Women with older daughters, or women remember when you were young, I don't even know how to ask this...
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Women with older daughters, or women remember when you were young, I don't even know how to ask this...
As most of you know, I have limited family left and not any female friends with daughters....
I don't even know how to type this....
When I got my period I always used a pad until later teen years, like mom like daughter....
However, I use both nowadays, just depends on my mood...
I beating around the bush aren't I...
Oldest dd has just gotten her period. Now I can remember when and where I got my period, not a pleasant thought. But I don't remember the adjustment period of getting it. She does not like using a pad. I know you have to get used to it. I told her about tampons, but I'm not sure if she is ready for that.
What advise to you give on this?
Yes, this can be moved to the parenting board, I just thought more women would see it here. I am blushing terribly just typing this...
Marg,
I'll blush with you on this one. It was never an easy subject to talk about let alone get into great detail.
My mom gave me my choice and let me try both. Then it wasn't her making the choice it was me. I've used tampons since I first started. Just make sure that she understands the importance of changing them regularly.
Good luck.
I think it is a matter of presenting her with the different items and letting her decide which she is comfortable with.
My mother NEVER discussed these things with me but I was lucky enough to have an older sister who did.
The most important thing (I think) is to be able to discuss it easily with her. It isn't a cause for embarrassment. It is a big moment in her life.
When my daughter (currently 9) starts I am planning on taking her out for a mother daughter day in celebration. We have already had discussions about what a period is. Whenever she asks a question I answer the best I can for what I think she is ready to know. She already has started to develop (and I did early too) so I feel knowledge is the best thing. If she starts early (God forbid) she will at least understand what is happening to her.
Good Luck!
Yvonne
They make junior sized tampons that she might have no problem with. I'd steer clear of any non applicator ones and also any cardboard applicator ones. Get the small, plastic applicator ones. I used them as a teen and felt much better with that method. As Kittycat said, explain to her to change them every few hours and to absolutely wear a pad at night. Never wear a tampon overnight. Tell her to read the directions as they even include diagrams of how to insert it and what might make it more comfortable. I'd just buy them and give them to her and tell her she can have her privacy to open them and read the instructions and do her thing, and that you're there if she wants you. Personally, I found and bought the tampons on my own and had no help and had no trouble.
Mom never discussed anything either, but it was not only that she was embarrassed, she never thought she was pretty She had curvature (sp?) of the spine (that's why she didn't think she was pretty ~ just explaining)...
The funny thing is I can openly discuss it with dd. I explained everything, though she isn't happy with it, lol! It's just I don't know if she is ready for tampons and I don't have any on hand.
A couple of years ago, I was using tampons and I would get fevers and get lightheaded. I did not get, oh what do they call it, I can't remember what you can get by the use of tampons. But my dr. told me I should switch tampons/pads.
Yvonne, that's how my oldest daughter was, she started developing at 9 and she is 11. I was 12.
I can talk to her about anything, it's just posting it here that's embarrassing;)
Amanda and Yvonne, did you use tampons at such a young age?
Sometimes I find them comfortable and other times just downright irritating!!!
Kate, I did not know they made junior size. I thought about the next time we go to the store, letting her choose a box of tampons and pads. That way she could see what she would like and prefer.
I agree with presenting her with both options and letting her choose. I started my period at 11, and my mom forbade me to use tampons thinking I would lose my virginity. ARGH! There is only ONE way to do that, and that's by having sexual intercourse. Grrr... Anyway, I hated pads because they felt like diapers and switched to tampons when I got a little older (15?). My mom was furious. LOL! It was such a big deal at the time but now I laugh about it.
I just found this on the Tampax site and thought it might be helpful.
Mother to Daughter
I didn't start until I was 16. I always used pads until I was probably 19 or so. At that time I started using tampons. I really don't prefer one over the other. I use both depeding on the occasion.
Be sure to let her read about TSS. Tell her to watch for the signs of it especially since it will be her first time using tampons.
When I first started, my mom took me to buy several different types of pads. I tried them and found the one I liked best and stuck with it. In fact, I'm still using the same brand now days LOL
I figured we were the same age Trina, lol! My mom felt the same way, but I don't think they understood them, etc.
