Being a stay at home mom!
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive March 2004:
Being a stay at home mom!
Trina is on a quest for a friend, and to be honest I was thinking of this the other day.
I worked since I was 16 and up to the time I was 36. Went back to work with all three pregnancies and felt guilty about everything. Felt guilty about working, felt guilty about not staying home. What a struggle! God and only God gave me a break from it when mom became ill.
I never went back to a monetary paying job, however, I truly wonder if anyone who doesn't stay home realizes what a stay at home mom does all day (right now I'm speaking of dh). Somedays it seems as if I'm running in circles. For me it was easier to go to work because with no one at the house, it really didn't get as messy (not kidding). Among other things... We all can fill in the blanks.
I know my dad never realized what my mom did and never will, he only assumes he knows after she passed away. And to be honest us kids were grown and gone, so he didn't realize what she did for everyone all day
It really saddens me that people assume we stay at home and do nothing.
I have been on both sides of the fence so I do realize both sides.
I don't criticize either side, but I really do mind when people assume I do nothing all day. Not saying that any of you think that, it's just it seems like we have to defend staying home
Sorry, I guess I'm just venting. I really don't think dh understands what I deal with everyday. He assumes he does but he doesn't.
Don't get me wrong I'll probably never go back to the same monetary paying job (I was an accountant). I love being home with the girls. And they seem more secure with me being at home. Now I'm just rattling. I'm not here for a debate (remember I've been on both sides), just making a statement.
BTW Bobbie, thanks for all those sights, I needed a lift
I agree, i am now a stay at home mom since i had my ds who is now 18 months, i did not stay home after my oldest dd who is 8. In fact i was working 60 hour weeks at a very physical job until i had my ds. Now when i first stayed home i thought man this will be a breeze, my dh likes me to stay home. Boy was I WRONG. My 60 hour week was a vacation compared to this. 4 cooked meals for 4, dishes, laundry, vaccuuming everyday with kids, ect. People forget that when mom stays home so do the kids and the messes they make at daycare and the clothes they ruin are now at home for us. I spend all day cleaning and when dd and dh get home in 5 minutes it looks like a hurricane hit!! So now the evening is spent doing it all over again. My dd is at the age where she changes outfits atleast 3 times before school and of course the ones she decides not to wear, on the floor with them!! Then of course you got appointments and shopping and i also do the finances. Stay at home moms need a break too, lol!! i wish there was enough time in the day to sit and eat my bon bons!!
Sensitive subject with me lately.
When DH and I talked about kids I told him i'd only have them if I could be a SAHM (for atleast the 1st few years). He agreed because we both believe in the men being the breadmaker and the woman doing the house chores, taking care of kids, doing bills etc..
Since weve moved DH has decided he wants to get a 2nd job so we have "fun" money and more to put into savings. I told him O wouldnt mind getting a night job a few hours a week if it was too tough for him but he says I have more patience with Kaitlyn and he couldnt handle my job (LOL )
Anyways, he told his Dad and FIL's first words "Why doesnt Melissa get a job??" DH just said it was a personal decision between us and none of his business. I've been doing at home schooling to be a certified Pharmacy Tech, taking care of Kaitlyn, cleaning house, cooking etc, etc, etc.
For some reason his Dad has the impression that I "made" DH pay for my schooling and im spending all his money. I cant stand the man. (I admit I like to buy things for Kaitlyn but I cant even remember the last time I bought something for myself.)
But I feel so unappreciated as a SAHM. DH only realized what it was like since hes been out of work. So now he knows what I go through.
Anyways, just my vent, sorry.
When ds was about 1 year old,dh lost his job and I ended up getting a 3 day a week job in a hardware store. Suddenly dh had to stay home with Eliah. Now,for this whole year, dh had been giving me grief about staying at home and how 'lucky' I was.HE couldn't understand how the house could be such a mess at times, or why I would grumble when I was doing all the laundry(we didn't have our own-had to share 3 washers and driers with 47 other families!).
But the worst was that there were 2 friends of mine who lived close to me. They both had babies and the 3 of us would get together almost everyday at one anothers house and just spend the day together,breastfeeding, changing diapers, etc. Whoevers house we were at-that person got to take out their garbage,throw in their laundry, have a shower etc.....
This bothered dh to no end. He thought we were having a grand old time gossiping, lying around EATING BON BONS!!!!!! He was always critisizing me and saying that if I didn't hang out so much with Christina and Carol, then I could get some housework done!
WELL.........my very first day of work, dh calls 2 hours into the morning LOOKING FOR CAROLS PHONE NUMBER !!!!!!!! I killed myself laughing!
After that, he found a neighbourhood drop-in center with lots of cool toys and he would take ds there every day. He never did one lick of housework the whole 4 months I worked at the hardware store! But every night when I came home from work, he would complain about how exhausted he was(I was still the one getting up all night with the baby, and in the morning...doing all the laundry and cleaning and shopping..).....he DID make supper for us though......
Now, I am at home fulltime again, and have been for 2 years. I LOVE it!!!!!! But it is the HARDEST job I have ever had. It's thankless and never ending. You do the same thing over and over and over. No one notices or thanks you, then you do it over again the next day. You don't recieve a paycheck or have your boss say "great job-I'm going to give you a promotion!"
