I am so tired of nothing ever turing out or going good for us. I can just scream.... a few weeks ago I told me Dh that the van was running funny and can he take a look at it. His response Ohh its nothing. I let it go and told him a week ago. the van is running funny will you please look at it. He went out and drove it and said that he thought it might be the tires. He took it in and we got tired for it and it didn't change anything. Dh said he didn't know. So I drove the girls to school last Thursday and it was driving better. On the way to go get our oldest.(I have 2 2year olds and a 5 year old with me). The whole front end starts shaking and I couldn't keep it in the road. I am on a freeway with desiles behind me and cars honking. I slowed down and got off the at a gas station.called hubby. Dh gets there and we don't know what to do. he drives it and it was worse than that afternoon. Luckly accross from the station it a machanic shop. So we take it over there. Dh tells me to take the kids out of the van and put them in the truck. So I take Grace 5 and Joshua 2 and put them in. While I am on my way back to get Josie 2. (Dh is getting there coats out of the van) Grace decides to pull on the gear shift and they start rolling into the shop. I am running yelling for Josh to stop them while carrying josie. Dh is running ( we are atleast 4 car lenghts from them. all the sudden you hear a loud bang. It rolls and hits the cement pole. (which I didn't see I thought they were going to go through the front of the shop) while we are running for the truck. Joshua and Grace are standing up looking at us with the hugest smile on there faces.(lol). The guy from the shop comes out and says aren't you glad I put up those 2 days ago. Well Turns out we had to replace both front axels. $300.00. This is not the end. We decided to trade it in. Well We found a nice ford expedition 8000.00 for it well to make a long story short. They wanted $3000. to $4000. down plus our van or a cosigner. So we left very depressed and upset. Well on the way home from getting oldest dd. The van makes a funny snapping sound and it starts shaking and wobbeling. I thought Oh my gosh what is wrong now. I go 25 all the way home call hubby again. somethings wrong with the van. He says WHAT. take it back to the shop and the guy says it might be the transmition.(expensive) He test drives the van and says its feels like the Axels.(they just put in). Well The left axel must have been bad when they put it in. So they keep the van and dh needed it to go to Tulsa today for job training. and they can't get the part until sometime today. So he wont beable to go. It is one thing after another. I wonder why does it always have to happen to us. I am so tired of hearing No we can't do that.Or No we need more Money. Or your credit isn't good enough. I am so aggrivated. and I want to crawl in a whole and cry. I get upset with the kids it seems they forgot how to listen. I am just drained. I need a brake.... Sorry Its so long I just need to vent or cry or scream....

By Cat on Tuesday, February 3, 2004 - 10:36 am:

{{{{{Marie}}}}} I'm sorry things are so rough right now. They will get better!!! They have to, right? Vent away here anytime. More hugs.

By Melanie on Tuesday, February 3, 2004 - 10:39 am:

((((((HUGS)))))))))

I am so relieved to know that your entire family is safe. It sounds like that van has been a danger to all of you and it could have been so much worse.

Keep your chin up, find that silver lining, and know that things will get better. Hang in there. I'm sorry it's been one thing on top of another lately. ((((((HUGS))))))

By Mrsclark on Tuesday, February 3, 2004 - 10:56 am:

I am sorry it happens...the clouds will disappear...they have to! But a blessing I see is Someone knew that would happen and that man had the pole put up only two days before! That, to me, is a miracle. It could have been tragic. That doesn't "fix" your van, but...you are all okay with health! Someone is watching you.

By Mommyathome on Tuesday, February 3, 2004 - 10:58 am:

((((hugs))))
This too shall pass I hope things are better for you and your family soon.

By Marg on Tuesday, February 3, 2004 - 11:25 am:

(((Marie)))

My grandfather used to say when it rained it poured, of course none of us knew what it meant until we were adults.

Many prayers

By Fionadeassis on Tuesday, February 3, 2004 - 11:39 am:

Marie-I was SO where you are the first 2 years after my son was born(2000). Looking back now,I don't know how we made it through alive!

We lived in Vancouver B.C.,which is a very expensive place to live. My husband had a pretty good job($17hr) as a welder. We lived in a housing co op so our rent was 35% of our income(cheap). But a month after my son was born, my husband lost his job. Then he got in a car accident. Then another accident! Then we had some unforseen legal trouble. My husband couldn't find another job, I was still breastfeeding a newborn, so I couldn't work,our car died twice! I got a part time job for minimum wage and my husband would walk down to my work so I could breastfeed. Then he would work for minimum wage a day or two. He got really depressed and angry and wouldn't help me with anything! It was absolute hell on earth! I cried myself to sleep almost every night. I thought that extreme poverty was how my life was going to be forever. I remember walking down the street in the rain(whenever I think of this time it's always raining)pushing the stroller and looking in the stores at clothes (I had one pair of second hand baggy pants-the only left that fit).I would go past bakeries and couldn't even afford a doughnut. It was SO HARD !!I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown!

I finally sent my husband to live in Calgary with my parents to look for a job. I was alone in Vancouver for 3 months with the baby. I babysat 3 kids and that was all the money I had. I ate lentils and rice everyday, and packed whenever I had a chance. When I finally got to Calgary,my husband had found a pretty good job(he's gotten a few raises since)..We ended up having a woman with down syndrome living with us(it's Very Good money). Now we have a beautiful van that runs well. We rent a really nice house-and are in the process of buying a house now(something I never even dreamed of!).

The best advice I can give you Marie(and I really believe that this is what changed things for me)...is positive thinking ...right when I was at the breaking point(crying myself to sleep)...I read somewhere that if you feel gratitude for every little thing you attract good things to you. I would walk(in the rain-of course) and say in my head.."Thank You. Thank You. Thank You for the rain. Thank You for the fact that I have a roof over my head. Thank You for lentils and rice being so cheap! Thank You for my health, for a healthy child....for this cup of tea I am drinking...etc etc...

I did it almost continously and after a while I almost went into a kind of a trance that lasted for months. Nothing bad touched me after that. It would roll off my back. I would be packing a box with the three kids playing,crying, fighting, and I would be smiling and talking to them all(with less than 3 hours sleep!).

Hoping not to sound too religious..I felt like I was 'walking with God'.....and I think that times like this is when real miracles occurr.

I still get in phases where I forget that incredible feeling. So I get really negative and feel like everything is against me. Then I try to get in that positive way again, and I always find that little miracles start to happen.Someone will invite us all for dinner, or I will find $20 in a pocket.

Think of this time as an incredible learning experience Marie! Just try to see all the wonderful things that are in your life and be thankful for every little thing that is good in your life. I ABSOLUTELY believe that you are on your way out of this! I bet you something awesome is about to happen for you guys. I Guarantee it! oops-think I spelt guarantee wrong. did I?

Sorry this is so long-but your message really struck a chord with me. Keep on venting here. I think this is a great place with really great people(and I bet they have witnessed their share of miracles too!).

By Momoffour on Tuesday, February 3, 2004 - 03:14 pm:

Thank you all I am holding my head up and Thankful its nothing else. Dh went and picked up the van today. Seems to be driving okay just a little leary about driving it. The guy who fixed it said everything else looked okay. but wasn't foresure because he only works on the little stuff. So I am hopeing it will all be okay until we are able to trade it in .. Thanks again everyone.

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, February 3, 2004 - 07:12 pm:

Marie, I wish I could say something that would make it better, but I can't. I can just say I am so very sorry, and I hope things start looking up really really soon.