One more time, ladies...may I scream about sports? Our girls' volleyball season will probably end tonight (thank goodness), and then I will be able to quit biting the inside of my cheeks bloody and relax. My 14 yr old dd hasn't played in a game for the last three weeks (she's not a star player), but has always suited up and cheered and etc, while I encouraged her and cheered for the team, etc. I understand it's all about winning and not about letting everyone play, once you get to 8th grade. I hate it, but OK. Well, last night, at the regional game, dd sat through the three games, cheering from the bench, and not expecting to play. She didn't. This morning, she told me the coach took her aside after the game and said, "I'm sorry I didn't put you in the game tonight, but I didn't want to risk it." My dd told her (bravely) that's OK. But then to me she said, "Mom, that's like telling me I'm a crappy player." I said well, I'm sure she didn't mean it like that... the important thing is that you're part of the team, etc. But we both knew I was full of it. DD doesn't want to go out for high school volleyball next year, which is too bad, since she loves the game. But, obviously, that's not enough. It breaks my heart, but that's the way of the world. Winning is everything. Besides, I know she has many wonderful talents and qualities that hve nothing to do with performance on the court. Thanks for listening to me rant.

By Marg on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 10:40 am:

I remember those coaches, don't you. The ones that are just there to win!

The most memorable coaches are the ones that left everyone play. It didn't matter if you won or lost, it matter that it was a TEAM

Janet, my last deal with sports personally was softball. I played first base and was good, but too many wild pitches! I thought the pitcher would throw to home, in shock she threw to many and it went right into my left knee, blew my knee and I was out for the season. Because of the coach and her attitude I quit, and never went back to sports.

I know it is about winning, but it's also about self-esteem. And coaches she BE THE ADULT IN THIS SITUATION!

Janet, it sounds like the coach has some growing up and your dd is very mature for her age;)

BTDT

By Ilovetom on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 11:19 am:

I just finished basketball season at school with my daughter. She plays on the jv team. Last year she stank, but stayed with getting to play the last 4 seconds.

This year was a different story. She worked hard. It showed and people told me they saw it. It meant alot, but there were still games when she played 4 seconds.

Let her play if she wants and just try to remember - games are for students - not parents or coaches.

By Kathym on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:28 pm:

I am amazed at the behavior of some coaches with "the win at all costs" attitude. My ds is only 6 but there is a man here in town who is known for this type of behcvior.Last year my son played on a basketball team and played this guy's team. In this league if the score gets to more than 10 points in someone's favor they stop the scoring but this man continued to bellow loudly the score...and they were beating ds's team by 40 points! He is now trying to pack a team in the Pinto division of baseball. Sadly, he is quite wealthy and well known in our community and seems to be able to get away with this behavior. I admire your dd for sticking with it this season.

By Janet on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 03:40 pm:

I sat with some parents last night who were maniacs at the game... it's one thing to yell your head off for your team, but it crosses the line of good sportsmanship (IMHO) when you start screaming obscenities at the other team. They are just kids, after all! I think this whole year has been one big learning and growing experience for my dd, and if she decides not to play next year, at least I know she learned what it means to be a team.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 06:13 pm:

Good grief. They are just 8th graders, for crying out loud! What would have been the difference if he let her play? My kids have never been interested in sports, so I haven't had to deal with this kind of issue.

By Melanie on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 07:06 pm:

Oh Janet, don't even get me started on parents!! OMGosh! Some are just out of control. DS (6 years old) plays roller hockey. There is one mom who yells the most inappropriate things (Ex, she yells to her team to "take out" the good players when they get the puck. These kids range in age from 4-7 years old!!). One week our team played her kids team and she had her daughter off the floor yelling at her because her daughter wasn't playing good enough. The little girl was in tears from it!!!! No parent has ever made me so angry.

I am so sorry for your daughter. What a bummer that she won't play something she loves. It's really sad that winning is the only thing that matters to that coach.

(BTW-thanks for letting me join you in the venting!)

By Kay on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 09:36 pm:

I believe that up through 8th grade, everyone should play. When you get to the varsity level, you're on a much more competitive playing field that can mean scholarships to pay for college. In many high schools, coaches either keep or lose their jobs dependent upon their win/lose records.

My kids all understood this going in, so they concentrated on their strengths. Strengths become most evident by middle school/junior high. My ds would have loved to have been a star in all sports, but he recognized his greater strength lay in soccer, concentrated on that, and ended up an all-state player.

I think it's important for children in grades up until high school to be encouraged to try different things - that's why it upsets me when I see coaches not play students at that level.

By Dawnk777 on Friday, March 12, 2004 - 07:34 am:

Kay, I agree with you.

By Kaye on Friday, March 12, 2004 - 08:28 am:

I think this is a tough call. I was a very competative athlete. Grils on my basketball team were dealing with college scouts etc. Your record through the year is what gets colleges to notice. It isn't just about the coaches job and record, it can also be about the future for the girls on the team. Scholarships can make or break someones ability to go to college. I am not sure when this should start, definitely high school, but I can also understand jr high. If your daughter loves volleyball can't she continue to participate through a rec league like at the Y?

By Janet on Friday, March 12, 2004 - 09:48 am:

Kaye, I understand. Believe me, I do. And the trouble is, we are in such a small rural area, we don't have the luxury of rec leagues or the Y. I just wish...oh, I don't know what I wish. My little 9 yr old dd will be playing Bitty Basketball next week, and the coach sent out a letter explaining it was all for fun, not winning. At least in third grade, she won't have to worry about being a star player. And, I might add, we won our regional tournament last night, so we are only two games away from being state champs. We were ALL so excited, it was hard to tell who played and who didn't. As I pounded my dd on the back, congratulating her, she said but Mom, I didn't play! I said so what? You helped your team get to this point, and you deserve to be congratulated just as much as the others. That made her feel good. Also, I was cheering and screaming just as loud as the moms whose kids were on the court last night. So, maybe I can live with the dichotomy.