I am going to risk saying something that might be a little MEAN !!!
I don't think this applies to ALL men-but a lot of them.....
***MEN ARE BIG SUCKY BABIES !!!!!****
There......that felt good!
fiona
lol Fiona!
"Now, I am at home fulltime again, and have been for 2 years. I LOVE it!!!!!! But it is the HARDEST job I have ever had. It's thankless and never ending. You do the same thing over and over and over. No one notices or thanks you, then you do it over again the next day. You don't recieve a paycheck or have your boss say "great job-I'm going to give you a promotion!" I have one word to add to this...... AMEN!!!
"I don't think this applies to ALL men-but a lot of them.....
***MEN ARE BIG SUCKY BABIES !!!!!**** " and I agree.  DH has never said a word about me being home but other people have had their say that is for sure..
Stay at home Moms do not get the appreciation they are due. I'm not sure if they will ever get the recognition and respect they deserve.
Being a parent is not an easy job. They is no training for it, no amount of education can truly prepare someone for it. It is the ultimate on the job training anyone can have and you continue to learn everyday. Moms (and Dads) who work outside the home have a tough job balancing work and home, and I give credit to anyone who does it, regardless of the reason why. But, what many who look down on parents who choose to stay home with their kids fail to realize is that we have a job too. We may not be paid for it, but we work just as hard and put in just as many hours.
My DH has had a few opportunities to see and experience what my job entails. He knows what it's like and I think he respects what I do. It helps that we have 5 kids, if only to magnify just how much work it really is. He is much more comfortable doing his job than mine and that's okay. Staying at home is not for everyone.
I started working all day on Friday's and my DH stays home. It is really good for him to spend time wiht just him and the boys, but every night I get home always says, "I don't know how you do it"(Frankly some days I barely do) He stayed at home the first year with our oldest, but I don't think he realized what a difference it was with three.
I agree with Bobbie the hardest part has to be the repetition. AAGGHH, I have never been one for scheldules and now I know what I will be doing on the hour everyday.
I'm not complaining because it is very rewarding in many other ways. I want to be the one to teach them and show them new things. When I worked full time I just dreamed about being home. I'm very fortunate that we have been able to manage that. We go without a lot of things so that I can be here but I feel without a doubt my kids and family will be better for it. But I agree staying at home is not for everyone.
Being a stay at home mom is great....though at the same time it's the most emotionally and sometimes physically draining thing a person can do. Sometimes by the end of the day I am in tears!!
It took my DH awhile to figure out just how emotionally draining it is to be with the kids 24/7. When we had our third baby I got an infection in my uterus and was out for several days. He was in charge of the 2 girls and also the baby for the most part. It was at that point that he finally admitted that he wouldn't be able to handle it.
Sometimes I'm jealous that DH "gets" to go to work and have that time away in the *grown up* world. But, for the most part I'm perfectly happy staying at home with the kids.
My DH worked 3 jobs at one point so that I could stay home with the kids. I'm lucky to have him, and sometimes I forget that. It's good to remember I'll have to tell him more often.
What I get more than anything now is that since both of my kids are in school, "Are you going to get a job? Go back to school?" Well, NO! not right now. I have been a SAHM since my oldest,now 8, was born. My baby is now in Kindergarten. I deserve some time to stay in my jammies and relax if I want to. It's so funny because people assumed as soon as Kiersten was in school I would be back at work. I'm fine with staying home still. There is still plenty to do around here. I just smile and say, "No, I'm just going to enjoy some much deserved ME TIME."
My dh tells me from time to time 'Other people would LOVE to be in your shoes' and ' It is a PRIVELAGE for you to be a SAHM'...I am always reminded of how he goes to work everyday to make my life of luxury possible. In fact just last night I was told this.
I am aware of all of the above-- but would just like to be allowed to vent from time to time when I have had a bad day. Which isnt that often. But you'd think it was everyday the way my dh talks???
Mommyathome-- Just last week I was thinking what you said about being jealous dh gets to leave and go to work everyday. My dh leaves at 6:45am and returns after 6pm everyday. Then when he is off work he always has a project going on that requires me to keep the kids.
Last week I watched my nephew for my sister and everyday after leaving work she had an appointment she had to go to before picking up her child??? I thought to myself I might get more done if I hired a sitter and went back to work. LOL! One day she get her haircut, the next day she went to her tax man, and the last day she showed up so late I was late picking up my oldest ds from school. When I asked where she was she said her 'team' from work took her out to lunch for her birthday. She didnt even call to tell me this. hmmmm
I don't have time to read all the messages but I want to respond. I stay at home also and I say we try not to worry about what others think. It is a different story with our husbands though. It takes a lot to get him to understand what it is like to stay home. I tell him to imagine being at work 24/7. We don't get a break unless we arrange it or our husband finally realizes and gives us one. I tell him I don't get time to myself. He doesnt't think he does either but I tell him everytime he gets in his car to go to work that is time to himself and everytime he goes to lunch that is time to himself. I could go on and on. Sometimes it is very hard to stay at home but I wouldn't change it for the world.
Dayna
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