I am posting anonymous because I know after this is read I will get a buch of back lash from what I am about to say, but here goes anyway
I absolutey can not stand my step kids! They are 23 and 25 and they are the worse, brattiest, selfish human beings I have ever met. They treat their brothers (mine and their dads kids) like they don't even exist. They only call (and I mean only) when they need money or a free babysitter, which my husband bends over backwards to meet their needs. They completely ignore me when they do call for their favors, like I am a secretary for their dad. I love my husband so much and he is such a great dad to our little boys and he tries to be to his other children, but If I had to do it over again, I would never marry a man with children. I don't mean to be so negative, but they have pushed me to my limits! The youngest (and worst) one called last night and is in a bind and needs $1000! Now we are not poor but we are not rich either and we just don't have $1000 to give her. We don't have $1000 period! She gets all mad and blames me, saying that If he wasn't married to me then he would have done it. Their mother and my husband had been divorced for 8 yrs when I met him, so its not that I broke up their little happy world or anything, I would almost understand their hatefullness if that had occured. I just don't know what to do. I can't stand dealing with them, and no matter what I will never like or respect them. I tried so hard for the first 3 yrs we were married, even let the youngest (and worst remember) to live with us when she got pregnant and her mom kicked her out. She just took advantage of that. We were actually pregnant at the same time and I had 3 baby showers so I gave her tons of my stuff that I got as gifts. Later I over hear her telling her dad that I just gave her the "junk" that I didn't want. Well for one thing I didn't have to give her anything and second, not one single gift that I received was "junk". I appreciated everything that I got for my baby! Anyway theres more, but too much to say for it all to fit here! Thanks for listening.

By Dana on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 12:39 pm:

Sorry you are having such a tough time with them. Nothing I can relate to, but certainly wouldn't wish your feelings on anyone else. Sounds very painful for you.

By Colette on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 12:48 pm:

I would just say if you can't get along with them then you should distance yourself from them. Don't have it come down to your dh having to take sides. Be polite but that's it. Maybe, even though they had been divorced for 8yrs, the kids harbored fantasies that their parents would somehow get back together. At any rate, they are always going to be part of your life so best to be polite but indifferent.

By Gammiejoan on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 12:54 pm:

Sometimes it just helps to vent, doesn't it? There is probably not much you can do about this situation. You didn't say what your husband's response is to this. I certainly can understand your feelings, but what you can't afford to do is make your husband feel as if he is caught in the middle of the situation with you and his children. I'm not saying that you are doing that, but you just need to keep this in mind. If I were you, I think I would probably have my husband talk with his children anytime they ask for money. It seems logical to me since he is their father and also because it might make you appear to be less of a "heavy." Vent anytime you want to. I'm sure some of the other members on here will be able to provide you with better advice than I have.

By Kernkate on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 12:58 pm:

{{{Anon}}}Its tough with step-kids. My DH had 2 children from his first marriage, and at times DSD,DSS and I didn't see eye to eye. But nothing major.
My DH and I have been together for 15 years now, and had no major problems between kids. We have 2 children of our own together ages 9 and 3 and my DSD who is 20 is like there second mom.
My DSS who was 18 passed away on December 13 and I will tell you what I miss him as tho he was my own and I thank god everyday that we had a good relationship.
With step children you have to try sometimes and go out of your way to make them feel comfortable..sometimes it works and other times its tough...
Good luck to you it can be very difficult.

By Anonymous on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 01:00 pm:

Thank you all for listening and really all I wanted to do was to vent. I understand what you are saying about my husband, and I would never make him choose or feel like he has to. I usually just keep quiet. I would never tell him exactly how I feel about them, because they are his kids and he loves them no matter what. Most of the time I am just polite but do not go out of my way.

By Melanie on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 01:30 pm:

(((HUGS))) What a tough situation you are in. I wish there was an easy answer for you. Vent to us any time.