Thanks for the website, I'm going to read it.
It's not a difficult time, it's just I want her to be comfortable, if there is such a thing, lol!
My daughter (13) uses tampons along with pads. When I was young, my Mom wouldn't let me use tampons. I started using them on my own around age 16, and wished I had been allowed to use them all along. My daughter has had no problems. You should not be able to feel them! I told my dd, if it's irritating, take it out and put another one in...that one didn't get in all the way. BTW...the only pads my dd likes are the curved pads. All the others feel too big, too long, etc. A friend gave me this tip when my dd first started, and it really helped.
You sound like my mom Robin.
She didn't start until she was 17 and they thought something was wrong.
She was just so petit for her age. She told me at 17 she looked like a 12 yo.
That's it TSS! I couldn't think of it for the life of me.
Thank you so much ladies
My mom never talked to me about getting my period either. Thank God for sex ed in 5 th grade! I got mine when i was 11 or 12. My mom didn't think i was ready for tampons either. I started using them on my own, because my friends told me they were much more comfortable.
I think you should just make it her choice. She may not feel ready for tampons either. Like Kate said, there are Junior tampons now.
Good luck, Marg
Marg,
I didn't use tampons at first but got caught without anything once and a friend had a tampon so I used it and decided wow that is so much better and continued to use tampons. I was probably 15 at the time. Personaly I hated the applicator things. My sister gave me OB and that is what I used. I do not even know if they make those anymore? My period has always been an infrequent and light visitor I just use liners now.
I started around 14 and did a couple of months with pads but HATED the squishy feel of them! I never tried the tampons with applicators, but used the Pursettes (no longer around) and then OB (still do--I'm 42). My dd just started her period about three months ago, and she's wanting to try tampons. I've gotten the jr size in both applicator and non, and told her she could try them, but last month she chickened out. I don't know what to do to help her, since I don't see any way to demonstrate this (nor would I want to!). I guess it'll just have to be something she does on her own. I'd really rather her go to tampons, to be honest, because she's a dancer and active, and pads are just too gicky (a word?) for her to be comfortable in.
OK, I'm an aboration!!! I had my first period in the 6th grade and then didn't have another one until 8th grade. Go figure....but I lived to tell about it and, no, I wasn't pregnant! I hadn't done that, yet!!! LOL
But, when I started the first time, my mom gave me the option of whatever I wanted to use. She used both and told me to use whatever I wanted and what I was most comfortable with. She told me that having a period was part of life and that there were advantages and disadvantages to it. She told me she always felt refreshed and female when she had her's. She said it was an attitude that I could choose to have or not. She said the disadvantage was the hassle of disposal. She was rather progressive and called my grandmother. We all went out to lunch to celebrate another stage of my maturing. Mind you, I'm almost 47 so this was a long time ago and very, very progressive for the time. I love my mom and grandmother for their love of me to be honest and caring enough to help me and try to understand me, even though I was sure they didn't at the time. LOL Life does give you 20/20 hind sight.
So my advice is to just love your daughter. If you have technical questions, call your doctor. Some people will say change tampons every so often. Others say don't wear them at night. Still more will say don't start out with them. Do what's safe and comfortable for you and your daughter. Get the best information directly from a professional and knowledgable source.
It's a part of life but an important one for sure. Celebrate that someday she will be a goreous woman who will have a wonderful daughter and will look back to today and the memories you are creating when she faces this same situation with your granddaughter.
Mary
Marg, I was in sixth grade when I started so that would have made me 11 or 12. I don't think there is anything wrong with her using the tampons especially the Jr. ones. I do have to agree with someone above though, steer clear of the cardboard and no-applicator ones.
Mary, I just loved reading your post! How wonderful for you that your mom and grandmother were so open and positive about it. My mom basically handed me a book, and I learned that way. But I survived. My dd is very open with me, but it is so hard to talk to her about stuff without blushing! I do, though... I am already reaping the benefits of that.
My daughter mostly uses pads, but will use a tampon if she needs to be swimming. Entire second quarter of the school year she was swimming every day! So, she had to have tampons to be able to do gym class. If she is not swimming, she is using a pad. She is 14.
