for him to fix Angela's (his sister's) computer so she can use it while they are up there for Angela's chemo.

Oh well that turned into a tiny vent. sorry. lol...

By Carolk on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 10:29 am:

I'm like Bobbie. I get along well with my MIL and we live 10 minutes from her. My parents live about 35 minutes away and my mom can get on my nerves and I'm sure I can get on hers. We usually don't like to go to two places, but we did this mother's day. It wasn't too bad. We usually trade off holidays except Christmas. We do Christmas eve with my family and Christmas day with DH's family.

My sister is the exact opposite of me. She can't stand her MIL and she's close to my mom. Her MIL doesn't live in the same state so I'm sure she's happy about that.

By Bellajoe on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 10:30 am:

My MIL is next door! We always see her outside in the summer, and pretty frequently in the winter too. My mom lives a block away, we see her probably once a week.

When my ds grows up, he better come and visit me as much as he visits his MIL!!!

By Tink on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 12:26 pm:

My MIL lives out of state and my DH isn't very close to her. My brother is like a lot of sons out there, though, and doesn't spend too much time with my mom. He spends a lot of time with his future MIL, though. I think it is a combination of personality conflicts with my mom and his fiancee's relationship with her mom. He also gets along well with his future BIL, who still lives at home, so its a social visit for him, also.

By Babysitbarb on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 04:49 pm:

we spend more time with my family because we get along with my family better. We do spend a lot of time with his one sister. We don't spend time with his Mom at all and that's because of all the mean stuff she has done.
I do agree that girls seem to be closer to their parents and spend more time with their parents then guys do with theirs.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 06:57 pm:

"A daughter's a daughter all of her life, a son is a son 'til he takes him a wife.", or so the old adage goes. My dear dil, bless her, makes sure that we all spend time together. She has become the social planner and center for both her family and mine for family get-togethers.

By Texannie on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 07:18 pm:

Ginny, that's how my mom was when I was growing up. Her home was the hub for all family activities, both sides. My cousin and I alternate here, but it's hard when the inlaws live out of town and can't travel anymore. It was nice when they could, because we could have all sides of the family together instead of splitting up and choosing sides. Your dil sounds like quite the gem.

By Bobbie on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 10:19 pm:

Ginny that would be ideal. But it takes work to blend families and most people aren't up to it. Or choose not too.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 10:38 pm:

My dil is indeed a gem. One of the 10 best on the Eastern Seaboard.

By Bobbie on Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 12:01 am:

Yes she is.

By Bea on Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 12:06 am:

I avoid DH's mother at all costs. I would never stop him from seeing her however. I can't blame my DIL for my son's inattention. He was out of town on business all last week, and because she was "taking care of things"...I actually got a Mother's Day card.

By Colette on Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 05:48 am:

We live next door to my in-laws so we see them pretty much every day. My mother is about 1/2 hour from us and I talk to her every day and see her usually every week or two.

I also blend the two families at my house for holidays and special occasions. I enjoy it and it's easier than traveling and the kids get to see both sets of grandparents.

By Ladypeacek on Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 06:27 am:

We spent more time with my mom until now because she lived down the street and his parents lived about 16 hours from us!

Emily...I know how you feel, i had my ds and ONE WEEK after he was born we had to go to Florida to see his parents which i was NOT happy about! I was tired and sore and driving for 2 days was not my idea of rest. The only reason i went is cuz my dh was leaving for the desert in 2 weeks. I was cranky and all out of sorts! My inlaws insisted we go to the beach which i thought was a bad idea with a newborn so i was a pain ALL day! After about 4 days of dealing with they fianlly asked what my problem was.. I looked the right in the eyes and fumed I JUST HAD A BABY..i am breastfeeding, up all night, terribly sore and i want to sleep! I think it surprised them for me to be so loud but they apologized and my MIL said she was sooo sorry, it has been so long since she had a baby, her youngest is 17 and she just forgot how exhausting it could be. They were very considerate after that!

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 07:29 am:

You traveled for 2 days in the car, 1 week after having a baby? Were you nuts? LOL! Yikes! I was way too tired after my c-sections to have made such a trip that soon. As it was, traveling with a 4-week old baby 200 miles one-way for Easter was bad enough.

I can't believe you had to blow up at them for them to understand! They should have just let you stay home while they went to the beach.

By Coopaveryben on Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 09:53 am:

My husband makes fun of me because of my infatuation with this topic, thank you for all the answers......I WANT A LITTLE GIRL!

I don't want anymore kids, I'm at my limit with the 3 of them and I don't want to be pregnant again, but I want a little girl. If anybody has one to spare let me know!

By Texannie on Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 09:56 am:

Mine's 10 and developing and attitude, you can have her!

By Peggy13 on Friday, May 14, 2004 - 08:03 pm:

I am glad I have my daughter - I think of when my 3 sons grow up and leave - and don't call me(like my husband does and all his 6 brothers do - they don't call their mother). I figure with the one daughter, at least I will have somebody to shop with and talk on the phone with when I'm old!!

By Fionadeassis on Saturday, May 15, 2004 - 10:56 am:

I want a little girl too.....but it just isn't going to happen.

Number 2 in my belly is a boy according to the ultrasound. My mom insists they have made a mistake(she wants a granddaughter too!)....

I guess I will just try VERY hard to raise boys who are MAMAS BOYS LOL !!!!!!!!

That being said, my Dh is a a total mamas boy but when he left Brasil when he was 21 he went for about 2 years without calling his mom or even telling her where he was or how he was....and she thought he was dead or on drugs for that whole time!!!!!

Now since he has been with me, he calls her almost once a week(except right now, he is visiting her for the first time in 18 years!).

Now I am scaring myself LOL~~!!!!!!!!!!

I hope my boys stay close to home and marry really nice girls.........

fiona

By Sue3 on Saturday, May 15, 2004 - 02:36 pm:

Chrissy ,
My friend is just like you and wants a girl badly also , though she is having no more pregnancies.LOL !
I liked your quote in your profile , it is so true and one to live by for sure.
We are more close with DH`s family . He has 5 brothers ! No sisters.
Lot`s of neice`s and nephews also.His Mom is so nice and is great with all the grand kids.
We do have 2 Holidays at our home with my side of the family though.
I think the reason that we are so more with his side also is because of the kids.
On my side our kids are the youngest,with my oldest being 11 the my sisters son is 17 and the rest are all older up to 22 years.
My girl friend always say`s that when her boy`s get married she will be so lonely.
Not so I told her , she will be gaining 2 daughters and they will bring them closer!

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, May 15, 2004 - 05:56 pm:

Well, I have three sons. The two younger ones were planned to be Heather! Ah well - I think I would probably have been a terrible mother to a daughter.

By Coopaveryben on Saturday, May 15, 2004 - 09:44 pm:

Ginny I agree, I think I was meant to be a mother to boys too.

I hear it all the time too....are you going to try for a girl? WHAT, I already feel like I am a moving three ring circus anytime we go somewhere.

I think I got over the girl thing friday when I was alone with my 4 year old niece for a little bit....she was not quiet for 1 second, my ears hurt when she left. Then to top it off I was around my friends 15 year old daughter.....she talked more than the 4 year old, if that is possible.

I will embrace having all boys and start praying now that I get DIL's who like me and want to be around me.

Thanks to everyone who shared it was so interesting and nice to know that I am not the only one who thinks about it.