My brother is very hateful to my Mom. When he was little, my sister got into smoe bad stuff. She dropped out of highschool and became a runaway. She was in and out of rehab a lot. My parents depended on me to help him out because they were really busy trying to control my sister and get her out of troble. My brother feels like my sister robbed him of his childhood. I kind of think she did too. She hurt us all really bad. N-E-Ways, now brother says really hurtful things to my mom all the time. Him and my sister are both adopted, so my brother told her the other night that he wants his mom and that he hates her. My parents have spoiled my brother rotten. He gets away with everything. I told him that he is a spoiled brat. I've tried talking to him in the past and nothing seems to work. I told my parents that maybe he needs someone to talk to. Does N-E-One have any advice for me on what I can say to him?

By Kay on Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 12:59 pm:

It's a bit difficult to give advice, because I don't know how old your brother is. I don't know if any advice I may have would be helpful, but we all have pretty sturdy shoulders here if you need some moral support.

By Marg on Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 01:20 pm:

My sis was the same way, but she was bipolar and we didn't know it until later years (I'm 38 she'll be 41).

My sis didn't talk to my mom for years, and always called me "the spoiled brat." She did this because I always behaved and obeyed my parents. She was not a good example, only a good example of what not to do.

Not much you can do, my sister now regrets alot since my mom past away. I have never been mean or hateful to dad, mom or sis.

Tables will turn give it time.

She calls me now and ends with "I love you." But she still has major problems and issues.

Not to make this long, but on my 16th birthday I came home from softball practice and mom and dad went out looking for her (long story). Found out later she did it on purpose because it was my 16th birthday. There was no one home, just a note from mom. They didn't come home until after 8, my birthdays have always been this way around her

(((Rayanne)))

By Rayanne on Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 07:37 pm:

My brother is 16 and my sister is 21. She is doing a lot better now, but no one can really trust her anymore. It's tough but she did it to herself. I love both of my siblings soooo much and it hurts me when they are unhappy. It hurts me even more when I see my mom cry because my brother was rude and disrespectful. Thank you for the shoulder Kay I think I might need it if my brother doesn't straighten up and be nice.

By Kay on Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 08:05 pm:

I hate that your mom is having to go through this - disrespect is something that neither my nor my dh's families tolerated, no matter what reason. No family is perfect, and it's difficult to make a teenager understand that no one is responsible for his/her happiness and contentment except for him/herself. At this point, if your brother is feeling this and is acting out by way of disrespect, then I think it's important for him to talk to someone outside the family.

Good luck!

By Bobbie on Saturday, March 20, 2004 - 08:39 pm:

Agree with Kay. Sounds like he needs a third party to step in and open his eyes. Being a teen is hard, being a teen that feels brushed aside is even harder and him going around feeling sorry and mean is only going to hurt him in the long run. Talk to your mom about getting him some outside help. Just someone to talk to...

By Rayanne on Sunday, March 21, 2004 - 12:23 pm:

I have, and I think that my parents are going to try and talk to him first, and if that doesn't work, then I think that they are going to. I suggested it to both of my parents, but my brother also told me, that in the past when he had a guidence counselor to talk to , he didn't tell him everything. He said that it was easier to talk to his friends. I wonder if he will do the same with this person.

By Rayanne on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 11:54 am:

My parents are in the process now of finding my brother someone to talk to. I didn't know it, but my mom told me that my brother told her that he wants to kill himself. I told her that maybe that is his way of reaching out and asking for help. I really don't think that my brother would or could ever do that, but it's better not to take any chances. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers that whatever is bothering him will get resolved. I love my brother sooo much and just knowing that something is hurting him and there's nothing I can do tears me apart inside.

By Marg on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 12:14 pm:

(((Rayanne)))

I'm thinking and praying for your family.

My sister went through the same thing, voicing concerns of taking her life, that's when she was diagnosed with bipolar. When and if she stays on her meds she is a totally different person, that's a good thing.

I believe this is a turning point in your brothers life.

By Vicki on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 12:45 pm:

When I read this post, my first thought was this...he saw his sister act out and get attention for it...attention was taken from him...so now, he is going to act out to get some of that attention back!! I wonder, if your mom started doing things with him and paying some extra attention to him, would this change? I know that you said he is spoiled, but there is a huge difference between material things and time and attention.

By Rayanne on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 01:25 pm:

My parents do give him attention since he is the only child left at home. My dad takes him to hockey games and they have season tickets for the Bucs. They just went to Islnds of Adventure last weekend. My mom works a lot, she gives kemo (spelling?) to cancer patients, but has one day off during the week where she picks him up from school and does stuff with him. My parents would walk through fire for any of us.

By Vicki on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 02:24 pm:

Rayanne, PLEASE don't think I was saying you had bad parents! I didn't mean to imply that at all! I was responding to this part of your post...My parents depended on me to help him out because they were really busy trying to control my sister and get her out of trouble. My brother feels like my sister robbed him of his childhood. I kind of think she did too... That is what I was referring to. If he feels that way, I was just thinking that maybe he was trying to get the attention on way or another. But, since your parents are already doing all of that with him, that shoots that theory down!! I in no way meant to make you feel like your parents wouldn't do anything for any of you and I am sorry if I did!!

By Marg on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 02:29 pm:

Vicki, your family sounds like mine....

I was always known as good ole' reliable marg...

My sister always said I was the spoiled one when they catered to her constantly I never resented it though, I never looked at it that way until mom passed away and explained a-l-o-t of things to me.

But that's what they called me.

By Rayanne on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 05:57 pm:

Vicki,

You didn't say anything wrong. I was just stating that. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way.