I showed her the pictures on the insert that comes in the box and explained kind of what angle to aim for. She had some trouble at first, but is a pro now. She uses tampax and has had no trouble with the cardboard applicators. They are the kind I use, too.
I hated pads, and after the first period, I immediately switched to tampons. It was never a problem for me.
Just make sure you explain the risks w/ them (TSS: toxic shock syndrome) and make sure she practices good hygine in changing often.
I got my period at 13, and when my Mom explained it, she ONLY told me about pads. (That was 1958!) LOL!
A girlfriend in high school told me about Tampax, so I bought a box and took them home after school, (nobody was home), and tried and tried to insert them. I shook, I cried, they HURT so bad!
I really think that I DID rupture my virginity, because the first time I had sex, (sorry to be graphic), there was no "popping", even though it hurt like heck.
As I got older, I just preferred pads. If there was anything wrong, I could see it better, and I
never found pads uncomfortable. I thought it was 'heaven' when the stick-on maxi's came out, and we didn't have to wear sanitary belts anymore.(Remember them.., older Moms?)
I personally don't think that women should go swimming when they have their friend, even WITH a tampon. I just don't think that they are that leak-proof, for the same reason that I don't think that babies in diapers should go in a pool, "L'il Swimmers" not withstanding. (that's just me).
My DD is 31, married, and a nurse. She preferred tampons through her teen years, and still does, tho when we had our "talk" when she was about ten, I only told her about pads.
I have been all done with that part of my life for about three years now, and I don't miss it, but the products sure are nicer now, what with maxi THINS, and "wings", and all that.
My mom never mentioned any of this to me either. I'm a big OB fan and that's all I use. Can't use an applicator. If I have to borrow one and it's one with an applicator I have to take it apart so I can do it myself.
The key is to exhale when you're putting it in.
After giving birth and having to wear a pad I remembered why I never wore pads. Yuk.
I hated pads from the get go. I was very active (cheerleading, basketball, track, rode dirt bikes and 3 wheelers, rode horses, swimming), so it just wasnt an option for me! My Mom bought me tampons and told me how to use them and that was that, no big deal. I think I was 13...
I was always open with Jules and Jen about this stuff, so they knew all about it way before they started having periods, and they knew what options they had. I agree, take her to the store, she can see what's available, answer her questions, and make sure she's informed, that way she can make her choice.
I started my periods when I was 12, and started using tampons after the first few months. Whether or not she opts for tampons, she needs to realize that keeping clean is particularly important at that time of the month, otherwise, as I'm sure we all know, you will have an odor *down there*. And do make sure she's aware of TSS. I think the risk is pretty minimal, but it's important to know you have to change the tampons every few hours.
Mommmie, I'm like you, when I had my kids and had to use a pad afterwards, I absolutely HATED it!
Okay, this is a gross question, but there are a lot of you that seem to prefer the "no applicator" tampons. I tried them once, but my fingers got all bloody, which was very inconvenient! I have heavy periods (always have...I use super-plus tampons + maxipads)and have to have my applicator! (cardboard so I can flush it.) Do you all just have light enough periods where you're not getting blood all over you, or am I somehow doing something wrong?! I've always wondered about this, so I just thought I'd ask! Sorry if I'm grossing you out!
It's possible to break the hymen before sexual intercourse but that does not mean a girl has lost her virginity.
Happynerdmom, I'm with you! I tried OBs once, NEVER again! YUCK!!
Happynerdmom
I have never gotten blood on my fingers. I find it much easier to insert an OB than other brands.
I hate the applicator things.
Yes, I get a light period so maybe that is the difference. Not sure?
Sorry I cannot be more help.
My daughter started last year at age 11. She wore pads a few months but she switched to tampons soon after. She uses a pad on light days now. One of the companies makes a First Time Period Kit. I bought her that. It comes with tampons, pads a booklet, etc. She has tried several brands but prefers Playtex, as do I.
True, sometimes with OBs you have to get a piece of toilet paper and wipe your finger off until you can get to the sink. It doesn't happen most times. I have tried the applicator ones but I can't get it to go in a position where I can't feel it. They hurt! With OB's I have the control over where it will go and I get it in the right spot every time.
