Tough situation with teenager watching house while we were gone. Please help??
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Tough situation with teenager watching house while we were gone. Please help??
Okay yesterday when we returned. I logged onto my computer and there was someone else under the yahoo page, as the user. At first I was a little disturbed. But then I did think are babysitter/dogsitter was just using the computer while she was here letting the dog out. We were gone and I should clarify she was only responsible for the dog. But she babysits for us during the week. I figured she was probably here awhile giving him some time outside.
Well today. I went to look up something and noticed a weird site when I typed in one of my usual sites. I clicked on it and it was ••••. I checked our history for Monday and without clicking on all of it I know some it is •••• and at the very least questionable sites. Now what do I do? This girl is only 15. Her mother is very strict. I find a hardtime believing that she would look at this stuff but she could have brought a friend or something. We had an instance one time where a friend of hers came buy another neighbor and there was something questionable. Not •••• that time but we asked her not to have the girl back. My kids really like her. They have not seen her on the computer when they are here. She just lives 2 doors down. So this has been perfect for the hour I need someone one day a week ect... She also has frequently let our dog out when we are gone extended weekends.
I just don't really know how to handle this? I know that I have to do something. I want to call her down and just ask her. But I feel like I am going behind her mothers back. If someone found out my kid was doing something like this and didn't tell me I would be upset. Plus what do I say to get her down here? I could just call her mom and tell her the situation. But then I have accused her and if she didn't do it then it could be ugly.
I know that we didn't we weren't here. Could there be anyway for someone to access my account while I was gone. I don't have a log in to my computer. I just go online. Which I feel I now need to change. Is there any other way to check things besides just the history. I wish I would have poked around in that person's email that popped up. But dh was afraid of some virus or something. WE had that happen with a bad virus one time after we had come home from somewhere. This could explain that to maybe she has been doing this all along. I really hope not. I like her as a babysitter. Any ideas? Advice? I want some opinions before I do anything. Thanks!
Wow, what an unhappy situation. First, I would print out the history.
If it were me, I'd call the girl and ask her to stop by. And then I would tell her - not accuse her, but simply a factual "here's what we found" and show her the printed out history, which will show the dates these sites were accessed. And ask her if she has any information that would explain what happened. Based on how she responds, then you have to decide whether to talk to her mom. It is entirely possible that she brought a friend with her and allowed the friend to use your computer - in which case you have to decide whether you will trust her in your house again.
Now, in terms of self protection. Do you keep banking or financial information on your computer? If so, you need to move quickly to change log-in/password information for any financial accounts you dealt with on-line. I would also suggest that you and dh do need to have a password for accessing your computer - just on general principals.
Then, you need to delete the history and check your "cookies". (They should be in your "Documents and Settings" folder on your C Drive on "My Computer", either right there or in a subfolder labeled with your name or labeled user. Sort them by date, and remove all of the questionable cookies. Run a virus scan, and if you have Spybot and/or AdAware, run scans with those programs, to remove all spyware. If you don't have those programs, post and I'll give you a quick run-through on how to get them and use them. They are both free and should not interfere with your anti-virus program.
I have mcafee virus scan but if you think I need something more let me know. I don't really do banking but I do buy online. Someone may more computer literate then me could probably access that. I don't know. I always left the computer accessible because my dk's do play on some kids sites when they are here and it was just easier for them to get right on. My dk's have never seen her on the computer accept helping them. We actually had started just shutting it down all together when we went out of town but forgot this time. I have left her a message so I will talk to her when she calls back. I hope she just comes down and that will give me a chance to really ask her. One thing that concerned me is that one of the sites was an adult friend finder. I hope she or one of her friends isn't trying to hook up with adults.
Could any of those sites come up as pop ups? I know the adult friend finder does that often.
Do you have to address it? Could you just turn off your computer or password protect it when you are not home? This way, if you find that it was turned on, then you can addres that - just the computer use - not the content. It may be a more comfortable solution for you.