By Mommmie on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 01:58 pm:

Well, I'll give you a view from the other side, for what it's worth. My parents divorced when I was 20. I'm 40 now. My dad is married to his 4th wife now (my mom was his 1st). It's weird having your dad go off and start a whole new life/family with someone else, and then someone else, and then someone else. It's just weird. It's like my brother, my mom and I are still the same family, but dad just bailed. So many desparate women just throw themselves at him. He has money and is nice looking. I don't refer to his wife du jour as my step mother(s). She's My Dad's Current Wife. The whole thing got so weird and I decided not to associate with him anymore no matter who he is married to. His Current Wife has bent over backwards to be nice to me (she was actually the one my dad cheated with when he was married to my mother). I just don't care anymore. He used to say I would only call when I needed money. I stopped calling. It's much better this way. I haven't talked to him 5 years. It's tough on the adult kids even though I guess it doesn't make much sense. We should embrace any hoochie, I mean woman, our dad's bring home, but it's not that simple for all of us.

By Texannie on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 03:04 pm:

Ya'll are scaring me!! At the ripe old age of 45 I am about to become a step daughter. My mom died 14 months ago after 45 years of marriage, and my dad is remarrying next Sunday. I like her, but it's weird. She has moved into his house and is taking down all the family photos, everything. I know she needs to make it her home too, but I just feel like my childhood is being wiped out!
All our family holidays are going to be weird now cause she has kids/grandkids and trying to blend all this together is flipping me out!

By Anonymous on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 03:43 pm:

First off Mommmie, I am no "hoochie" that their dad brought home, there was no cheating going on, like I said before he had been divorced (and single) for 8 yrs. As a grown child I feel as if they need to quit acting so childish and move on with their life. It would not be an issue about the money if step kids would just think about someone other than themselves and pick up the phone to call their dad. I am sorry that there are broken homes out there, but the fact is that that is life. There are plenty of families that make it work, my stepkids, just like yourself, just choose not to.
Second Texannie, just be happy for your dad that he found someone to spend his time with. That doesn't mean he doesn't love your mother still. You know he does, but after that long of a marriage, I am sure its more about the companionship. I wish all you guys the best of luck in this.

By Mommmie on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 05:44 pm:

Easy champ. I didn't say you were a hoochie. I have moved on with my life and it doesn't include my dad. I know that's what you want from your stepkids and perhaps someday they will realize you hate them and move on with their lives.

By Texannie on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 06:25 pm:

Anon, I am so very happy for my dad! I just wish that she remembered he did have a life before her and wasn't trying so hard to wipe that out.

By Palmbchprincess on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 07:04 pm:

Anon,
My "dad", biologically at least, was never part of my life. I'm lucky to have a wonderful step dad who is my father. In your case, which I read to my boyfriend, (who has been a step-dad to my kids, and raised by one also) we both said the same thing: Our moms would have kicked our butts for treating our step-dads like that. If any other adult treated me with such disrespect in my own home I'd be furious, and I think you have every right to also. Why doesn't your DH say something? You have children at home who need a peaceful household, and he is letting irresponsible ADULT siblings disrupt that. You are in a tough situation, and I hope it works out for you. I am not sure if you are looking for advice or just venting, but I'd sit down with the step-kids, and have DH explain that their childish behavior will stop or they will not be welcome in your home. Good luck!! (((anon)))

By Palmbchprincess on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 07:07 pm:

BTW, I know I'm in the minority saying DH should handle this, but we're not talking about 5 and 8 year olds. Both these kids are older than I am and should know how to respect other people. They don't have to LIKE you, just respect you.

By Bobbie on Thursday, February 26, 2004 - 11:20 pm:

I am a teen of divorce. My parents divorced when I was 17, dad remarried when I was 18 and mom remarried when I was 19. And let me tell you the last thing I wanted was for my parents to get back together. I think it is a mistake to assume that that is what they would want. Because many of my friends with divorced parents couldn't believe how long you can beat a dead marriage before finally throwing up your hands and saying enough. I knew when I was 6 that my parents had no business being married it is just sad it took them 10 more years to admit it and do something about it.

I have a couple of questions.. Does your husband pick up the phone and call them?
Do you make trips to their houses? When you do family things do you call and invite them? When they are at your house do you speak to them? When they call in do you speak to them or just hand the phone off to DH? Have you involved them in the lives of your children together? When you are planning family things do they even cross your mind or do you only think of them when they are calling you wanting something?

By Karen~moderator on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 12:14 am:

Excellent points...........