I am not "too old" (36) but my mom started me out on belted pads...ugh!!! Just contemplate the trauma of changing before gym with a big belted pad strapped to you. She swore by them and didn't trust the adhesive pads, but fortunately my 16 y/o sister came to the rescue. I started my period in the 7th grade and started using tampons in the 8th grade. I remember having so much trouble getting the first one in and thinking I'd never be able to have sex--LOL. Anyway, I think the plastic applicators are definitely the way to go at first and some Vaseline or K-Y will make it even easier. The important thing is to aim for the small of your back instead of upwards when inserting them. I LOVED tampons, but alas I can no longer use them since I did have TSS in college. I am at much greater risk of developing TSS again, so I have to use pads forever more and it's really a bummer when we go to the beach. Do remind your dtr to change tampons every few hours, wear a pad at night, and choose just the absorbency she needs. I still hate to wear pads, but have no choice. I will say that they have dramatically improved since I was in middle school though. They were literally about 1.5" think and so bulky. Ugh!
I love the way that Mary's mom made this rite of passage into a celebration. That's surely what I would do if I had a daughter.
P.S. I personally don't think there is ever a right age or wrong age to use tampons. Just a matter of personal preference. And Trina is right...the only way to lose your virginity is by sexual intercourse. You can easily break the hymen through common activities like horseback riding, gymnastics, etc. and it has nothing to do with whether you are a virgin or not.
I'm like Pam. My mom started me off with the belted pads and they were awful!! AND it was so embarrassing for gym class.
Thank goodness my brother had a girlfriend (now my sil) who introduced me to Playtex after 2 years of those things. I never knew anything else even existed before she told me about tampons. I've never gone back to pads with the exception of after childbirth or when I had extremely hard periods.
My dd is 10 and already starting to develop. I've been talking with her to get her ready. I am going to explain all options and let her choose. Now girls don't forget there are Insteads too.
I'm like Pam. My mom started me off with the belted pads and they were awful!! AND it was so embarrassing for gym class.
Thank goodness my brother had a girlfriend (now my sil) who introduced me to Playtex after 2 years of those things. I never knew anything else even existed before she told me about tampons. I've never gone back to pads with the exception of after childbirth or when I had extremely hard periods.
My dd is 10 and already starting to develop. I've been talking with her to get her ready. I am going to explain all options and let her choose. Now girls don't forget there are Insteads too.
Wow! Cool discussion! I did't get my period til I was 16(my younger sister got it before me! I was so mad!).....
My mom bought us pads, never mentioned tampons(though we knew all about them-it was the early 80s).
My sister started to steal my moms tampons; and once I knew that, I jumped on the bandwagon. I remember being very shaky and wasting a few tampons and feeling very uncomfortable(not getting them in all the way)....I wish my mom had sat me down and discussed it all but she was very uncomfortable with stuff like that(surprising for a hippy!).......
You what I used for a few years and loved? Natural sea sponges......don't use them anymore because you had to boil them all the time...but they were so cheap(you paid a few bucks for one and could use it over and over for months),plus- they didn't iritate me. Also, I wasn't chucking out tampons or pads several times a day.
fiona
Well, I am old and we only had the belted pads to choose from! I was a dancer and talk about a nightmare!
My daughter is 10 and starting to show signs of developing. We just had a very specific talk last week. I have a butterfly charm that I am going to give her when she starts.
I started out with belted pads, ugh! Fortunately, I was just on the cutting edge of adhesive pads, so I didn't have to use the belts very long. I was 13 and got my period in 1973. Adhesive pads came out sometime in the 70's. I loved them compared to belted pads. I can't remember when I started using tampons. I suppose in high school sometime.
Count me in as someone who hated wearing pads for 6 weeks after the birth of both of my babies. My only saving grace is that they have so many different sizes and shapes, that I could keep using smaller and smaller pads as the 6 weeks went on.
They have the thin narrow teen tampons that are super thin. (Obviously they have to be changed more frequently.) I think tampax makes them.
