I don't know what else to do
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive February 2004:
I don't know what else to do
I'm going anon on this because I don't want my dh to see it and be mad at me.
My dh has horrible dental problems. He should have had braces when he was younger and gum work done. His teeth are very crooked and his breath is horrendous most of the time due to his gum problems. He went to a dentist a few years ago who helped him somewhat for a little bit. His breath got better. The dentist wanted to put braces on him, but my 35 year old dh didn't want braces, he wanted dentures.
Okay, here is what I need help with. His breath is a huge turn-off to me. I don't like to talk to him (unless he is across the room), I don't like to cuddle with him, and I sure has heck don't like to kiss him when his breath is bad. It doesn't seem to bother him as much as it does me. There are days when he "forgets" to brush his teeth. His family never did anything to encourage good dental hygenie when he was growing up, so he doesn't see it has a problem. Anytime I try to talk to him about it, he gets defensive and just says "Well, don't talk to me if you don't like it" or "Don't cuddle with me if you don't like it." I told him yesterday I was amazed that people at work could stand to be around him (I said this after I loving tried to talk to him about it and he got defensive again).
I just don't know what to do anymore. I know that this problem will probably keep him from promotions at work, because face it, if they don't want to be around you talk to you, they aren't going to promote you where you have to talk to people all the time. Does anyone have any suggestions? TIA
Perhaps he needs to read about the health issues associated with poor dental hygiene. Way beyond and much more serious than just bad breath and gum problems. An article here:
The Dangers of Poor Dental Hygiene
Good luck!
Unhappily, poor dental hygiene can cause infections which have a great risk of becoming whole body, systemic infections. Which is why I am scheduled to have gum surgery on 3/8 for deep root cleaning, as an alternative to having all my teeth pulled and getting plates.
My ex had poor dental health, though he did get bad teeth pulled. For a long time he had a fairly gappy mouth, with just front teeth, and got plates a couple of years ago.
Frankly, if your ex does not want to undergo braces and proper dental treatment, maybe he would be better off in the long run getting falsies. My brother did that in his mid-40s for much the same reason. I don't approve, but it's not my mouth or my appearance at issue.
Oh Ginny....that sounds painful! Ouch!
If your DH doesn't have good teeth brushing habits, then even if he does get the dental work done it probably won't last long. I guess I would lean towards dentures considering how he takes care of his teeth.
This is oviously a sensitive issue so you have to approach him this way even though you are probably fed up and grossed out. My first suggestion would be a waterpick, they are great at getting food and bacteria out from in between spaces the toothbrush can't reach. As we all know flossing works wonders but it is a hassle.
At this point I wouldn't even discuss orthodontic treatment because his teeth will decay rapidly if he doesn't brush. I think an appointment with the regular dentist and a deep cleaning would be a great benefit. There are many mouth cleaning solutions out there for people that have excess bacteria, or suffer from cankers sores etc...I would explain to him that it must be hard for him to admit his breath is fowl but you want to be able to kiss him and be next to him etc.. and this truly does get in the way.
Anonymous.....I totally sympathise with you...dh went through hell with his teeth. They were all infected in the gums and we couldn't afford to get him to the dentist.His breath smelled horrible at times. He knew it and felt bad. At times he felt as is it was too late and he would jokingly,but a little seriously say "might as well cut my head off"...
I think dental issues are very frightening and disheartening to the person facing them. For me, I have a fear of going to the dentist and him saying "there's nothng we can do"...(I still have some teeth problems..my turn at the dentist will be next-probably in the fall).
It is so expensive,sometimes quite painful,uncomfortable,you have to keep going back for more,freezing feels so gross....etc...
Waterpick is a good idea. Maybe dh 'forgets' to brush because every time he does it bleeds, and reminds him of his trouble.
Dentures might be the best bet too.I think.
fiona
If nothing else, Listerine mouthwash, which is one of the best, will possibly help his breath a bit. But as Trina posted above, poor dental hygeine can cause a host of other serious medical problems. I hate to say this, but with his attitude about things, dentures may be his best option.
I used to correspond with a girl I met online who had a joke mailing list, who had some serious dental issues and was losing her teeth before age 30 and actually ended up getting dentures when she was 29. I don't know what her exact history of gum/teeth problems was, but she had gum disease and really bad teeth that couldn't be saved. She was a pretty girl, and I remember her telling me that she was so embarrassed by her breath and the condiiton of her teeth, so apparently it wasn't due to lack of concern or effort on her part. She was the happiest person when she had them all pulled and got dentures.
Sorry, I really don't have any advice for you.
I know exactly where you are coming from. My DH, when we first started dating, went to the dentist regularly for cleanings. Then one day he just quit because they made him wait to be seen. A very impatient man. But any ways, he went years without a dentist cleaning them. At the time he was a smoker.
He remained a regular brusher and religiously uses listerine. His breath was HORRIBLE!!!!! No matter how he brushed (and never flossed) he had terrible breath. Like you the discussions about this problem were not taken well.
The ONLY thing that ever got him back to the dentist was his aunt who he cares alot about and trusts. She worked at a dentist office. SHE told him his breath some something awful and that he was in serious health conditions. Not til then did he believe it mattered.
He began going to for cleanings every three months. It has made all the difference, and possible even prevented him from getting false teeth. His aunt told him that false teeth was never a choice anyone should make. She said there are many painful things about them and nothing is better than your own teeth. Thankfully he listened. He still complains about having to see the dentist every three months instead of every six, but he goes. There was A LOT OF PAIN during the first cleanings....all done at different times in order to get all four sections done. It was more than just a standard cleaning. It was a DEEP DEEP cleaning removing the decaying gums and gunk way down around the root areas.
I can tell you right now, no amount of brushing, flossing or listerine will help your DHs problem. He needs to have his teeth done by a dentisit. It is very well possible that he may need to see the paradontist (sp?) for cutting away the dead tissues. My DH was suppose to do this, but he flat our refused, so luckily w/ his aunt in the office they convinced the hygentist to do the deep cleaning. After about 3 FULL cleanings, he was told there was no longer dead tissue and signs of improvement. He was very lucky.
I don't know what to tell you about getting him into that dentist chair, but he really must do it for his health, and of course to keep you close to him, literally. I think after he feels his mouth clean he will feel better about it.
If he is in the condition my DH was in, it will be very painful! It will be very bloody. It will not be complete on one visit. And once it is clean, he will not be finished. He will need to continue on regular cleanings by the dentist...probably like my DH going 4 times a year. But boy is it worth it.
His smile looks different. I can sit near him to talk. I will kiss him. Before that, I avoided him. Somehow, you are just going to have to draw the line and say "YOU HAVE TO DO THIS!" and then stay there, making sure he continues it.
BIG HUGS! I know EXACTLY the pain you are feeling.
Make the appointment for him and tell him he has to go. I hope you get this resolved! Good luck!
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