A "thank you" would be nice...Argghhh!
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A "thank you" would be nice...Argghhh!
Being a stay at home mom, neighbors know I am home. By the way, I am a stay at home mom so my kids can be home with me. If I have errands to run I make sure I am home by bus time. Plain and simple. When they get home, I am home. If I am running out of time, I cut my errands short, come home and if I have to go out again, I take my kids with me.
One family in particular next to me, the mom or dad will call maybe one time a month and say "I'm running late, I should be there in 10 minutes or so, can you grab "so-so" off the bus for me? THANKs!. No problem. All the kids are playing outside or in each other's homes anyway.
But today, all the kids get off the bus, at my driveway and little "so-so" comes up to the house with my kids instead of running home. (She can see her driveway from the bus and see if her parents' car is there or not.)
I asked her if her parent's were home and she said the cars weren't there. She came in, I gave them snacks and called their house. Maybe one of the cars was in the garage. No, had to leave a message.
At 3:30, I noticed their dogs were outside. I asked "so-so" if her parents came home, she was out in the garage and she said yes, her dad came home. I reached into my kitchen and got her backpack and gave it to her. I told her to go home and see her father.
He never called to say he messed up and to thank me! I am so pissed.
The next time I see him I want to say something. Can you think of something good to say? If I see the mom first, I will tell her what happened. I knew she was at work and I could have called her but that wouldn't have solved anything at the time, either.
We usually run into each other every several days or so.
My dh told me to say "hey, insert name, did you ask me to watch so-so, because I must have forgotten....but I don't want to say that because I write everything down on my calendar and that also switches the lameness on me! I want to get my point across in a tactful way.
Maybe I'm alittle ticked because yesterday at 1:15 he came over to ask if I could watch his 4 year old at 1:30 and then grab "so-so" off the bus at 2:00 because he had photo sitting to do and he said his babysitter didn't show up. BUT now I have a problem.
Thanks ladies!
I think it is better to bring this up to the Mom. I don't think men think the same way. UNLESS they both think you are a doormat and then it doesn't matter which one you talk to. UUUGH. I would have to think on this one. I know someone here will have a witty answer for you in no time! I think this was REALLY rude of your neighbors! BIG TIME!
I think my former neighbors are now your neighbors. The EXACT same thing used to happen to me. The mom worked and the dad stayed at home but always seemed to have errands to run either right before dk came home from school or right after. I had kids that were not in school yet and his were in school all day I could not for the life of me understand WHAT he did all day and WHY he didn't utilized his time better to get his errands done while his kids were in school like any SAHM would do.
The father has a problem scheduling his photo appts while aligning sitters for the same time. Many times he calls my dd to babysit last minute.
She sometimes declines if she doesn't feel like sitting. But she likes to sit to make money.
Does he assume your dd will watch her after she is home? That makes it more confusing. I would be so embarrassed if I did that to someone. He should have apologized immediately. Unless he truly is a typical goofball man.
No, Kim. He will ask dd to babysit every other week or so, but usually last minute; in a few hours, etc. Never a day or two in advance. I know he can't have ALL of his sessions last minute!
IF you don't mind watching them once in a while, I'd probably smile and say something like, 'I don't mind getting "so and so" from the bus and watching her for a bit once and a while, but sometimes I need to go out right after school and can't guarantee I'll be here. Please let me know in advance. I'd hate for her to have no where safe to go if you're not home.'
I suggest that you may want to talk to the Mom about this, as other suggest. And if this is a pattern (as it seems to be), say that - look, once in a while (a great while) as an emergency is one thing, but babysitting is not free. If you are asking my dd or me to watch your child because your husband has scheduled a photo session and cannot line up a babysitter, you and your husband should expect to pay for this service. You are not and should not be expected to be a free child-care service. I'd think back and try to make a list of the days/times this has happened in the past couple of months, and point out just how much "free" child care he/they have gotten - and that the free ride has ended.
I agree, he can't have all his sessions "last minute". My feeling is that because he knows you are a SAHM, he is thinking you have nothing else to do with your time so he can take advantage. I do think he is trying (and so far succeeding) to take advantage. And I think if you don't make your position clear on this pretty soon, you will be trapped. Obviously you are not going to let this child wander the street without you acting responsibly, but her father should not be able to rely on a free babysitter just because you are a responsible person.
I'm a bit tired, and maybe could have put this more kindly, but I guess I am not feeling very kind about this daddy.
I don't know what I would do, we have all older neighbors and it doesn't look like that'll change anytime soon.
I know your neighbors have crossed a line, but remember this...
Those children will remember you, even if they move someday.
Our daughters often go over to visit our next door neighbor (who's about my age) and lives with her mom, or I should say mom lives with her. Our daughters often go over to chat for "long periods of time." I often tell our neighbor to send the girls home when they've overstayed their welcome. I have never asked anyone to babysit in any manner (monetary or nonmonetary). Our girls adore these neighbors.
I am sure these children feel safe to come to you when the parents are not home. They may not seem like it, but I know it's better than going home to an empty house.