Sea sponges?! That one's new! Wow...makes me look at Spongebob a whole new way....
I'll never forget when I first started and my mom was always open with me and talked to me alot about periods. I started on christmas day four days before my 12th birthday. I was crying and throwing up and I had the shakes. I had a bicycle accident when I was younger and I thought I was bleeding again from this. My oldest DD started right before she turned 12 or 13 (not sure) and the youngest is 11 1/2 and showing signs. I have always used pads, tried tampons and just have never liked them. The oldest DD has no desire to try them but, I made them an option to her. She handles hers real good and she is very irregular but, she always has been ever since she started. She just got done with a very heavy one but, she hadn't had one for 7 months. Ever since I went off the pill mine have been irregular also. I don't understand why woman are uncomfortable to talk about this subject it's something we all have or have had at one time.
I started the summer before HS while at camp. Fortunatly, a friend's big sister was there and explained how to insert a tampon. I was almost 14. My mom had already explained everything and I knew about pads vs tampons. It was up to me what I wanted to use. I used tampons for years until I had kids. Now I have a very low cervix and they are just not comfortable (never feel like they're in all the way). So I'm one of the odd ones that perfer pads. They have to be Kotex, though! The no-name/store brand ones are HUGE and DO feel like diapers!!! lol
I remember an older cousin of mine that started her period while in jr high. She was wearing white pants that day and he mom hadn't explained ANYTHING to her. She thought she was dying. Very tramatic for her.
Speaking of TSS, when I was in college, a friend of mine's sister died of TSS--remember the big deal with the "Rely" tampons? We actually had a tampon-burning demonstration to bring attention to the dangers of leaving tampons in for extended periods (no pun intended) of time. As for the bloody fingers, I've used OB for years and years and years, and yes...I get bloody fingers. But, as another mommy mentioned, just wipe it off with tissue until you get to a sink. I wash my hands after using the toilet, regardless, so it's no big deal (not to imply that you don't, LOL)
I started when I was 12. My Dad's the one who had to tell me about pads vs. tampons (Mom died when I was a baby). I'm sure it wasn't something he was overly thrilled about, but ultimately left the decision up to me.
Marg,
I am going to be going through this very soon, also. I have talked to my daughter about both methods but she hasn't mentioned what she will want to use when the time comes. I am thinking that in the beginning they will opt for a pad but as time goes on they will probably need tampons, especially if they are involved in sports. I'm not sure if you have heard of a product called the keeper but a few of my girlfriends use this and love it. I have no personal experience with this but I know that they have a kit especially for teens.
Oh my goodness! I just did a search on "the keeper," and I honestly can't imagine using it... your friends really like it? What happens when it fills up? (Does it slosh?) What a strange contraption!
ewwwww! it's a cup! couldn't that get messy?
Humorous story about my little sis--it isn't in her nature to read instructions, so when she first used a tampon at age 14 or so, she didn't know to take the applicator out!!! She told her friend that she couldn't get used to a tampon because it was so uncomfortable with that plastic thing--then was completely mortified when she figured out her mistake.
I'm 22 and have never used a tampon after trying one at 12, but I think I'll try again now that I'm married and am more comfortable with my "womaness."
My 11 year old DD saw the movie yesterday at school about girls to woman. It's about puberty,periods, harmones, reproduction and all that stuff little girls need to learn. She said one girls Mom said she didn't want her watching it(we had to sign permission slips). My DD was confused why the Mother wouldn't want her DD to see it. Im glad they do this in the schools, that way girls are learning together about their changes in their bodies and why. I wouldn't mind if she got to see the boy to man movie also but, she doesn't get to.
Some moms want to do all the teaching themselves. I have a friend who homebirths, doesn't immunize, and also didn't want her kids going to the sex talk in school. I know she did the teaching at home, though.
She borrowed my copy of Growing Up: It's a Girl Thing and loved it so much, she finally went and bought her own.
My kids have always gone to the puberty classes at school because I see no reason to keep them out of it. My DD11 read the Growing Up book all on her own without any prompting from me. I don't think she is far from getting her period, but it hasn't started yet. She turns 12 next Tuesday.
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