We need help with our son!!
Moms View Message Board: General Discussion: Archive February 2004:
We need help with our son!!
OK ladies this is going to be long so bear with me please. Timmy is 5 yrs old (7/98) almost 6. He is in Kindergarten and doing great work wise in school but oh boy is he hyper. He cannot sit still he never walks anywhere he goes always runnign skipping or sliding to get to his final destination. He is up and down in his seat all day long sometimes figiting so much he falls out of his chair at school. He is this same way at home cannot listen to save his life. If I say walk 1x I say it 50x in one night cause he is always running down the hall or sliding into his room. He eats dinner and dows everythign except for stand on his head. He ate when he got home tonight neither of us did well I told him 9x's to turn around and sit on his butt. He turns and flops and sits on his knees, stands on the floor turns around in the chair everythign he knows he is not suppose to do.
We talked to the teacher about all of this and since the Christmas break is when she has noticed the big change in him. She said that it is hard to be mad at him for his behavior because he is a good child and very smart and he does his work but cannot control himself when it comes to self disipline.
I am at a lose anymore of what to do here at home. The teacher suggested testing to see if he had a hyperactive disorde that might need meds to control. They say that somethign like that is heridity and I took ritalin growing up and Rich shoudl ahve taken it but his up bringing is different than mine was so they didn't consider it for him. They just said he will learn or spend him life being grounded. I am tired of sending Timmy to bed early and takign things away from him because it doesn't do any good. He just cannot sit still and I don't know what to do anymore.
Rich say he'll be damned if his child will be douped up to be controled that it is self disipline and he will learn it or hate life. I think that if a pill a day will help to calm him then I am all for it. I want him to be tested to the fullest to see what it is.
I know that some of it is because of the baby coming he told his teacher that the baby got all of the new gifts fro mteh shower and a new room and new toys and etc etc etc.. You ladies get the drift right.
I talked to him and told him how we loved him more than ever now and that the baby could never replace him. I now remember to tell him daily how much he still means to us and how she will not replace him I try to reassure him as does Rich but I still think he is jealous of the new baby that is not quite here yet.
Give me some ideas please ladies. Form of disipline that might work to calm him some or anything you think that might help. With this new baby it is going to get allot worse before it gets better but I don't know if I can take much more of Timmy being so hyper and Rich being so rigid about course of actions to be taken.
HELP!!!
OH Tonya, you poor thing! Timmy sounds a little like my Joey, except Joey is only 3. But i do understand how he doesn't sit down, especially during meals! Joey's got his feet on the floor, elbows on his seat eating a PB&J! :He lays on the chair etc. everything but having his butt on the chair!!
This "ants in the pants" thing, along with not listening could be due to anxiety about the baby coming. But it also could be something more, like hyperactive disorder. If it does turn out to be that, i honestly don't think giving him medication for that is a bad or harmful thing. It's not like he would be on it for his whole life. And if it helps him, and you, why not? It would make life a whole lot easier for all of you.
I haven't been very helpful, have I? Good luck 
Ok, my opinion, if a child NEEDS medication...no amount of grounding or taking things away is going ot help. They simply can not help themselves. From everything I have heard about it, their insides go a mile a minute and they feel like we do if we drink too much coffee! LOL They CAN'T do anything about it. Now, that being said, I also truly believe that doctors are way to quick to medicate a child. I don't believe that every child needs medication. I feel sometimes it is a behaviorial issue. That is where extensive testing comes in. If you talk to your doctor and they immediately write out a prescription, that would be a flag to me. There should be allot of testing and evaluation first. It always amazes me when parents are so against medicating their child for issues like that. If Timmy was sick, would Rich be against antibiotics? Of course not!! Children who are hyperactive need medication too. I can't even imagion what it would feel like to be on that type of a buzz 24/7. Do you think that if Rich went with you to the doctor and your doctor talked to him it would help him change his mind? I am not a huge advocate of going against your partners back, but in the case of my child, I would if that is what you feel is necessary. Timmy needs to be put first here. Maybe the testing will come back that he is just very active and doesn't needs medication at all. But your not going to know unless you check it out. Good luck and keep us posted!!
Well I am doing the testing the school is offereing and after the results come back from that then we will go from there. I haven't taken him to the Dr yet. I think I want to wait 3-4 weeks after the baby is born and see what happens. I want to see if once he realizes that the baby is not replacing him what will happen. But I am going to get teht esting done through the school and see the reults of that and go on their judgement. It makes me wonder which way he is since this has really just started since the holiday break. When i was home with him for the 2 weeks (cause work was closed for shut odwn) during those 2 weeks is when i really put allot of time into the baby's room and the shower decision and after that was the shower and now thw baby is so close to coming I just wonder if it is the only way he thinks he can get attention.