By Anonymous on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 07:50 am:

Those are excellent points. We do invite them to all the birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving etc. We have even gone on vacation with the oldest one a few times. Things are pleasent when we do these things. They usually end up coming except on birthdays, they have never come to our sons birthdays. The oldest one will at least be nice around me, maybe thats her maturity, I just don't know. My husbands calls them every Saturday, withouth fail. Even if his work takes him out of town, he will not miss that phone call. I know some (or maybe one) on this board thinks that I don't want them in our life at all. Maybe there are still some issues that need to be worked out in her life but as a matter of fact, I would not have married a man that didn't try to have a good relationship with their kids. That would show me that he was not a very good father and I wouldn't want that for my own kids. Now recently when they call, after a quick "Hello, how are you?" I just hand the phone off to my husband. I know that I am just being stubborn, which is not helping the situation, but I am never rude to them simply because they are my husbands kids. I really want things to be different. My husbands mother and sister both say that alot of it has to do with their mother, because she talks so bad about their father around them (always has) that they just don't have any respect for him like they should. There was no cheating going on in their marriage, it was just a marriage that shouldn't have happened and had been over years before it ended. My parents are divorced and I hold no grudges against either my parents or step parents. Never had. I am just glad to finally see them happy.

By Bobbie on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 09:15 am:

Anonymous, I think that his EX's opinion and comments will play greatly on their feelings towards him and ultimately you and personally I don't see that as their fault (grown ups are in counseling for this very reason). It is only common sense that kids (and even at their age they are still kids) will connect with their mother on a different level than their father. It is also is not uncommon for the father to sit back and accept the things that are said about him and not try to disprove those things. Meaning the child continues to see the father through the mothers eyes. And it is the most common thing in life for the children to show "loyalty" to one parent over the other out of fear of rejection from the primary parent (even married parents often have this as a major issue). The kids don't do it because they know they are doing it, it is one of those animal instincts that we do unwillingly and often know is a dumb way to see things but still do it. Meaning that if they accept you and love you if they pay more attention to dad they will loose the love of their mother. It might not be a rational way to look at it but it is a fact....... They are still young and have not learned to devide their love/lives between the two that comes with maturity. Kind of like the younger sibling issue older sibling issues. No matter how you treat your children they see things through their own eyes and you can be the best most loving mom to all and one will feel you still loved the other child more. Because they don't understand that different love doesn't mean less love. I know you feel you are welcoming them in but I am just a bit curious if you aren't resentful towards them for siding with their mother (listening to her and believing her) because you love your DH and see the mom as just as guilty (or often more so guilty in many cases)?
It is my history that I have learned over time (maturity)that there are three sides of a story. His side her side and the side you make up in your own head.

