I read Kasey's story and sometimes I feel overwhelmed by these stories.

DH (he's a behavior specialist and works with troubled kids) came home last and told me he now has 12 kids instead of 10. He is supposed to work one on one with these kids.

Anyway, a girl named Sara has come back. Her adopted mom could no longer take care of her because she thought Sara was not worth the trouble. So before Christmas Sara went to live with her dad (we don't know if it is biological or adopted) in Tennessee. He aparently has never had custody and does not know how to raise a child. He dropped her off at the Hagerstown Police department over the weekend, and the only reason her adopted mom picked her up is she thought there was reward money involved.

Sara is a little slow, but self-esteem wise it goes through the floor and who wouldn't having any type of parental figure like this. She is a loving 8th grader and feels very worthless.

I have met Sara, and she is a loving, wonderful girl. Social services has not stepped in because they think this adopted mom was a blessing.

I know just another story, but please pray for Sara and all children out there. I just wish I had a house big enough...

By Emily7 on Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 12:07 pm:

I don't understand what is going on in this world. Parenting is privilege, its not a chore. We tried so hard to have kids & people just throw them away. Sometimes it gets hard, but you don't beat them, kill them, or drop them off.

By Ladypeacek on Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 12:12 pm:

My dh and i often think about adopting or fostering but we know they won't let us since he is military. that makes me sad cuz we have a wonderful home and very loving kids and right now we are even good financially! I know the child would have to move alot but so what!!! Maybe seeing other countries would be wonderful for them. Our kids move and they are fine! I will pray for this child and all the others who get stuck in situations like this! So what if a child has problems, if they were our own we wouldn't give them away!

By Tink on Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 04:08 pm:

My SIL is almost 10 years older than me and she has a daughter that is 13. Her daughter has lived in 16 different homes and was suspended 5 times,in Kindergarten, for fighting. As you could guess, this pattern has continued her entire life. Her mom had moved in with my FIL and was doing pretty well. She had a steady job, her daughter was going to school and doing well, and they were both attending church with my FIL and his family. One night my SIL had too much to drink and had a complete personality change. She assaulted my FIL's wife and tried to slit her throat in front of her daughter and FIL's stepson. My FIL called the police and she was kept by them overnight and was kept in a psychiatric hospital for 36 hours. When she was released, she went back to FIL and begged to stay. He let her but her daughter decided to go live with dad. After two weeks, SIL had a similar episode and began beating her daughter. She broke her daughter's arm and rib when she threw her down the stairs. No one else was home but SIL fell asleep and daughter called a neighbor. SIL went to jail and daughter went to dad's. Last night, dad called and said that daughter is as crazy as her mom and deserves to be locked up too. He can't take care of a crazy person and my FIL need to pick her up and keep her. In front of her! My FIL picked her up, and dad wouldn't give her any of her clothes, her schoolbooks, medications, etc. She is supposed to be on meds for ADHD and bi-polar but she told FIL that she hasn't taken them for weeks cuz dad wouldn't refill her prescriptions! Daughter wore FIL's wife's clothes to school today because she had nothing else. When did people decide that parenting is an on-again-off-again job? We have all had days that we couldn't deal with it anymore. We didn't beat our children, tell them they were worthless, or give them up! Obviously, there are people who aren't capable of raising a child, but loving parents, like Kenna, who are more than willing to open their hearts and homes to these children are denied! Why can anyone give birth and keep a child but the ones who want the "unwanted" are told they aren't suitable! Sorry I got carried away, this is a topic I am very passionate about.

By Marg on Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 04:17 pm:

Dh and I often talk, they shouldn't call these kids 'troubled kids' they should call them 'kids with troubled parents!'

By Cat on Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 04:21 pm:

That is just terrible.

Cori, I know it sounds like you SIL is a terrible person for what she did (and no, it shouldn't have happened), but if her dd is bipolar it makes me wonder if she is, too. I hope both your sil and her dd are getting the help they need.

Kenna, if you really want to do foster care, check into it. Check with family advocacy. Military kids need temporary foster care, too. When we lived in Panama there was a little boy that ended up in the ER every 2-3 weeks. He had bruises and breaks in different stages of healing and the dad was investigated (by my dh). They ended up removing the child from the home and looking for a family on base to foster him (remember, we were overseas--just like you). I told dh I'd do it in a heartbeat but since he was the investigating officer they wouldn't let us (there was another agent who's family would have taken him, too, but same story--conflict of interest we were told). So especially overseas, there's a need. It usually is temporary, though. Good luck with whatever you decide.

By Amecmom on Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 04:40 pm:

The problem is you can't take away a person's biological right to breed. These are the people who have been irresponsible in many important aspects of their lives, yet as a society, we can't tell them they can't have children.
Ame

By Mommmie on Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 04:47 pm:

If you want to see what it's like parenting difficult, often mentally ill, children, check out the forum at www.conductdisorders.com and you will be amazed.

Parenting these kids is very hard! You can have the best parents with the best parenting styles and the best intentions and still have a child who will be violent, skip school, lie, steal, cuss you out, etc. The parents always get blamed even if they have 3 other perfectly polite normal well-behaved kids. You have to have a thick skin to parent a difficult child bec you get a lot of verbal abuse about it.

Sometimes the issues are environmental, but oftentimes they are not. It's mental illness! Sometimes both the parent and the child have mental illess bec it is often hereditary. These people need compassion (and medication!).

By Marg on Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 05:07 pm:

It's sad because the 12 students dh has, it's all parental problems, yes, all twelve

When dh work at an at-risk youth facility it was 50-50. 50 % was due to parents and their problems the other 50% due to basically bad kids or kids with mental problems

By Tink on Tuesday, April 27, 2004 - 09:36 pm:

My SIL is medicated and has been diagnosed with several disorders: ADD, bipolar,OCD...The problem is that she thinks she is fine. When FIL kicked her out, they found over 20 empty bottles of 100 proof peppermint schnaps, so alcoholism can be added to that list. My FIL is willing to take her daughter in as long as they would grant custody but so far neither parent will allow it. This is the 4th or 5th time FIL has had her. Each time has been for several months and she is in counseling and on her meds and her grades are great. Her IQ is over 130 and she tests very well. Unfortunately she is rarely in an environment that fosters her intellect. She is very immature and somewhat promiscuous but this is all she sees from her mom. She has a lot going for her and when she has spent some time away from mom we all enjoy the person she is. Very patient with my dks (all younger) and cheerful and helpful but she and her mom fight like 5 year olds. Her mom was mid-20's when Daughter was born but she has no parenting skills. Fights with daughter with sarcasm, cursing, and she will walk out on dd for the night b/c dd pi**ed her off. I realize that dd has not been an easy child to raise but SIL finds parenting an optional activity depending on what else is going on in her life. That is what is unacceptable.