I know i nthe long run Rich will do whatever is best for Timmy I think in this he is seeing us as failing and just turning to meds he never had meds to help so he thinks it is an easy out but I remember what they did for me and how they really helped me so I know that if that is the road we have to take then it will help if needed. My mom and dad said they would talk to Rich alone and away from me if I wanted for some reason he will listen to them they said if need be they will tell him about the things I did at Timmy's age and how much being on the Ritalin from 1st-5th grade helped me.
Thanks for listening ladies I really don't want things to get screwed up here with him. I am just at a lose with Rich being raised so differently than me our heads butt allot when it comes to disipline and he is so much harder on him (strictness wise) than I am so I in turn am softer than I probably should be to try and make up for it so it is a lose/lose situation and Timmy is the one suffering from it.
Seems to me you have a child who has problems and a supportive teacher. The next step is to arrange for testing. If Rich continues to be adamantly obstructive, then you may have to act on your own.
I think Vicki makes some good points.
What is the point of having Timmy be miserable and setting him up for a bad school experience if there are ways to manage it. Seems to me that Rich is more concerned with how he feels that about what is best for Timmy and he needs to take a step back and think about his son as a person rather than his son as "his" son.
I was going to say -- maybe its his way of dealing with the new baby coming, he's excited, he's also testing to see what he can and can't get away with.
If he can't sit still eating ask him if he needs to be buckled back into a booster seat or to sit in the high chair. If he doesn't start sitting still, then follow through and buckle him into either the booster or highchair. He should get the message you mean business.
I'm not sure if you feed him sweets/sugary foods -- try cutting back on them if you do.
Don't let him see that you and your husband are getting upset or frustrated too much, this will only make him act up more. Try being calm and if he won't listen -- put him in his room for some quiet time (reading a book, laying down for 45-60 minutes).
Once the baby is born, give a gift to Timmy to let him know he is special also. Even if you tell him this, giving him something may help with the adjusting of a new baby. Also, have Timmy buy a gift for his new sister, let him pick it out to make it more special.
If you have an appt with your Dr., then just mention to him/her how Timmy is behaving and see what they say. As for making an appt with your Dr right away, I would say (personally), wait, try some of the items I have suggested and if you don't notice a change, then make the appt.
(((Hugs))) things will get better. I hope I have helped you in some way. Good luck. Keep us posted.
If he won't listen when you tell him to walk -- give him thre chances, if that doesn't work, tell him you'll take away something that means a lot to him (ie: tv shows, favorite toy, etc.), make sure you follow through with it. Tell him he can earn the item back when he starts to listen or at least show he's trying.
Three of my four kids have adhd and some other things also. Number one importance is consistency and boundaries. These kids work best when there is routine. There is nothing wrong with meds if it is decided that he needs it. All of my kids are on the lowest dose possible and they do not take meds on weekends or during summer. It is hereditary. My ex grew up getting beaten because of his adhd. I chose the route of educating myself to help my kids. The bad thing is that by the time they get home from school they are all coming off of the medicine. So it does not provide me with a break BUT it does provide them with better learning skills. My oldest was diagnosed when he was 5 and so was my youngest. The middle that is on meds did not start taking the meds until this year, her freshman year. She is now an a student instead of a c/d student. I do not believe inb doping up kids either. n I think there might be a lot of kids on medsthat do not need to be. Yes, the new baby could be the stem or it could just be playing up the problems too. My oldest son was hyper too and eventually he grew out of that. He still needed the attention meds after that though. First get him tested and then go from there. The people that will help you test him, including his doctor, should be very supportive in your quest. Maybe it is slight enough that behaviour modification alone can make it bearable. It's a hard call, even when you know your kids NEED the meds. I use 1 2 3 magic for discipline. Yes, it is hard to punish children like ours because a lot of what they do is not out of being bad! I know a lot of moms here can probably give you sites for more info. I would make sure your husband goes through the whole procedure with you. Then maybe he will feel better about whatever the suggestions are. I wish you luck Tonya. With a new baby alone you will have your hands full. I wish the best for Timmy.
I think you need to remember that Timmy has had 2 MAJOR events in his life in the past year or so. The first was being replaced (in his eyes as your one and only - I am not bashing you) by Rich and now you're having another child. That is a lot for a little kid to deal with, so I would not be surprised about the acting out. I would run the tests, maybe after the baby is born and things calm down and just keep re-assuring him that you love him and no one is going to replace him. Some things to do to help him when the baby is born is to have Rich carry the baby when you bring her home from the hospital, have a small gift for Timmy at the hospital and tell him the baby picked it out.