And I must say this. My step mom has issues with my sisters and I. She has no children and never wanted any. Why she married a man with three children, two of which were minors, is beyond me. But anyway, we are only invited to the house for special occasions (keep in mind they have been married 16 years). We are all but excluded in every other aspect of our fathers life. It is kind of an insult to be invited over for Holidays. Kind of makes the whole thing feel like they are giving us hand outs. Like she is forcing herself to be kind to us for just this one day. So for 16 years we are invited to our fathers house two to three times a year. If we go over any other time we are treated as if we have just interrupted something and that we are taking away from their lives because they have to stop everything to entertain us. So we don't bother to go over unless invited and we never invite ourselves.
When we go down to moms. They just act like we are a part of the whole thing. If they are doing something we just step right in and help along. They don't act like we are a burden they don't act like they are watching their watches for us to leave. The whole atmosphere is different at mom's. Even though she is remarried and Step dad is no saint when it comes to treating us with respect. We are still treated as if we are a part of the family not just visitors in our mothers home.
I think this whole mess (which is really what it is) sounds like a huge lack of communication. And a lot of expecting to be accepted. And a lot of possible resentments that have been left to fester. I think that a line of communication needs to be opened up and you need to try to let some of your stubbornness go and try to mend your own hard feelings over this. Blending a family is not easy. And everyone dislikes feeling rejected and mistreated even if that isn't the intent of the other person we can often have these feelings because of the games our own minds play. This is such a common issue. You aren't the only one that is dealing with it. But you have two choices. Let it go and keep your opinions to yourself. OR you can be the woman I am sure you can be and you will step up to the plate and figure out what you have to do to start healing the rift in your family. Because despite the fact that his children are grown their maturity level and understanding of unconditional love sounds like it is a bit a sque (this comes with emotional growth, maturity). But that often happens in a divorce. The parents go into a whirl wind at the time of a divorce and the kids are often left to try to figure things out on their own. Which means as kids do they pick one over the other. They blame one more than the next. They do not know or see the big picture and all they know is self preservation. And in that they cleave to the mother. When they mature how they are treated and cared for by the father will come to light and they will either grow and figure out that a parents love is unconditional and that mom was not always right and that there is three sides to every story. But in the mean time. How you treat those children (mother father step parents) will effect the out come. The head games that are played will come to light and with reassurance they will see these things on their own with out you having to say your mom says this or that and it isn't true. You want a relationship you have to work on it. You have to be an adult (not saying you aren't) and you have to open your life to them. Even though it might not be your intent they might only call because in their own minds they might feel dad has moved on. They may know he still loves them but in the same turn they may not see that there is room in his (your) life for them. They might feel like outsiders coming in to a happy little home that they own no part of. The long and the short of it. They could very well be sitting back saying the very same thing to each other about you. They might be feeling the rejection you feel, all just because everyone is sitting back on their hands walking on egg shells trying to be nice but not being real.... Open up those lines of communication......... Invite your step kids over for a barbecue a movie night (whatever)and include them don't entertain them... Make a phone call and say, I was just curious how you are doing? Yes they might reject your attempts at first but with time they will see your honesty behind your wanting them to be a part of your life and the lives of your own children. And if you are going to take the step to include them you need to make sure you mean it. Meaning that they will be a part of your life not just when you want them to be a part. They need to get to know you... Not you their dad's wife but the person you are. And you need to see them beyond the fact that they are the children of their husband. And I am sure that Karen can tell you how hard it is to blend a family and about learning to love children that aren't your own. You can't just sit back and say it is all there fault.. You and your husbands are adults too and if you want something you have to work towards it not sit and wait for it to happen... I know your DH is calling them and I know you see that you are including them. But there is something and I am sure if you dig deep enough you will see why they are excluding themselves from you. You need to figure out what it is. Even if it means a sit down talk with the kids and the parents and coming right out and asking what the deal is. And if it is because of mom tell them out right you are not expecting them to side with you or her. That their father and their little brothers/sisters need and want them in their lives and that you all as a family need to figure out what is going on that has brought you to the point of them only making contact when they need something and how to make changes so that you all are moving towards a happy life together and less regrets later in life. Like I said before you have two choices... Continue to let this fester and get out of control leave it go and move on OR step up and take action to make it a better situation... You and you are alone are ultimately in charge of your own happiness and you have to take the steps to make it happen either way. Part of maturity is accepting blame and placing blame where it belongs. And being able to walk a mile in the other persons shoes and feel empathy for that walk.... Seeing things beyond your own point of view and into the big picture.. And there is more going on here then them just brats... Best of luck... Sorry about the book....

By Angellew on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 09:28 am:

Your step-children sound like they were spoiled and bratty to begin with. But their parents getting divorced probably made them even worse. They saw a bad situation and found a way to manipulate it to their advantage. And your DH probably felt guilty about leaving, so he indulged them even more once he left. They got used to it, even thought they were due his attention because he left them. And once you came along and got married and started a new family, they saw it as you and your children talking what should be theirs, whether it be his time, attention, money... whatever. So, if it makes you feel any better, it's not you. They would treat anyone that came into his life badly! But, I know that's not going to make you feel any better. (Sorry )

My parents were divorced when I was very young, so I've always had a step-mother in my life. The fact that she is a complete shrew is really not the issue here... but she did teach me what not to do now that I'm a step-mom myself. I try to give my DH and DSS enough alone time that he doesn't see me as always interfering and I try to respect him and his space. So far it has worked out well. When he was 8 years old (he's 15 now), he told me that his mother hated me and said really bad things about me. He then said "But, I don't listen. We get along good, and that's ok, isn't it?" (Just like you, they were long divorced before I came along, so there wasn't a cheating issue, so who knows why she doesn't like me?!)

The only thing I can really say to you is keep being polite and respectful to his children and the next time they treat you like garbage, make sure your DH is aware of what they did and the fact that you ignore it for him. But, that you expect him to straighten the situation out... just as he would if anyone else treated you badly! Respect goes a long way. Maybe not with the "children", but with your DH. Hopefully, he will see how much you're willing to take because you love him, and he'll realize he has to do something about it.

I hope everything works out for you!

