I need some advice for my nephew. My brother has been in Iraq for a little over a year. I was talking to my sister in lawe recently and she told me that my nephew, who is 6, has become very self destructive, saying that he hates himself, hates his life, wants to die, and wants to hurt the other children. I asked her if she had thought about taking him to a counselor, but she said that she does not have time to look into it because she is too busy looking after the four kids. She said that she asked my brother about it, but he didn't know where to look either. I told her that she should see if his school or church has anyone he could talk to, but I doubt she has checked into that. Anyway, does anybody have any advice for where she could look or who she could talk to? I told her I would help her, but since I am not in the military, I have no idea where to begin. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

By Colette on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 07:45 pm:

Not a military wife, but I would offer to watch her other kids and have her make an appointment with a child psych. If she can't afford it, maybe she can find one with a sliding scale or maybe the rest of the family can help out. This is very disturbing behaviour for any age but esp. a child so young.

By Insaneusmcwife on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 08:14 pm:

She can call tricare to get a mental health referral. IT IS ALL FREE !!!! They will refer her out to the nearest counselor. If he is being destructive she needs make time to make that appointment and take him. It will only get worse if she doesn't get him help. Is she close to a military base? Are you close to her to where you can help her with the child care while she takes him? Has she talked to her KV (it may be called something else if not USMC)? If you need phone numbers let me know.

By Bobbie on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 08:47 pm:

I was going to suggest calling tricare too. They will be the ones with the referals for who she can take him too. It is free and she needs to make the time.

By Pamt on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 09:38 pm:

I can't help you with where to turn in the military to get help, but I have to say that part of the problem is probably (1) Dad is away and (2)"she said that she does not have time to look into it because she is too busy looking after the four kids." If she is "too busy" to even call about help, how on earth will she be able to go to appointments for him and herself and follow-through at home? I think first of all she needs to build up some support systems for help with her children so that she can spend time with them individually and have some time by herself to regroup. Doesn't the military have some kind of organized support systems for families of soldiers in active duty? I also certainly think couseling is a good idea, but she needs to be proactive and prioritize and not wait until she has time. That will never happen.

By Amy~moderator on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 09:49 pm:

My husband is in the military. You don't call tricare directly. I have experience with this.

1. Make an appointment with her child's primary care physician. This is the doctor that will give you a referrel to see a counselor/psychiatrist.

2. Contact Tricare to find an approved counselor/psychiatrist.

3. Make the counseling appointment.

And it IS free! There is help for just about anything in the military, and most times it's free. They may allow the other children to come in, but I doubt it. She should contact one of the chaplains on post and ask about free child care considering her circumstances. HTH!!!!

By Amy~moderator on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 09:50 pm:

I didn't mean to sound snotty.....I just have gone through this process before. Sorry

By Bea on Wednesday, February 18, 2004 - 10:51 pm:

Amy, I think it may depend on where they live. Here, in the Mid Atlantic Region she would call TRICARE directly. 1-800-931-9501. What unit is your brother with, Jeannie? There should be a chain of concern set up. Is your SIL living on an Army Post? There will be an ACS, (Army Community Service Center) on post. They will be able to walk her through the procedures, and also help her to find other services that might help her in her husband's absence. If she attends the chapel on Post, she can ask at the Chaplain's office, and they will give her information. The Red Cross also has offices on Post, as does the USO. She can go into any one of these places and find help.

By Jtw on Friday, February 20, 2004 - 02:57 pm:

Thanks for all of your help. I did look online for any sites that might help her and I found a few that looked good. The first lady of MN set up a military care plan and their website had a lot of info that I thought would be helpful to her. I gave her the advice I got here, and passed along the stuff I found on my own, and she did e-mail me back today and said that she had been looking into the Tricare, but they weren't being very helpful. She said that she is finally starting to make progress, so that is good. I found out yesterday that my brother is most likely coming home by Easter, so that is good. I am sure that will help matters alot! So again, thanks for all the advice! I don't get to come on here very often anymore, but I know that if I need advice this is the place to go. THANKS!

By Amyl on Sunday, February 22, 2004 - 03:02 pm:

You might have her call the family service center on base, they have counselors there as well. Hope she can get some help for him soon.