Tonya, Give him some time. I think this will work itself all out. Having a new sibling is scary for kids. They think they are being replaced and especially in the case of an only child. He is probably feeling out the waters to make sure you still want him too. Have him tested to rule everything else out but don't rush to the Dr. Give him some adjustment time and if he still acts out then call his Dr.
Big hugs.... DS's birthday is tomorrow. HINT HINT HINT 
If this behavior just started with all of the baby preparations, then I would tend to believe that he is just acting out. He also may be an active learner. My youngest son is very busy...he is always moving, runs and doesn't walk, drums constantly, etc. However he is a kinesthetic learner and he learns more by moving. He can sit still and behave. That may be the case with Timmy. In general, I am opposed to ADHD drugs. I think they are necessary in very few cases and generally think that setting boundaries, teaching organizational skills and routines (yes..even to preschoolers), teaching appropriate active behaviors (the "work" that a child has to do to sit/balance on one of those large exercise balls or a 1-legged stool alleviates the need to wiggle in a chair), having rules with consistent discipline, and offering frequent praise are better options. IMO, drugs should only be considered when everything else has been tried and there are no other options. Make sure he has plenty of active play each day to work off his energy. You can try placing a 3-5 lb ankle weight on his lap across his thighs during meals (unroll the wrap so it's longways across his thighs). This helps a lot with wiggly kids in therapy. He can wear a velcro bracelet and finger/play with it at his desk when he feels fidgity.
I'd certainly wait until after the baby is born and he has a few months to adjust before pursuing anything else.
Hey, Tonya. My son was diagnosed with ADD.(inattentive type.) The teachers had been telling me for years that they felt he had attention difficulties, but I knew I didn't want him medicated, so I didn't do anything. Then last year (4th grade) he was getting very frustrated with himself. He ended up in tears one night after struggling with homework saying he "just couldn't keep his mind stuck on anything." I decided I was letting my issues get in the way of what was best for him. However, like your husband, we didn't want him "doped up." He's a witty, spontaneous, goofy kid, and we didn't want that to change. The ped. put him on Strattera, which is fairly new. It is a non-stimulant and works totally differently than Ritalin, etc. We have had marvelous success! He's still his active, wacky self, but now he can concentrate on things much better. I know Strattera doesn't work for everyone, (my nephew included) but it has been a Godsend to us. I guess my point is that if he does need medication, there are options out there that do not leave them "drugged up." It is such a tricky issue. I believe that ADD is way over-diagnosed, but we also have to do what's best for OUR child. Good luck!
Lots of good advice above. Just one more suggestion for when the baby comes.....a lady gave us this suggestion when we had our second and third children.
She said to always tell the older siblings how much the baby loves them. "Timmy, do you know that Jade loves you soooo much" We did it and things have gone pretty well. All three of the kids are very close and I chalk it all up to *love*
Tonya .....I am going to say something sssooooo stupid- but I have to say it anyways...Have you checked him for worms??
You say it has only been since the break that he has been acting this way.
My friends little girl suddenly started jumping around a lot. She was doing a lot of 'sliding' as well, but wasn't complaining about her bottom being itchy. They didn't know she had worms till her MOM got them!!!
-just something I might check out if I were you!
Hope it's worms...not something worse..although worms are pretty bad too!
Fiona
He has only been like this since the Christmas Break?
Sounds like the baby is causing some sort of stress like you think.
You should do a search in Google for side effects of any medication for hyperactivity. Some may cause manic depression in some people. I have two adopted teenage relatives so screwed up by the medication they are on. They are on more than just ritalin though. Did the ritalin they were on cause the manic depression? There is a link according to the google search engines.
They go into the hospital for a month at a time several times a year. Now their mother says that their life spans may have been shorted by all this medication they have been on. The doctor is doing checking on of their kidneys.
Also I was talking to a person at the health food store. Seems these kids now a days like all the empty foods.
mac and cheese
french frys
nuggets
sugar
candy
white bread
pizza
They don't like vitamin rich vegetables and fruit.
So the woman said the body is like not acting calm or misfiring or getting hyperactive because it is hungry
for nutrients.
It made so much sense to me. Feed me what these kids like to eat and I will feel sick like a dog.
http://familyfun.go.com/raisingkids/child/health/feature/dony0100altmd_ADHD/dony0100altmd_ADHD2.html
2 of 2
NUTRITIONAL DEFICIENCIES & ADHD
Nutritional deficiencies are a widespread cause of learning and behavior problems in children. Studies have shown increased intelligence in children who added multivitamin supplements to their daily diets. Thiamin, niacin, vitamins B6 and B12, copper, iodine, iron, magnesium, manganese, potassium and zinc are nutrients that play a vital role in proper brain and nervous system function.