By Jtsmom on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 09:57 am:

I know from experience what it is like to deal with step children that just don't want to except you. It's a hard thing to deal with. My only advice is to keep being polite and nice, treat them with respect and hopefully one day things will change. And if they don't at least you come through this with a clear conscience knowing that you didn't stoop to their level. Try not to hold resentment toward them. (I need to take my own advice)

By Mommmie on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 10:01 am:

I know you think that I'm jumping on you, Anon, because you hate your stepchildren, and maybe I am. But your lack of empathy for your adult chldren is troubling to me. Did you stop and think that maybe it was a bit weird for your stepdaughter to be pregnant the same time as her stepmother? That it's weird to see your dad doing the whole kid thing AGAIN at his age? That now they have these little step brothers and they are not sure of their real roles in these boys lives? Notice the way I describe it is WEIRD, not bad, not horrible, WEIRD. Not saying it shouldn't happen. Not saying everyone doesn't deserve what they want. I'm just saying it's WEIRD. See it from their side. Their mom has filled them with stories about dad. Their dad has remarried a younger woman and started over again with kids, at his age. He was one way before he married you and know he acts another way. It's weird.

Did you expect these adult children to bring you a tiara and crown you queen bec you married their father? What were your expectations? It's a difficult situation all the way around.

By Kaye on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 10:33 am:

Interesing discussion here. My dad remarried after my mom passed away (very soon like TExannie's). It was different, we learned to love her, but mostly because she loved us. I still when i called spoke to dad not her, really no matter what she did, she could not be my mother, but she did become a friend and did become my children's grandmother. (I say did because she just passed away). I guess I look at this from a couple of angles, first your dh raised these kids, his parenting, choices, etc have made them these children how does he feel? Does he feel used? like they don't care? If he loves them for who they are and is able to look past that, then I would hope you can find a way to also. The other thing is, I think it is harder having a new woman when you are older rather than younger. Just like annie said, it is weird having your family pictures taken down. WE have life stories about the things we did, ways dad acted, etc, all of that is a bit uncomfortable. When any relationship takes off it changes the peole involved, they make different choice, enjoy different things, behave differently, this is hard on adult kids, because honestly they were happy with the old dad and YOU have made him different. I don't have any answers, it is sad, families shouldn't be broken. I don't mean divorces shouldn't happen (although..lol), but the rifts between families are just insane. I have recently lost way too many family members and I can't imagine with life being so short to walk around with such unresolved issues. So new topic, what did my step mom do to win me over...she always went above and beyond to make me at home. When I called for a sitter, which i did, she did it, without much critism. She sent cards to my kids about once a month for random things, she bought them things when she felt the urge. Basically she took us in, even though we probably didn't really want her in our lives. I know it is different because they are so rude. Still mabye you could make an effort for 6 months to super step mom and see what changes happen.

By Texannie on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 10:35 am:

Thanks Kaye for understanding. I was beginning to panic more and to think I was wrong.

By Anonymous on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 11:24 am:

I just re-read my first post and realize how bad it did sound. I was angry at something that had just happend the night before and came off sounding like a wicked step-mother. I am not going to explain or defend my every action although I will say that I do go out of my way, more so with the oldest than the youngest, simply because she still lives with her mother and I get the 3rd degree every time I call or send cards. Second I am not that much younger than my husband. I had children late in life, and yes I know it was weird for them. Some of you had great points and I will do my best to resolve this. I didn't mean to sound so hateful toward them, I just needed to vent. I would be so much more understanding with them if they were children or even teenagers, but they are adults and one is also remarried. So she should understand the whole Step thing. I am sorry if I brought up any bad feelings for anyone who has been through this with their step-mom, but like I said before I have a step mother and it works if you want it to.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 05:04 pm:

Anon, I can pretty much relate to this issue on all sides - my parents divorced when I was 12, my dad married his office manager and she was incredibly jealous of us 3 girls (she had a son) and really resented any time he gave any of us; my first marriage was to a man with 2 kids and I expected things to be story-book/happy ending perfect and they were far from it, and now I am remarried so I've given MY birth kids a step parent.

Step-parenting is not easy for the adults OR the children, no matter what age the children are. There is confusion, resentment, jealousy, insecurity, anger, joy, sadness, happiness for ALL involved. Each situation is different.

I would never judge anyone for feeling angry with their step parents OR their step children because I have BTDT on all sides, and I know that most of those feelings are really very normal, all things considered.

