I've always been kinda a "lurker" on the Marine Wives message boards just so I always have a heads up on whats going on with deployments etc.. but I have never posted there.

The reason being, these girls get so immature. There is constant crap talking about other girls there (right where they can read it), there are people who feel they need to take "time away" from the board because all they get is negative responses. Let me tell you these girls can get downright dirty.

It hasn't bothered me up until now b/c I usually just ignore it. But lately they have been attacking girls whos husbands were just deployed to Iraq, Kuwait, Haiti etc. and telling them that they are weak and cant handle the Marine Corps, they are bad spouses because they cry when their DHs leave and thats not even the end of it.

Believe it or not, its not the "young, immature" ones making these comments but the older ones. Early 30's and above whos DHs have been in the service for a while.

For once I just feel I need to post there about what is bothering me and hopefully give some good advice or something.... I dont think it will help solve anything but I feel like I need to make a stand for all these girls who are lonely at home without their DHs and have the girls on this message board telling them how horrible they are.

When DH was gone last year I cried (A lot), I wanted him home, I had mytimes where I absolutely hated the military but that doesnt make me bad what so ever. It just a way some people deal with their emotions.

Sorry for running on........ I guess my question is how to word it? I dont want to sound like im attacking them. I just want to make my point without these girls making the same horrible comments they have been

Any helped is greatly appreciated.

By Ladypeacek on Monday, March 8, 2004 - 11:42 am:

My dh is also in the military and i do cry and miss him terrible when he is gone. I think its a shame that a woman thinks not missing her dh is a sign she is a GOOD wife!! I think the best way to support them is to love them and miss them and pray they will be safe especially with what is happening now!! My husband always tells me what made him strong when he was in the desert was knowing that i was home missing him! He knew i cried all the time and he didn't like to see me cry but he said it made him feel very loved. I think i am a good military wife because with all the ups and especially the downs with the military i stay with him and faithful and remind him every day that i support him and love him and he does the same for me. That is what makes a good wife, military or not!!

By Janet on Monday, March 8, 2004 - 11:48 am:

Melissa, I'm not a military wife, but it seems to me the best thing you can do is just offer support directly to the ones who need it, but not in a way seen as an attack on the others. For example, "Lisa, I know how you feel! I hated to see my dh deployed and it took me a long time to come to the place where I could think of him and not cry.." Rather than, "You guys need to lay off Lisa!" Then, if the others do attack Lisa or you, just ignore them. Silence often speaks louder than words, and you can't win a war on a message board very easily. It's too bad there aren't more like you who could offer honest support without belittling another's emotions. Personally, I can't imagine saying good-bye to my dh for that long, and in such a dangerous situation. I'd be a basket case. You have my utmost respect!

By Marg on Monday, March 8, 2004 - 11:51 am:

Melissa,

I would just post that everyone is emotionally different.

My dh was in the military when we were young and I would miss him dearly.

Dh had to go to training for a week last year 4 hours a way and I missed him dearly.

I think all people adjust differently and people should be sensitive to other people. It can be very upsetting to some and others just keep it inside. I believe a lot of the wives that have been military wives for a while kind of harden themselves and prepare themselves so they don't get so upset. I am sure they have their moments, maybe not.

That's jmho;)

It's not easy being in the military. When dh was in, I liked a lot of the wives, but they were the same age as me.

Just be sensitive to everyone and I know that isn't easy. But being in the situation with deployment and transfers, wow, it's a lot to deal with.

You might be the one to make a positive difference in the board

By Kate on Monday, March 8, 2004 - 12:43 pm:

I agree with Janet. I think she gave you some excellent advice and it's an effective way of stating your position without engaging in any negative battles.

By Insaneusmcwife on Monday, March 8, 2004 - 02:08 pm:

I cried like a baby when he left for Iraq and I will cry again when he leaves this September. Infact I was such a basket case the doctor put me on an antidepressant. It is very hard no matter what age you are, no matter how long you have been married. No matter if you have kids or not it is still really really hard. It doesn't even have to be your spouse that leaves, my sister took it hard when my dh left too. Him leaving for Iraq is how I found Momsview. I agree, show support through your posts and ignore the rest of them.

By Amy~moderator on Monday, March 8, 2004 - 02:38 pm:

I bet it hurts every military wife to see their husband deployed for the first time. It takes some adjusting to be a military wife. It will always hurt to have your husband gone during deployments or field exercises, but it lessens over time as you get used to the ways of military life. It hurt me when Mike was deployed to Iraq, but I got more and more used to it over time.
These women at the board you are speaking of really should be more sensitive to those young wives who are going through an adjustment period. They could be of more value by lending advice, rather than insults.

Maybe say something to that effect.

By Mcrosby57 on Monday, March 8, 2004 - 02:54 pm:

My husband is in the Reserves. We were married when he was active duty. We did our share of deployments, TDYs, and moving. I have lived both sides of the fence, so to speak.

Anyway, first I'd contact the moderator of the board and make them aware of the negative and hurtful, hateful things being posted.

Second, I'd not get into the furror of the negativity of the board. You will not be able to stop the cattiness of many of these women and the internet is such a large expanse, you will become insane trying to stop it.

Third, I'd look to my own unit or husband's unit and find a way to support spouses and children there. You will have more of an impact and you will feel better not reading the negativity on a regular basis. If there are wives or husbands who are lonely, invite them to dinner. Offer to babysit and give them a break. Offer to take the kids to the park. Help fold laundry. Go grocery shopping with them as a friend. Lonliness is hard and you can make a difference. Do something you would like to have had done for you.

Mary

By Feona on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 08:40 am:

If the message board isn't moderated well the bullies and sickos take over the message board, I think. One can stop it because the person is using the message board as a power thing.

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, March 9, 2004 - 11:19 am:

What you describe is exactly why MomtoMom and Momsview are/were moderated boards. If Momsview is the only board you visit, you have no idea how unpleasant unmoderated boards can be.

I do think it is appalling that a board meant for Marine Wives is not moderated to keep it clean and supportive.