Many ADHD children can benefit from an extra 500 to 1,000 milligrams of calcium and magnesium in their diet. Food sources are the best means for incorporating these important nutrients into your child's diet (especially as laid out in the previous dietary steps), but if your child can't drink milk or doesn't like to eat his green leafy veggies, vitamin supplements are the next best answer.
American Kids Iron Deficient
Surprisingly, the most common nutrient deficiency in American children is iron deficiency (again, a direct result of a nutrionally deficient diet). Studies have linked iron deficiency with decreased attentiveness, a narrow attention span and decreased voluntary activity. These symptoms are usually reversed after supplementation. A severe deficiency in iron can lead to anemia, which in turn can lead to listlessness, tiredness and low energy levels in children--symptoms which make it difficult for children to pay attention in school. If you suspect that your child is anemic have him tested by your physician. Always have your child tested for iron deficiency before administering iron supplements. Legumes, green leafy vegetables, blackstrap molasses and lean red meats are the best sources for iron. Look for liquid iron supplements, which are easier for kids to take, and are less likely to cause constipation or stomach upset--two of the occasional side effects of iron supplementation in children.
What Are Smart Fats?
Current research shows a link between learning and behavioral difficulties and deficiencies in essential fatty acids (EFAs) like docosahexanoic acid (DHA), one of the most important essential fatty acids. EFAs are commonly referred to as Omega 3 and Omega 6 fats. Oils, like evening primrose oil, flaxseed oil and borage oil, are high in EFAs.
DHA plays a pivotal role in brain and retina development in babies, and the richest sources of it are a mother's breast milk and fish oils. Researchers at Purdue University looked at the levels of essential fatty acids in children, especially DHA, and found that kids with ADHD tended to have significantly lower levels of essential fatty acids in their blood. Children with ADHD should be given vitamin supplements that contain a combination of essential fatty acids that includes DHA. Nursing your children for as long as possible, and--when they are older--getting them to eat deep water fish like salmon, halibut and tuna are ways to ensure they get enough essential fatty acids into their diet during the crucial developmental years (when the body is still growing and in need of quality nutrients).
Phosphatidylserine
Phosphatidylserine (known as PS) is a specific brain nutrient that can be supplemented to help promote proper brain and neurological function. It works to balance the cell-to-cell communication that occurs in the brain. I recommend giving PS by itself to children with ADHD or in combination with DHA or the herb ginkgo biloba (which has excellent research supporting its benefit on memory and concentration). PS appears to help improve concentration and have a calming effect on hyperactive kids. Most PS supplements are soy-based. Typical dosage for a 12-year-old would be 200 to 400 milligrams daily. Consult your naturopathic physician or nutritionist for specific dosage requirements for your child based on his age, size and weight.
ENVIRONMENTAL TOXINS
Heavy Metals
Finally, numerous studies have found a strong relationship between childhood learning disabilities and body storage of heavy metals (lead, mercury, cadmium, copper and manganese). Heavy metals are stored in the bones and fatty tissues of the body, like the liver and the kidneys, and high levels in very young children can hinder proper development of the brain and central nervous system.
Lead is the primary culprit of heavy metal toxicity in young children, especially among toddlers living in old houses where they eat the lead paint that chips off of walls and windowsills. A child who is suffering from mild lead or heavy metal poisoning may not exhibit any specific symptoms, so a hair analysis is the best screening test for heavy metal toxicity and mineral imbalances.
What Can You Do?
Adding calcium and magnesium supplements to your child's diet is one way to counter potential lead poisoning (in the body, lead competes with calcium. A child exposed to high levels of lead paint dust will absorb the lead and excrete the calicium).
January 1999
Dr. Angela Stengler is a certified naturopathic physician based in Oceanside, California. Women's and children's health are the focus of the practice run by her and her husband, Dr. Mark Stengler. In addition to maintaining her medical practice, Dr. Stengler hosts a weekly radio show on natural medicine, and she is the author of several books on the benefits of alternative medicine, which you can find at her Web site, The Natural Physician.
2 of 2
IN THIS ARTICLE:
Intro
Nutritional Deficiencies & Environmental Toxins
ALSO FEATURED:
Find more information on ADHD on GO.com
Site Map | Contact Us | Register | Help | About FamilyFun
Make FamilyFun Your Home Page | UPDATED Privacy Policy
Legal | Internet Safety
© FamilyFun. All rights reserved.
|
Members
