We have our kids in a private school. I used to stress out about reports due and homework. And, I'd check backpacs every night...whew I got burned out. My husband said "why do you stress out about it. We are paying the teachers to teach and if the kids don't understand something, they need to go back to their teacher" ...the kids are 17 and 14.

Anyway, this year I set up new rules in the home and it's worked great (this might only be helpful for the older kids though)

I told them that I won't bug them at all about their homework and I won't nag...as long as they pull in B's or higher. I told them....BUT
if you bring home a report card that shows c's or below, the computer gets pulled, the car gets pulled, the weekend friends and sleep overs are no more....until you pull the grades up and bring home a progress note from the teacher.

For us, this is working great and the kids are doing fine. I don't ask or nag anymore. I just ask to look at the report/progress cards....it's made my life a whole lot less stressful and I don't worry about it unless it becomes a problem.

By Mommmie on Sunday, March 21, 2004 - 06:12 pm:

I resigned from ugly homework battles in 1st grade (public school)! It was ruining our home life and my relationship with my son.

I put him in private school and the school told us HW is between the teachers and the kids. The parents are not to be involved, except to say there's too much or it's at the wrong level. If the kids don't do their HW they serve a detention. That's it. There's to be no further punishment at home. The parent's aren't to correct it. If the parents feel like HW is intruding on their family life time-wise they are to notify the teacher and they will modify it. My son has never not done his HW nor has he fought over doing it, unlike before.

It's been really swell.

His school doesn't give grades at the elementary level, so I can't do it your way, but it sounds like a plan!!

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, March 21, 2004 - 07:23 pm:

My girls are independent in doing their homework and get A's for the most part. With 14yo, that started in about 5th grade. With the nearly 12yo, it started happening in 4th grade.

With household chores, though, that is another matter altogether, though.

By Texannie on Sunday, March 21, 2004 - 10:11 pm:

I don't do homework. I have always told my kids, "I have been through x grade and passed, so it's not me that needs the work". But, I am always near by if needed, I do believe that homework is the kid's job. I can tell such a difference with my 8th grade son cause of my attitude/policy. He has been able to do his middle school work where as the ones who's parents "helped" them all through elementary are struggling cause the parents aren't in the classroom any more. btw, my kids are in public school.

By Happynerdmom on Sunday, March 21, 2004 - 10:28 pm:

My dd is in 8th grade, (public school) and I've always been pretty "hand-off" with homework. I do not nag, or ask if she's started it, etc. If she doesn't do it, she suffers the consequences. Unfortunately, my ds (5th grade) has a reading disorder, ADD, and all kinds of fun stuff, so I pretty much have to be with him through most of his homework. I'm just glad I only have one high-matainence homework do-er!

By Mommyathome on Sunday, March 21, 2004 - 10:37 pm:

We haven't gotten into serious homework yet. DD will just be in 1st grade next year. But, from what I've heard there's about an hour a day worth of homework. IMO that is too much. But, it's not my choice.
I guess we'll just take it one day at a time and see how it goes!

By Paulas on Sunday, March 21, 2004 - 10:48 pm:

Here, we are only allowed to assign first graders (I'm a teacher) 10-15 minutes of homework a night. My assignment is to read a book to mom or dad and have them sign a sheet. I don't think it's too much to ask a parent to listen to their child read.

We've been doing lots of math homework with our daughter b/c she is struggling in class. They recommended testing which came up average. She just needs a bit more repetition than most kids.

By Texannie on Sunday, March 21, 2004 - 10:54 pm:

I think people need to consider the source when amount of time of homework is discussed, especially in elementary. 15 minutes of homework for one child might translate into 5 minutes for one, and an hour for the other. My son never spent more than 15 minutes all through elementary school doing homework. My dd piddles and diddles and it may take her an hour. Am I supposed to go raging up to the school cause my daugther is given an hours worth of homework at night??

By Mommmie on Monday, March 22, 2004 - 12:59 pm:

I know a lot of moms who do a lot of their kids' HW. There's just too much of it and so they divide it up with the child. One co-worker of mine said sometimes they will give the student part of it to do, the mom does part and the dad does part and that's pretty typical for her community. It's real competitive and there are not enough hours in the day.

I know another mom who does her kids' HW - and she's a former teacher - bec she's trying to cover up the fact her kids have ADHD. She doesn't want them labeled at school.

I've seen one of the attorneys that works here sitting in his office doing his son's science fair project that was due the next day.

My son is ADHD/LD and when he was in public school if he came home with HW that was too difficult for him I'd just put a big X through it and right INAPPROPRIATE pursuant to IEP.

Remember when HW was such a simple thing?

By Amecmom on Monday, March 22, 2004 - 01:19 pm:

As a former teacher and teacher trainer, I always stressed that homework needed to be a direct outcome of the day's lessons, with one or two examples (especially in math)thrown in for review. No matter what the grade, we did the first two examples in class to make sure the children understood the assignment and could complete it on their own.
The purpose of homework is simply to reinforce at a later time, the important nuggets of learning that went on in the school day. It's not supposed to be torture, nor is it supposed to be so simple that the child gets nothing out of it.
Also, homework is supposed to teach self-discipline. A child learns how to begin and complete a task on his/her own.
As a private tutor, I've worked with many children whose parents were stressed out over homework. In most cases, the child really needed a routine to follow in order to complete his or her assignments. Rarely, the assignment was to blame, and I would write the teacher a polite note asking about the purpose of the assignment.
It's sad to see so many comments about homework battles and bad assignments. Homework could be such a simple thing and a chance for children to show what they know and be proud of themselves, if it were used properly.
Oh well, enough venting for this frustrated teacher!
Ame

By Texannie on Monday, March 22, 2004 - 01:58 pm:

Mommmie, I find those parents' behavior appalling! They are not doing their children any favors at all.

By Rayanne on Monday, March 22, 2004 - 02:08 pm:

My cousin is in 2nd grade and he goes to a magnet school. He gets about four hours of HW a night. He does dilly dally, but his parents are constantly on him.

By Mommmie on Monday, March 22, 2004 - 02:23 pm:

Texannie - yes, it's insane!

By Yjja123 on Monday, March 22, 2004 - 02:34 pm:

We used to spend 3 hours a night on homework. I say "we" because I would be close by in case my daughter got stuck (not to give her the answer but to help her understand).
Now I am homeschooling and we spend 3-4 hours a day and are DONE. I wish I had done this sooner! My kids are doing A Beka which is more advanced than the curriculum they had in public school. So they are working harder and in less time than when in school. Kinda interesting. I guess between changing classrooms and getting kids settled down teachers really do not spend that much time working with kids (thus the need for additional homework).

By Rwja on Monday, March 22, 2004 - 04:57 pm:

Great tips you guys...sounds like I waited way to long to get a handle on it. I wish I had known about this message board a long time ago (if it was even here then