I do agree with Ginny, these parents rely way to much on your generousity
I know how you feel!
WE have a neighbor who does this ALL the time.
I never get a thank you. I feel bad
for the kid. They are always leaving him. Plus they will go to the mall and just leave him at my house. I will say after a while ok its time for you to go home and he says I can't they left!
They could at least call me and ASK if its ok.
Some people are so rude! What will they do when we move? Poor kid.
I would have called the mother at work and let her know this happened. I would have said something like "was I supposed to watch so and so today? because your dh is not home and I am getting ready to go out."
We do this kind of thing on our street all the time. I think that's what neighbors are for, but we are all stay at home mom's on our street. I guess you need to decide what you want your comment to accomplish. If it's just to make him acknowledge what he did, then I would go with what Sunny said. If you want to make sure the situation never happens again or to let them know how truly you are upset over all this, then I would go with what Ginny said.
I'm a single working mom and have these same type issues with my neighbors, all married, with one spouse working.
I have the same thing happen like Trisa does when the parents go out but don't tell me until I try to send the kid home and he says, "Noone is home" at his house. Several families do this, in fact.
I don't have the Meet the Bus issue bec we don't have bus service and the kids are all at different schools, at least, and my son stays at his school for aftercare. Thank goodness, or I would have the kids in the late afternoons, too!
I think it starts out as a no-big-deal "Sure, I'll watch them for a bit" thing and it slowly turns in to the families get comfortable leaving their kids to be your responsibility and they start assumming you'll just do it bec you haven't said No yet. At first, they probably feel guilty and bad about it and then they get used to it. And before you know it you have this Taking Advantage sortof of set-up.
Remember, people will take you as far as you let them. It's up to us to say NO MORE. Not this time. Not anymore. It's too much for me to worry about. It's hard, but it won't get better on its own - well, until the kids get old enough to be left at home alone, I guess.
Oh, I think Texannie is right, too, that is what neighbors are for and it's nice to be able to help each other out. I have two neighbor kids (siblings) over right now whose parents wanted to run some errands and probably have lunch out alone and that's cool. My son loves playing with these kids and they are so well-behaved, it's no problem at all.
My neighbor and I do this often, it is a give and take for us. I have taken on their two youngest sons on as our 4th and 5th kids (they have 5 kids total and there are times when the teenager is hanging out in the kitchen with me, the 12 year old is on my commputer and my sons friends are in his room playing). There are days when I do feel a little taken advantage of but I am glad my son has them. I want my children's friends to know they are always welcome.
I think Sunny had a nice way of putting it. I do agree they should at least ask you if it is a good day for you, so you have the option of saying "yes" or "no". There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying No and talking to them about it if you don't like the situation, you have to live with it. If it is you who is always watching their children I can see how that is Frustrating.
I *think* that this may not be a recipricol (sp) thing for you is that right Annie? I really do think you need to say something. I know you probably feel badly for the kid (who wouldn't) but by not saying something you really are enabling these people to continue to treat you AND their children this way.
I do have a few SAHM friends and we will call each other to see if they could watch each others kids if we have to run an errand or make it to an appointment that just couldn't be done with the kids BUT this goes both ways I help them they help me.
I don't mind kid swapping at all. I do ask my dk's friend's families to watch my kids if my child doesn't want to go somewhere. Not often, but I do. This child that I watched is dd's friend so they do watch my dd sometimes and have her sleepover.
The problem I have this time is that I did him a favor and it was not even acknowledged. I left a message on their answering machine, so they knew I was concerned.
I should have called the mom at work. I won't let this fester. I will not be a doormat. I'm a nice person but I am not a push-over!
Actually the mom just called me to ask me a question and I told her. She said she had a conversation with him that am. He told her he would be home to meet the bus. She asked me what time he got home. I told her I didn't notice anything until 3:30 when I saw the dogs outside. I said he could have gotten home shortly after the bus, but he never called to tell me. 
She thanked me and said she will address him.
I said I didn't want to say anything but that wasn't acceptable to me.
They are having problems in their marriage. I'm sure this will be another straw for her to pack in her camel's basket, so to speak.
Thanks everyone. I'll keep you posted!
Just tell both the parents that if they are going to be late, please let you know ahead of time so you will know that their child will be coming to your house that day.
Some people just assume because their child comes over to your house every now and then, that they don't have to ask. Why should you be a babysitter for them (and free at that) whenever they want to do "errands" in the afternoon when their child gets out of school.
When we first moved to Sheboygan, we lived next to a really nice neighbor. We kid-swapped all the time. Her daughter was a year older than my oldest daughter. No one ever felt taken advantage of and I never had the situation where it was just assumed I would take care of Michelle. It was so nice to be able to run to the store without my kids once in a while and for Michelle, it was nice to be able to come to my house and watch Lambchop with my kids than go with her mom to get her brothers from school!
My kids were 3-7 and 1-4 when we lived there. I wish she was still my neighbor, since my current next-door neighbors pretty much keep to themselves. Ann and I would be on the phone and we would be waving at each other through our kitchen windows! LOL!
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