Ame
I personally think that the situation needs to be addressed immediately. I would do as has been suggested; print the history with the dates and ask her if she knows how the items got on there. Most likely, she will lie or deny any involvement because you will have caught her off guard. Therefore, in my house, we use the one hour rule. We say, "I don't want an answer now. I want you to think about it, then we will talk about it." If she still denies or plays ignorant, and you are SURE that no one else had access to your home on those dates, then I would go to her mother. Give her a chance to redeem herself. However, if she is doing something dangerous, like arranging to meet adults, her mother MUST be told. In any event, I would really think twice now about having her babysit your children, and I would definitely not give her access to your home when you are not there. What else has she done that you DON'T know about? Do you have alcohol in your home? If so, have you checked your inventory? Maybe her Mom is really strict because she NEEDS to be. A fifteen year old female with an interest in **** is very disturbing.
We had a similar situation here several years ago, only it was MY child that violated a neighbour's trust. My adopted DS Michael was about 15 also, at the time. He was sexually molested as a small child, which led him to be put into foster care. Like many children in that situation, he is highly sexual, and that, combined with a compulsive nature, is a perfect storm for trouble. He was caught both at school and on our home computer, looking at ****. Consequently, he always had an adult looking over his shoulder at school, and my computer became password protected.
One weekend, I went and stayed at a neighbour's home for the weekend to watch her two young sons. Michael came ansd stayed with me. Apparently, he got up in the night and acted inappropriately with the neighbour's computer. As a result, she started getting all of these nasty pop-ups when her own children were on the computer. Even more upsetting was that she and her husband owned a business and all of their financial information was on it. To say that I was furious is a major understatement. I made him, besides apologizing profusely, pay out of his own savings to have her computer cleaned out. I also made him do chores for her for two weeks.
And of course, she was one of the biggest gossips in the neighbourhood, so I am sure that everyone else knew.
I'm sorry that you have to go through that betrayal. However, better to find out now.
She came down and I asked her about it. I showed her the history but didn't pull up any sites because they were to disgusting and I thought that would be inappropriate. She denied knowing about it but did admit her cousin had been with her and "might" have checked her email. I really like this girl so I am probably giving her more of the benefit of the doubt then I should.
But I told her that she was not allowed to have anyone over ever again and if anything like this was ever on the computer I would have to speak to her mom about it. She was very nice about it, which what else could she do. I still not completely satisfied but I do like her as a sitter. She does a good job, my kids like her. They say she isn't on the computer accept to help them and I don't think she uses the phone a lot ect.. I will just not have her watch the dog and give a key to my home anymore and I will password protect my computer. I think she was scared sufficently enough. At that age if a neighbor had told me, they were going to tell my mom something like that. I would have been. I am hoping that she has gotten the message. My dh does have this seekmo thing downloaded that causes pop ups. He uses it to play some card game on the net. I hate it. But I am hoping like someone else said maybe she got on something not as bad and then got the pop ups. One can hope. Well for now I have to trust I did what was best.
I think you handled it as well as it could be handled, especially given that she is a good babysitter. What a difficult thing to have to deal with.
Your dh should be careful about seekmo. Anything like that probably loads multiple cookies on your computer.
Here's the Momsview thread with a thorough discussion of Spybot and AdAware, both very good, free, anti-spyware programs (spyware is those nasty programs that put cookies in your computer that bring popups), and other ways of protecting the security of your computer. spyware
I strongly urge you to use Spybot and AdAware, as it is very likely that those nasty sites put multiple spyware cookies on your computer.
When you take your house key back, I would change the locks. She may have made a copy.
Just a little note. Marcia said "could they have been pop ups?" I once thought my partner's oldest son was viewing •••• on the computer based on the history, he's 20 and was VERY upset as the littler children also use this computer...on further examination (going to the sites in the computer he was in fact visiting) that the •••• sites that were coming up were from pop ups not him visiting them!
On that note I think you've handled it very well  I do agree that the computer should have a password on it ours does and we don't actually give it to the kids and they have to ask to use the computer.
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