There were times when I thought I couldn't get far enough away from my own stepkids earlier on, and now if anyone dares to tell me they are *not really mine*, I quickly correct them. I guess I am very fortunate that I've got such a great relationship with them, and I truly do think of them as my own.

I've never been close to my own stepmother because she did everything she could to push us away due to her own jealousy and insecurity. And to be fair, my dad didn't exactly make a huge effort to continue his relationship with us for many years after he married her.

I and my kids were just really developing a meaningful relationship with him when he passed away 14 years ago. I guess my point is that you never know what's in store for you, or when something will happen to any of you. If there's any way at all you can all *be a family*, I urge you to do it. There's a lot of joy that can come from that. It's hard work and everyone has to do their part and you have to let go of grudges and be willing to communicate honestly for it to work, but I'm here to tell you it can be done.

By Conni on Friday, February 27, 2004 - 06:50 pm:

Anon I can relate as well and by all means vent away when needed. Thats what we are hear for.

Many of you made some very good points. Interesting thread.

By Cheekymama on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 06:19 am:

Wow. I was 23 when my parents divorced and I can't even IMAGINE behaving that way, as an adult. I mean, here's the thing: I am an adult, and as long as my parents are happy, who my they choose to date or marry is none of my business. If I like them, great. But if I don't, it's not my place to comment. My parents are adults, too, and they are the ones who have to deal with their choices. It doesn't have any bearing on me because they're not stepping in and trying to raise me -- I'm already raised and on my own. Dad can't give or loan me $1,000? Well, too bad for me. It doesn't matter if he would have had it if he hadn't hooked up with so-and-so. He doesn't owe me anything anyway! Dad could marry a woman and she could spend all of his money and leave me without an inheritance. Again, too bad for me. Until he dies it's his money to do with and give to what and whomever he wants. It's not something I've earned, or something he owes me. If he leaves me something or everything that'll sure be nice, but if he doesn't I won't begrudge him at all, because it wasn't mine to begin with.

No, they are NOT children, but they ARE incredibly immature if they let their mother sway their opinions of you or your dh. When my parents divorced I told them I wasn't taking sides and I didn't want to hear either one of them badmouthing the other. My dad made a few comments about my mom, but I told him every time, "I don't need to hear that", and made him quit.

I just do not understand how adult children can act like that. They need to grow the heck up already and deal with it.

By Bobbie on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 01:09 pm:

Anita, I disagree. I don't think the deep seated issue of this has a darn thing to do with the money. I think it has more to do with the Jealousy and loss of their father to his new family. I think that the asking for and not loaning the money and the comments made are only a surface issue. The icing on the cake, lets say. And yes they are grown children now. But they were not grown when the divorce occurred and they had their father to themselves for the most part for 8 years prior to this marriage. It is easy to comment on it but if you aren't living it then you really can't see the flip side of that coin. This is not dad and a step mom... This is dad, a step mom and new siblings (biological siblings). A new family... It isn't a yours and mine situation (his children and hers). It is a yours and ours (his children and their children together). And I can completely see why these kids would have unspoken issues and would act out towards the situation. I am sure ultimately they are feeling rejected. Dad has moved on and where is their place in his life? And I am sure that most anyone on this board will agree that even at the age of 40, 50, 60 you are still your parents child. Meaning that those effects they have on you and needing that connection never go away. Look at all the mom's we have on here that grieve the loss of their parents to death for years and years after they are gone. These kids are grieving over the new life their dad has and they aren't sure they fit in anymore. Heck we have mom's on here (many twice the age of these kids) that complain about their step parents all the time. About how parent remarried and moved on... About how life is all about her/his kids and they are left out of the family. About how they are treated/feel like outsiders in their own family. About how their children are excluded from the lives of their parents do to the step parent. This is not uncommon at all. It is just left to fester and becomes about the money, the not showing up to a party, about the stupid little things in life that in the long run no one cares about but become blown up arguments... I think people need to start talking to each other and stop sitting back and waiting for someone else to notice their pain and fix the issues... Becoming a blended family takes work.. Especially if you want to be involved in each others lives.

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, February 29, 2004 - 05:16 pm:

Becoming a blended family takes work.. Especially if you want to be involved in each others lives

And for that to happen, ALL the affected and involved family members have to be willing to do it.